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I've posted about my ds9 before. He has officially been diagnosed with ADHD and we are now trying to figure out our next step. He has always been a challenge but recently he has gotten markedly worse. More defiant, more disrespectful, more violent and aggressive, etc. He refuses to do ANY schoolwork now...and I don't fight him. I don't have it in me. I've been reading about this special diet called Feingold and am intrigued. I want to give it a try. My dh does not. He wants to jump right into medicating ds. Very scary for so many reasons. I'm not against medication but would rather try diet first. Dh not only opposes it, but undermines my attempts to purchase more whole foods. He purposefully buys junk w/ the food dyes, preservatives, etc. I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm at a loss and frankly I am just tired of fighting everyone and everything these days. Any advice? Thanks.

Dear Sue,

Well I think the first thing you need to do is stop...take a pause, a breath. Maybe for a few days or a week and seek the Lord in that time for rest and refreshment. You need a break from thinking about this as you said that you are tired. Your mind needs rest that only He can give. He says, "Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you." Use this time to pray for direction, spend as MUCH time as possible in scripture with an expectant spirit that you WILL recieve God's wisdom in this matter....and that God will speak to your husband as well.

At times in our lives when we have not known what to do in and of ourselves we have found the best thing to do is wait a little while. If at all possible, wait before jumping right to the choice that is right in front of you. We have found when we "wait" a little God takes that time to speak to us.

I hope I am not being too preachy!!!

Our ds 8 fits the bill for ADD and it is not easy, so I know what you are saying..

You are on a journey now to help your son. Wait on the Lord and trust that He "has a plan to prosper your son, a plan for a hope and a future." Trust in that! You and your husband are the tool that God will use to work out that good plan in your son's life. Start googling christian adhd and words such as those. I think you will find a lot of good resources out there!

HTH, keep hanging in there!

before Finegold their was my mom... I was super hyper!!! red dye keeps me up all night. In college I used red kool aid instead of coffee. She moved me to a whole food lots of protein diet that kept me off this experimental drug called Riddlin...

But I have very strong feelings about Husbands. My advice about what to do, is obey him don't' fight him. Pray and pray and pray.. let God change his heart. I can testify that if you let him lead he will, even if you don't like where it looks like he is going. A very wise woman once told me "Get God to do your fighting for you. Instead obey Gods plan and be under your husbands leadership. Then if you want him to wear pink pok-a-dotted underwear and its ok with God, God will make him." (those are the exact words she used) So I tried it, I stopped fighting Hubby.

This is my a-ha Moment

DD1 got a reward for a local fast food place, for reading books from the library. Hubby said NO we will NOT go there. DD1 was super sad... So we prayed to God to help us obey Daddy and asked God if it was ok with Him to change Daddies heart. We prayed for 5 days. I put the coupon in my purse... then on day 6 Husband looks over at me after hearing a commercial for a chocolate malted shake at this place... "Man I really love chocolate malt.. want to go get one??" "Sure Hubby lets go! Can DD use her coupon for a free treat?" Hubby said "Yeah that is a good plan."

Ever since then I let God fight most of my battles.

I just put my Nuro developmental dd on the SPB diet you might want to look at it as well. It is supposed to help with sensory issues and rigidity, stimming and some forms of Autism. Here is a link to that protocol. http://www.noharmfoundation.org/about.html.

We are trying it for the 4 month trial period. If it will work-- it will work in 4 months. If it doesn't work... it was only 4 months. My dd is on day 10 She is eating food she wouldn't even touch before and loving it. She also is eating like a pig, and everything in sight. For a child who is on the 3rd percentile for weight this is a good thing. So far her ability to hold information in her short term memory went from a weak 5 pieces, to holding a confidant 7 pieces of information. Also her continual coughing is getting less and less every day. So I can see the diet is making changes in her body, its not super fun for me as it is a huge amount of cooking, but if it gets rid of the cough she has had for 10 years I will stick to it for that reason alone.

But I cannot stress enough how My husband and I are in unity over this decision that is the first step in any of these diets. Seek that first and God will put all the other pieces into the puzzle for you.

Thank you. I truly thought this diet was the answer for us. After a very long and stressful evening w/ my ds9 and is tantrums, screaming, aggression, etc. I couldn't sleep and got on the computer to search for...anything! I found the diet and website and thought...this is it! I thought dh would be thrilled. Suppose I just have to pray some more. It is frustrating. Very frustrating. Tonight was another very, very, very bad night. The only think that I have found to calm ds down when he is in one of his "moods" is the homeopathic remedy "Chamomilla". And it only works with some success but I am grateful for any amount, kwim?

Sue, I understand. We have dealt with so many major behavior issues with our ds 4yrs. He was finally diagnosed with multiple environmental and complex food allergies back in January. We changed his diet and it has totally changed his behavior. We still have days where it is rough (ummm he IS 4) but mostly the diet change made a major impact on him and his ability to concentrate, control his emotions etc. There are days when he has a rough day and becomes the Incredible Hulk, then I just give him some benadryl and a nap and he wakes up human again. I know that it is how he is feeling IN his body that impacts his little emotions etc. The thing that has helped me was that it allowed me to stop feeling like it was a lack of proper parenting or something with me personally as his mother, feeling guilty for something I did or did not do, but that is was more like a sickness than a will issue. When I started to see that he just couldn't control himself when he felt so bad, it made it easier for me to handle it calmly and to just love on him and pray.

I will be praying for you. It is not an easy road to take but God is faithful to show you as a family what is best for your son. He equips us for what He calls us to. Praying He will give you a peace and give you and your dh wisdom and direction for this situation that you might be united in your choice for your ds.

Edie

Sue - I've prayed for you, your dh, and your ds! I don't have the answers as I'm not a doctor, but I would like to help problem solve somehow. So, a few things you mentioned that I can maybe try to problem solve with you about ... I struggle with letting my dh lead. One thing that helps me with that is to ask myself if it's a Biblical issue? If it is, I stick to my guns. If it isn't, I let dh lead. This is h-a-r-d for me, but I believe God honors it. With homeschooling, for example, that to me was a Biblical issue, because I wanted our dc to be schooled in a Christian environment with Christian learning materials. Since we could not afford Christian private school, this was a Biblical issue worth taking a stand over IMO. On the other hand, my 3 yo ds is deathly allergic to walleye. He almost died from 2 bites of it. My dh is a walleye fisherman, and he insists on taking ds with him yet along with the epi-pen. I long to say 'absolutely not' to this, but it is not a Biblical issue. He's been fishing at least a handful of times since then - I pray for his safety - fervently. He loves to go and be with his daddy, and I have had to let it go and give it to God. Have you shared how you are feeling with your dh in a calm, submissive way? This helps me to put it into words with my dh. i.e. "I have been praying about ____. I want you to lead our family, and I want to try to do what you want. I don't want to argue about this anymore. Would you be open to trying the whole foods diet for 2 weeks, to see if it helps? If not, I respect your decision and we can do the medication instead."
He may say he is only open to the medication. Then, I would agree to it. Honestly, it could be the right decision, and God could be leading your dh to choose that for that reason.

As far as your ds, can you find a time for just him? This may sound silly, but I've found if I can find a way to laugh with my son(s) when we are really at odds, something seems to flip a switch. If you can find a way to have a laugh with your ds, a special time with him that the two of you set aside all of whatever's been a point of contention, and just get back to the basics of loving each other and enjoying one another's company, many times, it seems the rest will follow. It gives that "we're in this together" and "I'm on your side" kind of feeling rather than the "sound the battle cry" and "I'm ready to charge" kind of feeling. I hope something here helps, but you are in my prayers.

Love in Christ,
Julie

Sue,

Feingold was a gift from God for us. The changes in our son were enormous and immediate. BUT... and this is the big BUT... my DH was fully supportive and eager to try it. We have continued to change our diet over the years to a healthier one (lots more fruits/veggies, whole grains, etc.) but one of the things that we found was that DH totally needed this kind of eating too! We've done the diet for over 6 years now in addition to dealing with multiple food allergies (dairy, soy, etc.) and gluten since he also has Celiac. It was only hard the first 3-4 months and only for us. DS thrived on it. (We've had a harder time with the gluten.)

So don't give up on Feingold! Just pray like mad and see if this is what God's plan is for you and your son (and your DH)! Perhaps he needs to be on the medicine for a while to stabilize or for your DH to see directly the side-effects (if there are any) and want an alternative, etc. My parents put my sister (who is now 36) on Feingold when she was little with huge benefits... I know it sounds strange and the website needs updating (the last I looked) but it has worked for many, many kids over the years.

- Bronwyn

I sent you a PM.