CTC questions & behavioral issues

[4Hispraise]

Hello Ladies. I have a couple of questions. I am missing something...could someone help me with this?? What are we supposed to do with Box 6 in Unit 3? I can't find it anywhere. Is it just my tired mind missing something? (Yes, I am sure it is )

Also, my 11 yo ds is in 6th grade, completing CTC with extensions. He is fighting and feuding with me over everything. I hadn't had this problem in over a year, and none of my discipline methods are working this time ...so am wondering if anyone has any suggestions? He is complaining, dragging his feet and making everyone around him miserable. If I walk away from him for 2 minutes to help the 2 yo, he is off doing his own thing. I am getting very frustrated. Last year in PHFHG, he did great. He completed all the independent work without me standing right over him...and he did it acceptably. Now, he is barely completing anything, and it is all so sloppy. Somewhere between the beginnning of school and now he has become LAZY . What's a mamma to do? Any suggestions would be oh so helpful.

[LynnH]

In box 6 for Unit 3 you copy in cursive Genesis 25:23. The directions are in the Independent History Study box for Day 3.

As far as the behavior stuff. I am experiencing some of that this year with my 11 year old 6th grade boy also. Most of the time he does his work like he is supposed to, but he is not as neat as I know he can be and isn't putting as much effort into things as I know he can. I think some of it may be the age. I have found that if he goes out and jumps on the trampoline at lunch or does some other physical exercise then he does better. One question I had is do you think the extensions are too much for him? Did he do the extensions with Preparing. We don't use the extensions and I feel like it is a very full program for him.

[4Hispraise]

Lynn: Thanks so much for pointing me to the place I needed. I don't know how I missed it

About ds: I don't think extensions are the problem, but I will keep my eye on that - I hadn't thought of it. He did PHFHG with extensions...and very independently, so I thought he was handling it okay. He has severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The doc and therapists have said his lack of effort, his ability to be sloppy are all progress...but...urgh. He went from everything being painfully slow because he COULD NOT make a mistake or he would have to start over to this sloppy attitude issue. And, now he has added in this lack of focus unless I am sitting right next to him. I guess I am not sure if I should just continue gently correcting or accept it as part of his overcoming his illness and hopefully it will pass, or something else?? About the exercise: thanks for the reminder. I do know that he needs that every day to help him focus. I have been leaving it out after he broke his arm skateboarding. Now that he is all healed, I need to allow for it again. Ooops!
Thanks!!

[Tansy]

Ohhh I'm actually happy for you it is progress just not pretty progress! They are little extremists aren't they... I'm so glad to hear he's getting sloppy! I swear they have to go from one extreme to another before they settle down some where in the middle some weirdo labeled Normal.

I got this great parenting suggestion at Tapestry Adoption conference. Lots of Structure, Lots of Nurture, lots of hard work for us as parents. But some times just touching and looking them in the eye while being calm and open in our body language. Does wonders. If you can't get the body language to behave and communicate love and acceptance, rather than (why have you gone off and your doing your own thing I'm so disappointed in you I know you can do better) then sit next to them, or take a walk to talk about the problem. Cause when your walking your body doesn't betray you as badly.

Guy really challenged me personally in stepping up and doing the hard work it takes to parent children who are in these types of places. He also Encouraged us God is here for us! And he will not give you more than you can handle. This too will pass Praying God shows you what to do

[my3sons]

4Hispraise - I do think some of it is an age thing. Can you enlist dh? It helped when my dh had a chat with our boys about school being their "job" right now. What would happen if he didn't do something in his job because he didn't want to? He'd be let go. School is not an option now, etc. This helped my oldest feel like doing his work well in school was a sign of becoming a man. The exercise is a must! Good reminder for me too. For my oldest, having 1 table to work at for his seatwork rather than rotating places helped him. He also needs a quiet work place away from distractions. Also having a playtime with little brother in the middle of his school breaks up his day. We clip along and finish by lunch - huge difference! If we go past lunch, his attitude goes downhill fast! Is his day going long? If so, I'd find a way to have him finish early. Does he have a routine order of doing the boxes? That helps my ds immensely, especially once he got to CTC as it's more independent. Do you have a timer? Maybe you can set it when you walk away and let him know he needs to budget his time and finish by the time it rings - this works very well with my second ds. I do think walking away from doing his work to do something else because you are not there is just not acceptable though - if he's truly stuck on something and you are not available for a bit - he needs to just go on to the next box. Hope something here helps!

In Christ,
Julie

[4Hispraise]

Tansy: Thanks for understanding the place my ds is coming from. Yes, sloppiness is a reason to celebrate, as odd as it
sounds.And we are waiting for him to find that middle ground, his healthy normal - I guess I just need to find the
best way to gently guide him there...I agree (thanks for the reminder) ...lots of structure, lots of nurture and a
lot more of me than I have to give. I thank God that He fills my tank every moment!! Thankful for
the many reminders. Thank you for your prayers! I consider them a treasure.

Julie: Dh has had that same exact talk with ds. Maybe I will suggest the idea of it preparing him for manhood, not sure my husband included that! I agree, playtime is a must - just ds feels really lonely when he has freetime b/c 10 yo
ds isn't with us anymore. It is like a constant reminder that he lost his best friend. I guess I need to
spend more time helping him work through the grief of it all. I have used the timer before, and may just need to
bring it out again. We put the timer away because of his OCD. It caused him so much stress that he was crying
because he did not have the time to finish everything perfectly - obviously that has changed, so maybe we could
reintroduce it now. How many hours did CTC take?? We are going from 9-3:30.

THANK YOU all for helping!!! I am so blessed by the godly women on this board.

[Tansy]

I'm not sure if this will help and relate, but one of the things the main speaker stressed was that grief should not be avoided. That one of our toughest Jobs as parents of a child who has grief to early in life. I need to make sure I give dd1 clues that it is ok to talk, think, and cry about her loss. It goes right back into that whole body language thing. If I tense up when my child starts asking about her birth father (which I do cause he was not a nice man). Then she picks up on that. I don't want to grieve I don't want a melt down I don't want that ugliness in my day. The end result for her is she stuffs her feelings down and they come out in weird behaviors.

On the other hand if I control my tenseness, relax, and drop lines like "I wonder if your father was tall cause, you are going to be tall." "Do you think he loves ketchup like you do?" "You must look so much like him." She can relax and be open and grieve if need be. If I'm ok with it then its ok for her to be ok with it. And If I cry with her then its ok for her to cry as well. Loss is like that it does weird things to us. Kid are ill prepared to handle those tough emotions.

Big Squishy Hugs!!
Tansy

[my3sons]

...Dh has had that same exact talk with ds. Maybe I will suggest the idea of it preparing him for manhood, not sure my husband included that! I agree, playtime is a must - just ds feels really lonely when he has freetime b/c 10 yo
ds isn't with us anymore. It is like a constant reminder that he lost his best friend. I guess I need to
spend more time helping him work through the grief of it all. I have used the timer before, and may just need to
bring it out again. We put the timer away because of his OCD. It caused him so much stress that he was crying
because he did not have the time to finish everything perfectly - obviously that has changed, so maybe we could
reintroduce it now. How many hours did CTC take?? We are going from 9-3:30.

I am so sorry! I did not realize ds is in the process of grieving, and I know you are too. I don't know exactly what happened, but my heart aches for your loss of your ds - as well as the loss of a brother for your other ds. I know you've recently had migraines as well. You really have just a lot on your shoulders now. You have such a faith though - and you are an incredible witness for me and for others here too. The Lord is by your side through this and will continue to be. I do think that grief and stress and OCD all add up to a lot to consider when deciding what to do here. Do you think it may be beneficial to go to doing CTC half-speed for awhile? Maybe that would be good to do, even if it's just for a brief period of time. When we did CTC last year, it took around 4 to 4 1/2 hours to do each day. I'm sure you have lunch in the middle of 9-3:30, but that still sounds like it is going longer than it should. Here's a link with the time allotments for each of CTC's boxes:
CTC time it takes:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3765

Maybe you could see about how long each box is taking, and then see where the times seem to be going longer? If you are using different LA or math options, that can make a marked difference in the length of the overall school day as well. I will help in anyway you think I could - if you would like to talk through schedules, or specific boxes, etc. I will try to talk through it until you've got some ideas to try! I am going to pray for you diligently. I think you are a lady of strong faith. I am so glad you are a part of this board. Keep on pressing on in faith - you are doing an excellent job - but do give yourself and your ds time to grieve. It's okay if it takes some real time. It will be time well spent. Please let me know if there is anything I could do to help. You are in my prayers.

Love in Christ,
Julie

[4Hispraise]

Thanks for all your help! I checked out the thread and it was very helpful. I am going to work this week to see where all our time is going...but I do add 1/2 hour for Bible memorization. Ds is memorizing the book of John this year (his choice, not mine) for a quiz team at church...but even with that, I think we are taking quite a bit more time than the guidelines indicate.

Julie, I tried to PM you to share our story but something goofy happened in the middle of it. So, don't know if you got it or not. If you didn't I will try again sometime when I have more energy. And thanks for your prayers and encouraging words, you have blessed me.

[my3sons]

Shelly - I didn't receive your PM, but if it keeps being goofy, you can email me at:
rjgrosz@siouxvalley.net

It would be an honor to know your story, and helpful to know better how to pray for you. I do hope you've had a good Sunday! I will continue to pray.
Love in Christ,
Julie

[Happy2bMommyof3]

I am reading a book by John Rosemond right now called Parenting by the Book - Biblical Wisdom for Raising your Child, and it is amazing. He is a psychologist who reveals the flaws with psychology and does not use psychology. Sounds paradoxical, but it has helped me realized how I have let so much psychology creep in to my child rearing practices unaware, and I have allowed that to be used by the enemy to cause much confusion in our home. Highly recommended!!!!

[Tree House Academy]

I thought I had posted to this, but looking back, it seems I haven't. Do you think maybe the extensions are too much for your 11 y/o ds? When I overwhelm my ds11 with too much work, he gets like your ds is behaving. We tried extensions with Bigger last year and it was just not the right fit. While Bigger wasn't quite challenging enough on its own for ds, Bigger with extensions was a bit more work than he was used to and he struggled. This year, when we decided upon CTC, I asked about extensions. I remember Carrie and Julie chiming in and telling me to go by ages moreso than grade when deciding upon extensions. While the extensions are meant for kids going into 6th or 7th grade, my ds is only 11 and he falls, age wise, into doing the guides without extensions. We are having a wonderful year.

My post, mostly, was to encourage you to consider the work load and if you think this could be some of the issue, maybe stop the extensions and see if that helps. I want everyone to have as great a year as we are having!

[Kim S]

I have not read all the posts so this may have been said but this is the time that a boy has a harder time relating to mom and needs more dad input.

[Carrie]

4HisPraise,

The ladies have done a great job of talking through this with you and there are wonderful tidbits of wisdom all throughout this thread already.

I'll just pop-in to link you to a thread that is somewhat similar. If you don't have time to read the whole thread, but get a chance to read the two responses I typed in the thread, you'll get a good perspective of a few other things to ponder too.

Link: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5491

Blessings,
Carrie

[4Hispraise]

Thank you all for your help and compassion!
The links were helpful, and I think I do need to be more patient!!

We had a great day today. Ds was on task, completed everything in record time and I think I figured out where we are losing time. I gave him a schedule and let him write down how much time everything was taking him. He was so diligent to do things that he (and I) was amazed by how quickly he NEATLY completed his work!!

Also, I considered the input about extensions. We are doing the Extensions, but just reading them together. I am not going to make him do the writing activities. We just discuss it afterward. He seems to be doing better with that. We will give it some time and see how it goes.