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I have a 6 year old son and 4 year old twins, and everyday is a fight to do school. What am I doing wrong? My 6 year-old complains about everything. I've tried to make it fun, but frankly, now I'm just tired of the whining and complaining and I just want to get it over. I've taken away favorite television shows, computer, etc. We also believe ds is dyslexic and are working toward getting him officially diagnosed. We've had a preliminary evaluation and the evaluator believed that ds was showing all the classic signs. I usually have to yell at him to get him to listen to the bible stories. Every time we sit down to "do school" he starts yawning like crazy. Lately, I've been making him take a jog around the house before we actually sit down to do something. He is doing fine with handwriting, doing great with Singapore math, we have a special phonics program for him, and he is memorizing the scriptures, so we are getting things accomplished, but it just is like pulling teeth everyday. Is this normal? I've had to tell him that if he doesn't want to do learn at home, he will have to go to school. It is the law here. You must be enrolled in school at 6. I feel like I'm making him hate learning. He is a very creative and active boy, and I would appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks,
Tracy

Hi, Tracy!

The following thread has some great wisdom regarding disobedience and complaining from some wonderful ladies here.
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7314&st=0&sk=t&sd=a ... g+children

This is another thread you may find helpful.
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7006&st=0&sk=t&sd=a ... g+children

Prayers for you and your family,
Jess

Tracee wrote:I have a 6 year old son and 4 year old twins, and everyday is a fight to do school. What am I doing wrong? My 6 year-old complains about everything. I've tried to make it fun, but frankly, now I'm just tired of the whining and complaining and I just want to get it over. I've taken away favorite television shows, computer, etc. We also believe ds is dyslexic and are working toward getting him officially diagnosed. We've had a preliminary evaluation and the evaluator believed that ds was showing all the classic signs. I usually have to yell at him to get him to listen to the bible stories. Every time we sit down to "do school" he starts yawning like crazy. Lately, I've been making him take a jog around the house before we actually sit down to do something. He is doing fine with handwriting, doing great with Singapore math, we have a special phonics program for him, and he is memorizing the scriptures, so we are getting things accomplished, but it just is like pulling teeth everyday. Is this normal? I've had to tell him that if he doesn't want to do learn at home, he will have to go to school. It is the law here. You must be enrolled in school at 6. I feel like I'm making him hate learning. He is a very creative and active boy, and I would appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks,
Tracy

((HUGS)) Been there. It was a learning process for both of us. My problem was what was acceptable.
You may want to have him do something during bible stories...color about what is being read, build with legos or blocks about what is being read with some men or little people. And go slow with a lot of breaks. He's only 6 and he's an energetic boy!

I give my dd a ball of play doh when we read from the history book so she has something to do with her hands. She seems to listen better that way. We are doing LHFHG, is that the program you are doing too? Have you tried starting out the day with a subject he really likes? Or giving him recess to look forward to half way into the lessons, or at the end? What does he like to do after school time? Maybe encouraging him that he can do that as soon as he is finished or something. I don't know what you have tried, but I am just throwing out suggestions. I will pray that things get better for you!

It is hard to find the balance between love and discipline. Taking school out of the equation, how do the 2 of you interact the rest of the day? I am saying this because I think as moms we often relate better to one child of ours than another, certainly throughout different stages of life, while perhaps another child of ours can seem to just push our buttons. Would you say he's in a button-pushing kind of stage with you? I say this because I have gone through this more with one particular child of ours, but also with each one of our dc in different stages of their lives. This is a tough rut to get out of, but get out of it one must.

First of all, I'd spend some time really being watchful and mindful of what's going on in the day, and even jotting notes about it. In the heat of the moment, we can lose site of what the entire day was like. Boys, especially, don't like for things to be drawn out or go long. I'd print off the suggested times for doing boxes in LHFHG and write next to them how long it's taking him to do each of them:
Approximate Times for boxes in LHFHG...
Left side of plans:
Reading about History: 10 minutes
Rhymes in Motion: 5 minutes
Rotating Bottom left box (Science, Art, Dramatic Play, Thinking Games): 10-15 minutes
Bible Study: 10 minutes (add an additional 5-10 minutes on Devotional days)
Corresponding Music: 5 minutes

Right Side of Plans:
Fine Motor Skills: 5-10 minutes
Phonics: 15 minutes
Storytime: 10 minutes
Math: 10-15 minutes

I'd also jot general notes pertinent to how things went. For instance, you may notice he wakes up happy, or maybe he wakes up not so happy - maybe an adjustment in the start of school would be good. You may see math just goes on and on and sends him into fits - maybe setting a timer for 20 minutes and stopping when it rings would help. Or maybe you may notice that when there are too many interruptions he loses focus and gets angry about having to stop-start- to come back to do school - maybe you choose a quieter place for him to work, or maybe you make sure not to answer the phone and get side-tracked when homeschooling (a lesson I've had to learn multiple times ). You may notice he's testing you, starting off slightly negative with comments to see what you do, and then getting really negative as he pushes the line further and further - maybe you and your dh need to have a set consequence for this. Or maybe he loves reading, and that part goes smoothly - hooray, celebrate that! Maybe writing is frustrating for him, and he needs you to lovingly sit near him and be a real encourager to him during that time. Anyway, if you could do this, and share your notes with us here, we can help come up with ideas to tackle whatever things necessary, and we can also celebrate what's going right with you here!!!

I know it is hard sometime, but I'd endeavor not to raise your voice to get him to do things, but to instead, to be very calm. Oh do I know this can be hard! But, that rise out of us is sometimes just the attention they were wanting, so we are in fact rewarding them for their behavior by doing so. Also, I've had to work hard on having a healthy, close relationship with one of my ds more than the others, and if you recognize that, it's important to think how you can accomplish that. My ds needed a lot of extra hugs, sincere compliments when he was doing things right, appropriate and well-explained expectations, and consistent, calm discipline when he misbehaved. This was/is a challenge, but now I'd say I'm struggling more with one of our other dc, and things are going awesome with this one. So, I just want to encourage you that you have the opportunity here to really work to hold on to your son's heart - an opportunity made more difficult and sometimes near impossible to do - when dc are in ps. Mind you these struggles don't go away with dc in ps, so one other thing my dh and I decided never to do anymore was "threaten ps". We sat down and decided why we were homeschooling and shared that with our dc. If you haven't done that yet, and I'm sure you haven't as you've just started, you may want to do that. It gives my dh and I resolve through the harder times of homeschooling to "press on to the goal and win the prize for which God has called me". I am praying for you, but I want to encourage you that this can be fixed, and you can enjoy homeschooling your dc. HOD is simply the best thing out there because it works on not only the "head" but the "heart". HTH - and I'll be checking back!

In Christ,
Julie

I would say it is normal for a kid with possible LD's
One thing I have found is parenting at the age they are at. Maybe he's only at at 2 year old place when you want him to sit and listen.
I had many of these problems with my dd1, the yelling (which I wish I could do over) the complaining the whining. the Super Nanny technique of a Low Tone, in the long run with consequences works better.

Some things that did work for us was a change of venue, we would read lying down on her bed, cuddled up on the couch, touch was very important to her, so touching her (rubbing her back) while reading helped keep her focused, very small bites of listening at a time. I know you are looking at dyslexia have you looked into Auditory Processing as well?

He may also be a kinetic learner, making him stop and be still may stall his brain. Some things to do for that is have him stand on a pillow while listening. That way he's stuck in one spot but the foam gives and takes. So he is moving to keep his balance while listening which may give his brain enough to do to be able to listen. Then gradually make him sit for bits longer and longer bits. Or outside of school do sitting still training. 2-5 min intervals where if he doesn't talk or move he gets a treat (raisin, marshmallow, cracker etc).

A consequence that I have found to be effective long term this is not a quick fix it could take weeks but stops future problems. If he refuses to do for you, you refuse to do for him its very simple consequential parenting. He will not listen for reading put it away say ok when you are ready we will do this (calmly) and walk away from that box. When he asks to go to the play ground (a special sandwich, a treat, t.v. games.) you say (blandly) no I don't feel like it. Occasionally add in "are you ready to try to listen to your history?" When he says no.. just say ahh... and walk away... It won't take long for him to realize the way the wind blows.

Hi Tracee...I realized a bit ago...probably due to a dear friend pointing it out ...that I had trained my ds to only listen to me once I was yelling, red in the face, and angry! (big regrets) But, we have come a long way since then and I am really doing so much better with this. I am in no way suggesting that this is what you have going on, but your post reminded me of my own situation.

I would also double check to make sure that your ds is placed correctly...maybe the work is too much or too little? I have absolutely no experience with dyslexia and such so this may not relative to your situation at all. We had similar problems last year. For us, a switch to HOD, concentrating on some behavior issues, working on my expectations of him, giving him some time to mature and some serious prayer has solved our problems (for now). I was totally overwhelmed and realized that we needed a serious overhaul...it took some time, but things are better now.

I hope this comes across in a loving way. I was SO annoyed when my friend, not so lovingly, suggested that I had "trained" (I am not really a fan of this terminoloy) my son this way. I felt very judged. In the end, she was right. And now I am thankful that she brought it up. So, hopefully this will help and {{big hugs}} and I pray it gets better for you.

I think sometimes it can just be the nature of the beast with a 6 year old. My 11 year old never questioned school because he went to ps and did what the herd did, so to speak. When I pulled him out of ps after 3rd grade, he very naturally just came home and did his work. My younger son, however, never went to ps. To him, schoolwork does not mean the same thing at all. It has taken us a long time, lots of talking, punishments, and the implementing of a "school store" that has a lot to do with "doing your work without complaining" (among other things...like not fighting with your brother!). It has been much harder to make him understand the importance of school and school and school work than it ever was my older son.

Have you tried positive reinforcements? We do school store on Fridays. They start the week with $2 to spend in the school store (given automatically). However, as the week goes on, they have rules to follow. Not following the rules gets them points on the board and each point is worth 5cents. At the end of the week, I tally the points they had and subtract it from their $2 and that is what they have left to spend in the school store. They learned very quickly that the "good stuff" usually costs $2 in my store...and losing those points means getting something much smaller in the store at the end of the week. It has really worked for us to make a difference in how ds6 (almost 7) does school.

Thank you so much for all your advice. And, it is definitely a mixed bag of discipline issues, LD and he has just been plain pushing my buttons lately. Also, he has no idea what would be required of him in traditional school. The discipline issue is my fault. I have rules set-up, they know the consequences of certain actions, but I was getting really lax. It would just take one little thing to throw us off schedule or our task. I need to reign that back in.


But, on another note, Tansy mentioned something about when his body stops his brain maybe stopping, and that seemed to be exactly what was happening. We have a designated school area with a kid size table and chairs. Today, I had him sit on his hippity-hop and he actually seemed to enjoy what we were doing. Usually after a few minutes of sitting down, he starts yawning like crazy. It was so weird. It didn't matter what time of day we sat down, because I experimented with that and it didn't matter. A few minutes of sitting down = Yawn, Yawn, Yawn. Not today. We actually had a good time together today. He looked pleasant and pleased with himself. I think for the stories and phonics, I will give him some playdough and see how that works. The hippity-hop didn't work very well while we were trying to concentrate on phonemic awareness.

Thanks everyone. You are such a support and inspiration to me.
Tracy

My son is 6 as well and we have good days and bad. He likes school but moans and groans. He has lots of energy too. He knows it doesn't take that long and yet some days it seems like he moans the whole time.
I think for us it is a stage he is going thru. Test of the powers and we do have to discipline.
For us if we could get all his stuff done early in morning it would be great. Unfortunately, i am jsut slow moving with being almost 14 weeks prego and i have 2 other daughters. One who is 5.5 doing LHFHG and one 2.5 yr tag-along.
Praying your son will understand how much his parents are looking out for his best interest and for him to enjoy school and obey.

Jenn D.

One thing that is really helping us is to start our day with a workout routine. I have a very active, squirmy, high maintenance 9 year old son, and this really helps him to be able to do his work better. I bought several children's workout DVD's and I put it in first thing in the a.m. before breakfast, after room chores. This is PE! We do it for about 20 minutes or so, and this seems to help him be okay and less antsy for a couple of hours anyway. That's a miracle!

So, you might want to try it. They can also do push ups or other exercises, even running on the road if you have the place for it. Helps to get their blood flowing and their brains working.

Blessings!