mrsrandolph wrote:Thanks Julie and others. My son (with the f/m issues) and his older sister have already completed LHFHG and BLHFHG, so the next place to go is Bigger. I was even thinking of half pacing it for him/them.
Julie,
He really notices when I make things different for him and his older sister. I try to explain to him that she IS a FULL 13 months older than him! I don't explain to him that she is leaps and bounds ahead of him developmentally. I feel that I am holding HER back for HIS sake. I even find myself separating the 2 of them for copywork and other things when I could be combining them so that one doesn't know what the other is doing...thus making it harder on me.
I would love your suggestions. At some point, he is going to have to realize that he is going to struggle with things that his sister doesn't. Maybe I am protecting him too much...
Thanks for sharing this! You have such a heart for your kiddos Shannon - they are so blessed to have you as a mom.
This kind of comparison between siblings is so common. Even though our sons are 3+ years apart, the comparisons still abound. At an early age, Riley was a much better colorer and drawer than his much older brother Wyatt. Likewise, Wyatt can follow directions and complete tasks of all levels of difficulties with ease, while Riley struggles to complete tasks that have been assigned to him for years. I just wanted to encourage you that you are not alone in this situation. I also wanted to encourage you that I don't think you would be holding back your 7 yo in any way by doing Bigger Hearts half-speed. It's a full program for a 7 yo anyway. We tried to stretch it out, even though my 7 yo was reading and writing very well when he began it. I think doing it half-speed with the 2 of them is a great idea. It also helps to point out to him the age difference, like you are doing. You can let him know the two of them would not be in the same class in "regular" school.
It really helps my middle ds to see that he gets to do things that are harder than his little 3 yo brother. You could point out those things to your ds often, letting him know that your 5 yo is about the same difference in age from him as he is from his older sister, and he's doing 2 full guides worth of work ahead of her. We also remind our oldest that he used to struggle with the same things our middle ds is challenged with - he wasn't always reading and writing so well - no one is born that way.
Sometimes older dc like to point out how well they are doing things compared to younger siblings, and this is a pride issue to take the older child aside and have a heart-to-heart with about. They need to understand this is a form of bragging, and that God gave them a special role of being an encourager for younger siblings rather than a competitor. We have had this talk with our oldest and also with our middle ds in regard to our youngest ds.
We've also had to explain "fake" encouragement isn't encouragement at all. Encouragement is true, specific, and given in a cheerful voice.
One thing that may help is to make clear your expectations before beginning an activity. For example, you may let your 6 yo know that for that age only a line of copywork should be done each day - you can word it that way as fact - rather than letting him stop when he gets fatigued and risking the chance of him feeling like he somehow failed. You may let your 7 yo know that for that age, 2 lines a day should be done (or whatever you want). You can also make clear that for a 5 yo, no copywork is required, so your ds sees the difference in expectations.
You can also let him know "when he's 7 yo 2 lines (or whatever you said for her) will be expected of him", so you would like to encourage him to work up to that by then.
It may not hurt to take your ds aside and explain you didn't expect dd to do Bigger Hearts when she was his age. This may help him see that he is being asked to do harder things at an earlier age, and that he needs to understand that and remind himself of it accordingly.
I do not believe you are protecting him too much. I respect you for caring so much about him in this way, in fact. I think of our sons as being each other's best friends, and as such, they need to learn how to be good friends and how to allot for differences not only in ages, but also in talents the Lord has given. I have explained to my oldest that God gave our middle ds the talent of working with small tools and putting small things together, whereas God gave my oldest the talent of working with larger things using his whole body. For example, my oldest cannot put together erector sets like my middle ds can, but my oldest can care for an entire yard and garden while my middle ds can't. Their differences aren't bad, they''re intended by God for a purpose. How sad would it be if the whole world was talented at the same things! We've also talked about how talents aren't all or nothing; you can be average at something and still enjoy it. I like to cook, but I'm no Julia Child, for example. Also, sometimes we're not as good at something because we are just not that interested in it. For example, Riley loves to work on his 3 wheeler and ride it, and Wyatt just doesn't enjoy it that much, therefore he doesn't do it as much, and no surprise - he's not as good at it. Likewise, Wyatt loves organizational projects, like organizing and labeling all of our free reading books, while Riley doesn't enjoy it and therefore doesn't ever really learn how to go about doing it in an orderly fashion. I think it helps my kids if I give them lots of personal examples from my life if I can. For example, I've explained that both Carrie and I like to write, but she likes writing plans, and I like writing creatively. That doesn't mean she can't write creatively or I can't write plans, it just means neither one of us want to spend time doing the kind of writing we don't like as well, and God gave us different interests and talents. That's why I love Carrie writing the HOD guides, and I enjoy writing the HOD catalog!
(Plus it's a much smaller task.
) I also love details in writing, and Carrie has the big picture so much better. That's why I enjoy editing, and she enjoys writing the guides. (Plus she's so wonderful at it and does it so much better than I ever could!)
Anyway, I'm sure this is more than you were wanting, but I think it does sound like the 2 of them will do fine half-speed Bigger Hearts. You can let them know you'd like both of them to be more in the middle age range of the guides, and that's why you're taking it slowly (at least to start with). Your oldest will be challenged enough in Bigger half-speed (you can always go full-speed partway in if it seems best for both), and in PHFHG you can consider adding the extension if you really feel it's necessary for your dd at that point.
They can have different levels of DITHOR, dictation, math, etc. With some heart to heart talks and encouragement throughout the year (which is an every year thing regarding something, in my house at least
), I think they will do fine. HTH!
In Christ,
Julie
ay PS-we have ordered Getty book 2 for handwriting].So my advice was similar to Julies- dont be afraid to tinker with the guide-