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My two oldest will be in CTC next year, boy 10, girl 11. My daughter is going on 12, and for her, I was going to buy the RTR guide and do the Puberty/Purity portion of it with her this upcoming year. But, I haven't seen the materials in person that are used in those (Beautiful Girlhood, From Girl to Woman, and What is God's Design for my Body). I was wondering how these studies would compare to Passport to Purity. "Passort to Purity" is an all in a weekend, all at once study, I think, versus taking a longer time with the puberty/purity topics throughout the school year. I was thinking about doing Passport to Purity with her over the summer. If I did that, would waiting to do the RTR scheduled books for the following year be better? Or would the "Passport to Purity" study be redundant to the RTR studies.

With having 7 kiddos, I'm also wondering if taking her away for the weekend would be better for making sure she is comfortable in asking questions, and I have the time to spend with her in answering them. Sometimes my days get hectic with doing 3 guides with 6 kids and a toddler in the mix, and I don't want this particular area sped through. The RTR plans sound wonderful, and I am positive they encourage discussion. It's just that I sometimes get sidetracked and life happens, and I have to go more quickly through some parts of my day than I would like to.

This particular topic has been worrying me for quite some time. Before knowing RTR planned for these topics, I had already bought "Lady Day" by Joy Moore, "Secret Keeper Girl" by Dannah Gresh, and the whole "God's Design for Sex" series by Stan and Brenna Jones, and I have no idea what to do with them, so they have just sat on the shelf all year. My daughter is the oldest, so I've never had to have any discussions about this type of thing yet. And, my own parents never discussed anything with us at all!

Could anyone help who's been through the RTR books OR the Passport to Purity please let me know your thoughts? Should I do one or the other? Could I do both and still have her get something out of them both? Can I get rid of my other books I mentioned above? I feel like this is a big deal, and I'm nervous, and I want to do it right.

Well, I have no experience with Passport to Purity and we haven't done RTR yet (obviously), but we have a general philosophy in our house to not make a big deal about these issues. What I mean, is that we answer our son's questions, and usually he is not asking the questions we think he is, and we do it simply.

Having not seen what the RTR guide is going to discuss, I can't say yet if we'll do all of it the way it is written, but I have a feeling that we'll be comfortable with it.

Honestly, if your children aren't going to be spending lots of unsupervised time with peers, there is no reason to go into details about this issue. Its better to teach them about Biblical principles than the physical details of s*x. The Bible warns about awakening love before its time, and I think when we make this a big deal and go into intimate details, we can actually harm our children.

If your children are going to be around other children unsupervised, then you may have to discuss this ahead of time.

I know Carrie will want to respond in person to this, as this is near and dear to her heart. I wish I had my RTR books in hand, but I don't have them yet. I am familiar with the books HOD has chosen though, and I am very excited to go through them with my older ds. The little book is exactly that... little. No explicit details or going overboard about sex, but enough information where dc will understand what happens. Carrie chose these books specifically for the God-honoring viewpoint they take toward puberty/purity. Knowing Shelly Noonan and Sandy Queen personally, I'm just that much more comfortable with these books.

I wanted to point out that these books (both the girl and the boy materials) are so much more than just a "what's happening to your body" and "what do you do with your body" kind of talks. Since you have girls, I'll just paste this quote from Andreola so you can see what I am trying to explain...

From the author Karen Andreola:
“There is a word of yesteryear seldom heard today. It is the word that represents what I desire my daughters to become. The word is "ladylike." So when I found the book Beautiful Girlhood, I was very happy. Reading Beautiful Girlhood brings back the charm and sentiment associated with this word. It was an old-fashioned book that held the ideals I believed in and only needed a little revision.

I read and contemplated its pages for my own edification. Among its topics - such as building character, strength in obedience, making friends with books, a sunny disposition, modest dress, a pure heart, and a consecrated life - are ideals any grown woman will find both convicting and comforting. When each daughter eventually approached the age of 12, I read its short chapters of gentle instruction aloud to her. It was our special time alone together.

Beautiful and noble possibilities are present in every girl for becoming a godly woman, for becoming ladylike. Encouragement and counsel await those who read Beautiful Girlhood. For the girl who reads this book, may your blossoming into womanhood, your example of sincerity, purity, and love, be a source of happiness for yourself and a star of hope to other girls.”

For boys, the Bob Schultz books are the same way - a focus on character in regard to being a Christian man as well as a gentle explanation about the body. I am very excited about doing these books because I know that explaining all of these important parts of becoming a Godly young man (or woman) cannot be rushed or done just one time. They will need to be slowly discussed and in doing so, a picture of what a Godly man or woman looks like begins to become clearer and clearer so that as our dc grow and mature, they can recognize those qualities growing within them.

There is an atmosphere of sharing between parent and child, and this time together makes it easier for dc to share because we have also shared. I also wanted to mention that journaling is part of this as well, and journaling is often an excellent window into our dc's minds and hearts. They will often share with us in a journal that which they may not be comfortable with speaking out loud - especially girls (I'm thinking of my nieces here ).

Anyway, I know Carrie will get back to you, but those are a few thoughts I'd had about this. I think you could still do your special weekend if the Lord has laid that on your heart, but I wouldn't miss out on the gradual gems of how to become a Godly woman that are shared in the books HOD has chosen.

In Christ,
Julie

Thank you both for responding. I'm thinking that maybe I can do Passport to Purity with her this summer sometime, and that she'll just do CTC as written, and then next year, she could do RTR with the purity/puberty studies. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to cover the topics again more slowly and with a different resource to give her yet another open door to discussions. The second option is buying the RTR guide now to do just that portion in addition to CTC THIS year. I am positive that the studies in RTR will be wonderful. As for the weekend Passport to Purity - below is why I'm thinking I should consider it now, regardless of either of the above options.

My daughter doesn't spend a lot of time "unsupervised" with friends, in the sense that I am home, and unless we know a family very well, we don't allow our children to go to their homes. But, when she is with her friends here at home, or playing outside in the yard, I am not right there with her listening to everything. Also, being homeschooled, a couple of her friends are a little older than her (a couple younger too). While we are very cautious about who our children spend time with, there are plenty of opportunities where they could be discussing something I am not aware of because I am not in the room or outside with them. She is also going on our church's Junior High retreat in August, where she will be spending a couple of nights "rooming" with a couple of homeschooled friends. One of those friends, who is only a little over a year older than my daughter, has begun her cycle, so I don't want my daughter to be clueless if it happens to be occuring during that weeked retreat. I feel it is time to at least discuss that part of growing up with her. She is open, and does come to me when she as any questions about anything "embarrassing" so far.

I do appreciate your thoughts. I'm still pondering...

I think you'll find that Passport to Purity and the study for girls found within RTR are done in different ways. Only the tail end of the year in RTR will be devoted to a girl's changing body and to consummation within marriage. The rest of the year is devoted to topics that revolve around becoming a Godly young woman.

The way the study is designed within RTR lends itself well to focused short discussions each week on a myriad of topics and is intended to build an even closer relationship with your daughter as you share together over the course of a year. We pray that this will help keep the lines of communication open with our kiddos as they head into their teenage years and will keep their hearts tender as we focus on what the Lord desires for them (and for us) to be.

Blessings,
Carrie