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Hi all,

I'm thinking out loud here and interested in any thoughts others might have.

We've had the joy of homeschooling our brood from Day One. It has been a wonderful journey. Two years ago we moved away from the community where we had been and all our very close homeschool friends. We'll be returning to the community in June, but I'm profoundly aware that things will be very different. Four of the homeschool families we were the closest too and connected with the most are all sending their oldest children to high school/middle school. Just a few days ago out of the blue my husband mentioned that perhaps we should send our oldest to school. His thinking that a good private school would provide motivation, more structure, incentive, etc. Now, that's not to say that these things are a real problem at home, but there's definitely room for improvement! Our oldest social needs seem to be multiplying and there's no way we can keep up. Anyhow, I'm struck be the fact that it seems that many people when they hit these teen years begin to feel that homeschooling is no longer the best option. Is this just a phase? What am I seeing here? Any thoughts?

I'm interested in hearing what people say about this, Florence. We're just about to enter the middle school years and already have seen some friends make the decision to send dc to private school for the reasons that you mentioned. We dabbled with that, too, but currently plan to homeschool all the way through.
Personally, I'm finding it a challenge to find the balance of protecting my dc's hearts, meeting their individual needs, strengthening them for the challenges they will face now and over the coming years, and giving them a vision and skills for ministry as they grow in their faith. But with God all things are possible. Lots to pray about!!!

Our oldest is 14, almost 15 years old. We had similar concerns prior to her ninth grade year last year, and made the decision to enroll her part-time in a small public charter high school. It did not go well at all, and we ended up pulling her out after six weeks. My friend with a ninth-grade son did the same thing. Enrolled him and he withdrew of his own choice after six weeks. We thought since it was a small school, with strict rules, and really was leagues better than a regular public high school, and that it was part time, that it would a safe and easy testing period. For my daughter though, she just wasn't ready. The peer pressure and environment hit her hard, and she was floundering even after a very short period of time. It took another six weeks or so after that to "detox" her completely, and even required the help of a counselor. 14 turned out to be not as old as I thought it was, and I have since re-settled her firmly in the security of our home and family and she is finding everything she needs right now through home, church, and other homeschoolers.

Now, having said that, this kind of thing is totally dependent on each child's personality, temperament, situation, etc. Obviously our foray into high school away from home isn't going to be the same as everyone else's. It could be a great thing for your child, and a private school would probably make a big difference too. I just wanted to share the experience we have had.

The area we live in allows homeschoolers to enroll part-time as they please and even participate in sports, and there are several private co-op type classes for homechoolers also, and we will revisit these options as our children get older. I would consider perhaps a class or two in this format for our teens as they get older, if we feel the child can handle it and if we feel good about it. Although, I would probably prefer to have them just homeschooled all the way through. So right now this is our plan for our little flock of 7.

I wanted to post a little different perspective. My dc have been in an excellent public school system their entire lives. My ds asked to come home this year for 5th grade due to his mild Cerebral Palsy and he felt pressure to try and keep up with the other students. At that time my dd who was in 8th grade said "Don't ever think you are going to homeschool me". She loved her junior high and had lots of friends. However we saw big changes starting in her personality. She was arguing more and my child who stood boldly for her faith in 6th grade would no longer even tell people she was a Christian. The peer pressure became intense. She started high school and it was a shock. She couldn't believe all the things that were going on in the halls, in class etc. Again this is a top rated high school. I cried many times over the things she would tell me that she was being exposed to. She became angry and easily irritated. My straight A honor student stopped doing some of her homework because she said "it isn't ok to be smart". I prayed and prayed that God would intervene drastically in her life. She started going to a prayer group before school and that helped a lot, but when she left that group to walk down the hall everything was still there. At Christmas she surprised us when she said that she thought she might come home next year and in the past few weeks she has told us she is definitely coming home. She never really considered going to a private school, because her friend goes to one of the best and deals with the same things at school that she does. I can't tell you how much I wish she would have come home sooner. It had to be her decision, but I hate what she has had to deal with this year. Since making her decision she is much more relaxed and is talking to us again.

Every family is different and God calls us to do different things, but I felt like I just had to share our experience.

Our oldest just turned 12 in Feb. DH has wondered about sending him to school as we have a young one and our DD has special needs. DS1 has said he wants to go to high school. He is very social and fills that need by playing soccer. Playing soccer is the reason he wants to go to high school. We have talked more and he is now considering online high school. I told him and my DH and my in-laws that it is still a few years away. I still think it is best to be a home. I see God providing the answers I need as I move along on this journey.

Anyway it has been very interesting reading the experiences you have shared.

Each family certainly has to make their own decisions. I'll share a little about our own experiences. We have 5 children--my oldest ds graduated from homeschooling and is finishing his second year of college. My 2nd ds will graduate from homeschooling this year. I also have a 15yob, 13yod and 9yob who will be continuing on the homeschool path.

I really do understand the challenges of homeschooling through high school. It is sometimes a more lonely path, the weight of responsibility seems heavier, etc. I remember the wrestling match emotionally and spiritually over high school was a lot like the wrestling match to homeschool in the first place--it was like starting all over.

In the end, we have been extremely happy with our decision. There are pro's and con's! We've had to base our decision on our priorities and what we felt was "best" rather that what was just "good" or even "better." We have had to consider the eternal over the temporal. And it hasn't been easy.

Some of the benefits we have experienced...
*We have had time to build a discipleship relationship with our teens in a way that I can't imagine if they had been in any type of school.
*Our teens have been able to focus on what we consider "real life" rather than the distractions of school life.
*They have been able to serve in the church in ways other teens cannot because they don't have the time (or for some, the desire).
*They have been able to work and save for college since we personally do not have the ability to fund their college education. As part of that, we committed to driving them until they got a license (which we allow later than some)--we have been incredibly thankful for that opportunity. How many parents get to spend a few hours a week alone with their 15, 16, or 17yo kids in conversation?
*They have been able to pursue personal interests.
God has provided for their social needs in His way for each of them--sometimes it didn't appear to be "enough" to them or to us, but looking back we, and they, can see that God gave them exactly what they needed.
*Their relationships with siblings, which will last a lifetime unlike many school relationships, have been strengthened.
*Academically, they have done very well. My oldest son says that homeschooling prepared him better in many ways than his public/private school counterparts. At home he learned to work independently, to not be peer-dependent academically or socially, to be able to talk with adults as well as peers--so he has no problem relating to his professors, and although it wasn't/isn't always the case--to do his best for God's glory and not just to get the grade.

In school he could have played more sports, been more proficient in music, had more friends, had more of what the world calls "fun", maybe had more structure, maybe been challenged more academically.

But I wouldn't trade those things for what he has now!

Just my musings!!
Chrissy

Chrissy wrote:I really do understand the challenges of homeschooling through high school. It is sometimes a more lonely path, the weight of responsibility seems heavier, etc. I remember the wrestling match emotionally and spiritually over high school was a lot like the wrestling match to homeschool in the first place--it was like starting all over.

Ahhh ...like starting all over, a lonely path, the wrestling match. Funny how that is. You all have some great thoughts I'm appreciate each one of you musing out loud. Chrissy I resonated a lot with many of your thoughts. My dh and I REALLY like the person my 13 yo is and my husband (and others) both feel that in large part he's who he is because he is homeschooled. Since most of his "friends" now are "schooled" I asked my ds the other day if that was difficult for him. His comment was , "no, I enjoy being with them, but sometimes I feel like many of my "schooled" friends have dual personalities in order to function at school and at church. I would rather not go in that direction." I think my 13 yos is doing well academically, and our school plan has much more consistency since we found HOD. He's making steady progress and it is quite measurable. We're still very much on the track to homeschool high school, because we feel that's how God is leading our family. But since he is our oldest and so many of his peers are going the other route it distracts me. I was so pleased when I talked with my 13 yo to find that it is not distracting him!

I hope others will post...your thoughts and insights are quite helpful.