my heart is breaking for my children

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Mom4Him

my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Mom4Him » Sat Mar 27, 2010 9:06 am

Wonderful HOD ladies,
I think I am in need of some encouragement. My heart breaks for my children... as their hearts seems so far from God. :cry: :cry: I know they are young... but I long to see God working in their hearts & changing their lives for His glory!! I soooo enjoy doing Little Hands to Heaven with them! It is often the highlight of our days- & it always is centered on Christ- which I was hoping would be the case for our homeschool journey. God has brought us much joy through it. :D Yet, as I have been going through LHTH with the sweet Bible & questions, I am realizing that my children seem to know the answers- they can give the right "Sunday School" answer (partly because they are pastor's kids). :wink: And although I am very happy they can answer correctly, I long for "the answers" to reach down & touch their hearts. I long to see a difference in my children- to see the light of Christ shining in & through them. I know that it is more than just saying a prayer to ask Jesus into their hearts- it should be Him working in them every day (but a prayer would be a great start!)! Maybe my cry for my children is partly because of seeing the work I need God to do in my own life (I know there is a lot :wink: ). It may also be partly because I feel as though I am spread a bit thin between the five of them... while talking about heart issues with one, I overhear another in the other room who then needs to be talked to about a different heart issue... & the cycle continues. :roll: How do you ladies deal with "the heart" of your children?? Is there a way to make sure the wonderful answers & information they are learning reaches both their minds & their hearts??
Thank-you!
Jessica

lmercon
Posts: 659
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:05 pm
Location: Zieglerville, PA

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by lmercon » Sat Mar 27, 2010 9:51 am

I think the answers "coming from the heart" is the Spirit's work. You just have to pray that the Lord will call them to Himself. But, remember, God works in His time - not ours! Just keep faithfully doing what you are doing and leave the "saving" up to God. Right now the answers are coming from a "head" place. You are planting the seeds that may take a very long time to sprout. You may be long gone in Glory before your children experience salvation. Do not grow weary in the race. "By prayer and petition bring everything to God."
love,
Laura
Wife to a great guy and mommy to:
Ds(15) - using WG and loving it!
Dd(11) - using Res.to Ref and having a blast!
Ds (3) - our joy!
Two little ones in the arms of Jesus - I can't wait to hold you in Heaven!

Tracee
Posts: 251
Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:45 am
Location: South Florida

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Tracee » Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:31 am

I don't have much to add, because Laura said it so beautifully, but I will say that they are still very young. I know friends that have children that have accepted Jesus at the age of 3, and my 5 year old was still saying, "when I get older, I will follow him". He used to tell me he couldn't stand Veggie Tales and would always say he wished he would see a real God. I would tell him over and over that there is only one true God and although we can't see him, he is very real. I was feeling like a failure, but really all we can do is plant the seed. I've been praying, and I'm starting to see a change. Keep praying and don't get discouraged. He hears you! He is working, you just can't see it yet :lol:

Love,
Tracy
DS 12
DD 10/DS 10

Mom2Monkeys
Posts: 1410
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Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Mom2Monkeys » Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:33 am

As for the "cycle" you mentioned, I like to use this: http://www.shepherdpress.com/product.ph ... t=0&page=1 It helps me keep my calm, stay focused on the heart of the issue and not just the actual action, to train my children, and to encourage them to good deeds and thoughts. I also enjoyed Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp which is on the same site.
Continuing with HOD will help you in addressing the deep heart issues outside of discipline though! I have never seen a more Christ-Centered curriculum that not also puts Him at the center of it all, but also purposes to bring my children to a deeper relationship with Him on a daily basis! Slowly, but surely, you'll see it :D I know what you mean about not feeling you can spend the spiritual time with each child, like you're stretched so thin with so many. I have 4 dc, and 1 takes up most of my time, with the new baby in close 2nd! You're doing a great job! Just keep praying for God to use you as a tool in their lives.
~~Tamara~~
Enjoying HOD since 2008

DD15 long-time HODie finding her own new path
DS12 PHFHG {dysgraphia, APD, SID}
DS9 PHFHG
DS6 LHFHG
DD new nursling

seekhimfirst
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 2:44 pm

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by seekhimfirst » Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:40 am

Jessica,
I understand exactly how you feel except that my kiddos are a little older, and we have been a pastor's family but are in transition right now. What more do we as parents, especially as nurturing mothers, want than to see our children repent and come to know the saving grace of Christ...and then see that play out in their lives? Sometimes, I have noticed even more now that I am home full time and homeschooling we (mothers, and again especially pastor's wives) place too much pressure on ourselves when it is Christ who saves. My husband heard a great example that he told me and I hope I get enough of it that you get the point. Think of them as a room in your home that is totally dark (no light) that you completely fill with furniture, everything you could need in that room. Then at the moment that Christ chooses to reveal Himself to them (the light is flipped on) and the Holy Spirit brings that conviction upon them they will be full of that scripture and knowledge you have worked diligently to give them! I hope this makes sense and gives you some encouragement today!! Press on, dear mother!!
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing it is from the Lord you will receive the reward of inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
Col 3:23-24

11yo CTC
7yo Bigger
5yo LHFHG

mamas4loves
Posts: 50
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 8:42 am

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by mamas4loves » Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:32 pm

I have been where you are at! I still go 'round that mountain' so to speak. I want to encourage you to keep on planting those seeds of God's truth. I sometimes get so bound up in fear that my children won't love and serve him with whole hearts devoted to Him after all I have and am sacrificing for them. I also get bound up in 'comparing' my children to other children who may appear more spiritually sensitive. So, first off, I needed to check my own heart and realize that I am simply God's chosen vessel to till the soil of my kid's hearts, but it is up to Him to work in their hearts. I loved the illustration seekhimfirst gave. I need to right that down. I want to share a story of my oldest. She is a bright, inquisitive little girl, but very controlling and fearful. I have spent hours agonizing over her and praying for her, despairing whether or not the 'head' knowledge of Christ would move to her heart and God showed me something. First he showed me that I really cannot see into her heart so I cannot judge her based on her outward actions. Shortly after I recognized that I was judging her she wrote this beautiful poem called 'Hallelujah, I am saved' , which brought me to tears and made me get a glimpse into her heart. Then one Sunday evening worship time I saw her enter into the presence of God as she worshiped. It was beautiful and humbling. Please keep sowing the Word of God in their hearts. Take one moment at a time. Trust God with the big picture and be faithful to Him as you serve and minister to these little ones placed in your home. Give your kids room to experience Him. Live 'devotionally', (I like to make up words!). What I mean is be aware of God all around you--in the sky, in the yard,in the home--have an eye searching for the evidence of Him and then speak it. It is an amazing activity and brings such an awareness to our children of the Lord all around us. An example--we had the most lovely frost pattern on our window one morning--it looked like intricate lace--so i took pictures of it and explained that 'the Lord drew that just for our pleasure and wasn't it wonderful that He gave us this gift and how much must he love us' or something like that.

I will pray for you today!

Jess
Jess
happy wife to DH of 14 yrs and mama to DD12, DD9, DS6, DD4
DD12--Rev2Rev
DD9--Preparing
DS6--The Reading Lesson!
DD4--LHTH
http://www.reflectionsfromyheart.blogspot.com

psreit
Posts: 1034
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Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by psreit » Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:36 pm

We have 3 grown children, ages 20, 22, and 24. They all asked Jesus in their hearts at a young age, around 4, 5, or 6. I didn't push them. At a certain point, they said they were ready to do it. Our 22 yo attended Bible College. The first year she was there, she began to question whether her prayer at 4 was from the heart. She actually prayed to make sure of her salvation in college. Only God knows whether the 4 yo's prayer was genuine, but dd just needed to be sure. Our 20 and 24 yo didn't have those doubts. Our adopted 6yo asked Jesus in her heart last summer at a CEF Day Camp. I'm not sure how much she really has taken to heart, but she, too, knows the answers. When they are ready, don't hold them back. But at the same time, we all need to be careful that we don't push for that prayer when they may not be ready. In sharing the Gospel with anyone, we should not push them to say a prayer. If it isn't from the heart, a person can be deceived to think they are saved because they said a prayer. I know we get anxious about our children coming to know the Lord. Just keep praying for them and teaching them God's Word and His way of salvation. As was said previously, let the Holy Spirit do the work. When they are ready, they will tell you.

As far as heart issues, when dealing with our children's behavior, I would tell them this one thing on a regular basis. It's blunt, but they need to know. I would tell them that everything we do is going to please either God or Satan. Then I would ask them if they want to please God or Satan. It really helped them think about their actions. It wasn't to create an unhealthy fear, but the Bible says in Proverbs 8:13, "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil....". They need to know, not only the good that will come from accepting and following Christ, but also the consequences of not receiving Him. I don't mean to sound harsh. I just wanted to share our experiences and hope that it will be of some help to you.

Praying that your children will have sensitive and open hearts to the Lord.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 4
Pam
dh 33 yrs
ds29 church planter in MA
dd27 SAH mom
dd26
dd 12
3 dgs(5,2, & born 6/15) & 2 dgd(3 & born 2/15)

my3sons
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Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by my3sons » Sat Mar 27, 2010 3:20 pm

These wonderful ladies have given such sage advice already, that I agree with whole-heartedly. I understand what you are saying, and I think it is equally heart-breaking when some adult family members I love so much are not taking the Lord to heart either. :( If I let myself dwell on it, I could break into tears at any moment. I do believe that the Lord saves, and as much as I want to - or you want to - we just cannot. But, the one thing that has made a huge impact on my dc as well as others I love deeply is first, me working on my own faith which could always improve, and second me trying to share my faith as much as possible in just the day to day.

For example, I try to listen to mainly all Christian radio/music, and sing along with heart at home. When I'm stressed or in a bad mood and need an attitude change, I tell the kids I'm upset (they usually know already :? ) and I need to fix my attitude. So, I turn on a favorite Christian CD I have and make myself sing. Of course, when in that mood, it is difficult to be cheerful, but I have found that not very far into the song I am usually able to change my attitude and after awhile, even laugh at myself with the kids when I realize how ridiculous it was I was that upset about something that is usually quite trivial in comparison with the hope I have in the Lord. I try to do my Bible quiet time each day, though I miss days admittedly, but most days I am doing it, and sometimes my kids just come in the room and find me doing it or praying. They know not to interrupt me, as I let them know that this is my time with God, and it's very important to me. I've said this so many times (you know how good dc are at interrupting once we start a Bible quiet time :D ), that I've heard my ds peek in my bedroom when I'm praying, and quickly heard the door shut as he whispers to the other 2 little ones, "Hey - quiet, mom's talking to God and doing her quiet time." Little things such as that make a lasting impression sometimes.

Lately, I started a prayer journal with the dc, letting them know the reason for it was I was forgetting to pray for some people/situations I wanted to, and also that I realized sometimes we are forgetting the many, many prayers God has answered as we just move on to our next requests. :cry: I pointed out that their prayers were seeming to be kind of lifeless too. We take turns being the "lead horse" for praying. The prayer journal has helped them with their prayers.

Sharing my heart with them, and what God is doing for me or how I get through tough times by leaning on Him are both important to share with my dc. I try to let them in on some of my struggles (the ones appropriate for their maturity level :wink: ). Like, I really miss their dad sometimes when he's gone, and how I couldn't do it if I didn't know the Lord is always with me, that I'm never alone, and that He is watching over me loving me so much. Little things, like writing a Bible verse in their b-day cards and telling why that verse reminds me of them, or putting Scripture verse art/decorations on the wall, or making sure to give something Christian for Easter, Christmas, etc. all are simple things to do that can make an impact over time. I try to do this with are non-believing family I love as well, in a non-preachy way. Where we spend our money is a big indicator of what's important to us for our dc as well, so I firmly believe we can never have too many Bibles, story Bibles, Christian music CD's/videos, etc. in the house.

We started reading through the Bible at night, one section at a time. We read through Matthew, and now are almost through Mark. We just informally discuss it as we go. Another thing - when things are going wrong, just asking them to pray with us - which I need to remember to do right away more often :oops: . That shows we really believe in the power of prayer because we depend on it. Trying to make Sundays as happy of a day as possible is important too. I used to feel so rushed, snapped at the kids, did errands before/after church sometimes - all of that was not good. Now, we try very hard to make Sundays enjoyable and as stress-free as possible. We don't get groceries on Sunday anymore, we have baths the night before, set out our clothes, all the kids have special Bibles/Bible covers for church, go out to eat every other Sunday as a family (which we NEVER do otherwise), etc. Also, during church, each of the dc must take notes, and I do too. On the way home, we discuss it all together in a "what do you remember/find interesting" kind of way rather than in a "quizzing" kind of way.

Anyway, even though I know we don't have the power to save, I want to be doing something to share the Lord with those I love. These are a few of the things I've really enjoyed doing, and though I never get them done all at once, they are easy enough to get done often. I hope something here can help, but you know praying for our dc (and whomever else we dearly love) to be saved by God's grace daily, for the Lord to enter their hearts and be real to them, is a prayer to try to pray daily for each person by name. This is a constant in our prayer journal. :D

In Christ,
Julie
Enjoyed LHTH to USII
Currently using USI
Wife to Rich for 28 years
Mother to 3 sons, ages 23, 20, and 16
Sister to Carrie

Mom4Him

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Mom4Him » Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:53 pm

Ladies,
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you! You have been such an encouragement & a blessing to me. As I've read your responses, I have been in tears. I would like to respond to each of you, but don't have enough time right now (& probably won't for a couple days)- so for now I will just say THANK-YOU- thank-you for the verses, prayers, stories & encouragement.
In Christ,
Jessica

tjswaine
Posts: 156
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Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by tjswaine » Sun Mar 28, 2010 4:45 am

This thread is a great encouragement to me as well. Thank-you ladies. Enjoy the day.

By the way, how many "Jess's" or "Jessica's" are on this board?! :D
In Him,
{Jess}
2012-2013:
Logan ds {10} ~ Preparing, SM 4A, DGP, McGuffey, etc.
Connor ds {8} ~ Preparing. SM 2B, DGP, McGuffey, etc.
Charlene dd {4} ~ The Reading Lesson, SM Earlybird, C-rods, Verbal Math Lesson, etc.
Evan ds {1}
Quinn dd {0}

water2wine
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Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by water2wine » Sun Mar 28, 2010 5:43 pm

You have gotten some great advice from the ladies. :D I have been thinking about your post for a little while. The things that come to my mind is perhaps doing some things that are not ritual in nature. Kind of along the lines of what Julie was saying including them in real life situations with God. For instances praying about situations with them. Something I did really early with my children that I think was huge was to pray with them at every chance about real life situations even if it was daddy lost his job type stuff that was hard. And if it was praying for a need someone had or a situation I would make sure to show them or tell them how God answered so they could see that. Another thing is just to pray to God and ask Him specifically for each child how to you can help to open their heart (how God wants to use you for that) and to pray for the Holy Spirit to draw them to Him. And then the last thing I can think of is that we all have different types of relationships with God and by nature some of us are more emotional with God than others. My dh are sort of in some ways opposite on that. He is more logical and I am more emotional in my relationship with God. When we were first married I wanted him to be more like me in that way. But eventually I realized that his way was just as real as mine it was just different and we end up balancing each other out.

Also wanted to say that I so agree with what Julie said about actually reading the word with them and explaining what was read. We also read with our children chronologically through the Word and explain the meaning reading commentary along the way. That has been huge to them to seeing God is a faithful God and He has a personality and a just way of dealing with things. They begin to see that He is merciful and loving and cares also for them through the stories and outcome in scipture. Hands down one of the best decisions I ever made was to read the Word with my children. It has huge impact. It is amazing what the Holy Spirit will reveal to them at even a younger age. When my youngest were 3 and 5 we read through a study Bible and correlated that with the actual reading for better understanding. That helped a lot when they were younger. :D

It sounds like you are doing a really great job with your children. :D It is a principle that we can not escape, for better or worse, we reap what we sow. God will make real to you in His time the fruits of your labor and the harvest will come. Trust Him for that. :D My kids are not perfect and they all have character issues. So do I. :lol: But God has been very faithful in showing me how the extra effort things I have done have impacted my children. I know He will do the same for you if you ask. And I know He cares about the burdens you have on your heart for your children. Saying some prayers for your mommy heart! :D
All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children. Isaiah 54:13
~Six lovies from God~4 by blessing of adoption
-MTMM (HS), Rev to Rev, CTC, DITHR
We LOVED LHFHG/Beyond/Bigger/Preparing/CTC/RTR/Rev to Rev (HS)

Mom4Him

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Mom4Him » Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:53 pm

This topic has been on my heart so much lately- & now I have some time to respond to all of you wonderful ladies. Thank-you, once again, for your kindness & encouragement! :D

Laura- Thank-you for the encouragement to persevere! It is hard for me to leave the "saving" up to God- I want to help Him out- but in all honesty, He does not need my help at all- does He!? But I can be His vessel... & allow Him to work through me to touch the hearts of my children... & have faith! Thank-you for the verse- it reminded me that I don't need to worry. I can be grieved by the sin in my children's lives (& in my own :( )- as God is- but I should not worry, but instead come to Him by prayer & petition.

Tracy- Thank-you for the example of your children/family. I think we can all feel like failures at times. I am so glad that God can work in us & use us despite ourselves.

Mom2Monkeys- I completely agree about what you said about HOD. It is an unbelievable blessing in our house!! I love how it is centered around Christ! I also really like the "Wise Words for Moms" you linked me too- I have that hanging up in my cabinet! :D I have also really enjoyed Shepherding a Child's Heart & Instructing a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp- another one by Ginger Plowman (the writer of "Wise Words for Moms")- is -Don't Make Me Count to Three- I believe it is also on that website & has had wonderful practical advice looking at heart-oriented discipline. I think I need to read all of those once again! :wink: :roll: :D

seekhimfirst- Thank-you for your kind post! It blessed me beyond words! :D I really feel like you understood what I was trying to say- & encouraged me in the process. I love the illustration your husband gave- it reminds me to keep filling my children with God & God's Word. Lately I have felt, in some ways, like giving up- there is only one of me & five of them. And I get tired & discouraged all too easily. God has used you to bring me encouragement to press on! Some times I think when I am not seeing the results, is when God is working the most. :wink: I long for them to come to a saving knowledge of Christ... & to see the fruit that comes from His Spirit at work in them. But I need to leave that to His timing & to remember that HE is the Savior (not me!!!)!

Jess (mamas4loves)- Thank-you for your encouragement- it is nice to know others have or are experiencing what I have been feeling! I especially like the reminder to not compare my children to others! God works in everyone in different ways at different times. I also really appreciated the story about your daughter. How precious to hear her poem & to see her worshipping God in such a special way! You are right- only God judges the heart. But in my own life, I know if my life is not right with God- it is reflected in my actions. :oops: That is why I am so thankful for your reminder & encouragement to keep sowing the Word of God into their hearts. Also, I LOVE your idea of living devotionally :D Thank-you for your prayers- they have blessed me deeply!

(My computer is starting to act weird- so I'm going to put the rest in another post. :wink: :D )

Mom4Him

Re: my heart is breaking for my children

Post by Mom4Him » Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:55 pm

(Here is the rest of my post- since my computer got a bit crazy.... :D )

psreit- Thank-you so much for sharing the examples from your family!! I agree we should not push anyone to say a prayer- they need to be ready by the Spirit's leading. A wise man from our church also advised us to never tell someone they are saved- only God truly knows what has gone on in their hearts (I thought that was definitely worth pondering). I also appreciate knowing how you have dealt with your children's behavior... some times the truth hurts. :wink: Thank-you for your prayers for my children!

Julie- It is so hard when anyone we love is not saved by God's grace- isn't it!? :cry: And I think it is OK to be heart-broken over- as God is sad (& at times angry) over our sins & over those that do not turn to Him. I'm not sure where my Dad's heart was at when he passed away a few years ago- & any time I think about it- I could easily burst into tears as well. But your post reminded me of my Dad... as I tried to witness to him... one Sunday I was riding in the car with him & he was talking about how he doesn't like to drive on Sunday's because of "all the crazy Christian drivers" :roll: . He thought they were driving that way because "the crazy Christians" thought they had a bubble of protection around them & would not face harm on their way to & from church (in some instances that can & probably is true- but not in the way he was meaning it :wink: )- that was when I let him know that most Christians drive that way because they have had a busy morning & are often running late for church :wink: :shock:. What you wrote about making Sundays a happy day, reminded me of that- I really appreciated your advice about making that day go as smoothly as possible & to be a joy for all. I also really appreciated all of the wonderful ideas you gave for sharing your heart with your children!! :D Thank-you! It was a huge blessing & encouragement to me!!

Jess(tjswaine)- I am so glad this thread was an encouragement to you as well!! :D :D

water2wine- I so appreciate the time & thought you put into your reply!!! You reminded me that I need to pray more often for my children individually- often they just get bunched into a group. :wink: Thank-you for all of your kind encouragement & prayers- it has meant so very much to me!! God IS faithful!:D

Ladies, thank-you once again for the encouragement, love & kindness you poured out on this heart-broken Mommy! You have allowed God to use you to remind me that He is faithful, & that I need to pray & persevere!
Jessica

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