heartofdakota.com

hello ladies!

i am carrying this over from the "stunned" topic to specifically discuss and commit to pray for our husbands to catch the vision for long term homeschooling. mine has been very supportive this first year. i am amazed by all the comments about dh wanting their kids to go to school rather than homeschool. this is where i am. he has agreed to one more year for my son, but then wants him to start private school for 7th grade. he sees the blessing and the change in the kiddos and yet still has this idea in his mind. i would be very interested to hear others experiences about how god changed hubby's heart. this seems like such a common thread. since they don't see what we do all day they miss out on all the god moments. please share thoughts and encouragements in this area.

thanks and blessings!
kelli

I think a lot of husbands live in the "glory days" of when they went to school. They recall the fun they had hanging out with their pack of friends, the sports, the activities they were involved in during school. Did I mention the sports? I know for my dh, that is the big THING! He is very sports-oriented. He played them. He coaches them. He's a health and phys. ed high school teacher. He absolutely does not want his son to miss out on experiencing this part of his life. And our ds does enjoy sports and is a really great little ball player. My dh brings up school every once in a while, and I just try to change the subject because I don't want to get in a fight over it. He is willing to hs through 6th grade. I want to keep him home until at least high school. That is a long way off, so I choose not to rock the boat. My dh sees the great benefit to hsing. He loves nearly every aspect of it. He appreciates the time I spend and the quality curriculum I have picked. I make getting our ds involved in activities a real priority. My dh would not appreciate our children just being home all day, every day. He wants them involved in things and spending time with other kids, which is fine with me. My ds is in a 2 1/2 hour hs gym class every week and is a member of a wonderful hs choir. He also has at least one play date a week with a friend. He is on the community baseball team. Next year, we hope to add piano lessons and Tae-Kwon-Do. I think if my dh is satisfied with his involvement in activities and opportunities to make friends, he will stay happy with the hsing. I know it will be an issue when it comes to jr. and sr. high. I married a sports guy, so I can't expect that he will just give up his passions and interests because I choose to hs. I should be very happy that I'm hsing at all! Our first few "discussions" went absolutely horrible! My dh was slow to come around. Honestly, it was looking at full-time tuition to the local Christian school that caused him to even consider the idea!
Laura

Laura,
FWIW, my 10th grade dd has homeschooled all her life. Every day though, she drives to the local high school for chorus class. She wants to be a singer so this is an important experience for her. Our school system allows this sort of participation by homeschoolers. It has been great for her to sing at competitions, be in the school musical and even sing a Disneyworld each year. We are blessed to have a very godly Choral teacher who welcomes her. Most of the students didn't even realize she was homeschooled until half way through the year.

I just wanted to share that to let you know that sometimes things work out. Look at Tim Tebow. Being homeschooled certainly didn't hurt his football career.

Blessings,

We have gone in a few circles. When we were engaged dh wanted me to hs like his sister did. I was actually against it then. Then when God showed me that we needed to do it but dh was for it temporarily really holding onto high school as a possible time to put them back for all the activities etc. Basically what happened is I kept sharing with him my convictions. Over time God worked on his heart. I think I knew my conviction and that it was not for a season but for the long haul. I knew if God gave me that conviction He would change my dh's heart and I was sure of my conviction. Every time dh brought it up I gave him the reasons I felt God was leading a different way and eventually he saw it the same way. Actually now that we have begun to discuss plans for high school he is more confident. At this point he wants it to continue but does not want to pressure me. I pick all the curriculum and he trusts me to do a good job. He does ask that we at some point include some things that he thinks are important skills but nothing beyond that. He figures I am the one to teach it so he wants what I am comfortable with to use. He has done HOD for me though and he loves it. I think that was huge in convincing him seeing for himself. That and people telling him at church good things about our kids.

I think God uses all kinds of things to change hearts. But one thing I know about my dh is my heart needed to be strong on it for him to buy into it. If I was doubting he would not have been so supportive in the end. I think men sometimes second guess us by our doubts. I think my being strong in my convictions played a big part in changing his heart as well. HTH!

We brought our kids home when they were 10th grade, 7th grade (both of them having had public and Christian school experiences),and K/1 (had had a year of early K in a Christian school). That was 5 years ago; now the oldest is in 2nd year of community college, with those at home in 11th, 4th, and 1st. My husband has always been supportive, but at the onset he was a bit reluctant and nervous. We have taken pressure from a couple of family members. However, for the last couple years he has worked 2nd shift so has been home while we are doing school. He doesn't get involved, but does hear and watch. I have seen his support become strong and he has really become an advocate for us with those who don't understand or who oppose what we are doing. This year especially he has seen both little ones learning and growing both academically and spiritually, with character training happening along the way and he says they are never going back to regular school (YIPPEE! ). I showed him the HOD catalog recently as it will be a curriculum switch for us next year; he is excited that I am excited!

I agree that the battle is in prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer for husbands and other family members who do not understand or who actively oppose our homeschooling. I remember actually being very surprised that my hb wasn't against me h/sing...maybe it was b/c he saw that God was calling me to do it against my "will"...he saw the struggle as I sought to reconcile my life with what God was clearly asking me to do...it wasn't a situation of me dancing through the lily fields with homeschool love all over my face! (what a visual LOL). I think he has been able to see that God initiated it, God taught us how to do it (through some big long bad days that first year!), and now God has blessed it. I pray the same for those on this board who have these struggles in their homes. To God be the glory when eyes open and hearts understand this beautiful mission from Him!

Jenni

We've had the 'school' discussion here too. At the outset, my husband was adamant that our kids need to go to High School at a school. For various reasons...sports, my difficulty in teaching higher level math, etc. He still has not said we can homeschool them in High School, and honestly, it's a year-to-year decision for us to homeschool based on what we feel God is calling us to do. I am open to sending them if I feel God is telling us to do that. We've looked into private school, and $25,000 a year (for all three...2 to add later would up that) is out of the question and the public schools are not an option. We've been homeschooling for 4 years, we've had many ups and downs, but I know this is what God has told me to do. My husband was reluctant (because I had tried and quit twice before) at the beginning, but over time I have seen his confidence(in me!) grow. He has seen that I am committed and that I mean I will not quit. He can see that I truly believe it is what God has asked me to do, and even though we have rough days, I'm sticking to it. I had a brief conversation with dh recently about a conversation he had with some colleagues. All of these people have children in public schools in various cities across the country. My husband came home from that luncheon with confirmation that "our kids are doing just fine" despite his (or my) fears. He heard some horror stories about how things work in the ps, how they "teach to the test", special needs kids can't get help, etc. I was so happy to hear him say those words, because I know he has worried...even though we have our kids take the SAT every year and they always excel. I guess my point in saying all this is just to encourage you that if it is a call from God, He will continue to give you the strength daily to accomplish your goals, and He will begin to show your husband things he may not have noticed before. Trust God, honor your husband, and His will will become clear to both of you!

My experience with this is a little different. I felt the call to homeschool even before our first child was born, but my husband was adamantly opposed. When my oldest was almost 4 yo we enrolled her in a very Godly and wonderful private preschool, she had a wonderful year and it was exactly what we needed that year. By the end of that year we had gone from a LARGE church to a tiny homechurch, most of the members of that homechurch were also homeschoolers. We also did not agree on whether and how much I should work outside the home. I was in prayer constantly, my heart was breaking because I was working full-time and my little girl was in "school". On mother's day, the leader of our church gave a wonderful homily to mothers and our importance as the keepers of our homes, the best part was that I was in another part of the house nursing our baby, so my husband had to take the full brunt of that message! Between the impact of that message and the wonderful examples of the homeschoolers in our church, my husband gave me the green light to homeschool, with his full blessing. The other day my daughter asked if she would ever go to regular school, and my husband said only over his dead body!! Praise God!

The takeaway? Pray! Pray! Pray! Never nag, pray for God to deal with your husband's heart and your own in this regard.

And as to my working outside the home, I only work 2-3 nights a week, but my husband is working diligently to make it possible for me to stay home full-time. Just knowing we agree on this subject makes all the difference!

My dh and I always said we would never homeschool. In 3rd grade my ds said I was going to homeschool him in 5th and I laughed. I am sure God then laughed also because he knew the change he was going to bring to my heart and my dh's. I became convinced we were going to bring my son home first, but then as my dh talked to my son about why he wanted to come home my dh became convinced that is what God wanted us to do. This year my dh read the book "Already Gone" by Ken Hamm and it convinced my dh that bringing him home was the right thing to do and specifically that the way HOD teaches history is exactly what we should do. I have a dd in 9th grade still in public school. When we told her that her brother was coming home she said "fine, but don't think you will ever homeschool me". Well one year later and she is 90% sure she is coming home next year. I will admit I have struggled with this, due to fear of "can I jump right into highschool and do ok by her". My dh however is convinced it is what we need to do and will present his reasons for wanting her home to his parents or anyone who will listen. It is amazing to see the change in his attitude.

wow! i am very encouraged to hear how similar our stories are. i am going to get that book, "already gone" as this is already how i feel often times about my daughter who is in 7th grade private school. even though it is a wonderful school it isn't home and i realize my time with her is so short. i miss her! evenings are filled with youth group homework, etc. so i can really relate to the "already gone". i just told my husband i feel like i've lost her. i have asked him to pray about brining her home. the difference for me is my strongwilled 11yo ds still after a year with hod wants to be back with his friends in public school. he knows this is not an option so now asks to join his sister in private school. $$$$$$$$$$!
he can "get" to my husband often. mainly the buddies and sports stuff, but there is the "glory days" phenomenon working in our home too! i will be praying daily!!

Kelli, if your dh is a biblical man, this book may help:

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Driven-Fai ... 932&sr=8-1

It gives you the reason to homeschool and one of the most fantastic books I've ever read. I also saw him speak in person! Have you tried to find a good homeschool group that would provide these social outlets? There's also other places to go other than public school to get any of these activities. You have to pay for them, however, it may be an option. If your dh sees this maybe he'd have a change of heart. Afterall, we know ps is not about sports or dating, although the sad thing is that's what it's become.

Blessings,
Ann

Kelli - I know exactly how you are feeling, as so many other ladies have shared here already. Here is a past post that may be good reading on the topic as well:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=370&p=2607

I guess I would say the number 1 thing to do is to pray about this, for God to change your dh's heart. The thing I've kept coming back to is that I want our dc to have a Christian education, I want them to best friends with their siblings and cousins, and I want to be their teacher. Homeschooling is the only thing that can accomplish all of that. The second thing that has helped changed my dh's heart about homeschooling, after prayer, is being completely positive about homeschooling. I do not share bad days with my dh. I focus on the positives by telling what went right instead of what went wrong. I hang their work on the fridge, and I tell dh all of the wonderful things we are learning in a cheerful way. I also try to make sure my homeschooling doesn't prevent me from doing the other things a wife needs to do - i.e. laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.

When dh comes home, I make sure the house is picked up, the dc are quietly and happily engaged in doing something, and supper is in the works if not done. I don't ALWAYS accomplish this, but most days I do. Our whole day is not perfect, but I have found that when dh comes home and sees everyone happy, quite content, looking clean (a big accomplishment for boys ) and engaged in doing something, along with the house in order and supper on its way, it's tough for him to complain about homeschooling or find anything wrong with it. In short, he can tell we love our life and he loves coming home to a happy home.

I used to share the bad things on occasion, look harried when he came home, have the boys running around, no supper on the way, the house not picked up, etc., and I could tell that's when he was thinking homeschooling needed to stop. Anyway, focusing on the positive is what we as Christians are supposed to do - so striving to do that was a good change for me and for the dc as well. It has done wonders for keeping my dh positive about homeschooing, but I know God alone has been responsible for the changing of his heart. One thing to remember - if you are feeling like these things make you seem too submissive or like a "doormat" (as our generation likes to label it) - we do these things for God, to be the kind of Christian woman He wants us to be. Our dh's just get to benefit from this, and of course we do too, as our dh's usually are thankful, even though they probably don't say it often. Praying for you and your dh!

In Christ,
Julie