heartofdakota.com

So, after some great practical advice from Julie (and realizing posting this as a response to her on my placement question post would not get many answers) I'm goign to post my reply here in hopes some of you ladies will be able to help me out!

My time stealers?
Sleeping in (from being so tired from no sleep at night!),
Nursing the baby (about 30-40 minutes of every 2-3 hours),
Getting caught up online while nursing and not getting off as soon as he's done,
Laundry for 6 of us,
Child with laziness/attitude issues when it comes to helping with chores,
Showing AFTER the kids have woken up b/c it takes forever with all the interruptions,
Children not getting along/Refereeing/Reminding to stay on task with chores/attitudes
The Toddler (MAJOR time stealer)
extracurricular activities (DH is going to take over one of the days I have been having to take DS to class so I'm only leaving on Monday afternoons now and maybe Wed nights)

What I'm not fitting in that I'd like to and/or need to:
School
Personal time for me (just to relax and also bible study)
showers everyday
nap
more alone time with each child
exercise (Wii Fit)
a walk
time with DH
more playtime with baby instead of feeling like my goal is always to feed, get him content and sleeping so I can get done with house/kid stuff


What I think would help:
a routine
a menu (which I've done, but then when dh hasn't been able to get to the store and I don't have everything I need, I get stuck and stressed...I can't take all 4 kids to the grocery store on my own right now)
more grownup times with encouraging ladies that have kids and homeschool! (not a good local group around us...the only one meets mostly an hour or more away)
Getting the baby on a feeding schedule with more "playtime" with him
more outside time for kids (come on spring!)

Now, HOW? LOL I know kinda what I need to do, but can't figure out how. What else might help?

Well, my opinion (and it's just that, so take it if you like it and I'm not offended if you don't!) is that your first priority should be getting your baby on a sleep schedule. For our family this was of paramount importance! It allows the little one to sleep, feed, play, then sleep again....the result was a baby who was content (at least most of the time) and slept through the night by 8 weeks or so, with only an occasional nighttime feeding for another month after that. This also allowed me a little time to do chores, read with the other kids, plan a menu, spend time with hubby, etc. It didn't answer ALL of our problems but it definitely helped a LOT! If you're interested in learning more about how to do this, I recommend On Becoming Babywise, by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. We've used it with all of our children and it has helped tremendously with sleep schedules. I'm sure others will be along to help with the rest...we're in a transition time right now so I'm reading these posts to get as many ideas as possible too...not much to offer there right now. You'll get some great ideas.

I ditto InHisTiming, on Babywise!!! It worked wonders for our children!!

LeAnna

I am not the most organized person in the world but we have a routine and things pretty much get done. One thing I realized is my internal clock and personal motivation are just different than people who are naturally organized. As much as I try I am not going to be up at 5 am and in the Word. But I have found that I am very consistent in the evening with my Bible study. It also helps me sleep reading before I go to bed. I find I am motivated to sew early in the morning but not really motivated to start school before 9 or sometimes 8:30. I will wake up to sew so I sometimes sew in the morning or get a project started then I am motivated to be efficient with my time to get back to it. I sew clothes for my family so it is not all just for fun although I do love it and it is relaxing most of the time, hahaha!

Another huge thing than just getting to know what really works best for me is a chore chart. This is major for us. All the kids have chores and we have four time slots a day. I have stuff that I do as well but they pick up after themselves so it helps a lot. I observed for a while and decided on what was just not getting done or causing issues and that stuff for the most part is now on the chore chart. We also clean up first thing, before lunch and then again after dinner. That helps to keep the clutter down. Also if my kids want some cash they will help with some of the bigger things. When I have it together I cook in bulk and that helps a lot too. There are times when I can pretty much have three months of dinners cooked in a few days. That is a huge time and sanity saver to do things that way. Does not always happen but things are much smother when I bulk cook.

Anyway hope something there helps you. I am not the most organized person in the world but that is the stuff that helps me the most.

That book worked for me too! However, I am not opposed to getting up once during the night to feed the baby. I shower at night. My hair dries as I sleep. After I get the kids down (11 and under) I have time with my two oldest and my husband (when he is home). I also do some wash at night and in the morning. Bedtime is bedtime here. People have to sleep. I have 8 kids with two needing help with high school. Bedtime sleep is a priority for everyone. I exercise in the morning before the children get up. How far away is the grocery store? I know that it is not fun to take everyone, but it is possible. Can your husband watch them once a week while you go? We also have rest time in the afternoon for everyone but the high schoolers. 5 and under sleep. 7, 9 and 11 can play or read in separate rooms. I take a short computer break and teach my high schoolers. Rest time was marvelous when my children were all younger. We now have rest time between 2 and 3:30, but you have to work up to that. That is when you can get a little meal planning, me time and a short nap in. Don't get on the computer when you nurse the baby (smile). Especially at night, it will tend to wake the baby up more than nursing in a dark room. I use Managers of Their Homes to create a routine for my teaching. Otherwise I would meet myself coming and going. We do chores before breakfast and before or after lunch. We try to pick up before bed. I am going to make some picture chore flip-charts for my youngers soon. Make one change at a time and keep going! This is the phrase I tell myself over and over again when life gets difficult: Before you know it what seemed impossible has become just difficult and soon it is done! Impossible--difficult--done! (Then you get to do it all again--but we won't talk about that!) I think if we are honest, most of us have seen that impossible stage more than we care to comment on. You have company, but you can do it. We will be your cheerleaders (just not in the short skirts). In the words of a dear friend of mine, "Have your best day ever!"

I think rest for you would be the first thing. I remember the days of a nursing baby. My youngest nursed until he was 2 1/2 yrs and for the first year and a half I didn't sleep much at all. I couldn't sleep at night even if he did. Maybe for your menus you could come up with a meal or two (or three!) that you can keep on hand in the pantry or freezer for days when you cannot get to the store. I have several quick meals like that and it really helps when the day just seems to leave. I also have to be aware of how much time I spend on the pc. It is really easy for me to lose track of time. I have also begun using the schedule strip from Sue Patrick's Workbox System. This lets ds know what to do next even if I am busy. It works great with HOD, I just made a few adjustments. While I only hs our 3 and 7yr old, our oldest is special needs, so he demands a lot of my time especially in the mornings. I routine is a must for us and he has a "schedule / routine" list that we've used for years.

We have a routine we follow and if I follow that, I can keep things going and not feel too overwhelmed. I get up at 6, shower, dress and then wake the boys. I do my Bible study while the boys are getting up and around. If there is time before I take our oldest to school (he is in p.s.), I start a load of laundry. Once we get home, it's school time for my homeschoolers. While ds works on something independently (he's 7, not much of that, yet) I start a load of wash if I didn't do it earlier. My youngest (3) works with me and is my tag-a-long. I try to work in reading to him while ds does his copy work. If our oldest isn't in school that day, we start hs around 8 and he reads or draws while we have school. If there is time before lunch, I hang up the wash, if not I do it after lunch. All of my boys take a rest after lunch. This gives me time to have a few minutes to myself and then I can work on laundry or whatever else needs to get done. Most days I only do 1 load of wash, some days 2, but I do a load everyday. It keeps it from getting out of hand. Before I figured out my routine, it took forever to get stuff done and the house never seemed really straight or clean.

I read a book called The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized. It really walks you through things and helps you figure out your style. Turns out I wasn't messy or unorganized, I just was trying to follow a method that didn't fit with me. That being said, I know that it is almost impossible to find time to read when you have a nursing baby and are homeschooling.

I apologize for so much rambling - please let me know if there is anything I can help you with .

Amanda

Oh, I forgot to add something....Give yourself a break - you have a tiny baby and a toddler, enjoy them. Maybe you could do some school while the baby nurses? Do you have a sling or baby carrier? I used one and it was great. And we use wii fit for reward with my older boys, maybe you could work it into a reward for your older dc?

I only have one child, so this may or may not work in your situation, but here's a little about how I do our day and maybe it will help you out.

I am not a morning person and luckily my DS likes to sleep in a little too, so we usually don't get up till around 8am. I try to be in bed by 11pm the night before so I'm getting plenty of sleep. Here's our routine for the day:

8am - Wake up. I get my DS a bowl of cereal and his juice and he eats and watches a video while I take a shower. I don't let him watch much TV at other times of the day so he is content to sit and watch and not bother me while I'm showering and getting ready.
9am - Chore Time. First thing I do after getting ready is start a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher from the night before, reload the breakfast dishes, make beds and straighten the house. Then, I have my cleaning chores split into different days - Monday I do the living room/kitchen area, Wednesdays the bedrooms, and Thursdays the bathrooms. Tuesdays & Fridays we're usually out of the house in the AM so I don't do any cleaning those days. I try to find something that Samuel can help me with in whatever room I'm working in. I've gotten it down now and can usually be done with my cleaning in about 20-30 minutes.
10am - School Time
12pm - Lunch
After lunch we go outside and play or take a walk if the weather is nice, if not, we just play inside for awhile. I tried to fit in a time to actually work out each day and it just isn't happening in this season of life. But if I can at least get outside with DS and run around, take a walk through the neighborhood, or chase him on his bike then I feel like I'm at least doing something.
2-3:30pm - Rest Time - Samuel stopped taking naps when he was 2 so I've had him doing quiet time since then. He is allowed to play or look at books as long as he is not being noisy and doesn't leave his room. In the past 6 months or so, I started doing my quiet time during rest time. I used to try to do it in the morning and it never got done, but since switching I very rarely miss a day because I look forward to it so much! I don't know if it would be possible to get all your kids down at the same time but maybe this would work for you. I usually have enough time to get my quiet time done, fold the laundry from the morning, and still have 45 minutes or so to read a book or get on the computer.
After rest time Samuel just plays until DH gets home at 5pm.

Dinner time - I just discovered an awesome website www.e-mealz.com that has been great for our family. Basically, for $5/month they give you a weekly menu and grocery list that is matched to your local store's sales. They have several different meal plan options - weight watchers friendly, low carb, low fat, etc. We've been using it for about 6 weeks now and we have cut about $50 a month off our grocery budget. All of the meals we've made have been delicious and we are actually cooking and eating at home. They have all been super easy meals and we love it so you may want to check and see if that would work for you.

Sorry this has been so long, but hopefully this will give you some ideas of somethings that could work for you!

How about going to the store with just the baby or going with everyone, including hubby?

we have just started going all together right after church. we pass the store on the way home so we are saving 30 minutes of time, total, and gas. hubby pushes the cart while minding 3 kids, ages 2, 5, and 6 1/2. i grab the food and throw in the cart. i am forced to write the list the night before because i know we shop right after church. i used to go out with just one kid while he watched the rest but then that was one more evening separated and both tired.
It has been working for us. Plus ALLthe kids get their free cookie at Publix when we go.

i also have a list of things that we like to eat and pick from that list each week. that way i am not always trying new recipes or trying to remember what and where the recipe is (if one). it has helped TREMENDOUSLY. i used to stress out so much about the food. we have to eat . so if it is planned i have one less thing to worry about each day.

i only have three kids, but i can honestly say, i remember the days of nursing and trying to handle the other kids and "me" and hubby.
I understand where you are coming from. and i still have a very BRIGHT, INDEPENDENT toddler.

The Bible study part i still have a hard time with. Just remember , even 5 minutes is "something" in this season of your life . Can't tell ya how much i am blessed in even the short times i catch with the Lord! And i am learning Bible verses with my kids when they do their lessons! i love it!

What is a clean house? we get the necessities done. well, most of the time. Dishes, laundry and vacuuming or sweeping some floors when needed. Hubby cleans the toilet for me . Now we have a dog, so food gets picked up quickly if dropped in the kitchen or anywhere else actually. i love it!

i have had to learn to accept this season in life. Eventually i will have some dishwipers to help me.

Just some thoughts.

Jenn D.

Tamara,

I'm praying for you! I was so glad to see that your little guy arrived safely. I'd been wondering where you were.

I'm another Babywise advocate. Our family doesn't plan the baby's day rigidly, but having a general routine to follow did wonders!!! I got the book from a friend when Grant was about 2 1/2 months old. He was VERY anti-sleep and his favorite thing to do was cry. He was born at 36 weeks, too. Anyway, I started trying the eat, play, sleep plan and within 5 or 6 weeks he was sleeping through the night. He was such an enjoyable little guy once both of us got to sleep a little. Lack of sleep makes you crazy!! (So I'd do what I could in that department, 1st. )

Making and following a routine for our school days has been absolutely wonderful for us this year. It relieves so much stress for me to not have to be micromanaging everyone all day long. I didn't realize how much mental energy I was burning doing that until I'm not having to this year because the kids know what to expect when and they move on to it. Just a thought that popped into my head - but would it make your days smoother if you looked at your toddler and tried to figure out his time by having him have some to himself, some with brother, some with sister and maybe did less of them together for school but let them rotate more play times with him???

Oh, I know all about Wal-Mart with kids, too. I'm actually at a point now where I enjoy it...but I have had more than my share of tears (ME not the kids!) and stories. My sister and I love to call and talk about our "fun" shopping trips with kids. I do believe she's got the best WM story from this summer (when she went with her 3 boys...and 5 of her nieces and nephews). Her 3 yo's shoe got "lost" in the hanging aisle 3 sign. Didn't ever notice they were closed on the bottom, did ya? The worst part was, when she went back in several days later to pick it up (since they had to use a special lift to retrieve it ), he lost it somewhere in the store again WITH her name and phone # still plastered on it. She was too mortified to tell the service desk again, and bought a new pair of shoes!

Look for the humor in your days. Laughter is good medicine!! At least tuck away a few things you can laugh at later even if you can't now.

You'll get through this Tamara!
Kathleen

Tamara - you have been doing a lot of reflecting already and have put some great thought into this! As I thought, most things on your list have been on mine at some point, so I know how draining they can be. The ladies have come up with some awesome ideas here already. I second getting baby on a routine as it is important because you also need to get some sleep. I also think it's important to figure out what toddler can do in the day to day that won't drive you nuts. Here's a link on some ideas for toddlers:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=198&p=33557
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4987&p=36744#p36744

Just like 8arrows suggested, I showered at night for a very long time when we had our last baby whom had terrible reflux. I'd suggest this. Why not try a bubble bath and read a chapter of the Bible while you're soaking? Quiet time doesn't always need to be in the morning, nor do showers - I finally came to grips with this when my last baby was getting up a dozen times in the night and not napping due to his reflux. Also, exercise was just not feasible for me then. I could hardly put one foot in front of the other much less exercise. But, if you are really wanting to exercise, I'd shoot for 1 time a week that's a standard time, and go from there.

For chores, chore charts have been a lifesaver for me. You've made some great charts before, so I know this would be right up your alley. Here's a link to those:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4929
One thing to know is children can do more chores earlier on than we think they can - and this work is good for them.

Extracurricular activities - I would truly weigh if they are worth it. We have none now, and I'm very happy, and so are the dc. If I were you, I'd stop the extracurricular activities and have dh watch the kids while you grocery shop instead of him taking them to an activity - but only you can weigh this decision with your family's goals in mind.

I would for sure, try to set a standard time to grocery shop though. For a few years, my dh and I took coolers and shopped before church. He really just dropped me off and went through a car wash usually while I shopped, or did something like that. I was just thrilled to shop without 3 dc along. The kids were happy not to shop too. But, after a few years of this, we set a standard time for me to get groceries instead. Even if the time has to be at 9:00 PM at night, it would be worth it. You could even get yourself some coffee on the way! I still feel that grocery shopping on my own is a wonderful thing that I call an outing.

I had trouble being on the computer too much too. Now I try to not get on it at all until I'm done homeschooling for the day. If it's tough to get off when you are done nursing, maybe don't do it then. I know that's tough!

For time with your dh, maybe shoot for 1 date out a month. Finding someone to watch the dc and splurging on this once a month can do wonders for a marriage - trust me. But, if this is not feasible, my dh and I had what we called "in-home" dates for many years (and still do when we've missed dating each other awhile and can't find a way to get out). We usually eat something we don't usually eat and watch a movie together.

For time alone with each child, homeschooling them half-speed with HOD would give you that, and in not much time either. Which brings me to an important priority, homeschooling has to be near the top there, and believe me, I know how hard that can be - but,it is possible - as 8arrows said, "impossible - difficult - done". I think you have a great list of things to attack one at a time. Enlist your dh when you can, but if you know he really won't do it, or really can't do it, don't set it up that way. Speaking from experience here - it just is frustrating for everyone all around. I am praying for you, Tamara, but I know you can do this! You are a problem solver and can get through this one thing at a time, and each thing you work on effects the next and will get you that much closer to the place you want to be in life! Take it from one homeschool mom to another, the things on your list have been the things on my list too, and they may be there again I'm certain with a few other stressful ones to boot I'm sure, but it is truly possible to change them and create the life you are wanting!!!

In Christ,
Julie

Babywise. Yes!

Simplify, simplify, simplify. My family is smaller but even so, we don't have time for complicated meals, curriculum (yay for HoD), schedules. I buy only clothes that don't need ironing. The little ones don't have shoes or boots with laces. We do not have tons of toys. I use a bread machine and a dishwasher. I love my crockpot.

Delegate. Your children are wonderful helpers. I agree it can be hard to ensure they do what they're supposed to do. We also have found a chore chart a big help. You can download free ones, but I got a dry-erase one at Target. My DC cannot play until school and chores are done. I taught my son when he was maybe five how to do the laundry. (In fact, I once heard him instructing a guest--who was doing laundry at our house--that you're supposed to use cold, not warm water, with darks. ) So they could do that and also put the laundry away.

Find ways to kill more than one bird with your stones. Harness your nursing time for Bible study, teaching, time with one of the kids, or even catching up online! You could combine a walk with one of your children and get exercise that way too. We have combined family devotions, family reading, and teaching the 2yo how to sit quietly every night before bed. I love dictation because it combines so many school skills in one activity.

The 2yo also had to learn not to bother us during school. He was awful when we started the school year. Now he's learned how to play by himself or color nearby.

Another vote for freezer meals. Do you know a teen girl you could "hire" once a month to help you cook a bunch of freezer meals? This is a HUGE help to me. You save money too.

Declutter and get organized. I highly recommend the books Organizing From the Inside Out and Time Management From the Inside Out. Very doable advice in there. We are big fans of shelves and hooks. No towel bars. Bedrooms and bathrooms stay neater.

For me, I had to learn to not try and be superwoman. I did NOT have to have a huge garden with shelves of canning afterwards, homemade curtains, fabulous meals, awe-inspiring scrapbooks, a meticulous house, etc, etc. Keep expectations reasonable. It's okay to get enough sleep. This season of life is for enjoying hubby and the kids.

And I'm still learning. I still haven't figured out how to do the grocery shopping thing.

You ladies are just FULL of ideas, aren't you!? I'm having to let it all soak in.

As for grocery shopping, I can't go with all the kids b/c of DS3. i.e. I had to go the other day and as I'm checking out, the baby is screaming, I'm trying to pay and I start to pull out and catch a glimpse of ds3 running full force down the aisle with a giant hershey bar and lose him. I have a buggy load of groceries, a screaming infant, and two young children and I can't begin to decide what to do...leave the big kids with the baby and run after ds? send one of my young children after him and risk both of them being lost in the store? WHAT do I do?! I'm laughing now, especially thinking back about this very stern, older woman that drug my son back to me. LOL. I can't keep up with him..at all...and trying to means that I can't get what's on my list or keep up with the other two that are very "hands-on" at the store. They are lacking in training now b/c so much focus has gone to the 3yo. We've tried the whole family going, but DH would prefer to just go on his own. This is great, but he's not always able to get there before we run out of some things I need! We'll manage. We are going to sit down together, somehow, and make a menu with a master grocery list.

Showers...at night, I've tried and this sometimes works. I have such a hard time getting kids in bed and staying there. DS3 will climb over the gate and wind up in the cabinets or on top of the fridge. We've gotten a fridge lock, but I can't keep him enclosed anywhere. By the time they are sleeping, the baby is waking again and then I'm just too tired. Plus, with my cow-lick, a morning wet head that gets the blowdryer is much prefered! LOL Drying overnight makes me a funny sight for the kids though. Hehehe. I do enjoy my morning showers when I get them...I just have to wake up early enough! DH is rarely available at night time. He's usually gone before they're up and home after they're in bed. They might go days without seeing him.

It seems to me, everything I do is revolving around DS3 and how he acts. So, he is a major priority. It's such a slow process though! I find it hard to make progress in other areas until I can make some huge leaps with him. I'm just not sure how to do that.

I use my nursing time as a way to catch up online, but once I decide what we're going with school, I'll be using it for that also. I found a paci that lil' one likes, so I was able to get a full 3 hours between feedings yesterday during the day. I started doing a "dream feed" when I go to bed. I nurse him, change him, and get him to sleep at night...and when I go to bed within the next hour or so, I'll give him a little bottle of formula even though he hasn't woken up hungry. This keeps him sleeping a bit longer. I was able to get 3.5 hours of sleep at one shot this way. After that, he winds up in bed with me and nurses several times between about 2 or 3 until 6 or 7. Then he'll get a big AM feeding and take a short morning nap. I'm seeing some patterns with him now which is encouraging! I think my EASY (eat, activity, sleep/you time) plan is similar to babywise...I just liked feeding on demand these first several weeks, and I debated when was time to make him stretch it out a bit. He had some blood sugar issues and until recently, I've had to pump and feed every two hours around the clock to keep his bld sugar stable and get him gaining weight. He was lethargic and losing/not gaining. He's great now!!

Chores: the kids are BIG helpers, but ds6 is LAZY. He needs constant reminding to stay on track. Both older kids help do dishes, clear table after meals, load/fold/hang/put away laundry, and general tidying throughout the day. I have yet to be able to get DS3 to do anything more than pick up a couple blocks. I have to hold his hands and make him move...he's very stubborn. I don't have a chart, but I've used Motivated Moms in the past. This has worked the best, but I started stressing when I wasn't able to do all that was on the daily lists each day and gave it all up...there's that all or none attitude again. I love making charts and schedules and such, but I do all that work, then it doesn't pan out. I need SIMPLE.

Wii is a reward and that's working okay. My goal today is to really focus on cleaning and organizing so I can start getting school stuff organized again, and so I can bulk cook again. I love doing that, and it is so so helpful. I just have to have the freezer space and time to do it. My goal is to start school by Monday.

ETA: The extracurricular activity is a must right now...dh does the same activity and it's sorta a bonding thing for him. He needs that. Plus it's one of the few ways my children see other children right now! Our church hasn't started the sunday school program yet and not sure they will. We only meet our hs group once a month for a playdate..I set one up nearby so I could go to one!

I just wanted to add that although I haven't gotten much housework done, baby stuff is going great! I found a paci that he just loves, which is a big deal b/c he loves to suck...and I'm not able to let it be on me as much as he would like. I've been trying to stretch his feedings out to 3 hours and have been able to do so for 2 days now. And for the first time, I've been able to lay him down AWAKE, and he went to sleep!! I got a shower, blow dryed my hair and got dressed and he's still sleeping soundly in his bed that is a co-sleeper beside my bed. I've been using the gist of Babywise and Baby Whisperer...Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. EASY. This is the first step to feeling rested enough to do all the rest of these things I need to do! Baby monitor is on vibrate and I'm off to vacuum and clean up the orange that DS3 got into while I was in the shower...LOL. The movie must not have been long enough. The fact the door was locked and the oranges are 5 ft off the ground didn't stop him! Thinking positive...he's got great determination.

What great advice you're getting, Tamara!

About ds3...I have known people who have put two baby gates (one down, one up) in one doorway to contain a determined one.