heartofdakota.com

ETA: WHOA! This got long. I went ahead and included those details I know will be requested!

Long time, no see! We have taken a while... a LONG while...off from "formal school". I've had a rough pregnancy, overwhelmed with a move, DH in school full time, and a very high-need, destructive, strong-willed toddler. So, we focused on the basics and dd8 did lots of reading and we just had to drop BHFHG and LHFHG. Then we did less and less as more pregnancy problems came up and then ds was born just before Thankgiving (3 weeks early)...then we just took a complete break from it all. We haven't done a lick of school since Thanksgiving! Bad mommy I am! Now, I have DD8/3rd grade, DS6/K, DS3, and DS8weeks.

DS3 is still amazingly wild and has some major behavioral issues we are working on with very little, slow progress-- if any. I can't get him to nap and I have no idea how to keep him busy longer than 5 minutes at a time. He can escape his high chair, climbs over gates, and unlock locked doors, and gets destructive if left alone. We do have a playroom, but I can't leave him alone even in there with toys only b/c he just wants to destroy whatever he can.

DS8weeks is a high-needs baby that nurses frequently, sleeps little day or night. I am exhausted and alone in this pretty much. I average 3 hours sleep per night and no naps in the day. Sometimes it's 3 solid hours, sometimes it's not.
DH is available for some night times to tuck in/read bible stories/catachisms. He does make dinner 1-2 times a week since I'm gone M/W nights for kids' outside activities (ju jitsu M/W and ju jitsu and AWANA on W). I need help...majorly. I can't get back into school and we will be testing this year for the first time!! (state law). I haven't even started and I'm already feeling overwhelmed! It's the lack of sleep, lack of showers, my DS3, and having a newborn....and FOUR children. LOL

I already did Beyond with DD for 2nd grade. I MUST combine or only do 3R's with ds6/K and let him sit in on what he wants with DD8-- just for my sanity. I can't handle two programs right now. I already own BHFHG and did some with DD8 already. We have over-covered some of the topics in Bigger just through her independent reading over the last few weeks/months. She has no interest in repeating them. I am thinking of picking up with Bigger part way through even if I have to skip some units we haven't done yet.
DD8 is a young 3rd grader (June Bday). I'm thinking of holding her back in 3rd...for one, I don't want her to graduate at 17- and next, she isn't as mature as most 8yo's although she is very bright and considered gifted. She places between Bigger and Preparing. Very advanced reader. She is in R&S English 3 and Math Mammoth 3. I love Singapore, but am doing some gap filling and just found the MM really works for her. She is a little beyond the dictation in Bigger. She can write in cursive already. She can orally narrate if she doesn't realize that she is doing this, and she can do simple written narrations, if it's not assigned. Any type of narrating related to schoool, she can't seem to perform as well. Does Bigger sound right for her? Would skipping some units be okay? I can't even consider adding in DITHOR just yet. Although she has read most of the books in level 2,3, and several from 4/5.

DS6 places into LHFHG, but I just can't do his own full thing right now. He is reading CVC words and long vowel words, and is learning print and cursive...he wants to and seems to do better with writing cursive letters than print, but still having trouble ID'ing them. We're doing RME and Phonics Pathways b/c we needed to slow down some to let concepts sink in, but he also does better seeing similar concepts taught in different ways. It's working better than either one alone...we just alternate. (just haven't done either in a while!) He is also doing lots of hands on, real life math, living math books, not really workbooks...working well. He's very mathy. When we do pull out a book, we use Singapore EB2. I thought I'd let him "hang out" with dd on some parts.

DS3 would benefit from LHTH with me or dd, but I have a hard time fitting it in. He is just so...WOW. I can barely get him still enough, long enough to do a single box with me. When we did our bean letter A, we ended up at the doctor's b/c he shoved one up his nose. Other projects have ended with him biting the marker tips off and ink getting all in his mouth (and our markers ruined)...I'm watching him, he's just so quick like he's on a mission! It's b/c of this I can no longer give him independent things like playdough, dry erase board/markers, safety scissors/paper, etc. He's honestly quite mean and aggressive. I find myself becoming loud and aggravated much of the day now...hate it. I want to love on them and enjoy them, but there's this frustration getting in the way dealing with a child like this! It affects the whole household! He does have his sweet moments...I just love those moments. They keep me hopeful and in love with my wild child.

Changing often helps them all... My idea is to rotate in 30-45 minute blocks throughout the day. Responsibilities, Play, School, Play.-- Resp. might be dressing, bathing, chores, independent school work, etc. School would rotate through All, DD, DS. We won't finish early in the day this way though, but we will have frequent playtimes which I hope will help! And that will allow for frequent nursing of the baby. And DD and DS both will have some playtimes w/DS3. And DD can help with baby in small sessions.

I don't even know what I'm really asking for here. Mostly encouragement, some advice, somewhere to vent (sorry ), some sleep...LOL. How do I ease back into it? Where should I start? How do I do it at all when I'm not even sleeping, rarely getting a shower, never getting "me time" or a nap or a break!? Thanks for reading my novel...I am SO sorry it ended up this long! I just wanted to give as much info as possible about dc to get more specific advice, more quickly!

My first reaction is WOHA nelly ... my second is you can do this!! But you need a little help. I look back at the adoption transition adding a 6 year old into our small family. I was frazzled not sleeping had a child acting out in ways that if I wrote them down you would think I was exaggerating. I was given a book called "When love is not enough." It was an interesting read. The good new is you don't have to read it here are the cliff notes I think apply

1. Take care of yourself and husband first. I'm gonna repeat that cause u can't believe I just wrote that selfish statement. Cause were "I don't do enough" Moms.. Take care of your self and your husband first. here is the reason. A frazzled hair pulling my kids are out of control feeling look in a parents face. Ok picture that in your mind. ... now pretend your a kid... looking at that picture... Is this who you want parenting you? Or does that kinda freak you out. Ok we need to get that person some sleep, some me time, and some fun time. Ok how do I do that you ask...

2. You need Respite! Respite is a concept where when you need a block of time or just a break!!! you set up another parent to take him as you need him to go. (I have 3 moms who help me). They are there for you... They will take your ds in a heart beat and do what ever is required. In fact you can send you little guy over with a long list of chores like:
rake all her leaves.
one of the boxes from the book.
take books off a book shelf dust them and put them back.
Sort legos by color.
a sit still training session of 2 min duration,
a come when called training session of 3 min duration.
take out and put away clothing training sessions.
"Ten-hut" training sessions (stand at attention hands at sides)
How to interrupt Mom silently sessions.

Respite works especially well if the friend has kiddos just aching to play with him. They are told to run along and play while he has to sit and behave for the respite care giver. It works in 2 ways.
1. This gives you time to cool off and go back to your happy place. He will tend to behave much better with the respite than with you. (do not take it personally)
2 His goal in being wild is to gain your attention and have face time with you. (and no he doesn't want teaching face time... I soooo get that) going to respite sends him out of that orbit. It won't take long for him to figure out himm.. "I act out I go away " that was not the plan... the root of this behavior is typically I want more of MOM making the consequences for the acting out means NO mom quickly breaks this pattern.

You do respite for as long as he needs it, and you need it. You will be amazed at how your friends will step up and help. Mine sure did they are amazing! and If you live in north dfw Area I will respite him for you in a heart beat!

How much of which program??? my third reaction is cover the basics... and recover. Know this t I have been through wild child syndrome. I'm sending you virtual hugs, and whispers of " it will get better, this will not last, you can do it! I understand your frustrations" and more hugs.
I prayed for your son your fine, you don't need me praying prayer for patience *giggle* I will so not do that to you!

Ok i'm adding a PS. you do need to do stuff with him its not all about sending him away . Have him wash lettuce, sweep the floor badly, take the cups and plates to table, if he has to have a time out, its not its a time in.. where he sits next to you for this time out time. keep him with you when ever you can in a positive manner and respite him when he acts out.. clear as mud?

Just a quick note....Tansy had a load of great ideas in her email.

First, to have only had a break since Thanksgiving from school is minimal. A new baby is a BIG adjustment - year one with routine adjustment and year two, as they move into toddlerhood. It takes time, and all your children are young. Enjoy this wonderful season. Don't hesitate to scale back and do only what will bring JOY into your daily routines. Your family needs lots of JOY right now....and so do you.

Secondly, get outside everyday and walk - that has been and will always be my anecdote to behavior issues, followed closely by chores. When my gang was at your stage, we had breakfast and got ready to walk - for an hour or so. It made a radical difference in all the boy energy. When we got back from the walk we read books and then if my oldest needed to do a little "seat work" we took care of that. Even now with my children at 12, 10, 8, 5 if they have a problem - it's push-ups or sit-ups or jumping jacks or a run around the house. It works for us! And we still walk - only now we do a quick (15 minute) walk in the a.m. and a long 1 1/2 hours in the late afternoon.

Well, gotta dash - I've promised homemade cinnamon rolls to everyone this a.m. : )

Thanks for the advice and encouragement ladies! We've recently moved here and with all that was going on, I haven't really met many other moms, especially well enough to do the respite. That is a great idea though and as I get to know some moms, I will certainly consider that! I think it would really burst his bubble with the bad behavior and encourage good behavior.

I love the idea of push-ups, jumping jacks, etc. as part of fixing those behavior issues. We've done this before and lost it in the shuffle. I have a lazy child and I think this caused so many battles trying to get him to do it that I gave up. It's time to bring it back! We actually enjoyed a walk yesterday and some playtime outside. It's been too wet and chilly to get out here, but yesterday we saw 50s! So, I bundled up the baby and we went on a little walk. If DS3 could resist the mud, we'd stay out more. LOL Typical boy in that aspect!

Now I'm off to laundry and getting everyone ready for a little play date with a local home school group. Getting ready these days take some planning! LOL

Mom2Monkeys wrote:T If DS3 could resist the mud, we'd stay out more. LOL Typical boy in that aspect!

Tamara - buy him some boots!! Honestly, I can remember years ago when my guys were 1, 3 and 5 telling my husband we needed school supplies. And I gave my husband the list which included: rubber boots, hats, gloves, rain slickers and a baby bunting!

Also, if he really gets in to the mud - then fold bathtime into your schedule following the walk and your 8 year old can get started on her work while you enjoy bathing your boy and letting him splash and play some more in the tub!

Actually, bath time is a frequent part of his day!! LOL But, I never thought of making that a time for DD to get some school done. And I so wish I could find the boots...where we live, they only carry them at certain times of the year and I haven't seen any in a while. With spring coming up though, they should have some of those cute little character rain boots (the little froggies are my favorite!). I should just wrap him in plastic wrap and send him out into our mud pit of a yard. Rain and too many trees means our yard doesn't dry well and doesn't grow grass well. Yuck!
I'm going to try my "rotating" schedule and see if frequent but short outside times and active wii times help calm him down some. Maybe if I can calm him down, I can start to get through to him and work on his attitude, unkind words, and overall character. It's major heart issues. Btw, I am reading Gospel Powered Parenting and it's amazing so far. I need to focus on myself primarily, to control my attitude and frustrations, not letting myself react with yelling and such when it's getting so hard...and do more to demonstrate God's love through my love towards my dc. I've just lost myself in this sea of crazy toddlerhood that is so foreign to me since my others were nothing like this! Albeit they were "wild", so I thought, but come to find out they were just "active kids". NOW I KNOW what wild really is. LOL!!

I am already calming down just from posting here and having someone to "talk" to about it...knowing prayers are being said and reading your advice...it's such a blessing! Thanks!

Mom2Monkeys wrote: And I so wish I could find the boots...where we live, they only carry them at certain times of the year and I haven't seen any in a while. With spring coming up though, they should have some of those cute little character rain boots (the little froggies are my favorite!).

There in Wal Mart on the back wall of the shoe section where all the men's work boots are. Don't spend a lot of money, you'll go through a lot of them ; )

I just wanted to present one other idea, that could be part of what's going on with your son. Was he this 'wild' before you had the new baby? I know my youngest ds really ramped up his 'fits' and 'fears' once our new baby made her arrival (she's now almost 11 months). I don't think he bargained for all the attention she would take. He would walk around saying things like "I guess she doesn't like me anymore." within my hearing...he meant me. It was a real struggle for a while, and very overwhelmng...as I know it is for you too. I wasn't sure how to handle trying to nurse the baby, and having to deal with his discipline issues all at once. You also mentioned a move....that's one of the biggest things to happen in a child's life, along with a new baby coming into the home, so it's been a double-whammy for all of you. My advice, take it for what it is, is to try to give yourself a break. With all of the things that you've been going through, plus the holidays, things are bound to be way out of whack. It has been for us (we just moved from NY to FL Nov. 10). It takes time to settle in a new house, get a baby into some sort of schedule, work out how you're going to get time with all the kids , yourself, AND hubby....besides figuring out what to do as far as homeschooling goes. I was concerned with my kids testing last year in May b/c our baby girl was born March 1 and we had not done a full school schedule since before Thanksgiving...had not gotten back into it completely by the beginning of May. However, they did fine...actually, well above grade level in most subjects, and we knew what we needed to work on for the next year by the things they tested lower on. I guess I just wanted you to know you're not alone, I can relate completely, and try not to be too hard on yourself. Maybe you could start having just a few minutes with your son....playing, reading, doing somethings special with just him and let him choose what to do. I know this helped immensely here. We have a special reading time in the evenings, most evenings, that he really enjoys and looks forward to. I think that might go a long way in helping to calm him. I am sure you will get loads of other encouragement and words of wisdom from the other moms here...make sure to keep checking back. And come again if you need any other support. We all love to try to help!

Sending a prayer and a hug, Tamara. You have your hands more than full!!!
Our #3 is a strong-willed, intense boy, too. Just wanted to give a word of encouragement... ages 4 and 5 were a major transition for him, and not only did we see improvement at home but Sunday School and Co-op teachers were saying things like, "Wow- he's really maturing! It's a delight to have him in class!" He still has some tough moments, but he has so many great qualities that come along with the...trying ones. He is curious, joyful, makes friends easily, loves wholeheartedly. Praying that your son will have a similar transition soon, too!!!!!
As for curriculum...what about waiting until next year to do Bigger with both? Looks like they would be 7 and 9...right in the target ages. Your dd could do extensions if that was a good fit. Then they could move up together straight through the guides. Until then, could you just do 3 Rs and read interesting books? Science and History could also include Liberty's Kids and Magic School Bus videos(or something similar). Seems like there are just some years that school can't look exactly like we would wish it to I vote for giving yourself a break and re-evaluating things during the summer, but I'm praying you would have the Lord's wisdom and peace as you decide

I just had my fourth child on Sept. 8 and only gave myself two weeks to rest and recover before we started back to school.
Two weeks after that I was totally burnt out and tired and frustrated and so were my children. I had to take another couple of weeks off to regain my sanity.
And at the end of November I actually wrote myself a note that said: "In the event God blesses you with any more children make sure you take at least 2-3 months before you try to do anything full speed. Enjoy the transition time that a new baby brings. ALL in the family will be richer for it."
Your children are learning far more than just the 3R's as they see how a family grows and adjusts to the different circumstances in life.
I know the lack of sleep makes even the smallest issue seem huge and huge issues seem insurmountable. But be encouraged that things will not always be this way and that God is there to give you exactly what you need for each day.
Praying for you and your children.
Keep up the good fight!
Andrea

I don't have time to read the other responses right now, but I am wondering if part of your son's behavior could be sensory issues. We have a son with sensory processing disorder, and it is just a thought. Either way, these suggestions might help.
1. Have him push heavy loads down the hall and around the floor. We have a container full of blocks that we use.
2. Have him carry heavy loads (not too heavy of course) on his back. If you have a backpack fill it up and let him run around with that for awhile.
3. Jumping up and down is GREAT for any kiddo. We just use the couch or beds. I clap my hands and he had to jump until I quit clapping.
4. If you can get your hands on some bean bags (I made some, but probably not in your schedule right now). We put a large bean bag on little J's lap when doing LHTH or in church, etc. We also let him put his bare feet on them and hold them.
5. Any type of rubbing activity. We pretend to make a sandwich and I spread peanut butter on him and so on, then use a pillow to put the bread on.
The whole point is to give them extra sensory input, which he may be craving. It leads to bad behavior and can often be dismissed as a strong-willed child (well, our son is strong-willed too, but there can be more).
I would just work on basics right now and allow yourself some time. You have hour hands full for sure. I will certainly be praying for you.

I'm loving all this advice! Awesome!

Yes, he was like this before baby arrived...he was like this from the womb. Seriously. I ended up in the hospital for monitoring and in 24 hours, they said it seemed he never started a sleep cycle and moved so much it irritated my uterus and caused contractions! LOL He hasn't stopped since.

Love the sensory ideas. My dd has some very mild sensory issues. She has some hearing loss so she's most needy when it comes to auditory input. She whistles and hums all day long, talks really loud. She's also a big pacer and fidgeter...working on those habits! We've tried some of those things you mentioned with her actually and it's great! I have in the past, had her lay on the floor with her feet on the wall and bottom up close to it, then push off. I should really try some of these things with ds. Thanks for the idea b/c I never would have thought of it! DS3 loves the backpack so I'll load it up for him

I like the idea of waiting till next year to do Bigger...but DD will be 9 in June and DS won't be 7 until Decemeber. He's only K right now so they'd be 1st and 4th (or 3rd if I hold her back). He loves school though and her not so much really anymore. She'd rather read anything adn everything, but not do school. That would put us doing Bigger as core, Beyond's basics for ds and Preparing's basics for dd I think. She's partway through R&S 3 already and almost ready for Preparing's dictation. Not sure I can work from 3 guides like that! And since ds will be about 4 months off from being 7, I'm not sure about that. I like hearing some options though!

We LOVE Liberty's Kids! Already watched all of them over the last few weeks. LOL I just found Bill Nye video's online though. We have some Newton's Workshop DVD's we could use for Science too. I'm not sure about history. I thought about doing some world geography with them until I could truly combine them. But then that puts DD on track to not finish the last guide until grade 10 I think. I need some structure though, and I'm more okay having tag alongs with the older sibling and then when older gets more independent, the next child can start their own program. Hence my thoughts of doing Bigger soon and having ds tag along. As dd gets older and goes through the guides and gets more independent, then I could start DS in Bigger around grade 3. I don't know though! Help! LOL

Julie, Carrie, anyone else...I could really use some more placement options as I ponder and pray with the consideration that combining is a must unless I just do basics for ds6 /K and let him tag along as able. Thanks for everything so far!