heartofdakota.com

OK girls, I was thinking (yes it did hurt). We come over here and ask questions, have great discussions, and share prayer requests, however, we have missed something very important. We don't know of that time your kids embarrassed you so badly that you thought sending them to military school might be an option you were interested in pursuing. Since I started this post, I suppose it is only fair that I begin. As I look back over the 8 1/2 years that I have been a mom, I remember several of these moments, but none of them stick out in my mind as much as one particular story about my dear oldest son.

Let me begin by giving you a little background on my sweet darling boy. Every year at church we have a fall festival where the kids get up and sing in front of the church, and then again they have a time to get in front of the church and sing at Christmas time. At the age of a year and a half, he went up for the Christmas program, and people laughed (of course, he did put his hiney in the air and say, "Froggy" and such), since that time he has never willingly got in front of the church. He always said that the kids in his class didn't sing well, and he did not want be laughed at. Well, about 3 years ago, while I was pregnant with number three, the fall festival was coming up, and Mommy and Daddy were really wanting him to participate. Together with my in-laws, we talked him into it. Actually, we bribed him. Yes that is right, we shamelessly bribed my sweet innocent child. Promised him a prize if he would just get up and sing. (Side note: If there are people here who prefer not to bribe their children....please don't get mad at my less than perfect parenting. You will soon see that I learned the error of my ways.)

The night of the concert arrived, and we were pleasantly surprised when he lined up with his class. We were awaiting a stellar performance....and we got it! (Side note: Some of you may remember that my child has ADHD, PDD and some other letters of the alphabet. Part of the joy of having children with initials by there name is never being sure what they are going to do, and never being able to anticipate when their lack of self control will totally mortify you as a parent. )The sweet children filed up on stage, and stood awaiting their director to begin leading them to sing. All the sweet children except one. Nathanael saw his opportunity. There, right in front of him, begging him to pick it up, was the microphone. It was actually on a stand in front of the stage, but well within his reach. Without a second thought, he picked it up and began to talk to his audience. "Hello everyone! Nice to have you here..." You know that kind of thing.

Now, from the second row of the church, it did not take me long to hoist my pregnant body to the front of the church, grab the microphone and put it back on the stand, placing it slightly further from the stage. My dear son was not deterred. He grabbed it again, i grabbed it back, this time sliding the stand just out of his reach...so I thought. As I went to sit down, he nearly fell off the stage, but he got that microphone again. I was embarrassed, and did not want to make a scene (any more than we had already made), so I tried the eye contact thing. You know the one that my mom always gave us. The look that says, "You are going to get it when we get home." Well, my PDD kid is not equipped to understand facial expression, and so all the evil eyes in the world did not stop the evening from spiraling out of control.

As the kids begin singing the first song, most of the audience is laughing so hard that it would be hard to hear the words if it were not for the fact that my son was holding the microphone, singing as loud as he could. He was also closing his eyes, making his head bob up and down. Basically anything he could think of that would make him look more believable as a professional singer. This I might could have handled...I mean, sure it is embarrassing, but at least he is on tune.

Unfortunately, the song stopped, and as they prepared to go to the next song, my lovely child decided to narrate. "So did you like that one folks?" "Boy that one sure is true." "This next one is really good." You get the idea. This went on for several songs. My husband and I were under the pew. My mother and father in law were trying to figure out how they could find another church by next week (my father in law is the pastor). And then it happened....

Let me just say, that my son has horrible allergies. It is nothing unusual to have sneeze attacks several times a day. It is not unusual to be standing in a public place and sneeze. Even if you are on stage in front of friends, family, visitors, Nathanael just might sneeze. And when he does...

You guessed it, Nathanael sneezed. Snot flew. So much snot came that his head nearly deflated. My dear darling son, seeing he had no tissue, did what any good 5 year old would do. Used his mouth to vacuum. That is right. Sucked it all into his mouth. At this point I had all I could take. I picked myself up from under the pew, picked up my darling child, (he was screaming that he wanted to finish the last song), and took him out. (When I say took him out, please don't get nervous. I just took him out of the sanctuary.) As I was going, I heard the distinct sound of laughter being changed to gags, and "Oh yuck!". The bad thing, he still got his prize, because my in laws reminded me...he did exactly what I asked him to do. He got up and he sang.

Ok, so here is your challenge: what is the most embarrassed you have been by your lovely, sweet children.


p.s. Yes we still go to that church.....and people still talk about that night. The fall festival is Sunday. Please keep us in your prayers, as my son says he is going to sing!

I am laughing so hard that my son is looking at me like I'm crazy! I'll have to think and try to remember a story that even comes close to being as embarrassing as yours! I can't wait to read everyone elses stories.

OH MY GOSH--that was hysterical! Honestly, I think the best part was that your father-in-law was the pastor. Priceless, truly.

I think the story I have of when my son (who also has several parts of the alphabet after his name) was about 5 pales in comparison. At that time we attended a VERY conservative Southern Baptist church, and the children's choir was performing their annual Christmas program (which I was directing, no less). Instead of singing, my darling son crawled around on the stage unplugging all the sound equipment. One of my friend's husbands (who was a member of the choir) tried to stop him, but just wound up crawling around after him. Quick little critter, my boy. So before it was all over with, we had no sound, and my kid was being chased, on all 4's no less, by a grown man in front of the entire congregation.

There was also the time that this same child sang karaoke at our Sunday School party. His grandmother had been watching Shrek with the older grandchildren over the weekend and hadn't been paying attention to the fact that he (then 3) was in the room. So Sunday evening arrives and someone gets the bright idea to let the little ones sing into the karaoke microphone. After one little boy sang Jesus Loves Me and another did a really sweet rendition of God Bless America, my kid grabs the microphone and begins to belt out "I like big butts and I cannot lie! (Eddie Murphy--playing Donkey--sings a version of this song on Shrek)" The entire party froze. There were 20 people in that room and you could have heard a pin drop. Eeek.

There was the time my oldest daughter came back from a visit with grandma (are you seeing a theme here? ). Her grandmother, not a small woman, had spent the entire visit telling my daughter to "climb up on your fat Mammy's lap." We had my sister and her husband over for dinner later that week, and my sweet, precious 5 year old looks at her uncle, pokes him in the stomach, and says, "You're fat." He was terribly offended. That was part one. Several days later we were at the grocery store, and we passed an overweight gentleman. I held my breath (and thought murderous thoughts about my mother-in-law) while my daughter stared. After we had walked past, just when I thought it was safe, my daughter says in a very loud stage whisper, "See, Mama, I didn't say that man was fat!" Oh good grief.

There are more, but I'll leave room for others to post. Marty, I know what you mean about your kiddo not getting the evil look. My 10 year old, finally having managed to figure out that I am giving him a look, will shout out "what, Mama?!" over and over. Loudly. In public. In the very situation I was trying to be discreet in.

Good luck on Sunday! You'll have to let us know how it goes.

Oh my goodness! These stories are too funny.

The worst embarrassment I have suffered at the hands of my daughter was earlier this summer. My mom turned 50 and we had a surprise party for her back in my hometown. We stayed in a hotel the night before the party. This was exciting for us as we had never stayed in a hotel as a whole family before. So the next morning, they had a wonderful buffet breakfast set out with waffles, bagels, fruit, cereal, donuts, eggs, biscuits and gravy....yummy! Emma only wanted to eat a donut (mind you she was getting over being really sick the two days prior to this trip) so I was more than happy to let her eat a donut. Besides- we were on vacation.

A man sitting at the table next to us was to put it politely VERY large. As we settle in and Emma begins her donut, this man says "You need to get her a banana. She needs to eat something healthy." I just pointedly looked at him and turned around, trying to ignore him. Mind you the entire lobby is full of people eating. Emma looks at him, points her finger and says "Mommy, why is that fat man telling me to eat healthy?" in a very loud voice. People turned around to look at us, blood rushes to my face and I sternly usher her into the bathroom and tell her never to describe someone as fat. She is bawling and I am angry with that man for ruining our breakfast. Thankfully when we left the bathroom he was gone. My husband just raised his eyebrows and kept helping Logan with his breakfast.

Jessi--I would argue that your embarrassment was suffered at the hands of the gentleman who should have kept his bananas to himself. It's been 10 years since my 5 year old had her "fat" comments moments (eek!), and all I can offer you is this: be prepared, there will be many more embarrassing moments to come.

These stories are so funny Thanks for starting the thread

I have many stories I could share of my own By I have decided to share on of a friend of mine.

In Australia when we register to homeschool, we have a person come out to our homes to see our programs, check out our homes (for lighting/space etc) Well as you can imagine most parents give their children the "now make sure you behave, use your manners” etc talk (you know the one to make you look like a really nice, normal, functional family )

Anyway at this meeting all was looking really good, the six children were behaving, everything was going well. That was up until my friend chose to sit in a different chair than she usually did. She briefly wondered to her self why her children had looks of worry on their faces, that was until the man who was there to do the registration, sat down. Right on the chair with a whoopee cushion under the cushion

Can you imagine my friend’s total embarrassment as she had to apologize for her children’s "practical" joke.
Apparently the man had a pretty good sense of humor, and was very gracious about it all.

Anyway, it certainly helped me relax as I prepare to register, I am sure it can't get much worse that that (well, you never know )

Love Deb

Thanks for sharing your stories. I have laughed hard at all of them. I love hearing the funny stuff that happens at the hands of our kids. I know that as embarrassed as we sometimes get, these are the times we will remember in a few years and cherish. Sometimes I wonder how long that will be, but then I read those threads like mamamary had the other day, and I realize, it will be just around the corner...then we will get to embarrass them!

Oh Martha, I LOVE this thread. I am laughing so hard and it's after 1am. You're going to make me wake my family

I was thinking about this thread as I was driving to the store this morning and the Lord brought the perfect one to mind.

In 2002 a local news station came to my house to film a homeschooling family in action. They spent the whole day with us. At the time I had 3 children and my #2 son Colton was 6 years old. We were sitting at a table doing math together and I heard the sound guy start cracking up. They had to stop the shoot. He played back for us a clip of Colton sitting on the floor with the big microphone to his mouth and he was loudly whispering..., fart fart fart The lady doing the interview started laughing and said, "Well at least we know homeschoolers are normal". The program aired over three days and until I saw the last day I worried that they were going to show this on TV..., PTL they did NOT!