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This is LONG!!! Sorry for that! I have four boys living at home, 17, 14, 10, and 6. My 2 teenagers are very rebellious due to some influences in their lives when they were younger and also I think my husband and I having them when we were young and not sure how to parent well. We didn't become truly saved until a few years ago and only raised my kids in church for a few years, not consistently. My husband's father is manic/depressive and dh has these tendencies. Last weekend my two 17 & 14 yr old didn't come home after football game and would not answer cell phones. DH and I looked for them, called friends, made police report, etc. but couldn't find them until they came home late Sun. afternoon. They didn't act at all remorseful and dh and I told them we would discuss with them on mon their punishment because we weren't sure how to handle this. this is 1st time anything like this has ever happened other than them talking back, i think they have tried smoking, not sure about drugs, they deny that. they are very disrespectful and that has alot to do with my father/brother/grandfather. there is no accountability in my family and unfortunately we live near them. dh is not a "loving" dad, he thinks because he provides for us they should know he loves them. hardly ever tells them he loves them. also ex military. we decided to 1) take away phones/internet privileges for 3 weeks 2) take away house phone privileges for 1 week 3)they are grounded for 3 weeks. all of this is conditional on them following certain rules like attitude/chores/apologizing to us both sincerely/etc. today the 17 yr old takes off for my father's house which is about 1/4 mile away through a big cornfield. my dh and he got into shouting match and he would not stop. dh came home and woke me up and went upstairs to ?? 14yr old about brother's intentions. he was asleep and was awoken by dh yelling about 17 yr old leaving. 14 yr old gets attitude with dh and they tussle. i was crying, screaming, and telling them to stop and talk calmly about this since i didn't really know what was going on. i had only got 4 hours of sleep. dh came downstairs and 14yr old left. dh and i got into it because i told him he should never have laid hands on son, he didn't hit/beat him or anything-tried to keep him from leaving room so he could ?? him, like wrestled with him. dh has left house with bag packed, claiming he has washed his hands of whole family. he did this with my oldest son who no longer lives here and i told him i couldn't back up his actions that time either. please give any advice that you can!!! i am very torn, i know my kids have problems but i am very opposed to this way of handling them. then i get attacked by dh because i didn't stand behind him. I need all the help and prayers you can give me right now! Can't sleep if anyone else is awake!

I don't have any advise but I wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your family.

Blessings,
Kathy

I have no idea how to help, buy our Heavenly Father does. Praying that He holds your family in His hands, that He touches the hearts of your husband and children, that He gives you peace, and the He provides His healing for your precious family.

Please know we are carrying you in prayer now.

I am praying for your family! To me one thing is clear, Satin is trying to destroy your family. I would pray specifically against that. My advice would be that you may want to involve your pastor in this since your husband has left. I think I would talk to the pastor about the punishment if dh is not there as well. I read your punishments and to me they see light but I do not know your history of discipline. I think the pastor might be able to help you more. I don't have teenagers but I did work for years with teenagers in an inner city area. I think the idea is trust is lost and they have to earn it back and that takes time. I would look at punishment in terms of that. I am not sure that I would allow any freedom to my children for quite some time if they had done that. And I think if there is some question as to drugs being involved I would assume yes and act as if just in case. I think if there is any way you can get your husband to meet with you and a pastor that would be a good thing to try to make happen. It gives a buffer between the two of you and wisdom in terms of what God would have you do.


I am so sorry you are going through this. I tried to give you some advice because sometimes when you are in something this hard it leaves us at a loss of what do I do next. I think trying to get your husband to meet you with the pastor might be a very good next step. I will be praying for you. Be strong in Him. He is walking through you with this and He will not leave you.

I think Water2Wine had some very good comments for you. Your husband sounds as if he needs help. I would suggest he see a mental health professional if he was willing. You may also need some family counseling if it turns out that your husband has depression or manic behavior. I would suspect that your children are crying out for loving limits on their behavior. A wise woman at my church suggested I pray Psalm 35 for my husband who suffers from depression and is possibly bipolar. I try to pray it at least once a day, sometimes more, putting my husbands name in place of the word "my". It may help you to pray it and use "our family" in place of "my".

May God hold you in the palm of his hand as you work through all of this,

((Hugs)) I'm praying for you and your family.

Praying for you and your family.

I am lifting you and your family up in prayer! My heart goes out to you. I think water2wine and netpea gave good advice. If your dh is unwilling to go to your pastor, I think you should still go by yourself anyway. Perhaps, pastor would then talk with your dh and or children, or if not pastor, perhaps someone else your dh has respect for that is a Christian? If you don't know your pastor well, don't worry. Go see him anyway. He will understand - that is his calling in life. Also, I'd consider cutting off relations for a bit with those you mentioned (your father/brother/grandfather) that have a pattern of disrespect. If there's even a possibility of drugs, getting them tested right away would be a big help. (I think you can do this for free some places, can't you?) If there is drug use involved you are dealing with a very different problem that needs a different solution. I want to lift you up in prayer - I do think you are under attack by Satan right now. This verse gives me so much comfort at moments like that:
John 16:33:
Jesus said, "...in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I will pray for you and your family. You are not alone - with God on your side, who can be against you? Nothing is impossible for God. He is more powerful than any circumstances. Praise God that you are a Christian!

In Christ,
Julie

praying for you and your family.

momto5boysnc,

I second water2wine's excellent counsel in this situation. It is difficult for any of us to know the full extent of your situation, but seeking Christian counsel is always the best scenario when problems like this show themselves in our lives. Attacking the very core of the family is a powerful strategy that Satan uses to try to destroy our faith in the Lord.

We'll be praying for you. I also want to encourage you on your homeschool journey as you step out in faith to change the path of your family.

Blessings,
Carrie