heartofdakota.com

Hi Ladies,

Things have been crazy here so I had to take a break for a couple of weeks more or less. As you know I do day care. Well, I babysit two girls who are in preschool this year and come to my house afterwards. My daughter is very jealous of their getting to go to, as she puts it "big girl school". She keeps asking me when will she get to go to "big girl school." I try to patiently explain that I am homeschooling her and that she is not going to big school. She thinks that when we are done with LHTH she is going to big school and nothing I say changes her perception of this. When the other girls show up she gets very jealous and has begun to act out. I try to make preschool fun but I think she just wants to have what they are having. She wants to have a different teacher than mommy, to ride a bus, to buy a backpack. Now in my head I know that she is better off not going to preschool and frankly she doesn't really need it.

So how do I help her to understand in a gentle way that homeschooling is it for us. I may be borrowing trouble, but I sense a problem when her close friend whom I watch goes to public K next year and she will not be going. These friends come in and make comments to Emma that they are in big girl school and she is not. They tell her that she is not big but they are. They make her feel inferior without even realizing it. This probably wouldn't be such a big deal if these girls weren't at my house every day. Emma has become discouraged and doesn't want to do preschool. I know it isn't all sunshine and roses but we haven't even begun formal schooling and she is already bucking me. Since she is only four I don't push her and if she doesn't want to do it, I do not make her.

There is nothing wrong with LHTH. When I do get her to do it she loves it. So that isn't the problem. It's the grass is greener syndrome. Any advice?

Sorry if I keep coming with complaints. I am hoping this will iron out and we'll get in a good groove. Thanks!

Ok These are shooting from the hip i can't sleep responses so read with seasoning.

Maybe she is a bit to young for explaining. If you feel shes bucking you she has to much control, and take it from me you don't want her to have it... it terrible... so I suggest.. a Kevin Leman approach make it very unimportant to your life once it stops causing you to react she will stop bringing it up. (btw this is great in practice tho i still need lots of practice)
you say something like "I'm mommy and that is that." You are not getting it your way, sorry you don't understand." then you turn around and ignore any and all complaints about "big girl" school.

And does she get an allowance? Back packs are cheap at the thrift store. I found a DORA the explorer mai mai's favorite for $2.00. use it as the carrot for so many days of school like a month. it may be the back pack she wants..

You also could do the program with the "big girls" but don't tell them it's her school. The stuff is so much fun it might get her involved.

And the finically difficult solution. Tell the Mommy that her precious wee ones are no welcome in your home if they continue to taunt your dd with "big girl" school they may call it pre school etc. but not names that are hurting your child. They know what they are doing "last I heard the kids are unionized." Mommy probably had to convince the poor kiddies that "big girl school was a bonus" because they for sure want her more than they want school. If I was a betting woman my money would be on Mom using that phrase first.

Good morning Jessi. I'm sorry you are having some difficulties. Perhaps you can take a few more days off from school to regroup and prepare. My daughters have experienced the discouragement from friends from time to time. Their words can be quite frustrating and hurtful even though they aren't meant to be so. You need to find a few ways to make your daughter feel as though her 'school' is even more special than anyone else's. If possible, take her to the store and get her a few goodies that are for her special homeschool time. Does she have a plastic school box with fresh crayons and things? You can get her a few stickers to decorate it with. My kids each have a small plastic bin that holds their special school box and books. Perhaps she can have her own binder to decorate and a few plastic page protectors to place her art work in. Maybe get a few special snacks just for her morning school time. I noticed that you don't have her do her program when she doesn't feel like doing it. Well, maybe you can try the opposite. Have a set time each morning when you get all excited about *school time!*. Being consistent each day gives her the feeling that it is important and special to you and it will become a special time to her, too. She is young and impressionable, so make the most of that. If you are excited about having the opportunity to teach her, then she will be excited to learn. A precious book you may consider reading to her is My Mommy, My Teacher by Johannah Bluedorn. It creates a lovely picture of how special learning at home can be. I hope you will be encouraged and see your daughter become more and more excited that learning at home with you is the most wonderful way to learn! Her friends may even grow a little jealous of her. Blessings~
Ginger

My girls wanted to go to school so bad this year! They wanted to go to kindergarten with their friends. It didn't help that we had 5 kids on our street that started kinder this year. Oh, and the bus literally picks up and drops off right in front of our house!

What worked for me is buying a backback for each of them! They put ALL of their school stuff in it and wore it around. Now they don't even mention it. Well, every once in awhile Emily will ask why they can't go to "Rutledge". That's the name of the elementary. I just tell her that I would miss her way too much for her to be gone that long.

But Tansy was right, don't waver. If she see's it, she will keep on nagging you about it.

Praying for you, I know it can wear on you!

I tried to skim the posts so forgive me if this is a repeat.

My DD also wanted to do school last year like her friend. She wanted to ride the bus and such. We tried to make her understand that not only was she too young to ride the bus to school (she was 4) even when she was old enough, she would be home schooled. For a few weeks, I would remind her that if you were in school, you'd have to be at a desk now instead of playing. If you where going to school today, you'd already be dressed and waiting at the bus stop in the rain. If you were in school right now you wouldn't be having fun doing (insert activity you are doing). We also started her K work early. So now she can brag that she is half way done with her K work and her friends aren't. And this year on the first day of school we went to the beach while her friends were in school. So that first week, she got to play at the beach and go to the zoo. So we would watch the local bus go by at the end of the day and list all the fun things we did while the kids were in school. She is now very proud that she is able to be homeschooled. Ultimately, it came down to I am the parent and this is what I believe is best. You can either see all the good in it, or be punished (after a reasonable time) for a rotten attitude.

Are the girls saying something to your daughter that is mean or unkind? I would really make sure that is not the case and if it is I would correct it immediately with the child and the parent. You can't have someone come into your home and disrespect your families choices. So if that is going on I would put a stop to it. I am really strict on those things because I think God speaks to us all individually and He does not intend others to come in and speak against what He has told us. Not saying that is going on but I would make sure that is not the case.

Then with your child I would affirm the choice you made and actually that principle that God speaks to parents individually to show them what He want for their children. I would affirm your choice to your daughter and not allow it to be a topic for debate. The minute you have it where she can debate back and forth with you what choice is better my feeling is your roles become confused and that is never good. I would just really talk to her about what you have decided for her and let her know it is the decision you have made and it is not a situation where you can do both or either no matter what others choose for their family. If you don't have clear boundaries on it they will always be comparing the best of what someone else has to the complaint of the day of what they have. The grass will always be greener and contentment will never be in your home. There are definitely fun ways you can get this point across but what she has to know from you is that it is not for debate. If she feels you waver on it she will take advantage of it.

I haven't read others replies. And keep in mind I am a mom that pulled her kids out of ps for good. So I have stronger lines for that reason with my kids. But on the other hand this is never an issue in our house even though most of my kids friends in the neighborhood either go to public or private school. And I will tell you that I cut off all conversation and make it clear to their friends this is what we do and they can't talk against it. I am firm but nice and it gets the point across so that it never becomes an issue. It's a natural thing for kids to say to each other my way, thing, toy is better than yours. That is why you just have to redirect them.

Hope there is something in this that you find helpful.

Thank you all so much for your advice. The girls are not being mean. It is almost like they don't realize. You know how it is at three and four, what comes out as fact sounds hurtful when in fact it isn't. But my daughter takes it that way. I will look into that book and yes I do need to be more strict in setting school guidelines. I just didn't want to discourage her at four about schooling. But I can see where a pattern could develop. Again thanks for the input! You are all godly and wise women and that is why I come to you with heartfelt thanks.

You've gotten really good advice, so I won't repeat those things. I did think of some other things you could consider. Could you provide a special out-of-the-house activity that is just for her? I know some things get pricey, but maybe a little gymnastics or dance class once a week would do the trick. The YMCA near me has lots a cute programs, and they are not that expensive. Libraries and book stores often offer preschool story and craft times for free. The local nature center by my house has many different preschool nature programs that are great. Maybe she just needs to have something in her life that is special and just for her.
hth,
Laura

Laura,

Thank you for your response. She is in dance class and has been for over a year now. She loves it. We are also starting a storytime on Wednesdays at our Library starting tomorrow. Plus we just found a homeschool group albeit a half hour from us but my hope is that when she meets other girls and boys doing what we are doing, the jealousy will go away. That and like the other ladies said, consistency and showing her I am the boss and not her.

My husband did say that next year won't be so bad because one will be gone for good from my house so that will minimize the problems and then one more year after that and the other one will be gone too. He also agreed with you ladies that she shouldn't get to decide not to do school. I needed a good kick in the pants so to speak from all of you.

THANKS!!!!!

I just read your last past and was going to say...find a homeschool group....my daughters actually think people should stop going to public school, bc they don't understand how kids wouldn't want to be in their homeschool group!! They are campaigning in our neighborhood I think!! We often talk about how lucky we are that we can go do "this" (whatever it may be) bc we are homeschooling....I try to point out any positive I see during the day and they have caught on to it. Second, I have been known to take my highly opinionated, moving all the time - can't sit down daughter outside when the bus comes down our street in the afternoon and explain to her all the things she has done since she finished school already and that these kids are just getting home.

And this is just my .02, but we had a situation in Sunday School with my second daughter...and although the intentions of those other kids may not be mean and hateful...they are trying to "one up" your daughter...and it's not okay and there is never a better time to learn that it isn't okay...again...just my .02 after whatching my daughter struggle....

Jessi,

You just have an enormous amount of things on your plate and you have to be extra careful not to allow the enemy to take your blessings. it is hard sometimes to do that when you are stretched thin. So that is why I think you have to deal with things quickly is all. It's a lot to have kids from the ps in your house and try to have a union of that with hsed kids. I have issues sometimes when ps kids come to my house comparing what they do with what we do. I just cut them off and redirect them letting them know their parents get to choose for them and I get to choose for my kids and cut it off before it grows into a monster I can't control. It would come up for just about anyone in your circumstance.

Hope you have found a way to curtail the pleads ...I'll let you know that since we started even learning the abc song and our numbers and colors that I've always dropped phrases about school like how it's a long day, they only get 2 short recesses, and yet with learning at home we can have fun learning, take as little or much time as we need and the rest of the day is free for out door play ((my son has always loved to be outside, even as a newborn)) ... and even now DS7 cries at the thought of being sent to school and when we pass kids on the playground during the day he feels sorry for them ....

after all the kids who get sent to school have to have their parents talk it up ... so I tell my son what school is really like and he doesn't want to go, he even asks me to be his teacher thru college LOL

hth

Hi Jessi! You've gotten great ideas here already. Could I ask you when/where you are doing homeschool with your daughter? Is it when the other children are there? When are the other children there? I know that it must be tough homeschooling and doing daycare - I am quite sure I could not do it. At 4, dc start to assert themselves more and more too, and while that's exciting, it also forces us to sort through what is positive growth and what is just something that needs to be disciplined. I'm going through that too with my ds. But that doesn't mean that homeschooling can't be a wonderful thing for you and your dc - it just means you may need to get creative about solutions - and this board is where creative minds meet! If you could respond to my questions, I'd love to get back to you more!

In Christ,
Julie

I did skim the responses and will try not to be repetitive.

I totally agree with the "see if you can find a HS group," idea. Now- if you are working out of home, there may be some restrictions with that, but connecting with other HSers will likely encourage your dd.

My boys have never desired school away from home. The idea horrifies them and that set the milieu for the family. I have not experienced what you are describing. However, my boys want to know why they have to do any school at all. And we explain the law and all that, "but isn't it great we live in a country where it is allowed?" And from that my oldest wanted to know why we do it this way, and we explained how w2w did [I think it was her ] that God called us to do it and we are obeying him. AND - when I threatened with PS this summer he said to me, "You can't disobey God, Mom!" He got me there.

I like the Leman point, too.

And I bet dollars to donuts that "big school" girls heard that from their mama. As in, "Emily doesn't have to go to school! Why do I?' And Mama says, "because you are a big girl and you are going to big girl school. It is wonderful because......."

mom of 2n2- I am sure you are absolutely right in that these girls are hearing it from their moms about "big girl school". Both girls are extremely introverted and the parents are trying to play up pre-K as something super special because both girls do not adjust to new situations well. Today Emma said to her friend after she got to my house from preschool "I'm not a big girl yet. I dont' go to big girl school." This was in response to this little girl yet again saying she was a big girl to go to school. I jumped in (thanks to you ladies wonderful support and advice) and said for both girls "This is how we do school. You are a big girl. Their parents want them to go to preschool somewhere else. Daddy and I want to teach you at home." It was interesting because every day the other girls get to my house I ask them how was school and what they did that day. Neither one can remember a thing. Seriously. So I asked Emma what she did today for preschool and she rattled off the entire list down to building the wall of Jericho to knock it down. She was giggling. Hopefully she saw that she is having way more fun doing our stuff than going somewhere where she won't remember a thing.

Julie- Our house is a very open floor plan. Our kitchen/dining room and Living room are all one big great room. We do a bulk of our learning at the table just for plain sanity for me. We have three kids 2 and under here and when I try to school on the floor, they are grabbing my books or papers and running away giggling. All dancing and interactive play is done on the living room floor. I try to do preschool around 9 or 9:30 every morning.

I have kids at my house from 7am until 5:15 pm. And none of the little ones take a morning nap.

If any of you have advice for how to better handle the preschool time, please let me know. So far, asserting myself has helped tremendously. Plus the new baby is finally settling in and not crying most of the day away. So I am hoping it will be better now. But I'll take any advice I can get!!!!

God bless you!