How do you teach a 5 yr old diligence?????

[happyhomeschooling]

We just started school yesturday and while the day went pretty good, I am continually frustrated trying to teach my 5 and a half year old,
that spending 2 minutes making a letter very good is better then spending 2 minutes making 10 sloppy ones. She looks at me like I am
talking a forien language. Or coloring, she likes to get it done quickly so she tends to be a bit scribbley. So when I explain to her take
your time and make it good, I get a blank look. I am working very hard trying to teach her the concept of do it right the first time, and
she just isnt getting it, and it is frustrating me. Not to mention she is going through the phase of everything I say is not a command it is
only a suggestion. URRGG!! And dh is out of town alot, so that I can stay home and homeschool, which I am greatful that we can do this
but it also gets hard trying to figure it all out sometimes on my own. If anyone has suggestions Of ways you have taught this virtue to your
children I would love to hear it. Thanks in advance, Lesley

Ps, If anyone has any advise also in the way of how to stop a child from constant(well what seems constant) complaining, I would love to hear that too. That has been a major issue latley as well, and I guess being a homeschool mom, I set high standards of myself and I feel like I am failing a lot.

[Motherjoy]

First, make sure your not expecting perfection out of your child. I did that with my oldest, and it made him insane when it came to reading. Obviously, she should try her best, but make sure that her best is good enough fo you.

As for the letter writing, I'd simply have her write only one letter...and tell her to make it her best. Unless, she needs the practice with form...then you might want to have her write three. For coloring, I pobably would ask her to color one portion of the picture as neatly as she could, and then let her scribble on the rest. As long as she CAN color neatly when asked (as in a fine motor skill), I don't think it matters that she likes to scribble too.

As homeschool moms, our identity is wrapped up in how 'well' our kids do in school. We sometimes push them too hard and turn them into little trophies. Don't do that. I would probably attack the diligence issue in another area first, like personal care, or chores or other 'life skills'. Then, once you have her attention and heart in those areas, I'd work with school.

[my3sons]

I have a 5 yo too, and a dh that travels... so I get what you are saying! Motherjoy gave some great advice, and I think those things do work very well. Some children are just naturally "finishers". They like to get on with it, and staying too long with any one task makes them feel like they are not getting anything done. Fine motor skills like coloring and writing can take awhile to develop, and that is more pronounced in some children than in others. My oldest ds despised coloring. With him, I would outline a section of the picture in the color it would make sense to color it (since he loved to scribble black over everything), and he'd color that section "my way" and the rest "his way", though I did banish the black eventually. Although he disliked coloring with a passion, he loved writing, and for some reason took to that easily.

My 5 yo now is just the opposite. He loves to color and dislikes writing. I bought him monster truck stickers, and let him pick a favorite letter each time to put a truck sticker next to. When he has a bunch of great letters, he gets to put on more stickers. I did that for awhile, and now he doesn't care so much about the stickers, but he does try his best with his writing. One thing that has helped my young children with diligence in general is a consistent schedule that they can mark off. When they can't read, I make a paper with a picture for each task that they can check off - like a crayon picture for coloring, a pencil with letters for writing, etc. I stick the paper in a sheet protector, and they check it off each day with a dry erase marker. It helps them see what they are getting done. They feel like they are progressing, and they can see what is next. Once they can read, a simple typed schedule can be checked off.

All of these things help, but I still get frustrated with my 5 yo and diligence too. My expectations are just way too high a lot of the time. I can't help looking at what my oldest son can do and wonder why in the world my 5 yo can't do the same? Of course the answer to that is easy... my oldest is almost 9 yo. I just forget what he was like at 5 sometimes. Maybe you do the same thing once and awhile! Just remind yourself she's only 5, and take a deep breath (or a handful of chocolate chips as I do - or not - that's probably not a good habit for me to pass on to you) and do what you can for this fun but somewhat exasperating stage she's in!

In Christ,
Julie

[water2wine]

I would work on diligence with the things that are important and not be too worried about the things that are not. Oly you can decide that but I am not sure that five year olds necessarily translate color well to doing their best for the Lord. And five is kind of that bridge age. They are ready to learn consequences for sure and how to respect your word but sometimes that is that kind of free spirit age where they would much rather be chasing butterflies than know how to write or color. I have a wiggler that is now six. But when she was five she just wiggled out everything she did. I finally realized that she actually was learning. It's just the end result was not part of her equation for value in the end product if that makes sense. I finally just realized that even though she is intellectually very ready to just soar academically emotionally she just needed time to chase a few butterflies. The amazing thing is she has not lost anytime. Now that she is ready to focus she just gets everything. It is like I do not even have to teach her she just tells me and we giggle together.

Well that is as close to advice as I can come with the other. On the complaining I would say that is one to really get after. In my mind when you are always complaining it is like saying what God gives us is not a blessing in a way. So what I would do is every time she complains explain however seems best to you that it grieves God to hear a complaining heart and then refocus her complaint to a blessing. I might even do a little mapping out for her how God is really blessing her and your family in the area that she is complaining about. If it gets to be too much and boarders on bratty then I might look at are they not appreciating what they have or do they have too much of a good thing in their world to kind of see the good anymore. It is hard to know if there is something there or if it is just her but either way that is one I would really not give up working on with her because it to me has far reaching consequences.

One thing my dh and I do (because he is working all the time now) is to have a quick little mini conference how certain kids of ours are doing on different character issues then we agree together to let our time with them also contain a separate effort from both of us on the same issue. It is not like we map it out all the time but we usually agree OK this is what they need and then set out to between he and I without them knowing about it usually but sometimes we sit and talk with them and let them know this is what we are going to work on with you because we love you and it is our job from God to help you in this area. So if her complaining was to a level that you feel may carry over to life later I would consider something like this with your husband.

Hang in there. We all go through those times with our kids where it seems like it is one issue after another but somewhere along the line they out grow it. Hope something here helps but if not just saying a little prayer for you.

[inHistiming]

I'm going to comment here with something a bit different from everyone else. If you agree and it's helpful, great. If not, then certainly feel free to disregard whatever I say.

I do agree that 5.5 is young and it often takes time for our dc to learn these good character traits...it does take lots of time. And of course we don't want to be guilty of pushing our children too much. However, the way I read your post was more that you are concerned with maybe his becoming lazy? I have struggled with this with my kids...and my desire to see them do the best they can, even if it is just coloring in the sun on a sheet. I believe diligence, which is the word you used, in the little things will translate later into diligence in the bigger things...such as chores, relationships, obedience, marriage. You get the picture.

As I thought about your concern, this is what I came up with. The other posters had good suggestions..it would be acceptable to just expect him to color in a certain portion the way you want or maybe spend a certain amount of time coloring the way you've asked him to. You could also ask him to do one portion nicely, then put it away until tomorrow to do a bit more...until he's completed the picture and the whole thing is done neatly! I think he would be proud of his accomplishment and would enjoy seeing the results of work well done...obviously he's just 5 so it may be no big deal to him. My thought was also that you could sit with him while he colors...and color the same picture (one of your own). I often did this with my older kids when they were younger, and sometimes still do. This gives them a model to look at. You would just need to make sure he realizes you don't expect it to be as neatly done as your own. Still, he could enjoy the time with Mom, and see a great example of what you're asking him to do. Keep encouraging him to try to stay in the lines or color the area in completely instead of scribbling. My dd would sometimes feel down because her picture did not look like mine....but now, at 8, she does a wonderful job coloring and drawing and takes great pride in her art work. Obviously, each child has different talents, and your dc may not take to 'art' like others may. But he does still need to learn to do "everything as for the Lord" as water2wine mentioned. And I don't think it's ever too early to start teaching them that. I wish I had begun earlier with mine...and that I had learned it earlier! Anyway, I hope this has been somewhat helpful. Take what you can use and discard the rest. I know you'll get more great suggestions from others very soon!

[happyhomeschooling]

Thank you Ladies once again for reeling me back in. You know after I read some of the responses today, I was just
praying and asking the Lord for guidence, and I really felt like I also need to be more diligent and more consistant in
my parenting.
Actually my daughter is a wonderful kid, its just these few area's that we struggle in. The truth is I
think I let her cross to many boundries before I have even realized they were crossed but by then I am burnt to a
crisp . DH is the one that picks up on those things much sooner then I do, and like I said he is gone a lot.

Reading the posts today, and asking the Lord to guide me, was just an awsome answer to prayer. I realized
that I need to be more aware sooner. My mom used to tell me when dd was small that she was to smart for my own good, and I think she
may have been right . It is so great to have this board to learn from those who have gone before me.
I definalty have the mommy thing down, just not always the disipline or discernment (like dh is ) and sometimes I cant see what is right in front of my face
Thankfully we serve a merciful God!!! Blessings, and Thank you

[Tansy]

I agree with lots of the ladies and many times the wee one just needs to chase some butterflies...

Once a wise woman once said to me " With some children you have to teach them both sides of the coin." I had arrived to pick up my child after a play date. She had them in her cul-de-sack street, yelling at our kids to "get in the street" I got out of the care very confused, did I hear her right? yup I had. She had told my child to "get out of the street" and had gotten a blank look from her, so she set about teaching her, exactly what "in the street" means. Some kids just get it. Some like my eldest don't care its not interesting they are to busy with their own inner monolog to notice they are in the street. After this one training session my kid knows to get out of the street if I say so but alas sometimes her wandering feet still stray into the street without noticing...

My dd also has trouble doing coloring in neatly. I sit with her some times and do bits and pieces of her coloring sheet. So she can see exactly what I mean. I'm also not worried about it. Coloring in the lines IMHO stifiles natural creativity so its fine with me if she doesn't do it neatly as long as she has fun with art.

I'm also one to be a bit permissive and then get frustrated later on. I have to constantly remind myself to snag disobedience, rebellion, resistance... at the first sign so it stops before I get frustrated. That means if I say do it in pencil and she gets a pen.. I make her go get a pencil because if i don't in an hours she will be back talking and I'll be mad at myself cause I'm yelling..