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Hi, everyone! I need some help that is not directly curriculum related, but I always get such wise advice on this board, I thought that I'd ask. Please delete if not allowed. It's about the "socialization" issue. I actually cringe typing that. Haha!

We're in our 13th year homeschooling now. My oldest is a senior. We have homeschooled in 3 different states on both sides of the country. Due to us not living near any family, we chose to participate in 2 large homeschool groups (social only) in the first 2 states that we homeschooled in. Then we moved last summer across the country (East Coast), middle of COVID, due to my husband's job change.

I will preface this by saying that I am not usually one to believe that kids need very much socialization. We met with the other groups about 1 day a week which was perfect. We did do hangouts on other days with the closest friends, but that was it, and it was plenty.

Well, here we are and it's been over a year since my kids have had any in-person friends. We live in a pretty liberal state now that is still masking heavily and there are not a lot of activities for homeschool children that are going on. They do see people at church (masking and no activities with youth) and just out and about in town with me running errands. They also text with their old friends in the other states that we lived in. Other than that, we travel as much as possible to get them out. We do a lot of national/state/history parks....things like that.

I have tried to start a homeschool group here that would meet outdoors at parks without requiring masks, but got zero takers. Everyone seems too afraid to risk it. No judgment towards them, it just is what it is.

School is going great! We use Heart of Dakota for some things and they have some online classes as well. So no worries, there. Homeschool has been such a huge blessing during this time, as I'm sure that you'll all agree. It was so nice to just continue on as usual with that.

I just lie awake some nights worrying, when I know that I shouldn't, trying to think of ways for them to make friends. I have not come up with anything more and it's looking like this fall/winter here will be much like last year.

My gut says that they will be fine and that one day we will look back and be so grateful that we've been blessed to have as much family time as possible, especially considering that the oldest will probably be living off at college next year. I try to think about all of the young people who lived long ago, who didn't get much "socialization" and were fine-that it's just a modern "problem." Think Little House on the Prairie. It's just hard to shut all of that off sometimes.

Anyway, just looking for wisdom from you ladies.

As a side note, my husband and I did get the vaccine, but my teens have not yet. Not sure if they will. So, we see both sides.

Thanks!

I think social concerns due to Covid are real, but they aren't limited to homeschoolers. And as a result, your kids won't be any more affected anymore than kids that attend schools (in liberal areas, with lots of restrictions due to Covid). Luckily your kids are getting some other social experience during this, as they aren't just going to school (where they have to keep distanced and wear a mask) and coming home. They are going to normal every day places and on field trips.

I would say keep trying to arrange things outside. Maybe just announced to the homeschool community that you will be going to ___ at ____ of anyone wants to join you. If no one shows up just enjoy the time there anyways.

This question made me think of some old threads on this board that made me relax regarding socialization. As a result of these threads, I also read a book that Carrie talked about The Socialization Trap by Rick Boyer.

I wanted to share the threads with you. I think they could be helpful to you!

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5207&p=38296&hilit= ... rap#p38296

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=6548&p=47815&hilit= ... rap#p47815

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9140&p=66799&hilit= ... rap#p66799

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=16224&p=114052&hili ... ap#p114052

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=16224&hilit=Socialization+Trap

I think reading The Socialization Trap and some of the books written by Steve and Teri Maxwell at Titus2 Ministries calmed many of my socialization concerns. I see my high schoolers doing well, and they haven’t had organized social groups or sports outside our family and church the past 5 years. Their main social outlet right now is the same as ours: our church tends to stay and talk and fellowship for about an hour each Sunday after the service; it has a number of homeschool families, and our kids enjoy talking to their friends. Outside of church, we like to go outside as a family, and I’ve always tried to keep them active. They enjoy hikes, running at the track, tennis, kicking the soccer ball, throwing a football, and enjoying the outdoors in our area. They also have unexpected interactions with a variety of people of all ages by not being in a classroom since they are with us when we interact with other people for a variety of reasons. I find that high schooled homeschoolers tend to be much more adjusted socially since they aren’t only interacting with one age group, and I’m sure that your kids are too!

I tend to have focused on our home life and church as they’ve moved into their teen years. The relationship ties they have with our LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ, my DH & I, and their siblings are priceless. I am glad we reduced the organized social groups and sports five years ago; family is a wonderful place to grow up.

I hope the linked threads help! There are some wonderful posts on them.

Carrie and I love The Socialization Trap, so thanks for sharing those links/posts LovingJesus!!!

You asked a good question here, sweetsimplelife! It made me think how we've approached socialization as our sons have become older teens/young adults. In fact, your question made me think about this so much, I sat down and did a blog post about it too. So, here are some thoughts on socialization for older teens/young adults!

Socialization for Older Teens

When our sons were younger, we had play dates with the cousins once or twice a week for socialization. They raced around in the yard and played with toys in the house. We had picnics, and we played with our kittens. They blew bubbles and scribbled with sidewalk chalk. They raced on their scooters in the driveway and around the block. Sometimes we met at the park. They played tag in the slides and swung high on the swings.

As they matured, so did their socialization. They still met once or twice a week at our houses, alternating houses each time. However, they planned in advance for their socialization. They played board games, went sledding, and built just about everything imaginable… forts, train tracks/sets, marble sets, erector sets, etc. Their socialization also became more involved with ‘sports.’ They played touch football, baseball, duct tape wars, and nerf gun battles. Once our sons became older teens, their socialization changed again.

Making Plans for Socialization to Happen

Once our sons became older teens, making more specific plans for socialization became important. We put our heads together and tried to come up with specific things they could do that were more grown up. As we planned, we also considered their interests, which were not all the same. We also considered our interests, as parents. Then, we made intentional plans for socialization.

Socialization That Uses Our Interests As Adults

Every Friday morning in the summer, Mike played basketball with all 7 boys at the park's basketball court. Mike was always good at basketball, and he still is and still loves to play. He has done a wonderful job of 'coaching' our sons and his sons. This is a tradition that still continues today, though our sons now range from 14 to 25 years old. My husband, Rich, took the boys fishing - usually in groups of 4 or so. Rich is a good fisherman, and he still enjoys it.

As the boys got older, they got too big to all be in the boat. So now, believe it or not, I started taking the boys shore fishing. Now Wyatt and Cole take them shore fishing too. We did this once a week every week all through the spring and summer. Only Beau and Emmett go with whichever adult is going, as they are the ones passionate about fishing.

Socialization That Focuses on One Big Activity

Every Friday night, we decided to alternate homes for a meal, munchies, and a movie night. The family hosting it makes the meal, but everyone can bring snacks. This is when they have their favorite pop and munchies. Grey always brings dessert, and Emmett always makes homemade popcorn. They both love to do this and are great at it! Often times, they form groups and watch movies that fit their interests and ages. Sometimes Beau and Emmett are on their own for a movie, and sometimes they are with Grey and Riley. Sometimes just the olders are together, and sometimes they are with Grey and Riley. Other times all 7 watch something together. Still other times, they meet at a movie theater, if there is a movie they all want to see.

For awhile, every other Tuesday afternoon different groups of our sons met at the local coffee shop.  They got hot cocoa, cookies, and played board games there. The owners of the coffee shop actually homeschool using Heart of Dakota. They really loved having the boys come and were fine if they were there a fair share of time. For awhile the coffee shop closed (as the owners were on an extended missions trip). Then, our sons played at the Austin's house instead. They loved that socialization too!

Throughout the year, our sons have fairly involved nerf gun wars. My son, Riley, mods nerf guns and even builds them now with a 3D printer. They team up, wear camouflage, set up barriers, and well - it's pretty involved.

Usually Shaw and Cole are filming something, and all of our sons have an acting part. This is also pretty involved, with scripts, special permission to film places, costumes, cameras, and more. In fact, they are filming this weekend. Great fun!

Every other Thursday night, we all try to meet at a restaurant to eat out with one another. We talk, laugh, and catch up. This doesn't always work, but we give it our best shot!

Socialization with a Group

Finally, our sons have socialization with a group. They do this through attending Sunday School classes. They've also taken dance lessons and attended homeschool dances. They've joined a gym and play basketball with whomever signs up to play (there are usually anywhere between 15 and 40 guys of all ages there). Sometimes they meet at the local gym to lift weights, and they've met with a physical trainer as well. Recently, as in last night, our sons started a Young Adults College/Career Bible study on Tuesday nights. These things come and go, especially with COVID. However, they have been fun socialization things to do too! I hope this post gives some easy ideas for socialization for older teens! It takes a little more planning, but it doesn't have to be hard!

In Christ,
Julie

Thanks so much everyone! I have read The Socialization Trap, years ago when it was first recommended on here. I should probably reread it. You all gave very good advice and I so appreciate the time that you took to respond.

Blessings!