heartofdakota.com

I could really use your advice. I have a few "issues" that make my days hectic and get in the way of us having a productive school day. If you have insight into any of these things, PLEASE share!

1. I am DISTRACTED. If ADHD is a *real* condition, I definitely have it! Before I had children, I worked a difficult job and ran my home smoothly. In both the professional and domestic worlds, I was organized. THEN, we added 4 children in 5 years. WHOA! Now, my children have to ask me 36 times for their sippy cup before I actually do it without being distracted by something else.

I go to do a load of laundry at 8am. In the middle of loading the machine, I remember that I have something in my room I need to wash. I go to my room and see something I need to mail and go to the box to mail it. At midnight I go back into the laundry room and realize I never finished loading the machine at 8am!

It seems like ALL day long I am running around SO busy, yet at the end of the day it seems like I have gotten nothing done.


2. I am a TERRIBLE housekeeper! My house consists of piles and boxes of "stuff" that needs to be gone through and put away. My master bedroom has a corner filled with plastic bins of baby clothes that are from last season or for next season, homeschool books that need to be organized, and who knows WHAT is at the bottom!

Being distracted all day & my (seeming) inability to get a single task done limits my housekeeping. Once the kids are in bed, and I can do it without interruptions, I am exhausted & ready o fall into bed.

My husband does the kitchen duties (except for cooking). I use paper plates during the day. Everything else is rinsed and piled in the sink. He does all of the dishes & cleans the kitchen at night.

3. I have chronic migraines. I am seeing a headache specialist, and I hope he can help. But, 4-3 days a week, I am debilitated with a headache & vomiting. What do I do with my kids then?

My husband is so wonderful. He works with children with Autism in our Public Schools. He also is finishing his Masters, so when he is not at work, he is studying or writing papers. He does so much with & for the kids, but he is so swamped now and will be for the next 18 months...


Other than that, things are GREAT : ) I don't want to sound like I am complaining. I am so blessed with my husband and children!

one word: routines!! that's what keep me sane. (I know the argument could be made that I'm not sane...)
I think ADHD is a real diagnosis, but I don't think you have it-I think you have mommy brain! (((hugs)))

really, if the kids and I know what is going to happen when, in a general sense, then we get through the day a lot easier. I use Outlook on my computer for our schedules, and I print a weekly one and put it on the fridge. I'm thinking of color coding each person soon, as we are all getting more involved in our own pursuits as the boys get older. Otherwise daily we have a general routine: get up, breakfast, clean up, showers, school, dinner, clean up, school or fun time or errand time, then supper, then bed. I don't do well with a rigid schedule-we tried to have times for each activity, and I just about did go crazy! now with an outline, we do much better.
I also assign jobs. We made everyone (even the yr old) a chore chart, with pictures, and they have jobs to do. arguments gets you an additional job, good work with a cheerful attitude gets you more cash. (we pay for chores-the littlest one gets nickels that he puts in a piggy bank and can use for gumballs at the grocery store)

That's what works for us. I'm also a WOHM, so I have to have some kind of schedule so that the days I have to go to work I know the school and the chores are done before I leave.

I agree with all the stuff Darci says. We do the chore chart as well. I also cook in bulk and freeze down. I spend a couple of days cooking and have meals ready for a couple of months. This helps so much. And it is great if you are not always feeling well. You just pick a good day to cook and the rest of the time it is taken care of every night. I wanted to give you a couple of resources that may help. Houseworks: Cut the Clutter, Speed Your Cleaning and Calm the Chaos by Cynthia Townley Ewer. What I like about it especially is there are pictures to show you how. Sometimes if you are not an organizer by nature you need to see what it is you are trying to accomplish. Like what doe a clean and organized linen closet really look like. Sounds silly but it really is true. http://www.amazon.com/Houseworks-Clutte ... 121&sr=8-2
Also you can get some really helpful charts here http://www.donnayoung.org/household/index.htm look under Donna Young Where did you hide the... There are lists that you can customize. I have found the house cleaning list very nice to customize as well as the shopping list. I just kept on forgetting things and this has helped. My husband and I are terrible pack rats. One day I finally realized I do not want my kids to have memories of disorganization. I want them to remember a peaceful clean and organized house and do not want to pass on my bad habits to them. To me that is very important. So it is worth tackling. Just pick a room and fix it then move to another eventually you will get it done and it will just be keeping it up.

we have a lot in common

not a lot to offer, but want you to know you are not alone

routines help
making lists help
telling everyone [including your husband and your best friend] your routine and expecting them to hold you accountable.
don't do it if doesn't have to be done. Sounds like you have the dishes figured out. But I only do laundry one day a week. If it isn't laundry day, I don't likely do a load. Dishes - I do once a day. Only. That means anything dirtied afterward may wait 23.5 hours to be washed... so be it.
Don't try to have a clean house before you do something you need to do - it will never happen

Pray and enjoy it - they are only this little once. Ten years from now your house will be a whole lot better organzied... and then you will realize it didn't matter that much anyway. [That is what I keep telling myself! ]

Don't try to do it all at once..
I have had great sucess with flylady my home was never clean I was totaly disorganized for years my first kid made it incredible obvious! how it works is you take a few weeks to get your house in tip top clean condition.... one week u concentrate on one room like the kitchen: all you do is organize and de clutter your kitchen all week, and keep your sink shiny every day... then the next week it might be your bathroom so now you continue to keep up with the kitchen cause now it takes 15min to tidy it up.. and you concentrate on the bathroom... so by week 3 your to the living room... now u spend 4 min tidying bathroom and 15 min tidying kitchen and the living room you can get the kids to do with a 5 min room rescue before daddy comes home every night... oh and every night u are rebooting your laundry so its ready for you in the morning. After a few weeks your house begins to look like a show place.

But you have to follow her advice: like when you declutter a space put up a sign that says This space has been decuttered any thing put here will be tossed in trash!!!
Boxing and banishing will need to be delt with later, but can help get immedate results.
the 27 thing fling (throwing away 27 things in your house you don't need in 10 min or less)

Remember what ever you choose you need to stay focused. I used fly lady for about 6 months, when my neat freak hubby started calling me housecleaning hitler I knew I could ease back on it. But it was great for getting me to a place where my house would be ready to show for selling clean in less than 15 min.

Now I'm a list maker I try to make a list of what I want to accomplish... and then cross it off each time I finish a task.
I also give my children lots of chores. If my 6 year old needs help finding her markers I delegate that job to big sister. So I don't get distracted. When my kid was 2 to make sure she felt a part of the family we gave her chores sufficent to her lvl.. I moved the dishes to lower shelves and she set and cleared the table. Yes the table looked like it had been set by a 2 year old but I didn't have to do it.
Hopefully you can find a system that works for you! And I'll be praying for your headaches.
huggles,
Tansy
P.S. you have inspired me to clean out my linin closet I been putting that off..

http://flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons_Declutter.asp
http://www.flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp

Systems...systems...systems...btw did I say systems?? Seriously, I think the best thing that has helped me (and I truly have been diagnosed with ADD) is having a well thought out system put into place. First create a system for how you want things to happen, then get yourself and your family doing it until it becomes a routine, finally keep it simple!! I looooove lists, schedules, doing charts etc on the computer but when its all said and done....the simpler the better. Here are a few things I've done to help myself:

Laundry- I basically do this daily but both my sons since the age of about 4yrs have their own laundry basket and are responsible for bringing their dirty laundry to the laundry room. Thats it just set it in the laundry room. I do whatever laundry is in the laundry room at that time...if something missed the wash, it doesn't get washed until I get enough for a load the next time around. (Which is usually only about a day or two.) I detest ironing so all clothes go directly from the dryer to being folded neatly into each child's basket for them to put away. My older son helps my younger son by carrying his laundry basket up the stairs for him. Before he could read, I put photos of what items belong where on his dresser so he could put his own stuff away. I also bought hanging rods low enough so he could learn to hang up his own clothes. Mostly before 5yrs, I just put his clothes straight out of the dryer on a hanger and he just hung them up.

I colored code EVERYTHING. Each family member has an assigned color and everything right down to socks and underwear are color-coded. Its just to time-consuming trying to tell the difference between my husband's white crew socks and my 14yr old's white crew socks. Dad is blue, 14ds is white, mom is pink, 8yr ds is green. All towels, laundry baskets, socks, underwear, file folders...pretty much everything gets sorted by color. This way I can know at a glance whose is what.

I was forever writing lists on bits and pieces of paper but always loosing them. So finally I bought myself 2 composition books, one I keep right by my telephone and whenever I want to remember anything no matter how small...I write it in my notebook. Its always by the phone so its never lost. I put emails, websites, measurements, phone numbers, addresses, swimming lessons and contact information, soccer coaches, and more in there. I can't tell you how many times its come in handy.

The second notebook I keep with me at all times. At the beginning of the notebook, I have an "ongoing to-do list" which I add to whenever something pops into my mind. This can be anything from phone calls, to projects, to things I can't forget to do. From the back I have a daily to-do list. Each day I date a new page and look over my ongoing list of to-do's, I choose 6 (I choose 6 as that is not enough to get overwhelmed but just enough to feel productive). Then I write those 6 items on that day's page. I cross them off as I do them on both my daily to-do and the ongoing to-do. If I didn't get something done, I simply carry it forward to the next day, and cont. until I've completed the item. I keep this notebook with me and simply add notes as the day progresses. Sometimes I even put menu ideas in here.

Food- I don't like to cook. So I prepare as much as possible in advance as to limit how much time I actually have to spend cooking. This includes pre-cooking meats, pre-cutting vegetables, and freezing whenever possible. I made out a list of my families favorites meals and created 3-4mths worths of menus which I can reference if I'm feeling spent. I usually always carrying the ingredients for most of their favs in my cupboard. I also utilize my crockpot quite often as well.

Oh and btw...as a self-professed clutterbug, I've slowly learned the value of simply getting rid of clutter. My problem was I saved everything I thought had value for a garage sale that never happened. Slowly I began to get more sick of the clutter and the emotional drain it had on me knowing it was always just around the corner (literally), so I began simply donating things to Goodwill, Salvation Army, Freecycle, etc...it felt good knowing those things I felt had value were going to someone who needed them and I can't even begin to explain the feeling that was lifted off my shoulders once I freed myself from the clutter that seemed to loom over my shoulders.

Finally...take 5. Yep. You read that correctly. Sometime around midday, I always try to take "at least" a 5 minute break to do something that makes me feel refreshed. Know when your highs and lows are. During my low time...I try to take five minutes to replenish myself spiritually, physically, or emotionally. By doing this, I'm able to regroup and refocus on the tasks at hand. During my "Take 5" time, my son usually does something quiet as well. When he was little it was nap time, but now its independent reading time. He loves it and so do I.


Good luck and remember you've always got a ton of wonderful advice here on the board from all of these fabulous mamas!!
Natreez

First, I want to mention a great book I just read. It is "ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life." I borrowed it through inter-library loan and it was excellent! I think you would find some useful ideas that you can apply immediately. It sounds like your husband has quite a bit on his plate, and I'm sure that getting a handle on things would bring a lot of peace to you both. There are so many coping strategies used in this book. For instance, in your laundry scenario. . .if you had a large post it note and pen on hand, you could have literally written down "get laundry from bedroom" and continued to load the laundry. That item in your room can make it into the next load, or you could run and get it. When you see the item that needs to be mailed, you can again put a colorful post-it on it and set it by the front door or in a prominent place - to be taken to the mail box at the next convenient moment. What do post-its achieve? Well, many ADD people are "out of sight, out of mind people." Thus the clutter - trying to keep it all in sight so it isn't forgotten. The post-it notes accomplish that for you. They are a visual reminder of something that is out of sight but needs to be taken care of. The book also mentions buying a red transparent folder. . .this becomes your daily action folder, where you put the things you need to take care of ASAP. Such as the item to be mailed. Because it is red and you will use it daily, you won't toss it aside and misplace it. And there's so many more ideas!

As for the migraines. . .yuck. I suffered from 3-day migraines for a while. To the point where I had an MRI done because I was convinced I must have a brain tumor or something. You know what was causing it? Stress. And I was getting rebound headaches from taking Excedrin migraine. I cut back on caffeine, left my stressful job, and stopped taking Excedrin. I've been migraine free for a couple years now. Obviously, you can't leave your stressful job of mothering and keeping house! But you might just be caught in a vicious cycle - the disorganization is stressing you out, which is causing migraines which leave you unable to organize in a way that works for you. Do you have a mom or sister or good friend who could come help you for a few days? Having someone with you to keep you focused while you tackle some organizing and cleaning is a huge help.

Above all, I say don't despair. I was pretty disorganized and cluttered for a while also. But I just kept pecking away at it. And ya know what? I've made so much progress. I just can't believe it myself! I really, really hope you are able to read the book. Getting started is half the battle, and finding methods that help you (not methods which a naturally organized person might recommend) is the other half!

You've gotten some great advice. I just wanted to add an organizer that really helped me in the home organization/cleaning department. I LOVE motivatedmoms.com. I tried fly lady and it worked for awhile, but I got sucked into the computer too much with it. I've been doing motivated moms for almost a year now and my house still is ready most days for drop in company. In fact, my hubby's out of town family was passing through and dropped in. The worst they say was the kids toys left on the floor to go answer the door and the dirt they tracked in with their shoes. That was my most rewarding moment all year! Because one year ago (before I started motivated moms) a neighbor's daughter had to use our bathroom and I was mortified to have them enter the house. Thankfully, I remember that moment when ever the house starts looking too bad and it spurs me into action. (Oh and that neighbor moved, so I don't have to feel embarrassed any more!)

Once you find something that works, stick with it! The first month or two (or three for me) are the toughest, but seeing the rewards keep me going.

Jennifer you are right!!! I totally forgot that I had that book and I agree it is chock full of awesome information. I also use the red folder idea...except I went to Staples and for $1.47 I bought a blue/green/brown/white pretty designed plastic one. The idea behind the "red" folder is to remind you to stop and look however I liked the idea of getting a folder that appealed to my girly senses. (No, I'm not really all that girly but I do like some girly things everyone now and then. ) I also do the post it notes idea too....on cupboards, tables, doors, bathroom mirrors! I even put post it notes on my purse!! Both my sons have even picked up on this and have now started using post it notes as reminders for themselves too!! Just last night I walked in the living room to find a post it note affixed to the tv....my 8yr old was posting a reminder to himself to watch a tv show that he was interested in.

Those are probably some of my best coping strategies yet. Great ideas Jennifer!!

Natreez

crlacey wrote: I tried fly lady and it worked for awhile, but I got sucked into the computer too much with it.

yes this can happen thanks for warning her! I never got hooked because I signed up for a digest version and just was a day behind on all the tasks.. I really find getting one room really clean! then making it stay that way is so much easier.

I don't know about you girls, But last night 20 min b4 Daddy was gonna walk in the door the living room was a disaster..

So I got out the laundry baskets to do a 15 min room rescue; 1 for adults, 1 for big sister and 1 for little sister. 3 things went into the adult basket... the kid baskets were going to be over flowing with junk.. So I sorted quickly good art from bad grabbed the hole punch and punched it all and stuck it in their art notebooks. I trashed ruthlessly anything that was junk. While the sisters began scurrying to put their stuff away. Within 10 min all of little sisters stuff was neatly put away while big sister was ADD distracted with her doll. Little sister knowing she can fine big sister grabbed all the rest of the toys dumped them in the basket and put it away... Big sister then helped put away 2 more items.. then had to pay little sis a 25¢ fine because She didn't do her chore. Daddy walked in 10 min later to a just freshly swept un-cluttered living room.

But isn't it amazing usually for me the mess is not mine... it's the kids junk/art/school/stuff... I'm getting better at the philosophy that if they can take it out they can put it away. And now that lil sis knows she gets compensated for her effort I have a lot less headaches from trying to make big sis do the work... and tomorrow when we go to the store and she has no allowance left over she won't be buying Poptarts.

I am using motivatedmoms.com too! It has been very helpful to me as far as reminding me of what needs to be done every day and I have a sense of accomplishment being able to "check" each item off. I like flylady.net too but I just have her "Sink Reflections" book so I don't have to be on the computer so much.

Hi, Shannon! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I think all of us suffer from "mommy brain" - sometimes it's worth than others. I think you have been given some really great ideas so far. I will just chime in with one more. I keep a whiteboard at eye level for my kids with abbreviations on it for each thing they need to accomplish that day. (CH = chores, M = math, LA = language arts, Pets = for pet duties, P = piano, etc). They mark off each thing as it is done and I can see at a glance who still needs to do what so that my mind is not so jumbled trying to keep track of what they are all doing.

I also do the same thing for myself with another whiteboard in our kitchen. I will write on it even the obvious things that I need to do that day, like laundry, mail letter, make grocery list, etc. That just frees my mind and it is easy to mark off and to write new things on as I think of them since it's in the kitchen where I am most of the day.

Satan wants nothing more to discourage us, but the steadfast of mind He will keep in perfect peace. Just do the next thing.

Love that whiteboard idea! How easy is that!