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Hi, ladies. Happy Monday!
I am having a bit of a struggle lately, and I wanted to see if any of you could offer up some suggestions, advice, helpful info, etc. ((Note: I have already searched through HOD Board before posting this, and since I didn't find anything directly relating to my struggle I thought I'd reach out.))

I am having a little bit of an issue with feeling isolated and feeling that my kiddos are isolated. We are the only ones in our immediate or extended family who homeschool, and we are the only ones in our neighborhood who homeschool. My kiddos do play nicely with the neighborhood children, but there is often not time for those children to get out and play until the weekend.

We have a homeschool co-op available to us. However, we tried it for 2 years and found that it was a distraction from our work at home, especially since it was more "academic based" instead of simply adding on fun/extracurriculuar activities.

I have some friends who do CC, and they have tried to talk me into it for the "sense of community." Right now, I am almost tempted - even though just looking at the way they do grammar and dialect scares me. AND, I am an English major and a former public school English teacher.

It seems that all families, homeschooling or not, are busy. My kiddos are definitely homebodies and they are not interested in sports, or dance, or gymnastics any longer. My dh thinks that b/c we homeschool they don't like to be in bigger groups of children and prefer smaller groups of kids of all ages. This is not a bad thing! It's just difficult to create that atmosphere.....

I *love* HOD, and my children are doing so well with the entire program. So switching curriculum gears isn't an option. However, I need advice on how to break out of our isolation. Or do we even need to??? My children aren't "weird" (any more so than a normal 8, 9, and 3 year old are ), and they really don't ask to do more outside of the home - it's just that I am feeling the weight of isolation. Maybe a bit myself, but also like I am isolating my kiddos without actually meaning to. I have encouraged them to participate in a sport, a club, etc, but they don't have the interest. They just want to be together as a family of 5, and hang out with a friend or two every so often. IS THIS OK??? Should I push them to do more? We are **so different** from other families in this way, making it hard to relate to others who are get-up-and-go-and-be-involved-in-everything. My homeschooling friends' lives are so busy that it seems the only way to see them is to do everything that they do. But my kids don't want to!

I do host a Girls of Grace group once a month in our home for my daughter and other moms with girls. This is just something that I started on my own to break out of isolation and create friendships, but, of course, my boys aren't involved. And it's only one Saturday a month, not really enough to fill up any "socialization" requirement.

So I guess my struggle is: Do we need to be involved in more? Is simply being together, just the 5 of us, almost all of the time OK? Is it healthy? And if it's not, then what should I do to help us break out of our hibernation?

Blessings!
Amber

My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that today's families are too busy. We love that our schedule is not too busy to eat together each evening and spend time on the weekends with Dad when he's available. Not to say that my kids don't have any friends, but we choose to limit our time outside our home. When my kids were your kids ages, they had a friend or two in the neighborhood that they looked forward to playing with when time allowed. They seemed happy enough with this arrangement. Even now, my oldest is involved in youth group but you'll find her with 2 or 3 friends instead of a large group. Some people crave the large group and lots of interaction and others prefer the smaller, more intimate settings.

Where I grew up, we didn't have a neighborhood of kids. We had lots of trees and farmland around us. I learned to enjoy time with my brother or pursuing a hobby. I still prefer smaller settings.

If staying home is working for your family, then there's no need to feel like you have to be a part of a co-op. I know co-ops generally don't work well for my kids, so we don't join. Others really thrive with the co-ops and rely on them to fill in some specific needs whether that's socialization or academic. Neither approach is wrong.

I'd talk with your husband about your thoughts and see what he thinks. Maybe staying home is the best thing your family. If it's just you feeling the need to get out, maybe you could join a Bible study or other church group, a book club at the library or a hobby related group in your community. Or you could start a monthly (or even bi-weekly) get together for homeschool or stay at home moms. One last option might be to host a weekly playgroup for other moms who have little ones at home.

If they are enjoying being home and spending time as a family then honestly I would look at that as a huge blessing. I tell my kids all the time that friends will come and go, but your siblings will be there forever. My daughter who is now 20 and in college is starting to really see the truth in that. Friends she thought she would always have are no longer friends. She says she is very thankful for the fact that we always ate meals together and that we valued time together as a family. The days of sitting around playing family games or watching Andy Griffith together are cherished memories for her. Your kids are still young, as they get older they may develop interest in certain things and then you could pursue like minded kids, classes etc. My son did karate when he was younger, but didn't have anything he was passionate about until around 13. We do a homeschool co-op, but it is only for enrichment and he is the only child at home, but he doesn't feel like it is a vital part of our homeschool experience. He is very involved in church youth group and that does help him keep from feeling isolated. However those kids are all very busy with their own lives so he doesn't see them outside of church.

I truly think it is more important to build family relationships than lots of superficial ones outside of the family.

Here is a post that I started a while back that was actually a revisit to an older post on this very topic. There was a ton of good advice in there. I find that I have to re-read it occasionally when planning out our homeschool year.

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=16224&hilit=afterno ... ialization

HTH!

Oh, this topic is near and dear to my heart. We are in a similar situation to you. My sons are 8 and 5 and on top of being home-bodies who don’t like group activities much (like organized sports and such), we have several health problems that make it challenging to get out and about on a regular basis (mostly b/c of my fatigue). The thing is, though, we rather like our simple life. The main thing that makes me worried is just what you said, is it enough? Is it healthy? So, I have spent a lot of time praying about the topic and will share what thoughts I’ve had. I have a feeling this could get long…sorry in advance, lol

It’s an odd feeling not having someone to compare ourselves too. I mean, we can no longer look at the culture to see if our families are “normal” and “healthy.” We can look at other Christian families, but even that requires discernment because the culture has invaded the church in many ways. So how can we know what our family is supposed to look like? How do we know what things to change and what things to keep? First step—ask God! He knows!

Pray. God says in Ephesians that we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them. (and no, I didn’t have that memorized that well…I wish…just googled it, lol). So He has plans for you which means He also has plans for your family. Ask Him for wisdom. Ask Him for insight into what to change and what to keep the same.

Read the Word! Go to the Bible and see what God has to say about families. We know the most important role as parents: to teach God’s commands diligently to our children. To talk about them when we sit and when we go and when we lie down and when we get up (somewhere in Deuteronomy . And Proverbs talks so much about disciplining our children and teaching them God’s wisdom (the fear of the Lord). And you can teach those most important things right at home, just the way things are! And the great thing about teaching our children God’s commands is, the natural bi-product is good social skills. Love your neighbor as yourself (be willing to play your sisters game even though you don’t want to). Love your enemy (don’t hit your little brother back when he tattles on you). Don’t be greedy (share). Don’t envy (i.e. don’t rip that toy you want out of your brother’s hands). Be kind, humble, patient, etc. Teaching our children to be like Jesus will lead to children who are naturally able to love all people, just as Jesus did—from the richest to the poorest. So that should be top priority! We don’t need more activities to learn good social skills, we just need a good example—and Jesus is perfect!!

But what about putting those skills into practice. I imagine they get quite a lot of practice just between the three of them. Three year olds are wonderful for teaching older siblings patience and self control are they not!?!?! lol. And even siblings who are the best of friends have cranky days and days when they don’t agree. Wonderful chance to put those commands into practice!

Outside of that, though, remember that as Christians, we are a part of a larger family—the family of God. God’s Word has some things to say about how His family is supposed to look too. We are supposed to worship together, carry each other’s burdens (which means knowing other believers and serving them) and we’re supposed to make disciples of all nations. So pray about that. How is your family doing as a part of the body of believers? If God leads you, as the parents, to increase your time serving other believers and ministering in the community, take your children with you. Let them see you obeying God’s commands in practice…and it will likely give them a chance to do so too. And if they choose to follow Jesus, then as they get older, they can start taking more responsibility in God’s family too—doing their own ministry and service. As for now, they are still young, and ministry with a 3 yr old is probably a teeny bit challenging. God might give you peace that this IS your ministry right now. Making disciples of them! But, as God leads, there might be opportunities that come up to expand outside of your home. Helping at a food pantry stocking cans (3 yr old might be able to do that, lol), picking up debris in a neighbor’s yard after a storm, etc. These are not only wonderful social interactions, but a chance to share God’s love and possibly make longterm friends too.

I think we have to be careful not to fall into the mindset of the culture. It seems to place such a high value on children being with other children and having fun together. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. The Bible is clear that it is okay to enjoy our lives and kids having fun together is a joy for everyone! But it shouldn’t be our top priority. Besides, it sounds like your kiddos have a lot of fun together anyway, so you can probably check off your fun box already!

All that to say, I would take some time to seek God. Then, rest in peace knowing that He will guide you! In the meantime, focus on what’s most important—teaching them about Him! He’ll let you know if anything else needs to be added!

So I guess my struggle is: Do we need to be involved in more? Is simply being together, just the 5 of us, almost all of the time OK? Is it healthy? And if it's not, then what should I do to help us break out of our hibernation?

It absolutely is ok. Our 21st century idea of socialization, as another poster pointed out, does not follow God's ideal for the family as presented in the Bible. Somewhere in the last 6 or 7 decades we have significantly redefined our ideal of socialization. If we look down through the ages of time, we see the family structure and function vastly different from today. Don't get me wrong, it is not wrong to socialize and we all need to connect with others, but the before/after daycare, school, sports, extracurricular activity schedule we have carved for ourselves is very damaging to families and homeschoolers have not been immune to the template. One of my favorite reads on the subject is a book called "Hold On to Your Kids" by Neufeld and Mate.
We have noticed that although our boys, ages 9 & 10, would be considered "nonsocialized" by today's standards, they actually demonstrate socialization skills well beyond their peers, and they are healthy and happy with their primary socialization being within our family of four. If your family is thriving, I would not worry about it.

We lead a quiet life centered around family and home. We are not in extracurricular activities, though we are a pretty active family. The boys fish, hunt, 3-wheeler ride, swim outdoors, play all sports with their cousins (basketball, baseball, football, kickball, soccer - all with 7 players only), play board games of every kind, play foosball/ping pong/air hockey on small activity table, watch movies, have indoor/outdoor nerf gun wars, have an outdoor basketball hoop, have 3 cats and 2 dogs, etc. We eat out twice a month at a restaurant, and we dress up to do it. We discuss the sermon on the 30 minute drive home each Sunday. We also are reading through the Bible together over 2 years and meeting to discuss it as a family once a week. We have a family iPod with music we all choose to put on it, after looking at lyrics, and we do all love listening to music... pretty loudly actually. We take a small vacation within driving distance of our home once each year, often to a state park where we hike. It is a full life. My dc are fine. In fact, they absolutely love their lives. It is ME that needs an outing with another adult more than my dc do. To fill this need, I try to date my dh once a week if he is not traveling. This is oxygen for me! I also try to get together with my sister Carrie and brother-in-law, Mike, whom I consider my friends as well as my family, once a week or so. These 2 outings sustain me through the long winter months. We also plan extended family gatherings, which I love to cook and plan for... such as a Super Bowl party, Thanksgiving, each child's birthday party, Christmas cookie baking and party, Bunco paying with whole family at Christmas, New Year's Eve get-together, etc. We look forward to these times too. When my dh is gone for long periods of time traveling for work, I'll take the boys for hot chocolate or ice cream somewhere, or we'll get a movie to watch together and make popcorn and M & M's, or I'll take them over to the cousins and I'll watch a movie with the adults. Maybe it's just me, but I need socialization more than my dc because they have each other and love it. I thought I'd mention it as reading through your thread, it seems your dc are thrilled with their life, but you are feeling a little alone (I understand). Anyway, as far as this topic in general, I put a lot more detail into this old thread many years' back, as did many other ladies...

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5207&p=38172

I hope something here helps! Overall, I'm very content with our life. I'm especially happy with the way our dc are 'turning out,' as well as the way our family is extremely close. I'm also glad that my 3 sons consider each other to best friends, with their cousins being their next best friends. I'm glad Christ is at the center of our life together. They have no trouble talking with other adults or children. In fact, at larger gatherings with extended family where new people and dc are often present, they are often picked to play with just because the 3 of them are quick to get to having 'fun' together wherever they are. Others want to be a part of it and can tell they'll be accepted, no matter their age or ability. Doing things like playing baseball with 7 dc ranging ages 8 to 20 yo accomplishes that. So does playing 'basketball' with 3 dc ages 8, 12, and 16. The list goes on. Our dc make games happen with odd conditions, so doing so with others when the situation arises is natural. Age is not a consideration. So, talking with the pastor after church about renovating our house seems natural, for example. Anyway, socialization on a grand scale happens across all ages. I'm not partnered off with other 44 year old women, for example, very often. Socialization within the family parallels socialization in the 'real world' outside of public school. I feel they are well-prepared, well-adjusted, and well-socialized. Your kids are better than ok. They're socialized in the best way possible, by your family. Celebrate it! But do date your husband.

In Christ,
Julie

Just wanted to share that my homebody daughter is now in Japan. I am glad that she wanted to stay home, and that we did during a season. She is now in Japan teaching English to elementary to high school students. Growing up she preferred to stay home. She was not deprived or held back. Take the time to build those relationships with family. Friends come and go. I have seen seasons of busy outside activities and staying home. I think God gives us special seasons, so pay attention to the Holy Spirit and heed His direction, and the blessings will flow.

I wish I knew how to reply to each of you individually, and I surely hope that you all receive this because I have deep, heartfelt thanks for each of you and your responses.

I think that maybe it is more of a ME issue than an issue for my kiddos. In the last couple of years I have seen so many homeschool families start changing. They are involved in so much "extra" that their children are not getting a full education. I don't mean that to come across as judgmental, I simply mean that I have seen many families skip history, writing, literature because they can't make time for that with basketball, football, baseball, gymnastics, etc. I was really convicted a couple of years ago that if I don't take my kiddos' education seriously then they won't take their education seriously. I am not striving for my kiddos to be the smartest, I do want their education to be complete.

So when I see other homeschooling families doing so much, I guess it makes me question myself and our decisions as parents. My husband has a very large family and they are all local to us. I mentioned in my original post that we are the only ones who homeschool, so that makes it challenging. Their children are all highly involved in extracurricular activities and public school. They all think that we are "weird" and that we are depriving our kids from a normal life b/c we don't do organized sports (and because we homeschool, of course). But you are all so right, that it is God that I need to take my cues from - not others. Thank you for that reminder!! --Isn't it just funny sometimes how we can tell our children not to take their cues from their peers....and then we go and do just that??? At 36 I still have so much to learn.

I love how many of you listed out all that your kiddos do with your family b/c here's our family activities list: playing in the woods, riding the four wheeler, riding bikes, playing tag, playing all types of "ball" in the yard as a family (and sometimes neighborhood kids join in), vegetable gardening, playing with cousins, visiting with grandparents, church, watching movies with popcorn, baking, going out to eat with Mimi 1-2 times a month, nerf gun wars, and lots more. We are busy - a good, family-centered busy!! So thank you for reminding me that socialization does not need to happen by the world's standards, but by the Lord's and how He calls our family.

So now I'm off to bake muffins for my kiddos because that is one direct route to their heart. There's nothing better than socializing in the kitchen!

I hear you about the peer pressure!!! Isn't it funny how we can feel weird even compared to other homeschoolers?! lol. I have wrestled with this topic a lot (my own post was more than half preaching to myself ) and it was really helpful to read what everyone wrote. So, thanks for posting your question and for being so real...and thanks to everyone else for sharing!!

Hope you enjoy those muffins...that sounds delicious!!!!