Horrified by "homeschooled Kids" behavior at CoOp event

[mrsrandolph]

I don't usually participate in events in my area for homeschoolers, but Friday, I took my kids to a dogfish shark dissection held by a local homeschool group. I was APPALLED by the disrespectful behavior of the middle school aged kids. It rubbed off on my teenage daughter so quickly, I had to take her to the van for a "come to Jesus meeting".

I know I don't want public school socialization, but is this any better? Have any of you had similar experiences?

[Nealewill]

I will say that as my co-op has grown, we get more and more types of families. When I first started out, there were a few strange ones. But now, we are to a point where our co-op is fairly large and we have ended up with kids who are disrespectful, wild, and people with a minimal faith background. We are a Christian co-op and do make people sign a statement of faith but it seems that now we just have a very diverse group. As for me and my kids, there are times that other children's disrespectful behavior has rubbed off on them. But there are plenty of times they came up with horrible behavior all on their own. I do think that some co-ops have different cultures than others. I do love my co-op. I love the moms. And I love that many of us are doing the best we can. I am on the Board at my co-op so I do think that helps me with seeing the heart of the leaders and that is really important. This year, also since we are so big, we did have to implement a dean of students. We have kids who do misbehave. And now we have someone who can help with it. But in general, I would say that not all co-ops are the same. Some in my area have parents that are snooty. Some co-ops are known for not following through. Some co-ops are known for not being flexible and the teachers being kind of mean. Some are known for being Christian. Some work better for high school and some for younger years. They are all so different. My area has about 10 known co-op options for homeschoolers so I can be somewhat selective. But some you would have travel longer to get to than others. I am just fortunate because my co-op is 15 minutes away and I picked it because of distance initially. I didn't know anything about any of the other co-ops and only found out about their cultures once I met more homeschool moms.

I do hope that you can find what you are looking for if you are looking to get your kids involved in something.

[LynnH]

We have a wonderful co-op with kids that are well behaved for the most part. They are kind to the little ones and encouraging to ones their own age. I have been out on events in public with them and they are polite and their moms make sure to hold them accountable. Having said all that I think what you have witnessed is how strong peer pressure is for teens. If one starts acting up then others will often follow. You saw that yourself with how quickly your own child was influenced by that behavior. I always have looked at it this way. I can't influence the behavior of those other kids, but what I can focus on is my own child and why are they so easily influenced and why did their behavior change so quickly. The times I have seen that in my own kids makes me realize I need to do more character training at home with the strong biblical basis such as in HOD and then continue to expose them to situations where they will need to put the training into action, with me there to help guide as needed. Having one that is now off at college and faces challenges to her faith and moral standards daily I realize how important it is for my ds to have exposure to those types of things now while I am still right there to help him sort it all out.

[Gwenny]

I think that all of us with cave to peer pressure at different times, no matter how much "training" or character building we have done. Sometimes, if they are not needing to practice that training much and are always is controlled areas, they will fail easily and maybe many times. But, that is a great learning time and they can get stronger and really make decisions for themselves to go against the flow or whatever. There will be great learning times after and they will see what they can do differently, etc. They also then get to see that they need Jesus--they can't be "good" on their own, they haven't arrived at a state of perfect character.

It is disappointing to see the behavior at a place that you think you won't have to deal with it. Unfortunately, being homeschooled doesn't make for perfect children.

[MelInKansas]

My pastor's wife (who is leading our Bible study) put it in perspective for us once when we were discussing the Great Commission. Where's your Jerusalem? Of course we are thinking neighbors, family (our parents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews), really anyone we spend time with regularly. She said "think closer." Umm.... our own children. Oh yeah! I mean some of our children may be believers, but even if they are, they are young and need to grow. We are training them, teaching them, and hopefully modelling to them what it means to walk with Christ.

That being said, there are events I do not attend or do not stay long at because of the group behavior of the children. I expect my children not to run around and scream in the church building for example. But if we stay after co op for the lunches and stay too much after most people are done eating, this is exactly what a majority of the children do. So for me, I leave quickly, and my children know they are not supposed to start running around and yelling even if other children do so. Now, this is known going in, so I can discuss it with them and I keep an eye on them. You obviously didn't know you would encounter this among the group you were with. And you took her out and discussed it with her as it became a problem, which was the right thing to do. It's frustrating, but I always have to keep in mind, with my expectations with my own children and with others' children, we don't know their status as believers, so why would we expect them to always behave well? Or even if they are believers, we all get into bad habits and behaviors and for teenage children I think friends are especially tempting for them in this. And it becomes more difficult for parents to always influence or stop this behavior.

Grace is always good. And knowing your limits.

[Little Women]

Ours is pretty good. We have a supervisor mom in the "study hall" room (not much studying gets done! ), and we do pink slips on a three times you're out basis. I have never had to give a pink slip, but I think most years someone does once or twice. Our kids get a bit noisy sometimes, but they are pretty good, helpful, completely unconcerned about whether the ones they are playing with are little or big, and polite. If I have to say, "dial it back a bit," they are good about it.