Your Help Leads Me to Another Question

[mrsrandolph]

OK. You guys have helped me so much, and your help has led me to have another question. For background...My 2 oldest are in CTC unit 17. My 13 year old daughter is VERY bright and excels in EVERY subject. My 12 year old son has learning issues and would be totally apathetic about school if not for his sister's "push". He feels compelled to "compete" with her (in a sense). On one hand this is bad because it can cause him to get really down on himself..."I can't do anything"..."I'm stupid" etc.

I am a VERY positive mom, and give him NOTHING but encouragement. But he puts this pressure on himself...pressure to be like his sister.

ON THE OTHER HAND...The competition is positive because it pushes him to excel when his natural tendency is to be lazy and apathetic about academics.

So, I have considered moving her up to Res to Ref and leaving him in CTC, but it does not sit well in my spirit.

For one thing, they have always done school "together". There is a real "community" aspect to what the 3 of us have during that time together, and I don't want us to lose that. I don't want the 2 of them to lose that closeness in their relationship.

On the other hand, I don't want to hold my daughter back. If moving up a guide would be best for her (and yes she could do it), then I want to do what is best for her.

But I want to do what is best for ALL OF US as a FAMILY without looking too hard at any one individual to the detriment of the community aspect of homeschooling.

Help?

[LynnH]

I guess I don't see it as healthy for him to constantly be in a situation where he can't help but fall short when compared to his sister. That isn't a healthy push. As he deals with hormones etc he will probably become more emotional and will beat himself up even more. If he is doing his own program then you can give him goals that are achievable and that will push him in an way that is geared specifically to him and are attainable. He can then feel good about what he achieves. It isn't attainable for him to be equal to his sister so why set him up for disappointment.

I understand that you have enjoyed the community the three of you of shared, but there are seasons in our homeschool journey and maybe it is time for that season to end and a new season where you can rejoice in the independence that your dc start to achieve. You have said you feel like you are holding your daughter back. That doesn't seem healthy for her. Let her soar and see what she can achieve. That can be a hard thing for us mommas to do I know. To step back some and let them become more independent and find a little autonomy, but it is part of growing up. Maybe you can find other bonding times. For our family that has been family game nights, doing special weekend field trips together etc. As far as there closeness you may find that separating them actually helps them get closer because they won't be competing with each other and you put an end to any resentment he may have.

Please know I know this is a difficult decision, but I think in the long run you may get more harmony in your family from letting them each be who God made them to be without trying to fit into the same box.

[Gwenny]

I agree, I would let her take off. I don't think that the push that he is getting is a healthy one either. I would find another way for him to "compete" to get the push he needs. Goals, rewards, etc.

[rumkimom]

I agree with the previous 2 posters. Let her go forward and take off. Your son might do better on his own than you think...and then he would not constantly compare himself to his sister.

[Tami]

My b/g twins are very competitive....at least my boy. He can actually work faster than his sister but is constantly degrading himself (can we say perfectionist?). We are going through remediation for dyslexia right now so they are working together but I can see a separation coming in the future. I almost chose two totally different curricula to avoid the competition but found HOD and love it!

If I need to slow down the curriculum for our daughter (which may happen), then it will naturally work itself out when he finishes first and moves into the next level.