DD Wants Public School

[Glad2Bsaved]

As I was getting ready for bed last night, I found a pretty envelope addressed to me from my 12-year-old daughter. I smiled as I read it until the shocker: "...I'm sorry I can't tell you face to face, but I want to go to public school. I feel in my heart that God wants me to go to be a witness, and next year for 7th grade is when I want to go. Not that you are a bad teacher..." You can imagine how much sleep I got. Being a witness may sound sweet, but I believe that was used as a convincing ploy. I am always telling her to be a good witness when we go off i.e. not whining when I say no to buying something and not arguing with her 14 year old brother. I have retrieved my list of why we homeschool, added to it, and have scriptures ready. I am also looking for an article "Myths of Why to Send Your Child to Public School", with one being "they can be a good witness." I haven't found it yet, but I hope to before I speak with her. I have a grace period as I returned the letter to the spot under my pillow. I can tell she has looked for it and moved it so I can see it better next time. She thinks I haven't seen it yet. I don't like to deceive, but I need some time.

My parents have been living with us for 9 months in our small house. My attention has been stretched for everyone. I was already allowing Satan to tell me the children would get "more" from attending school. (Yes, but of what?) I have been able to push the thoughts quickly out of my mind, but today it is more difficult. I really don't want to go down that road of thinking. I just feel inadequate.

Unfortunately for my dd, it's not her decision, but I want her to buy into it, which I thought she had already. I know you all are busy, but any tips or words of wisdom for my talk with her would be appreciated.

Thanks.
Brenda

[shellbell]

Praying for you Brenda! You could tell her that you did read her letter and that you appreciate her sharing with you. You can be honest and tell her that you need a little time to think and to pray. Then maybe give her a specific day/time that you will sit down to talk with her, so she can see that you are serious and not ignoring it. This can show her that is OK when presented with something that one doesn't need to respond instantly and that you can take some time to think over things.

Maybe ask her what other reasons she think she should go to public school. Maybe that will help you see where she is coming from and how to answer her.

As far as what to say to her, I don't know, but the Lord does, so I will pray for wisdom for you.

[hs.mama07]

I don't have any advice, but I will pray for you guys!

[LynnH]

My ds was in ps through 4th grade and my dd through 9th. They both asked to come home due to issues in ps. My dd has actually talked to girls around that age that were saying they wanted to go to ps and asking them what they pictured ps would be like. They almost always paint a picture that is like highschool musical or some other movie. She is quick to point out that it doesn't look like that at all. Maybe you could ask her what she thinks it will be like and then you may have to be very blunt in describing what it is really like.

I know the article you are talking about and I think it was in The Old Schoolhouse magazine. It is very rare for a child that age to be able to stand up against the culture and be a witness. Usually it works the other way around,especially if they are a child that is influenced by peer pressure at all. My dd was in a before school prayer group and why they were praying people would stand around and shout profanities etc at them. The school would not let them hang up any signs about their prayer group, but other groups that had a more liberal agenda were allowed to. My dd got out of ps after that year and I am so glad she did because she was getting to a point where she wanted nothing to do with God or the Bible because of what people would think. She came home and grew closer to us, to the Lord and became more involved in church. She has kept in touch with a few kids that were also in that prayer group and she doesn't know of one that would say they are still walking with the Lord.

[lmercon]

I agree with others who suggested you not give a definite answer yet. Tell her that you are thinking and praying about it. Even if you think it is a ploy, I'd praise her for her desire to be a witness. Suggest that in the meantime, she list some very specific reasons for her choice. I would take those reasons and see if you can counter them with suggestions and opportunities. If she wants to feel like part of a group, then search for area hs groups, clubs, programs, etc. that might be of interest to her. If you decide to tell her that hsing is not her choice, make sure you do provide some areas in her life that can be a result of her decision. Finally, I think that I would tell her that although being a witness is a wonderful thing, she is still growing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Before she can be a witness in an anti-God atmosphere, she needs to be strong and mature in her faith. She's not ready. She needs to power-up her spiritual armor before she can use it.

[MelInKansas]

This would be a difficult and heartbreaking thing to hear/read from your DD. If you are already convicted that this is what the Lord wants you to do, then that's that. But the Lord can change her heart also. I will be praying that He will do so, that He will show her what an incredible blessing it is (live-in grandparent or no) to be able to stay at home and spend time with her family. That soon and soon enough she will be on her own and will be a witness to all around her. She already is a witness to others, but anyway. That the Lord wants her to learn at home, about Him, and from a Biblical perspective.

The Lord bless you for your faithfulness and perseverence through trials.

[mrsrandolph]

I was VERY thankful to read in your post that you KNOW it's not her decision to make. YOU know best...not her. We ALL feel inadequate as homeschooling mothers! ALL of us! We ALL wonder if our kids wouldn't fair better in PS. But we know that they would not.

The bottom line is that God has called us to educate our children. If we send them to public school, it is like sending them to the priests of Baal for an education!

One of my FAVORITE pastors, Voddie Baucham said this, "If we continue to send our children to Caesar for their education, we need to stop being surprised when they come home as Romans."

As for what to say to your daughter, I would tell her that you have a God give responsibility to educate her that you cannot shirk. And as far as being a witness is concerned, she will have plenty of time for that when she is more mature and better able to handle being thrown to the dogs. Tell her that you love her and are only doing what is best for her. You must give an account before God for her upbringing, and you cannot take that lightly.

And I might write it in a letter and put it on her pillow.

I will pray for both of you!

[countrymom]

To the poster, I am praying for you and your daughter. I agree with the other posters to find out what she thinks it would be like and then educate her. I will continue to pray. Mrsrandolph, I love that quote!!!

[Glad2Bsaved]

Each of you have lifted me up. Many thanks!!!

shellbell: Thank you for the prayers. I took your advice and said we'd talk about it. I received many "but God is leading me to this..."

Liz: To pray for strangers... THANKS!

LynnH: I agree with you that she has this "high school musical" idea. Your dd story gave me chills. A close call! Obviously, you had been bathing her in prayer. Thank you for a "real" example.

Imercon: Your words on being a witness are perfect! And thanks for reminding me to point out positives before "reacting."

Melissa: Thanks for praying & for your encouraging words!

Shannon: Powerful! Thank you for reeling me back on path. Voddie Baucham is great, and you couldn't have given me a better reference person or quote! Thanks also for your prayer. Due to family situations I've been unable to get this kind of support. Your "pillow" statement made me smile. I needed that too!

[Glad2Bsaved]

countrymom: Didn't mean to leave you out. I began my post while you were doing yours, and I didn't see it. Thank you so much for praying. I like how you stated to see what she thinks and then "educate" her. There is a pun in there whether you meant to have it or not.

[my3sons]

I tell my dc they can be a witness every single day! A witness to their little brother by getting up and doing their Bible Quiet Time each morning, a witness to the elderly lady they get the door for, a witness to the waitress by being thankful for her service at a restaurant, a witness to the neighbor boy by helping him get his ball down off the roof, a witness to the people sitting around them in church by taking notes during the sermon/by singing praises to the Lord joyfully during the service/by dressing up for church in the best clothes we have to show we see Jesus as a King, by praying before meals wherever they are (in a restaurant, at a friend's house, etc.), by choosing music that has good lyrics to listen to, etc. Every moment can be a witness moment! You would not believe the amount of waitresses that make mention what a pleasure it was to serve our sons, and when asked what school they go to, and when we say they are homeschooled and they then ask why we homeschool - we say, "Because we want Christ to be a part of our kids' schooling - that's the main reason." They often say, "Well, it's working." And they can see it by the way they 'witness!'

It is the small things people notice. How we live our daily lives IS a witness to all around us! Being a witness in public school is quite difficult when you are often forbidden to pray or speak about God. It is often before or after public school that these kiddos are trying to be witnesses, and that can be done when homeschooling too. Jesus did not begin His 'formal' ministry until His early 30s (Luke 3:23)! Where was He before that? Home with His family, a carpenter's Son, learning from them, preparing for things to come. Still, even as a child, He was ALWAYS a witness!

People have been witnesses imprisoned in towers, by what they have written. Your dd likes to write notes! She can witness that way! One thing I have done this year - every hotel I stay at when we attend book fairs, I write a personal note and put it in the front of the Gideon Bible in the end table by the bed. I pray about it, about someone finding it that needs encouragement, and about what the Lord leads me to write, but it is alway about how Jesus has changed my life! How I am a sinner need Him every single day, but how He is doing a life makeover in me a little at a time! And how the Words of this Book, the Bible, have changed my life. Please do encourage your sweet dd. Witnessing doesn't have to take place within public school's walls. It can be done this moment - no need to wait. And there is much in the Bible about the company you keep, about the friends you choose, and much about making sure to choose carefully who you choose to be around lest you become more like them (of the world) than they become more like you. HTH, but I have also prayed for you! Be strong. You do know best.

In Christ,
Julie

[daybreaking]

I tell my dc they can be a witness every single day! A witness to their little brother by getting up and doing their Bible Quiet Time each morning, a witness to the elderly lady they get the door for, a witness to the waitress by being thankful for her service at a restaurant, a witness to the neighbor boy by helping him get his ball down off the roof, a witness to the people sitting around them in church by taking notes during the sermon/by singing praises to the Lord joyfully during the service/by dressing up for church in the best clothes we have to show we see Jesus as a King, by praying before meals wherever they are (in a restaurant, at a friend's house, etc.), by choosing music that has good lyrics to listen to, etc. Every moment can be a witness moment! You would not believe the amount of waitresses that make mention what a pleasure it was to serve our sons, and when asked what school they go to, and when we say they are homeschooled and they then ask why we homeschool - we say, "Because we want Christ to be a part of our kids' schooling - that's the main reason." They often say, "Well, it's working." And they can see it by the way they 'witness!'

It is the small things people notice. How we live our daily lives IS a witness to all around us! Being a witness in public school is quite difficult when you are often forbidden to pray or speak about God. It is often before or after public school that these kiddos are trying to be witnesses, and that can be done when homeschooling too. Jesus did not begin His 'formal' ministry until His early 30s (Luke 3:23)! Where was He before that? Home with His family, a carpenter's Son, learning from them, preparing for things to come. Still, even as a child, He was ALWAYS a witness!

People have been witnesses imprisoned in towers, by what they have written. Your dd likes to write notes! She can witness that way! One thing I have done this year - every hotel I stay at when we attend book fairs, I write a personal note and put it in the front of the Gideon Bible in the end table by the bed. I pray about it, about someone finding it that needs encouragement, and about what the Lord leads me to write, but it is alway about how Jesus has changed my life! How I am a sinner need Him every single day, but how He is doing a life makeover in me a little at a time! And how the Words of this Book, the Bible, have changed my life. Please do encourage your sweet dd. Witnessing doesn't have to take place within public school's walls. It can be done this moment - no need to wait. And there is much in the Bible about the company you keep, about the friends you choose, and much about making sure to choose carefully who you choose to be around lest you become more like them (of the world) than they become more like you. HTH, but I have also prayed for you! Be strong. You do know best.

In Christ,
Julie

I LOVED this, Julie!! I'm printing it out to show my husband. We're in the middle of reading "The Socialization Trap," by Rick Boyer, so your words have come at a perfect time! Thank you for sharing such fantastic insight.

[sltress]

Agree, agree with everyone! Love that Caesar/Roman quote! I also read an article reminding us of the verse, “if you are not FOR God you are AGAINST Him”, and the public schools are definitely not FOR God. Sending our kids there is like sending them into a den of lions.

All of the ways Julie mentioned that kids are a witness have a common tie…the parents are within reach/earshot ready to intervene and protect if necessary. The child is not trying to be a witness 6 hours a day, 5 days a week with their parents on the other side of town and no one around to protect them. I am not saying that there has never been nor will ever be a Christian child in a public school who is a wonderful testimony for Christ. But it is the exception, not the rule. Like someone else stated, it is most likely the non-Christian kids will influence your Christian kid. I tell my son…this is training time. There will come a day when you are grown and out from under our wing and will have to be a witness and hopefully you will be ready, but that time is not now. And to add to Julie’s example about Christ, I read an article that said the disciples had to be trained for 3 years before they were ready and they were being trained by Christ! So that shows just how many more years our kids need to be trained by us.

[queenireneof3]

You have gotten some great responses! I don't have much to add except to definitely keep the communication lines open with her. If she is using the line, "But God led me to this...", she is obviously pretty serious, whether she is using the "God line" sincerely or to make her desire seem more mature to you. I think if she feels completely heard out by you without feeling the need to defend her thoughts, she will be more open to hearing yours. I definitely think you can hear her out and let her know you are thinking and praying seriously about her request so that she feels heard and understood. If she feels shut down or that her opinions are always "lectured" against, she might grow bitter and less interested in homeschooling.

Also, since the "decision" is a non-decision in your mind, I would start brainstorming WITH her about things you could do differently or add (or take away) from her school schedule next year. Does she have any particular interests that you could add, like art, or photography, or baking? Maybe you could research opportunities unique to homeschoolers in your area that would interest her. (Drama, politics, animals...) Since she desires to be a witness, as Julie so eloquently wrote above, brainstorm with her immediate places for her to do that. Is there a nursing home, or a boys and girls club, or another homeschooling mama she could babysit for? Depending on how close you are to a city, there could be inner city ministries that would love some help handing out food or playing with kids. These would help her see more of the needy people of the world without giving up her whole day/week to it.

One unique thing about homeschooling is the possibility of one-on-one time with our kids, so maybe your brainstorming could include an activity you could start doing together. Since you are busy with so many others in your family, having a scheduled time with her might fill a need that she doesn't know how to articulate. We have such a short time to spend with our kiddos! I already feel this and my kids are still pretty young!

I imagine the more she feels like she has a say within the schooling boundaries you have decided for her, the happier she will be. Giving her some choices at her age seems appropriate and will give her more ownership.

I will pray for you both!

[queenireneof3]

Just had another thought, if she suffers from viewing ps like "High School Musical", it might help her to visit a ps one day. I was a missionary kid in Japan with movies as my only reference for what ps was like, so I also had a glamorized idea. When my parents came back to the States for furlough, I occasionally got to visit a public school for a day with my cousins or friends. It was very eye opening to see how it actually was, the lack of God, the carelessness about learning shown by the students. The 11th graders did not know where Japan was on the map, and wondered how long it took me to drive to their school from Japan. Also wondered if I drank sushi juice with ninjas. I was only a freshman, but I felt MUCH smarter. Ha ha!

Depending on her personality, (which you know best!) she might benefit from a visitation day with a friend. Sometimes reality is the only cure.