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Hi, everyone! Well, we are finishing up another school year and looking ahead to the next. I usually do my planning/buying/organizing this time of the year so that I get to enjoy the summer off with the kiddos when it gets here. We are blessed to live in a very homeschool friendly area that has a ton of classes/sports/activities to choose from each year. And, I am watching as the new schedules for next year come in to try and decide if we want to fit any of them in. I really lean towards keeping things simple, but then I worry that the kids won't be exposed to enough. It just feels so strange to go against the flow of the rest of the parenting world in not having my kids in a lot of sports/activities. That's usually when I have to remind myself that Christians are supposed to be different. I also find that when our schedule is full, we don't get the everyday life type of stuff (cooking, cleaning, etc.) done like I would like for them to be. And, worse, we miss out on those everyday ministry opportunities (taking meals, visiting, etc) when we are busy.

So, I just wanted to revisit this old post from 5 years ago and see how/if any of your feelings about this have changed either way:

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5207&hilit=afternoons+socialization

And, if you didn't participate in this conversation back then, what is your opinion on this? How do you do things at your house? I am especially interested in the middle/high school years.

I guess that I am just needing some encouragement that it's totally ok if we don't schedule a lot of activities and that I am not ruining my kids.

Christy

I didn't participate in that conversation back then, probably because we were just starting out on our homeschool journey. Now that my youngest is almost 16 and finishing up the WG guide and my oldest is almost done with her Sophomore year in college I have some thoughts. We have pretty much stuck to allowing them to be involved in 1 extracurricular activity/sport at a time. My ds is currently involved in a little known sport called Parkour. He has classes 1 day a week in the middle of the day and he works his school schedule around that. We do a 1x a week co-op that meets for 3 1/2 hours, but only for fun extra's such as musical theater and voice lessons. I make sure to not sign him up for anything that will add significant time to his day. He does enjoy seeing other teens on those days and he has some casual friendships from there, but he doesn't really do anything with anyone from there during his down time.

A priority for him has always been church activities. He wants to always be available to do things with the youth group, especially any ministry opportunities that arise. He would never want to get so busy that he couldn't do that. Since he is the only one at home now I do feel like it is important for him to have the youth group to develop close friendships, but I also know that there are some youth groups that aren't as good at pushing kids towards a relationship with Christ as ours is.

The other focus has been allowing time for volunteer work. He volunteers at the local animal shelter a few hours a week on the same day as co-op. He loves this and it has benefited him in so many ways. He has learned to be a servant there and do whatever is asked of him even if it is something less than desirable like doing gross, dirty laundry. He also serves as a witness for Christ there by his actions and I watch as the staff changes their interactions and even the words they speak if he is around. They love having him out there.

He still has plenty of down time and time to pursue his own interests. We are now at the point of contemplating him getting a job and if that happens it will happen with strict guidelines for how many hours he can work a week and what days he can work. He will not be allowed to work on Sunday's or Wednesday nights where it could interfere with church. My daughter did work, but she also never let work interfere with church or family activities.

I have always felt that balance is the key. We do lots of things as a family such as family game night and even watching certain shows together as a family. I know my daughter has very fond memories of these times and when she comes home on weekends she always wants to have a family game night.

I didn't participate in that thread. I really don't remember what we were doing then really. I had four kids from 6mo to 6.5 years so my guess is we did roughly the same things as now, but fewer kids doing them

My biggest problem area with this is summer time. We have basketball camp, choir camp, vbs, swim lessons, and this year we are adding in youth activities for Jayden along with church camp for their softball teams That is a LOT for us people who tend to want to be at home. We were exhausted last year. I'm changing things up a bit this year.... instead of doing three sessions of swim lessons (6 weeks) we are only going to do one (2 weeks) unless they don't fall on camp weeks like last year. For whatever reason that 45 minute swim lessons four days a week really took the wind out of our sails. Basketball camp we are tying in with visiting my dad instead of two different trips. Choir camp and vbs were hard last year because swim lessons were right before, and in fact overlapped by about 15 minutes (because of driving time between the two).... so eliminating swim lessons those weeks will help us. Youth activities for Jayden really won't be too much for the rest of us because those are spend the night camp/missions things. So she won't be here, but the rest of us will have normal weeks. I'm unsure about the softball team stuff... it's free, and here in town, but the timing just might not work for us. I'm ok with saying no to that because we are with those people a lot anyway.

As far as our regular school year actvities..... we have Sunday morning and Wednesday night at church. Thankfully they are starting kids choir back (took a couple of years off due to lack of adult help) but instead of doing it on Sunday night they are doing it on Wednesday night for 30 minutes before AWANA starts. That is a HUGE help.

We normally do enrichment classes through our homeschool group on Thursday mornings... I'm trying to decide if we will do them next year or not. It's from 9:30-1:30 on Thursdays. It exhausts all of us. I think if I wasn't working in the nursery during that time I'd feel better about it. If I could drop them off and do other things like errands or exercising or whatever....

We do basketball through a church league here... its' about six weeks. The past three years we've had four different teams due to ages and then restructuring of the age groups. But the director is very kind and works with us to have no more than two practice nights per week. Most of the time we just have one night, but occasionally an age group doesn't have practices on a night we are willing to do it (Monday or Tuesday). And then all games are on Saturdays. Which means we do not have Saturdays free, but at least it's just one day of games.

Throughout the year we play softball. We have two active softball teams and a third starting up this year. DH coaches the one starting up, so I know we will never have three different tournaments in three different places on the same weekend. And Grace's coach works with us as much as possible with getting her team playing at the same facility Jayden's team is playing at if he can. Jayden's team practices one night a week most weeks. Generally Thursday. Grace's team is more competitive and practices at least twice a week, Monday and Thursday. Fortunately we've become like family with the parents with Grace's team, so we have lots of "aunts" and "uncles" to help get her where she needs to be if we have other things going on. And lots of help with the younger ones at tournaments too!

So basically, we are home all day just about every day, except for evenings. We tend to be on the go from 6-8 nearly every night.

It works for us though. We all enjoy it. If someone didn't enjoy it we would have to rethink what we are doing.

It also helps that dh works from 2-10am. He comes home and naps for a couple of hours, and then is home and awake and doing whatever with us from 1pm until bedtime. If he was gone a normal 9-5 job it would also affect our choices. We would definitely not do things every night.

We weren't using HOD when the original post started (I barely had 2 kids then, so life was very different). But we try to keep things fairly simple here. During the day, I try to schedule one thing per semester. In the spring, it is normally a homeschool choir that meets 1-2 days a week, and all of the kids are involved. In the fall, we did a co-op. On top of that, we do a few field trips/park days/fun activities during the week, but it really depends on what we are interested in and what my kids will enjoy. In the evenings, we have church-related things 4 days a week (Sunday services, Wednesday services, Awana at a different church, and outreach another night). It definitely makes for a full schedule, but luckily we are mostly all going the same direction.\
I want to add in tennis lessons I think, but I haven't found a budget friendly option that fits our schedule yet! I wish there was something available early afternoons for that, but so far I haven't found it in our area. I don't want anything that will take our Saturdays way on a regular basis.

For me, I try not to look too much at what "other homeschool families" do, and take on only what works for our family. Every mom has different levels of energy, amounts/ages of kids, help from husband or family members, etc. Rather than looking at what other people do, I evaluate my own energy levels and how my family is functioning in general. I think that if a mom is happy, and not under a bunch of extra stress, and the home feels peaceful, this is a lot more valuable than forcing yourself to go to a bunch of extra activities for fear that your kids won't socialize enough.

This year, the only extra-curricular activity we did was swimming lessons, and that was only once a week for a month. By then end of that month, we were wiped out and ready to go back to normal. My laundry wasn't getting done, the cleaning was way behind. All because it took out my one afternoon that I usually fold laundry!

But my four kids are 7, 5, 3, and 1 - I don't get alot of help from them and each time we go out it takes a bunch of extra work from me. Plus between my 1 year old and 3 year old I average getting up probably 3 times a night. So I envision that when my kids are older, and I am getting more sleep, zipping fewer coats and getting more help around the house, I hope to have them in more extra curricular events.

My kids get to see their friends at church, and we often meet friends at the park or go for a walk. For me right now, this is enough

We do not do ANY of our activities to socialize, but rather because we enjoy them and get something out of them.

It's a plus and a minus (for us anyway) with our kids getting older. The positives are that they are more capable of helping in a real way and the fact that truly they have so much less stuff (No longer do we have many sets of things like Little People and the like. Just a couple.). On the flip side, they have so many more activities to choose from and so many more things that are beneficial. And things that for me as a homeschool mom need to be outsourced.... like music, sports, etc. I know a lot of homeschoolers in our area don't do both of those. That makes a big difference with more kids too... a wider variety of interests. And more chances for other people to say "I'd really like to try that" Though we do say no. For instance Julianna really loves soccer. We just can't take on one more thing during the time that soccer is available with the league we like. We tried last fall, but just can't do it this year. I REALLY hate that... she does love it. But sometimes as parents we just have to decide for them. We will re-evaluate next year.

I wasn't part of the original thread because I hadn't heard of HOD back then. A very interesting read to be sure.

I have to admit - I love to be home! We basically don't do any regular extracurricular activities.
We have church service/Bible Study 3x a week and our church also occasionally does activities or children's church for elementary ages. That's enough usually. For my oldest who needs a little more, we set up a time for him to visit with another homeschooled friend - not often, but just enough.

We mainly cultivate family time - we have a trampoline, four-wheeler, sand box, tree swings, bicycles, etc. We live by a cul-de-sac which gives us more space. We love to read together as well. Our children look forward to their weekly "Daddy Time". Sometimes they play or fish, sometimes he teaches them life skills. Since he has his own business and builds houses we get to help.

There is already too much stimulation in todays world. We like to keep things simple and balanced.
I do know every family will have a different balance, this is what works for us

My views in this area have taken shape over the past several years. As family dynamics and the seasons of life change so does our need to reassess use of time. There are so many factors that contribute to how a family decides to use time and those include the number/gender of kids, Dad's work schedule/routine, special needs, geographic location, health challenges, a child's giftedness, etc. We have certainly been affected by all of those issues and continue to be. Here are my thoughts with the current season of life *my* family is living in:

My boys need a LOT of physical activity and frankly, so does my DD. They swim and I plan to have all of them on a recreational swim team which takes us away from home THREE times a week for that hour of swim (realistically a 2-2.5 hour commitment those days). While that is a significant chunk of time I see the following benefits: my kids are all on the SAME team at the SAME time and they are all EXERCISING in a healthy way and I can be productive while I wait for them (i.e. read, correct, phone calls, etc.). The swim team is ages 5-17 as long as the student passes the swim test. The exercise helps at home because my boys' hormones are more settled and swimming calms them down. I don't see any other way to have my kids EXERCISING regularly, esp. my oldest who isn't inclined to ride his bike or skate or play in a physical way. Swimming REALLY works for him and tires him out. He absolutely NEEDS this as much as he needs math or reading or grammar .

We go out once a week for a physical therapy/exercise program that several of us are involved in. It's a necessity.

I have realized the past couple of years that I feel isolated at home. My DH works a lot and the only times I could possibly have any social/grown-up/connecting time outside of the home are Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights at church. It's a help to me to be out and about a bit during the week and to break up the monotony that can come with non-stop home time.

We love to visit the library each week and I consider this extra-curricular .

I have children who are musically inclined/gifted and I cannot imagine NOT pursuing music for them. We take this in *seasons* (i.e. my son has taken this year off of guitar lessons and is focused on piano at our request).

I have one daughter who wishes she wasn't the only girl in our family. It's VERY important to us that she plays with friends as often as possible and that she gets to do "girly" things on occasion.

My kids fight a lot and frankly, it's nice to have some times of SEPARATION. Nobody naps here and they read plenty. Getting out of the house is a HUGE help at times (though there is ample opportunity for sibling rivalry in the car - HA!).

There are skills I'd like to pass on to my kids that I don't possess so at different times it necessitates seeking outside help (i.e. chess lessons).

We have said no to GOOD activities this spring: rugby ( a LOVE of DS10 ) and karate (another class that all of my kids can do together, they love and it's very inexpensive). In both cases I felt that we couldn't add those to our schedule because I am at capacity for time commitments. It is difficult to say 'no'.

We are always seeking to be wise and careful in use of time. Sometimes I will commit to something out of love for a child or group of children. I am willing to extend myself *at times* in order to provide a special opportunity or experience for my kids. As my children are getting older I am feeling more inclined to consider "extras" more integral to our lives because I want my children to cultivate strong friendships (they have PLENTY of sibling time and I believe having some time AWAY from siblings is a healthy way to air out their relationships) and I want them to pursue areas of personal interest (i.e. music, athletics, technology, library research, outdoor experiences). It's an area I am actually CAREFULLY evaluating as I consider our course for the next couple of school years (7th and 8th for my oldest).

Katrina, that's EXACTLY what I was trying to say in my long winded way

We were mildly "busy" until this past year... When I realized 1) they are together ALL THE TIME and really do better when they have some time apart, 2) if they are all involved in the same activity, but their own teams (even if it's more busy for us) they get along better at home because they can all share what they've learned, and 3)their friends from different activities are specialized friends. Their church/homeschool friends generally aren't interested in sports and their sports friends don't go to church with us.

Lora Beth,

I edited my post numerous times trying to be LESS long-winded.

You have received a lot of great wisdom and a lot of replies.

My style used to be to fill my whole week up with as much as I possibly could. Literally we would have something every single day of the week! But I have since changed my ways. I no longer like to have a full week. My kids are getting older and school is getting more full. So now I really value my downtime as do my kids. First I don't think there is a right or a wrong necessarily. I do think that if you are feeling busy and overwhelmed, then it would be wise to cut things. For us, we allow our kids to play soccer in the fall, then volleyball and then basket ball over the winter. I am very luck though. Soccer is usually only 2 nights a week and all games are usually at the same field and many times at the same time. For volleyball, it is also only 2 nights a week and games are close by. Basket ball is even better - one night a week (all 3 kids have practice on the same night) and then we have games Saturday morning. I do allow the kids to do AWANA which is Wednesday night. We take piano lessons but the instructor comes to my house (I am so blessed). We drop all sports in the spring because my oldest is into plays and drama. So she is in a play and that actually took place last week. Then she sings and she is singing next Monday. We also have lots of extended family that has recitals and such and we enjoy going to that. Finally, I did let my kids do co-op last year but have considered dropping it. I was all ready to quit this year! But after praying about it, I decided to keep it but only do half a day. They provide friends and drama. And by doing a half day, we can still get a half day of school in if we want too. By ultimately, not having sports in the spring or summer is great. My schedule is complete free to go and do what we want when we want. I love it! But I also do love sports. In the fall, my kids play sports 5 minutes away from the house. I do coach my youngest but my other kids have practice on the same night and at the same time. So it all works out just fine.

For me, this works. I think praying about what works for you is what you need to do too. I think there is complete freedom in whatever path you choose. And what works for one person doesn't always work for another. Just take heart in the decision that you make and feel good about it.

This has been a great middle of the night read for me. Thanks ladies for sharing your thoughts.

I think it's about time, capacity (as one person suggested), and margin. We shouldn't be so busy that we have no time to help someone, or that if something happens to us we just can't handle it and it spins out of control.

We are "busy" with church Sunday morning and evening, Wednesday night Awana, piano lessons, and dance class. But then again 4/5 nights a week we are home, and usually Saturdays as well. I treasure these times, even when we each go our separate ways and enjoy something we like to do by ourselves. I feel like we are not overscheduled.... yet.

But once we enter JH/HS sports I feel like it might become too much. I have a friend whose sons have just entered that stage and was saying it was very stressful for them this year. I guess we could choose not to do that, but I have teenage nieces who have said that their team and coaches (on the homeschool team) have really encouraged them in their faith and those are their most treasured memories. Sure, they won't be playing volleyball and basketball for the rest of their lives, very few people do that. But there are great things to be learned in those seasons when you have the opportunity to participate. Not that I would know, because I did music and I am still thankful beyond anything words can express that I am able to make music unto the Lord, lead my family in worship times, and share special music in church. The joy from this is inexpressible.

We are taking one step at a time and praying for wisdom. My husband is good at making sure we have margin. As a single person I scheduled myself to the max and was always happy to be busy. But it left little time for a contemplative life or relationship building and really digging into other people's souls. I am thankful my husband has reformed me of this.

Ladies,

This is a terrific thread with much soul-searching and a sense of "normal" that is different for each family in this area. Sometimes simply reading others thoughts is a huge help in fine-tuning what we really think ourselves. What a blessing it is to be able to dialogue with one another on topics like this. It makes us feel less alone, and more like we are able to talk through those things, about which we are uncertain, with other understanding moms. Thank you for being such wonderful listeners for one another! It is a rare thing to find such a place or a group of women like yourselves.

I didn't participate in the original thread, but I will share that for my husband and I reading "The Socialization Trap" totally changed the path upon which we were headed activity-wise with our family. At the time that we read that book, we were involved in everything there was to be involved with at church (i.e. nursery, teaching Children's Church, teaching Sunday School, youth group leaders, church deacon and later elder, spiritual gift teachers, men's groups, women's group, VBS, etc.) and doing outside sports as well (i.e. t-ball, softball, soccer, swimming, etc.). With 3 sons (aged 9, 6, 3, and a child on the way), plus a family business, homeschooling, and my husband working a full-time job, we knew things needed to change.

Both my husband and I had always been very active in everything. We were high school sweethearts who dearly loved playing sports and being involved in all things musical (i.e. marching band, jazz band, choir, swing choir, music competitions, plays and musicals, etc.). We were also involved with everything you could possibly be involved with at church from youth group to Sunday School to catechism to choir and so on. We carried that enthusiasm into college and then later into our married life. By the time we read "The Socialization Trap," we were weary and running out of steam. My older sister with 7 children, who were also involved in everything - but were older than my boys, cautioned my younger sister and I to really think before beginning certain activities (as once they are begun they are hard to stop, and also what you do for one child you will feel you need to do for another). This was timely advice for us, as we were seeing our nights being filled with sitting by various ball diamonds in different towns (headed toward not even being together as a family at these events, as our boys would all be in differing leagues due to their age spread). We were already glimpsing it that summer, as we had one on the verge of beginning a traveling baseball team at age 9, and the other just out of t-ball, with our next child headed into t-ball (not to mention soccer or swimming)!

So, we made a major life decision that summer that we would be done with organized sports and activities. Our oldest son balked a bit. Our next two sons never did. For us, the sense of relief was huge. Our summers became less busy immediately. My sister and her sons and our boys played at the part twice a week. We started having picnics and nature walks. The boys played catch in the backyard, played soccer, threw the football, made up their own rules and had a blast! We got a blow up pool for the backyard and the boys swam and swam in it every day. They had free-time and developed hobbies. They began to learn to work out their disagreements rather than arguing, because they knew they only had each other. I used to tell my boys that my sisters and I were somewhat alike and somewhat different. Yet, our arguments were usually short-lived, because when you grow up on a farm 4 miles from town as we did, you quickly realize that to stay mad at your only playmates is very dull. So, we usually made up quickly when we argued (and we still do today)!

Fast-forward to today, ten years later, and my kiddos are 19, 16, 12, and 9. Our boys school in the morning, work in the afternoons 3 days a week (until summer when they work five days a week from 9:30-1:30), and still have an afternoon they play with their cousins and an afternoon that they play at the park. They have never been involved in organized sports, but they dearly love to play soccer, catch, football, basketball, and kick ball. They are outside every day, even on work days as for their breaks they hustle out to play a quick game of backyard soccer or football. They ride bike and scooters excessively. They still have a bigger blow up pool and they swim and shoot water guns all summer. They build snow forts (followed by daily hot chocolate - made the healthy way). The rule at our house all year is if it is above 0 degrees, not raining, or below 90 degrees you play outside an hour a day. Boys NEED daily physical activity! In the winter, we try to do 4 sessions of rigourous formal swimming lessons.

We are home every day, with the exception of Tuesday afternoons when we play at the park, and Thursday afternoons when my boys play at my sisters, and Sunday where we travel to church - which is the highlight of our week. We all live, school, eat, work, and play within our home. We are together continually! The boys have learned to get along with each other (and with my husband and I), to enjoy being home, to look forward to daily home-cooked meals (which at times are less wondeful than others), and to covet their free-time to pursue their hobbies. My oldest told my this year, at age 19, "I love my life!" This did my heart such good, as I often have wondered whether we are choosing the right path.

I will share that there are hard things with this path, as my older sister's kiddos have excelled in sports (winning the Texas state tennis championship, along with many other accolades). It is difficult to compliment her kiddos and then explain to our kiddos why we have chosen a different path. Also, it is possible that our boys will choose an entirely different path with their own kiddos one day, and my husband and I are agreed that they each need to make their own choices and find their own way in the activities area. After all, we ended up doing something entirely different than what our parents did! Yet, it is my heart's desire that they homeschool, and I pray that the Lord may lay that on their hearts.

I share all this not to have you think that I believe this is the "one right way" to approach activities. Instead, I share it to show a different way. The blessings to reap from this type of path is that our boys enjoy playing sports just for the fun of it and with whatever number of kiddos are able to play. They are all very different from one another, yet they are best friends from the oldest down to the youngest. Of course they still argue and have their differences, but they have learned how to resolve their differences and how to respect the differences among them. Our oldest son holds a tremendous amount of influence in the lives of our younger kiddos, making him an incredible mentor. School holds a special importance, and routine is a part of their lives. Our kiddos never complain of boredom as they view free time as a privilege. They do not spend their days waiting to go to the next activity. Sometimes there are feelings of isolation. Sometimes the boys have wished they played organized sports or were involved in more things at church. Yet, overall our boys are happy. In looking back, the change we made was necessary for us. We could not have continued with all we do within our home without the shift in thinking.

For those of you who feel you are in a similar place, I want to encourage you that life without organized activities is still joyful and full. I believe the Lord's best looks different for each family, which is something my sisters and I discuss regularly (having taken such different paths in the activities area). I know there is uncertainty with any choice, and I pray the Lord's wisdom and guidance for all of us as we seek His path for our unique families.

Blessings,
Carrie

What a great conversation! I have so enjoyed seeing everyone's views on this. Thank you all sooo much for taking your precious time to reply!

I agree with you all that it will look different for every family and that we should always take our schedules to the Lord and seek His will on them. One thing that does help me when I start having doubts about whether or not to schedule something, is just trying to keep an eternal perspective on things. I try to ask myself "Is this going to matter in the scope of eternity?" That usually makes things really clear.

I really feel that the Lord is leading us to keep things simple this year and focus on our family, our schoolwork, and our ministry to those that we love. And, you really can't go wrong being obedient.

It truly is a blessing to be able to discuss these things among all the wonderful ladies on this board! Thank you!

Christy

christyg wrote:What a great conversation! I have so enjoyed seeing everyone's views on this. Thank you all sooo much for taking your precious time to reply!

I agree with you all that it will look different for every family and that we should always take our schedules to the Lord and seek His will on them. One thing that does help me when I start having doubts about whether or not to schedule something, is just trying to keep an eternal perspective on things. I try to ask myself "Is this going to matter in the scope of eternity?" That usually makes things really clear.

I really feel that the Lord is leading us to keep things simple this year and focus on our family, our schoolwork, and our ministry to those that we love. And, you really can't go wrong being obedient.

It truly is a blessing to be able to discuss these things among all the wonderful ladies on this board! Thank you!

Christy

Christy,

Thanks for revisiting this topic. Even after writing out my thoughts I've continued to consider this area. Your comment above in which you say that you try to ask yourself, "Is this going to matter in the scope of eternity?" is an excellent question. I am also considering what you've shared about the Lord's leading to "keep things simple ... focus on our family, our schoolwork, and our ministry to those we love". I am taking this area to the Lord and my husband again seeking a balance that will honor the Lord and serve the needs of our family well. You've set my heart to pondering .....