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We're in Unit 12 in RTR this week which means Thomas Acquinas was our topic. My son is 13 and not a writer, but he's trying. However, he doesn't "get" it. Today he was writing conversations and all kinds of things that were in the chapter. I'm going to go through and read it myself and write my own the way *I* would do it. So my question is this... Is there anyone who would be willing to post what they child wrote (preferably a boy about the same age because they tend to write so much differently than girls )? I need to figure out how to tell him to be "concise" and narrow it all down.

Julie, I just found Riley's and zoomed in so I could read it. I love reading all your "weeks" because your boys are about the same age as mine and your youngest is the same as my grandson. Anyway, we are SO far behind what your boys do and it's sometimes quite depressing, but I'm hoping by time Ben is in the high school guides that maybe he'll be able to do what your oldest is doing.

I know you said you already saw Julie's but will post my ds' narration. My ds was a little over 12 when he wrote this....hope it helps. Oh, no way setting my ds up as an example writer. Just sharing like you asked.

"Thomas Aquinas was a student in Naples who had a big choice to make. His family had long wanted him to be a Benedictine monk, but Thomas' conscience told him to become Dominican monk like his friend Friar John. Friar John encouraged him to do what his conscience said and so Thomas gave in. He and a few others started to journey to Paris to learn at its school, but robbers attacked them on their way. Thomas was kidnapped by them and later found out it was his older brother and soldiers sent by his mother. He was shut up in his mother's castle and lectured by her. After months of not giving in, Thomas was released. He then went on to Paris and studied as Dominican Monk. Even though he was called "the dumb ox" because of never speaking up in class, Thomas wrote incredible books. Thomas made a choice that caused others to forsake him, but it worked out in the end.

That narration is really great!

Thank you John's mom! Yes, that was a great narration! Between your sons' and Julie's, I'm hoping he can see what he needs to do. *I* can, so now I have to get him to.

The tricky thing about written narrations in my opinion, is there is no right way to do it. Carrie has had to remind me through the years that the dc are to write on what stands out to them, not what I think are the key events. I tend to want my ds to make sure he mentions all key events and I have to remember that as long as he follows the directions in the box, is going through the editing checklist, making sure he is consistent with one before moving on to the next item. that he needs to have freedom to express what he saw as key. To give you an example of one that isn't nearly as refined as the others you have seen I thought I would show you what my ds did at that age. He was the king of short sentences and simple vocabulary. Obviously we hadn't come to the part on the editing checklist about commas . He has come so far though and you can read my blog to see the type of narrations he is writing now.

" Thomas Aquinas was born of a Benedictine family and he met Preacher John in the church. John asked him to become a Dominican monk. Thomas did not want to reject his family. John said that there was a Dominican monk outside to take him to Paris to teach him more. Thomas traveled in the rain to Paris but suddenly they saw people ahead on land. Their swords were pointed at Thomas' neck. They threw Thomas on the horse. Then in the distance was his family's castle that rose and that was where they were headed. The person who took him was his own brother. Then his mother wondered how Thomas could do this to his family. He said that God called him to become Dominican. Thomas was thrown into prison and his sister Marotta visited him every day. Finally Marotta joined the Dominicans and Thomas was let out of prison. Albert who traveled with him to Cologne was very quiet but a good teacher. Thomas forgot his family and taught theology when he grew up"

Thank you, Lynn. Your comments make me feel a little better. I'm going to re-read all the stuff on narration and memorize your comments. lol I just need more tips on how it should be I guess.

I totally agree with Lynn....each dc will be different. Both my dc are in Res to Ref and their narrations aren't the same although I think they are both good Also I never thought the above narration was great, just an example to be honest. If it helps, we are about 15 weeks later and ds' narrations have improved since week 12.

I know you said preferably boys, but I thought I'd share what my oldest wrote because it is different.... It's not the best writing in the world, but I figure if she's writing it that means it stuck out to her. Generally if her narration doesn't have the key ideas in it I have her read them to me. This one happened to line up well with the Key Idea in the guide.

Have you ever heard of a Benedictine monk named Thomas Aquinas? When Thomas was five years old he went to Monte Cassino to work and learn. Later on in his life he decided to become a Dominican Monk. When his family heard of this they were not happy! Thomas' mother had his older brother Rinaldo kidnap him. Rinaldo brought Thomas back to the castle and imprisoned him. After a few years Thomas' mother let him go.

Your daughter's was great too! I only said boys because they tend to write differently, at least my boys have been very different from my girls.

I ended up helping him a LOT. But maybe next time, he can get it figured out a little better. We.can.do.this.

This may be cheating, but it is what helped Jayden. Grace is a natural writer evidently and her narrations are awesome. Jayden really really struggled. I remember posting her first narration that was anywhere close with such pride and happiness! Anyway, after we seemed to be getting NOWHERE with narrations with Jayden (week after week it would be tears of frustration, mainly from me!) I started for a couple of units just having her copy the Key Idea. Then for a couple of units I had her rewrite the key idea in words she would use. Then I had her just add something she read that wasn't in the key idea. After that it got better. It is still rough. She HATES narrations. But we are at the point where 90% of the time we are just correcting grammar. I don't know if that's because I'm leaving it alone more, or because I haven't actually read the section and don't know if she's correct or not, or if she's just gotten better. And she still writes the minimum amount of sentences

Vicki,

Was your son copying the conversations word for word, or was he just including some dialogue in the narration? The reason I ask is because as the ladies have been saying, narration is a personal thing and is meant to be a reflection of what the child drew out from the reading. So, while you may be wanting a summary of the reading (unless it is specifically assigned as a summary narration), there are many different types of narrations and all are acceptable.

One thing that you do not want to do is to give him the impression that a written narration must be done a certain way. It will leave him even more uncertain and keep him trying to write the way you perceive that a narration should be done. This is no different than writing responses to please the teacher in the classroom and is something we definitely want to get away from doing in the home setting (especially when doing written narrations)!

So, my first caution to you is to not make your son feel like he is doing it wrong! Accept his written responses. Be sure to go over the Written Narration Tips (Teacher's List) in the Appendix. Then, go over his list right behind that. These really help in doing written narrations and will give him that sense of purpose you feel he is missing. Make sure to also read "A Few Notes on the Transition to Written Narrations" in the Appendix as well.

Next, understand that his written narrations may vary quite a bit from week to week. For example, one week he may summarize more, the next week he may go into detail relating just one event that really struck him from the reading, the next week he may give you a detailed description of a person from the reading including dialogue, the next week he may interject some opinion within the narration. All of these are acceptable!

You can help him a bit by telling him to think about narrating as telling back a movie that he has seen to someone who has never seen it. Think how he would go about doing that and then apply that same strategy to narrating. Honestly, the more he orally narrates, the more shape his written narrations will take. It isn't unusual when being new to written narrations to "try on" various styles and ways of doing it. This is what writers do, and it is how they eventually find their own style.

So, I would encourage you to read over the Written Narration Tips (Teacher's List) and the lists that follow in the Appendix. This will help give you some guidance. Then, share the movie retelling example and let him write. Withhold judgment as to the narration's content, but do follow the Written Narration Skills list in the Appendix to help him edit the narration.

As time passes, you will see improvement. But, if you make this a teacher-pleaser assignment with one right way you are seeking, he will not come into his own as a narrator because you will have changed the assignment's original intention.

So, head to the Appendix right away for much needed help! It is there to encourage you in this endeavor!

Blessings,
Carrie

Thanks for your response, Carrie. I'm going to print out what you said or I'll never remember it. I think he was copying word for word. He also kept saying "I have to have ______ # of sentences." That was part of it too, I guess, he didn't know how to get enough sentences. He hates writing. All of my boys have.

I'll re-read all the tips and keep plodding along. Counting down the days till the Arlington Convention.... I'm going to be first in line to grab you.

Vicki,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! For now, since your kiddos are new to written narrations, don't worry about hitting the exact number of sentences. Just try to have them write a paragraph at first. Explain to your son that he needs to retell in his own words as much as possible what he remembered from the story. It's alright if the sentences seem a bit disjointed for now as far as how they go together.

To demonstrate the process, you could have him tell you what he remembered right after reading and write the sentences as he says them (so he can see them appearing on paper coming right from his mind). This will help him see that it is truly just a retelling of what he is thinking... except on paper. Try not to have him look back so much at the text after reading as that may jumble up what he recalls in his mind. Just go with what he can remember right away, so he doesn't get bogged down including all of the facts and details. Later, he can move toward looking back over the text and including important things. This is a later narration stage. Just have him refer to the text for names and places or spellings for now. It's good to know that we all go through this stage as we try to figure out what written narration looks like! You are not alone!

Blessings,
Carrie