heartofdakota.com

Hi ladies,
Things have been going good here after getting on a schedule. Our days have been moving along much better. I am in need of advice now however, as I am at a loss. We took a week off for thanksgiving, since we have started back my oldest who is 7, is really giving me a time over doing his work. He is very smart and has always liked doing school. I'm not sure what has changed in this last week and a half. I am not sure if he is tired, or doesn't feel good or what. He basically has cried and fussed over everything I ask him to do. I mean everything. I thought maybe he just felt bad last week but it has started back again today, from the time we sat down, he starts complaining. I know it may not seem like a big deal over a week or two, but it has truly been a struggle for me everyday ...until I am in tears as well. Will try to post more later about specifics, but wanted to ask for any input if anyone has dealt with this. I have tried different things, but now I really don't know what to do to improve his attitude. Thanks so much in advance.

It is tough around the holidays. There are a lot of distractions. We were off 2 days the week of Thanksgiving, two days last week (for various reasons), and tomorrow we will be off because I have two of my grandchildren while my son and his wife are away overnight. I was able to do school with my 11yo today while the kids took naps, but she tried to convince me that we shouldn't do school because they were here. That may not be your son's problem, but it was a thought. If you know the complaining isn't because of illness or something like that, there should be some consequences. I had to remind my daughter today (when she was trying to get out of doing school) that I am the one making the decisions and she needs to be respectful in her comments and tone of voice. She got the message right away, but if it would have continued, there would have been consequences. I don't know if you did full days when you started again after Thanksgiving, but maybe just doing a little and working up again would help. Just my thoughts.

For my youngest, it is always the result of sugar and lack of sleep. When the goodies are gone, we eat lots of clean protein and veggies, take more vitamin C and Magnesium Calm, and sleep in. A bath with Epson salts is a good thing for calming, as is chamomile. This time of year is hard, but you can help with diet.

I just want you to know that you are not alone. Last week was a ROUGH week for us all. We took off a week at Thanksgiving and my kids were at my in-laws for 3 days watching TV, playing video games, staying up late and eating junk. Needless to say, by Sunday they were strung out and not their best. We started back on Tuesday and man o man did I pay for it! My son dragged his feet all week last week and had a poor attitude. My youngest said no to pretty much everything. And my oldest spent way to much time looking out the window and then crying in her chair with a bad attitude.

For us, I am just consistent. I gave plenty of warning by Sunday that we were starting up school on Tuesday. I even was more gracious in letting them sleep in a bit (like 30 minutes) last week to help with getting them back on track. But enough was enough! Kids stand against the wall/corner until they have a better attitude. They sit in time out. And the time that they receive their meals is related to school at times (so if you don't get done what I asked, which is always EXTREMELY reasonable, then you won't eat till it is done). I went to the last one more recently because my kids are stubborn and will sit in time out for hours if there is no reason to get out of time out. If you are hungry, there is a reason! This week, because last week was so bad, my kids have NO screen time till Saturday evening IF they behave all week long. I feel like for us, media and screen time sabotage my kids days. My son is obsessed and he struggles the most with his attitude. My girls aren't nearly as drawn to media but they all just need a break. I am not gonna lie, I am a little worried about Christmas coming up. I think I might make them read for a couple of hours a day the week after just so that they don't get used to too much free time. Or they may act awful by the second week of January. And another thing we do, we homeschool most of the year. I find I need to or else my kids go through this cycle way to often and even worse after Summer break.

Thanks for the advice, and I feel a little better to know its not just us going through this. Last week he lost priveledge for any tv, and went to bed early almost every night because of his behavior. He didn't like it but obviously it wasn't enough to change his attitude. They have also been at grandmas last week....which is an ongoing problem....watching a lot of tv and eating sweets, which they know we don't like for them to do. This always effects their attitude, I always have about 3 days of correction after they have been up there. No tv till Saturday sounds like a good plan, that may motivate him. This is only our second year, and we haven't really had this problem until lately. It's so frustrating to feel like you are failing, and having them cry and complain about school. We love HOD, and I believe they Are properly placed...this seems more just an issue of attitude, I know he is capable of the work. Yesterday he wouldn't even try...during math he would just say "I don't know" , and just write a number in the answer blank without even trying to figure out the problem. like I said, frustrating to say the least.....then my younger son try to pull this in the afternoon, after watching his brother I guess.

Keep your thought coming as they are greatly appreciated. Also, a prayer for our family would go a long way during this time with our new baby, tired mama, and long days.

Forgot to add...we do school mostly year round as well for the same reason, doing 4 days a week. Long breaks are hard to recover from for them too. Also, looking to join a homeschool group in jan, which meets one afternoon a week. Thought this may help if they are accountable to someone else, and get them out of the house for a day. Just haven't been able at the end of my pregnancy, and right after his birth, so hoping able to by jan.

momof3kids wrote: This is only our second year, and we haven't really had this problem until lately. It's so frustrating to feel like you are failing, and having them cry and complain about school. We love HOD, and I believe they Are properly placed...this seems more just an issue of attitude, I know he is capable of the work. Yesterday he wouldn't even try...during math he would just say "I don't know" , and just write a number in the answer blank without even trying to figure out the problem. like I said, frustrating to say the least.....then my younger son try to pull this in the afternoon, after watching his brother I guess.

It is wonderful that up until this point he hasn't resisted school at all and this is your second year. With a new baby too. I would say you have done well.

No, the days children complain or cry or get frustrated over school are not fun. Even when they mostly like school & HOD it can happen. Those days don't make you a failure though. Children, at least mine, have had days like that all the way through child hood. It isn't necessarily about school, but it can be about school, and those days certainly can happen for one or more reasons. Baby meltdowns, toddler meltdowns, childhood meltdowns, and from what I hear teenage meltdowns are a part of growing up. They are far from fun for the parent. They are difficult days. They don't make you a failure though; they make you a mom.

When my children were really little I was told toddlers and pre-schoolers would most likely choose a battle ground to test my authority as a parent and the boundaries. I was told that it could be clothes, or food, or bedtime, or something that they would use to find out mom's response. Do I really have to go to bed? Well, yes you do.

As a home schooling mom I have found that all of my children have gone through a season at some point when they tested my authority both as a teacher and as a mom over the issue of school. Is school optional? Could I please just play or read all day? No, school is not optional and no you cannot just play or read all day. In fact my son was tired yesterday morning from a fun weekend and 'tested school'. He is usually my most motivated student and fairly well trained in getting his work done. I felt like he reverted back years to find out if school was negotiable. The answer was no it is not. Yes, this can happen. Especially around the holidays, May, and summer. You are not alone.

I would encourage you to consider waiting on a co-op until your youngest is older. You though will know what is best for your family. What do you think? I did one when my youngest was 9 months and I had a toddler and a pre-schooler and my oldest was 6; it was really overwhelming. I ended up dropping it after a month. I did another when my oldest was 8 that went much better, but was still hard on my youngest 4th born (who was 2 / 3 at the time). I am now on a waiting list for one next fall for Fridays. At my children's ages now it could be a really good thing I think.

Why do kids have poor attitude school days? I mentioned the testing above. I think a few other things can happen as well though. Here would be my list:

*Testing mom's authority as a teacher, or mom, or both. Having outside listening to someone else doesn't make this go away. It can transfer them to being more peer or teacher dependent, as in a school setting, but it doesn't drop the testing parents. I think some parents earn it to a level where children test very little; it is something we strive towards and see progress towards each year. And some children test less than others, and some test more than others. Some of my children have tested our authority very little, and some have tested it quite a bit. So each child will be different as well how much of this happens.

*Overly tired.

*Too much sugar and overly tired.

*Upset emotionally by another child, sibling, etc. Needing to talk.

*Overwhelmed by school, and honestly needing a mental break. I have found this can happen some if they have been working really hard for a number of weeks.

*Out of sorts, and having one of 'those days'.

I hope something I said was helpful. Be encouraged. Today is a new day, and the LORD will help give you strength for a new day and for home schooling.

In Christ,

Thanks, LovingJesus for such a thoughtful repy. I think u are right, I think a lot of this attitude is testing me to see if he can get out of doing school. Yesterday at breakfast I explained to them we were not going to have another day of complaining, no tv or media until Saturday, if they earn it....the change was amazing. They were both the best boys you could ask for. Our day went great and we were finished by lunch time. I think once they knew it wasn't going to work, and they had lost a priveledge that things needed to improve.
Thanks for the encouragement as well. Feeling much better, and it helped that the baby slept for 6 hours last night!
( although I am up at 4am right now nursing but that's how it goes!).
I think too some of this is a result of things their grandparents tell them....like how they wish they were in public school....but that's another story....

I remembered posting a similar question several years ago when I was struggling with my dd's attitude. I felt so encouraged and helped by the responses:

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9183

Just so you know, we got through that time just fine and I have a lovely, hardworking student now. In hindsight. I wish I would have shown more kindness and patience during that time. There is definitely some major developmental growth at that age happening that requires gentle, loving parenting skills.

momof3kids,

The ladies are doing such a good job of coming alongside you to encourage you! I know that all of us have trying times with our little ones and that school this time of year can be a challenge for all of us! The one thing that stood out to me as I was reading your original post was that your little guy is only 7 and is doing Bigger Hearts. While this is fine as long as he fits well into Bigger based on the placement chart, I will also share that some grace will be needed anytime a child is on the youngest age range of an HOD guide.

With his age and his current struggles in mind, I would be inclined to shift Bigger down to half-speed for two months to allow him to grow into the length and rigor of the school day required to complete Bigger. While it is likely that attitude is playing a role in your son's current situation, it is also likely that age and gender are playing a role too. I like to give my boys every opportunity to fit well into their HOD guide so their work comes easier and can be completed well. I want to give them every chance to succeed. So, for example, my own little 8 year old is currently doing Bigger. While he could definitely have handled Bigger full-speed, I really wanted him to be well-trained in all that Bigger required before proceeding to full-speed. We have been at half-speed 8 weeks now, and he is asking for full-speed. He is excelling and this is a good place to be for me and for him! I think you might find the same to be true for you if you pulled back your 7 year old to half-speed for a few months.

Anyway, just something to ponder! Often a few months growth is all that is needed in a situation like this!

Blessings,
Carrie