Older child in Preparing? Thoughts?

[Sue G in PA]

Hi everyone. Haven't been on the board in what seems like forever! Hope you are all well and enjoying your HOD year! We were ambushed this year by some significant mental health challenges with my 17yo daughter and so our year has taken a new direction (that is a positive way of putting it, yes? ). We started out doing Bigger with my 3rd and 5th grader, but as our co-op classes overtook our schedule and my own sanity was in danger (having a sick child consumes you, doesn't it?), I had to make some changes. We ditched everything except the basics and the classes we were taking with our co-op. I am looking ahead to next year and excited to do Preparing with my then 4th and 6th graders (struggling 6th grader). It was my favorite year when I did it with my older boys! My rising 8th grader struggles. I've talked about him before. Not much has changed. He continues to plod along, slowly. His reading is up to par, but he HATES to read. His writing is sub-par. Writing (the physical act of it as well as the skill of putting thoughts on paper) is a challenge for him. His math is also below grade level. This is all mainly due to the fact that it is a constant, daily struggle to get him to do ANY schoolwork. There are still many, many issues going on with this child. I want to challenge him, but I also do not want to over-challenge him. I need to build his confidence while also providing him with enough academic rigor that he continues to progress. I'm thinking about including him in Preparing next year for the content areas. Our co-op will likely have age-appropriate science so he won't need to use Preparing Science. When he was younger, he did Preparing with his older brothers. He didn't get much out of it at the time. He likely won't remember much from it. What do you all think? Remember…this child is NOT on grade level. Academically he functions on a 5th/6th grade level currently. Thanks for your advice.

[Tidbits of Learning]

What are your academic goals for the 8th grader? What are his future aspirations? Is college in the picture? Trade-school? Apprenticeship? These are questions that I would think through fully before making a decision.
That said, your description does not sound like a higher guide would benefit him at all. Is Preparing where he places on the placement chart? Will him combining with a bad attitude (maybe?) interfere with your schooling of your 4th and 6th grader? I don't know. I know our family dynamic would not work well putting our 8th grader with our 5th grader as they would feel they were being put several grade levels down. How would your ds take doing work on the same level as his 4th grade sibling? On the same note, if I took my academically struggling child and combined him with anyone...it would make the other childrens' schooling suffer and create an inhospitable school environment for all including myself.
Here is what I would do. I would buy 2 PHFHG guides and the extension package. I would look at the age appropriate guide for this child and see what is independent. I would then take the 2nd PHFHG guide and spend a night with white out and a black pen or a label maker changing the boxes that need to be I for his age level to I in that guide. I would not have him working with the younger kids and using PHFHG as written. I would make 2 schedules-one for you to use with your 4th-6th graders and one for him alternating the resources that way you wouldn't need more copies of anything. I do this with my 8th and 9th grader combined. When one is working on ind. history the other works on reading about history and then swap. I would give him the schedule with time estimates and a timer. I would start him 2 weeks or more before the 4th and 6th grader to train him on working diligently and independently. I would also set up a "homework" time after school for if "he" doesn't get finished. Homework would be preferably supervised by Dad and not you. I would have this child do the extensions and follow the suggestions for assessment-*orally retell what they have read once during each unit, *write a 2-3 paragraph summary of the reading 2x during each unit, *draw a picture about the reading and write a one paragraph summary to go with it once during the unit. I would honestly make it all independent except math and language arts and I would get materials on grade level for those.
I would not combine him in with the younger kids though where you are having him sit in with you b/c I truly believe that would not benefit him or you. He is 8th grade and almost high school. I can't see even with extensions PHFHG being 8th grade level that way. You also will want to prepare him for high school even if he takes an unorthodox path and you beef up CTC-MTMM for him. I would still not combine him with his younger siblings in those years and just get him a 2nd guide. I don't know. I don't want to come across horrid in this thread, but I think with him being 8th grade and all that you have to be realistic about getting him prepared for an adult future no matter what that looks like-job, trade school, junior college, military...
There is an older thread before the high school guides were thought about or a reality that talks of beefing up CTC-MTMM for high school. When I was digging around the beefing up high school threads I found one that had lots of suggestions. I'll try to use the search feature later to see if I can find that thread.
What are you using to get math on level? Most states now require at least Algebra 1 to graduate a child. I am just putting that out there as anything lower than Algebra 1 will not count as high school credits for math. Pre-algebra can count as an elective but not a high school math credit. We have used Jump Math at Home on grade level to remediate our math. You don't have to buy several grades below to get math on track as it is a remedial tutoring program. They come out ready for grade level math.
Anyway, this is what I would do with an 8th grader who struggled academically as well as attitude and motivation instead of putting the younger kids in a situation where his issues might cause your younger kids to have a bad school year or get behind academically.

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you for your thoughts (your very detailed and thoughtful thoughts!)! I really do not consider him a rising 8th grader by any sense of the imagination (he is not socially, emotionally or academically a nearly 13yo boy). If he were to go to public school, he would have an IEP and be behind at least a grade level. For all intents and purposes, he is special needs (in so many ways). He's been diagnosed with Mood Disorder-NOS (that basically means the drs. know something isn't quite right, but don't really know specifically what's wrong). I could write a book about the challenges he has. And we've tried so many things to help him (special diets, therapy, medication, leaving him along to "mature", prayer, etc.). I do not see college in this child's future (at least not in the traditional sense). He will not graduate "on time". There is no way he will get the credits he needs by the time he is 18 (unless by some miracle of Divine intervention…which is possible!). I do not have to account for him in PA past the age of 17 so I do not worry about the "on time" thing. Trade school? Perhaps. Idk. His attitude and his work ethic are severely lacking. But he is bright! He is capable of doing more than he does. Perhaps I am jumping the gun by trying to plan for next year already. It is quite possible that our co-op will choose academic subjects that will be suitable for him and my decision will be made, lol. I LOVE your idea about getting the 2 guides and putting together a guide just for him! He cannot work independently, though. I must sit with him or it will not get done. I have a lot to chew on. :/ Thanks so much for your advice! I am printing it and going to pray over it and mull it over for a bit.

[Tidbits of Learning]

It can be hard and stressful to school with a child that is frustrated and unhappy due to challenges learning. I hope you figure out what will work for you. I think you could make him independent with Preparing as far as the work but just keep him at the table with you or near you to keep an eye and redirect him. There are some materials on the yahoo group that I think would help you to make Preparing more like the middle school guides for HOD. I am using quite a few of them with my ds who has dyslexia/dysgraphia. Are these 3 your only students right now?

[Sue G in PA]

I have 7. These 3 are in the middle. I have a 5, 14, 15 and 17yo besides. They are mostly independent (except the 5yo!). It's my 12yo that struggles the most and the one I am concerned about. My almost 11yo is a challenged reader, but is making great strides. He fits squarely into Preparing with the 8yo, who is rather advanced in most subjects. I have to focus on getting the core subjects in b/c I only have a short window of opportunity with him where he is able and willing to focus and get the work done. I'm in the process of trying to combine many skills into one. For ex/ using History and Science for narrations and dictation and handwriting (instead of using separate subjects). I know we aren't the only ones with a challenged learner, but I get so discouraged b/c I hop on here and I see so many families whose children LOVE school and LOVE using HOD and are actively and joyfully engaged in the learning process and I wonder where I went wrong or what's wrong with my kids. My 5yo is the ONLY one (maybe the 8yo) who actually LIKES school and LIKES to learn new things! I wake up every morning and say, "Lord, this is the day that YOU have made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it! My children WILL, too! We WILL learn together today and we will have fun doing it!" And then they wake up... LOL Thanks for your encouragement.

[psreit]

Sue - I can't help as far as advice on placing your 12yo, but I wanted you to know that I understand when you talk about kids not enjoying school. My dd struggles in certain areas, so she isn't what I would call excited about school. She loves to be read to and may enjoy certain activities, but to her 'school' is blah. It's because she knows there are areas where she needs to work hard, and with the many frustrations we have had, especially last school year, when she hears the word 'school', she associates it with those frustrations. I am doing a Bible study with her on humility. We have been learning about giving and receiving honor. Today we read about David and how he gave honor to certain individuals....God, parents, authority, elders, and even honored others by taking care of what belonged to them. I reminded my dd that by obeying parents, we honor God. And I mentioned that it is not honoring to obey with a wrong attitude. Why I said this is to just encourage you to keep training your dc to be obedient to God's Word, no matter what happens with academics. If we honor God, He will show us honor. That's why He chose David to be king. I have come to a point with my daughter where, no matter how far she goes academically, I want to be sure she is grounded in God's Word, and trust that she will live an honorable life, no matter what is her station in life. Whether the academics come easily or whether they struggle, they all have the responsibility of honoring God in what they do. Praying God gives you wisdom to know what is the best for your 12yo.

[Sue G in PA]

This is good advice. Thank you, Pam. We do daily devotions with our children (my husband creates and leads the devotion). I will encourage him to touch on this subject/topic. I am frustrated and I know that my "training" is not done in the most loving or encouraging way when I am frustrated. I suppose I will re-evaluate curriculum choices later in the summer after doing some serious character and responsibility training (for the kids AND me!).

[psreit]

You don't need to set HOD aside to give this kind of training. HOD has good character training as well.

[my3sons]

Sue - it is good to see you here. I am sorry to hear about your dd and hope that things are evening out. I am wondering where 8th grade ds falls on the placement chart individually? If it is PHFHG, then doing that and getting 2 guides with an eye for more expected independence than younger siblings in PHFHG is a great idea. If he places in CTC or higher, I'd start him there half-speed and focus on getting him off to a solid start. Either way, looking at the Christ-centered focus in each of the guides and spending real time on that individually with ds (where others can't hear) would help with growing Godly character traits. Individual attention to these specific areas of the plans with a child who is struggling especially in these areas would be time well spent.

As far as the board goes, one of its main purposes is to be an encouragement - so reading about families who are sharing their love for HOD need not be a discouragement! I am discovering that there is something positive about every single day when one looks for it. Even my Dad who is in hospice for pancreatic cancer right now is finding a way to comment on something positive (be it ever so small) in each day. He is such an example as a believer in the Lord to me and of what it means to have joy in the Lord that is not based on circumstances. The ladies on this board are trying to do the same, looking for anything positive and sharing it with the intent to encourage each other. Imagine if each person searched for something negative about the day and shared that - what a discouragement THAT would be!!! People still share their struggles, but in the light of working through them in a Christ-centered way together, rather than in the light of finding fault and complaining together. There are no perfect days. There are no perfect teachers. There are no perfect students. No one has a perfect life, as sin is a real daily part of this world. There is only the intentional focus on that which is is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable—for if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Is this easy to do? No! Do I do it all the time? Certainly not! I share in your frustration and your pain and your feeling that life is not perfect and not all is going as you want it to, and my heart hurts for you and what you are going through, Sue.

My Dad right now is dying of pancreatic cancer. He is gradually losing control of everything and knowing his life is slipping away, and it is breaking my heart to watch. When I focus on this, I can hardly get up and get through another day. I feel like crying, and I don't feel that anything is going right. I feel without hope. BUT, then I remind myself that God does not want me to think this way. He does not want me to live in despair and hopelessness. That is not His plan for me nor for my dad, who has every right to live that way right now. Then an amazing thing happens! I begin to see that it really IS true, that 'in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.' I see how God chose the most wonderful Christian woman to be my Dad's in-home hospice care liaison. I see how God planned for Mike, Carrie, and I to be traveling near my parents' home with our sons RIGHT when they called and needed help moving furniture out so a hospital bed and wheelchair and chair lift could be carried in by our sons. I see how my little Emmett's hugs can still bring a big smile to my Dad's very thin face and bring some light back into his eyes, if only for a moment. And then, when I focus on those positive things and I share those positive things with others, I find I am more full of hope and encouragement. Please read others' stories of encouragement here knowing that it is with intentional focus that they are sharing that which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy - because they are purposely thinking about such things - not because things are so perfect. You are not alone in this not-so-perfect life, but with Christ, there is always joy to be found when looking because of His great and deep love for us. That joy is shared here abundantly, and that must bring Him some measure of glory. I hope this can help you read the board in a different light. God bless, and I'll continue to pray for you in the decisions you need to make ahead. Please pray for me as well.

Love in Christ,
Julie

[chillin'inandover]

Sue,
I don't have any words of wisdom on placement just letting you know I am praying for you. It is tough to have children with MI issues. God will equip you. Sometimes a child just needs more of us for a season. May your schedule open for your child. Stabilizing a child Is their education. Getting a child to function in their daily life skills Is their education. May you find joy in the little moments. May you have those quiet times to strengthen your day.
My only comment about myself is that my older daughter struggled so much with English and is now finishing college to teach English as a second language. While we may not know what God has planned for our kiddos God does! That is good enough for me. What our minds think of as worldly success might be totally different than what God seeks as success. I seek God's success! Sending prayers from Minnesota to you.