Year of Miss Agnes - heads up
Posted: Tue May 21, 2013 1:53 pm
Hello all! I just wanted to give a heads up to any adoptive families who are reading The Year of Miss Agnes as we are for Bigger. On page 10 you will find this conversation:
"This is Bertha," I said. "Bertha Nickoli. She's really Bertha John, but Jake and Annie adopted her from her real mother, Sally John, because Sally had too many kids already. Sally lives at Alakaket."
The new teacher looked at Bertha. "I know your real mother," she said.
As a family, we have been careful not to use the terminology "real mother/father" with our children, and the adoptive community would generally agree, since there is nothing "unreal" about adoptive parents. Instead, we use "birthmother" or "first mother" or "mother who birthed you," as all of these are accurate. I admit to being a bit taken aback when I came across "real mother" in the book, but my daughter is old enough for a good discussion about the topic at this point. We had a good talk about it and I am not unhappy that we did, but it was definitely not what I was expecting this morning as we sat down to do DITHOR! Granted, some of the best discussions are unplanned, but it is sometimes nice to know that something like this is coming before it sneaks up on you. I thought I'd share in case there are any other adoptive families getting ready to read this book. (Many adoptive families I know would be highly offended at this terminology, but I realize that my daughters are going to encounter it at some point, and we need to address it with them so they will be prepared.)
Blessings,
Erica
"This is Bertha," I said. "Bertha Nickoli. She's really Bertha John, but Jake and Annie adopted her from her real mother, Sally John, because Sally had too many kids already. Sally lives at Alakaket."
The new teacher looked at Bertha. "I know your real mother," she said.
As a family, we have been careful not to use the terminology "real mother/father" with our children, and the adoptive community would generally agree, since there is nothing "unreal" about adoptive parents. Instead, we use "birthmother" or "first mother" or "mother who birthed you," as all of these are accurate. I admit to being a bit taken aback when I came across "real mother" in the book, but my daughter is old enough for a good discussion about the topic at this point. We had a good talk about it and I am not unhappy that we did, but it was definitely not what I was expecting this morning as we sat down to do DITHOR! Granted, some of the best discussions are unplanned, but it is sometimes nice to know that something like this is coming before it sneaks up on you. I thought I'd share in case there are any other adoptive families getting ready to read this book. (Many adoptive families I know would be highly offended at this terminology, but I realize that my daughters are going to encounter it at some point, and we need to address it with them so they will be prepared.)
Blessings,
Erica