heartofdakota.com

The baby (now almost 18 m....) was born...loud. He is a born screamer. He shrieks and screams when he falls, when he can't find his dog-dog, when he disagrees with his brother, when he disagrees with the limits of gravity, when it is lunch time, and on it goes. He has also never been a great sleeper (when we finally had him cry it out at night - he screamed for eight straight hours and then it was morning) so I am trying to protect his nap as a time when I can get some brief alone time. The result is that I am really struggling to read aloud with my kids. I end up shouting the story over the noise in the room. If I try to pop him for shrieking I have to get up at least four times even for a chapter of Reddy Fox. This is a little awkward because the listening kids like to sit on my lap when we read, so we have to unpile and repile for every infraction. I tried to read at lunch, but by the time I get everyone set with all the food and drinks, the baby is done and yelling there too. Any advice on decreasing the noise level?

Lena

Hugs.

I have spent many read aloud sessions yelling the story. It was comical.

Ideas for 18m old:

Isolate in crib or room for "Room Time". Play happy music. Put safe toys and board books. Set timer for this and then close the door. School like mad and ignore screaming because you know the babe is safe. Do this twice a day at different times and don't give up.

What about snacks in the high chair? I'd be inclined to feed him at a different time or throw Cheerios and fruit on the tray and read while he is eating.

Unless you are desperate for a nap, and it sounds like you may be, spend a small chunk of his nap time reading and then take your break.

If you let him watch TV perhaps a 30m block of Sesame Street or Baby Einstein or Backyardigans or Blue's Clues would soothe the little man. My husband was opposed to TV for the kids during the day but ended up agreeing that a 30minute block of sanity in which I could teach math was worth Scream Face's (my littlest son's nickname) entry into TV during the school day.

Blessings to you as you persevere through a tough season of Mamahood. I encourage you to seek God for wisdom and strength. I also encourage you to pray for your littlest one in this.....

P.S. Any thoughts on why he isn't sleeping at night? Does he have food allergies or an erratic daytime schedule?

The sleep thing has mostly cleared up. In retrospect, this is what convinced me that some kids are harder than others. Most babies have an hour or two of protest in them over learning to sleep alone. Baby Z had maybe twelve hours of protest! But, he isn't a long napper, so cutting into that time is hard for me.

Actually, I hadn't really thought about feeding him without feeding the older kids. They might whine a bit, but a cup of yogurt and a spoon might buy me the time that I need and then he can scream while I cook lunch.

Just so I know...what helps more, age or discipline?

My loud child grew up to be a sensitive, creative, and highly intelligent young man, now 20, who loves to play music--piano mostly--but any instrument will do! He loves to sing. He is rarely quiet now but at least is no longer screaming! He does ramp up fast to any emotion, though. I admit our 2 years he has been in college have been the most peaceful in years....however, he is moving back home, changing colleges to one within commuting distance. LOL Life is about to change for us.

As a baby, he didn't like early bedtimes and would scream for hours if I made him go at 8pm---11pm was better for him. He was grumpy and unhappy when he woke up in the morning. I found delaying dressing him or any interaction while he was "waking up" helped. He never napped--even as an infant. He is still like this, to this day. The day he was born and until we left the hospital, he screamed nearly the whole time. I was not sure I wanted to take him home! I think he was mad that his nice, comfortable world inside me was taken away. LOL

Watch closely and try to see what is upsetting him. Some very small changes can make your world so much more peaceful! Also, I know you have already tried training him, but I think it is time to start enforcing that it is not appropriate behavior to scream all the time. Every time he screams where he is not really hurt, I'd isolate him in his crib and say, "No screaming!"

What a blessing my son has been in my life, though. I can't imagine life without him in it. I know you will someday look back and say the same about your little guy. {{{Hugs}}}

mmschool wrote: this is what convinced me that some kids are harder than others.

Just so I know...what helps more, age or discipline?

Some kids definitely are harder than others. I have 3...two are normal and one is completely over the top. I call her the poster child for "The Strong Willed Child" lol. She wants what she wants when she wants it and anything less is unacceptable! Sounds like pretty much what you're dealing with. Mine also has always slept horribly. She also has an incredible level of intelligence which makes her a tough one to handle. You can't circumvent her or distract her.

Hugs!

Now, now, right now is the time to train him! Don't wait another day That strong will is only going to get stronger. Choose your discipline wisely because kids like this do not respond to normal discipline (time-outs, loss of toys/privileges, even spanking can be completely ineffective. It's just worth it to them to take the consequences if they get what they want anyway ). And then just be consistent, consistent consistent. Consider taking a break from school, because take my word for it, you won't get much done during the first week or so. Once he realizes you are not going to give in to him any longer...you know what is going to break loose! Been there, done that. But it will seriously pay off in the long run. Oh, I feel your pain, sweetie. Mine is five now but she still has a hard time giving in when she wants something. But she is learning to control it, and that is so important.

I have no advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that I could have written this post myself a year ago. Our 3rd child is this child you speak of lol We've found that seclusion works best for him. He has a safe place away from everyone else and when he starts screaming he knows he has to go there. Every time he starts up with the screaming again I start his timer over. Funny thing is, I put this off for so long thinking he would just outgrow it. I wish I had done it sooner because after one time of the seclusion time out, the rest of his day (and ours) usually goes much better. I think you just have to do like the previous poster mentioned and find what works for this particular child. I pray you find what works sooner than later.

I recommend reading at www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com. There are a lot of tips and help from a mom of 10. You can isolate in the crib while still near to make sure it's safe. You can do hand over mouth allowing room to take breaths if pitching a crying fit. Like hand on, off for deep breath, hand on again. I had to do that with my youngest because she would just cry and pitch a fit. At 18 months he is old enough to sit beside you for short times with a toy happily. Take a break from school and just train like crazy. Praise him when he is doing good. this too shall pass! Pray over him and with him too. Sometimes it's easy to forget that.

amysconfections wrote:I recommend reading at http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com. There are a lot of tips and help from a mom of 10. You can isolate in the crib while still near to make sure it's safe. You can do hand over mouth allowing room to take breaths if pitching a crying fit. Like hand on, off for deep breath, hand on again. I had to do that with my youngest because she would just cry and pitch a fit. At 18 months he is old enough to sit beside you for short times with a toy happily. Take a break from school and just train like crazy. Praise him when he is doing good. this too shall pass! Pray over him and with him too. Sometimes it's easy to forget that.

Love her book! I have reread it with each kiddo. She has some great advice!

If you don't want to do read aloud while he's napping, then I like the crib in another room suggestion. Give him some toys, music if you want to to, close the door with a bright light on so he knows it's not nap time, then read quickly.

Great ideas! Hugs to you - this too shall pass. You could also read aloud before bedtime. Thorton Burgess books are the read alouds for LHFHG, and blessedly they are short - so if you can find 5-10 minutes when little screamer is occupied, you will be good to go. Music may be good to try? For our loud little baby, playing praise music loudly during his playpen time worked well.

In Christ,
Julie