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I know this isn't an HOD question, but I trust you ladies to give me advice that will be solid in terms of Christian parenting and the Bible, and also something that's reasonable to do while trying to homeschool my older kids.

A little bit of backstory - as my signature says I have 4 kids. 8YO girl, 6YO girl, 3.5YO girl, and 10 month old baby boy. 8YO is doing Bigger Hearts, 6YO is doing Little Hearts, and the 3.5YO is doing very well with her motor skills, learning letters, we do LHTH when I have time, which isn't often right now.

My 3.5YO is just a naughty girl! She is not openly defiant and she doesn't usually do things with malice or to get at me, at least not that I can tell. She is just very mischevious, very curious, very observant, and wants to do everything her older sisters are doing. So the problems I have with her are getting into things she should not have and getting ink from the stamp pads everywhere for example. She is also extremely bossy. She bosses the 6YO because she knows that the 6YO will cry about it. She tries to boss me sometimes. When one of her sisters is getting into trouble she often wants to lecture said person about what I am already trying to tell them. I am trying to figure out ways to speak scripture into her life and talk to her about what God wants us to do but am struggling with the "bossy" thing, except for the fact that children are to honor and obey their parents, and I suppose it should have to do with how she should treat her sisters lovingly. Do you use Proverbs and things like that with a 3.5 year old?

The only strategy I have found to work very well was suggested to me by the "tomato staking" or "Raising Godly Tomatoes" website. I've only read part of the material but when she has been particularly problematic she basically stays with me all day for a couple of days and I am then able to talk to her about her actions, nip some things in the bud, and at least respond
quickly to her when she is straying. But this does not make schooling the other children easier, it makes it much harder. She is extremely distracting, I do have her sit quietly but she just is. I think though this is why she ends up with the naughty streak, because she gets too much unsupervised time while I am schooling and then making lunch and therefore her imagination gets a chance to come up with too many mischevious ideas.

Any thoughts about 1) how to help my daughter have more of an obedient spirit and 2) how to get school done while still paying attention to the training needs of my daughter. I am a bit fearful of what this will be like once I have a full-fledged toddler boy on my hands too. My son is crawling right now but not very quickly yet.

Thanks for your input!

I'd say to lock up everything you don't want her to get into, create a safe place for her to play, and have your older two take care of her for a few minutes at a time while you work with the other.

Then I'd say take a deep breath and give it 6 months 3.5 is a tough time for anyone. I wouldn't go labeling her as naughty to her face though because then she'll just take on that role. She's just trying to be bigger than she actually is. She has a mind similar to that of your 6yo, but still the capabilities of someone MUCH younger! She has no idea she can't do things right.

Our "problem" with our current 3.5yo is sassing It's very cute, but very not ok I pretty much ignore it. The more I ignore it the sooner it goes away for the day.

I'd also suggest you have a discussion with your 6yo about how the 3.5yo is just trying to be big like them. I'd try to get your 6yo to not respond with big emotions about things your 3.5yo says/does. It'll make those habits end much quicker if she doesn't get big reactions from them. But 6 is basically 2x3, so that one is also having a big time of transition.

I completely understand... I have a 9, 8, 6, 3.5, and 3 month old the ages that are multiples of three are just hard.

I might be off on this, but the first thought that came to my mind is that your 3yo might be displaying the behavior she is, as a means to get attention. Perhaps in her mind, she sees her two older sisters getting a lot of time with Mommy homeschooling and she has a baby brother who gets a lot of time simply because he is a baby and babies have needs. This also may explain her bossing, as it might be her way to have some control. I don't know that I would consider it "naughtiness" as much as expressing a need and also just being an inquisitive preschooler. I know, at that age, my dd could get into things that would leave me with quite a mess, but in her mind, she was just being creative and exploring her environment. I didn't want to hamper her exploration, yet I needed some structure to keep in under control. What worked wonders for us was to make sure she got plenty of Mommy time and then to set up and use a schedule. My recommendation would be to make sure to do LHTH with her everyday and if possible, first thing, so as to "fill her tank." Then, I would have a structured schedule in place, so that she is assigned to various activities/rooms throughout the day. She could have half hour blocks throughout the day where she is scheduled to do various things such as play alone in her room (which hopefully is a safe environment for her to be alone in), play individually with each sister, watch a video, have tabletop activities nearby, etc. If each block is scheduled, she'll no longer have unsupervised time where she gets herself into trouble. We've been doing this for several years with my dd, who is 4 1/2 years younger than her brother, and it works wonders. For tabletop activities, I have three half-hour tabletop activity time periods scheduled for my dd each day. I have a chart posted where she can see all of the activities, which rotate throughout the week. I have two separate charts, so we switch charts every other week. Some of the activities I have posted are play-doh, Lauri toys, lacing boards, coloring books, pattern blocks, Melissa & Doug toys, Color Wonder marker books, stickers, stamps, Wedgits, etc. HTH

This sounds very much like my youngest boy. I have found each child has their own personality and how they handle life. My 4yo (almost 5!) is a "take charge" kind of person. Which means, he is the one who will tickle you back when you tickle him. He always has something witty to say! He does not give up easily and....needs to stay busy. He does well when he feels like he is im charge or has responsibility. Taking care of animals or helping with your youngest might help her. I also agree with the pp about starting the day doing LHTH with her to help fill some mommy time. LHTH ministers so much to my young man! My son thrives with routine. It is comforting to him to know...right after breakfast I can pick a table toy from the cupboard, etc. As for the sister situation, that can be tricky! It is so hard when the "baby" that came after you happens to be so strong and agressive in personality. My middle happens to be a strong personality too, but much quieter. They have their battles. You just take them, one at a time. Try to teach them each how to communicate correctly to eachother. It is these moments, when we take them, we can teach our children about sin and our Savior!

Thanks for your input. That took my worry down a notch, and I know that one way to really help her would be to childproof and to plan her days better than I have. I don't want to do LHTH every day, because I want it to last for 2 years until she might be ready for LHFHG. But I have other letter activities we can do, she's been working through Rod & Staff workbooks, I could do 20 minutes of school with her every day if I wanted to, and if I was organized enough.

But being organized enough is where I am struggling right now. DH is taking on a new job, which is stressful for him and for me, and I am leading a major ministry at our church. It's basically like having a part-time job. So, extra time to plan things isn't really available, I feel like its all I can do to open my guides for LHFHG and BHFHG and get what's in those done each day. One thought is slowing down school and then hitting it harder in the summer, when the ministry I am leading is not happening. But I don't know and would have to have some heart-to-hearts with DH before I do something like that.

But thanks for the encouragement. I am probably being too hard on her, and I do need to plan some time that's just us, and give her love and attention. She runs off and plays with her sisters too which is sometimes problematic. I will try to talk to the 6YO about her response, well we have talked about it over and over again, but she is an emotional, sensitive girl and the self-control to handle her big emotions comes and goes. I'm just thankful that sometimes she actually does have some self-control!

Just wanted to quickly suggest that you could go full speed LHTH and then repeat it later using the other bible/devotional option and maybe add the kinder workbook from LHFHG as well. I think that would be easier than trying to come up with something on your own. Julie posted awhile back about doing bible time in bed with her youngest and that might be something that works for you. Maybe you could break it down so you just read the days bible story to her when she wakes or before nap/bedtime. Then, find another slot of time to do the activities. She will really look forward to these times with you and probably bring her bible/TM to you to remind you after she gets the routine you have put into place. I just wanted to encourage you that a routine doesnt have to be super structured! It can be fairly relaxed, if that is what works for you!

Hope something there helps,
Mercy

MomtoJGJE wrote:.......

Then I'd say take a deep breath and give it 6 months 3.5 is a tough time for anyone. I wouldn't go labeling her as naughty to her face though because then she'll just take on that role. She's just trying to be bigger than she actually is. She has a mind similar to that of your 6yo, but still the capabilities of someone MUCH younger! She has no idea she can't do things right.

...But 6 is basically 2x3, so that one is also having a big time of transition.

...the ages that are multiples of three are just hard.

Maaaaaan, I knew about the 3.5 (it was like my son turned into a completely different person!) but I didn't know about the age 6... or the "multiples of 3".

My daughter just turned 3, my son just turned 6.

Ima goina go hide. ::::

MelInKansas wrote:Thanks for your input. That took my worry down a notch, and I know that one way to really help her would be to childproof and to plan her days better than I have. I don't want to do LHTH every day, because I want it to last for 2 years until she might be ready for LHFHG. But I have other letter activities we can do, she's been working through Rod & Staff workbooks, I could do 20 minutes of school with her every day if I wanted to, and if I was organized enough.

But being organized enough is where I am struggling right now. DH is taking on a new job, which is stressful for him and for me, and I am leading a major ministry at our church. It's basically like having a part-time job. So, extra time to plan things isn't really available, I feel like its all I can do to open my guides for LHFHG and BHFHG and get what's in those done each day. One thought is slowing down school and then hitting it harder in the summer, when the ministry I am leading is not happening. But I don't know and would have to have some heart-to-hearts with DH before I do something like that.

But thanks for the encouragement. I am probably being too hard on her, and I do need to plan some time that's just us, and give her love and attention. She runs off and plays with her sisters too which is sometimes problematic. I will try to talk to the 6YO about her response, well we have talked about it over and over again, but she is an emotional, sensitive girl and the self-control to handle her big emotions comes and goes. I'm just thankful that sometimes she actually does have some self-control!

Well, if it were me I would not be leading a major ministry at my church that leaves me unavailable to do my job at home teaching and training my children. There will one day be a season of life for that, but not when you have 4 young children.

I agree with the pp to make LHTH a priority with your child now. You can repeat it for two years. I am doing that now with my 4 year old. It's her 2 nd time through it. As for the lecturing siblings, I would stop it immediately. In Proverbs ther is a verse about putting your hand over your mouth when you are speaking foolishly. Have her do that immediately when she starts. She will catch on later. Use the time you are cooking to let her color at the table or watercolor paint. If she chooses not to then she can sit anyways. These little ones need out time and training too.

Your words are convicting to me and I have gone back and forth with whether this is the right place for me right now. I feel like God is calling me to be doing what I am doing, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. DH feels I should be doing it, and he has a role, albeit a background one. It does take away from what I can do at home, and the thing that suffers the most is housework because its just not as important as school, time with my kids, discipline, time with DH when I can have it, time with the Lord, etc. I like cooking so I tend to do that before cleaning (plus we have to eat, whether or not the floors are dirty).

But here is my bottom line. It stretches me and causes me to draw close to God in ways that being at home doesn't. If my walk with God is the most important thing, and serving Him is #1, then here I am, Lord, send me. My family is more important than the ministry and if they are suffering for it (which again, I ask DH for his wisdom and perspective in this, hopefully he will tell me if this is the case) then the ministry will have to wait while I set things right.

I can tell this is just the beginning of struggles and issues with this little girl, her heart is still not anywhere near the right place and obedience is something she will struggle with. I struggle with it myself, I am strong willed and want my own way. It's hard to see my little girl and butt heads with her on it though, I love her so much and I want her to see that, but she also needs to learn to obey me. Sigh. I need to ask the Lord for more wisdom in how to approach it. I do appreciate your input and ideas.