it's just not coming together -- help!

[witheagerhands]

Ladies, I am overwhelmed and was hoping that someone has been in this place before and can help steer me out!

At its simplest, I am just not able to get my school-act together. With a 3 month old who can't stand to be awake and in the baby carrier at the same time (GASP! I have had two other children in my ring sling and they loved it!), the house is getting back into it's original crazy-state and I can't manage to hit on more than one child's learning guide in a day! Thank goodness my 12 yo is able to do all her Preparing independently...except that she gets off task alot to read or daydream or draw (or I call her into action to hold hte baby so I can switch out laundry or go to the bathroom or let feeling return to my arm, lol!)
The 3yo, who I was going to have to LHTH is too busy to tend to anything -- and is off the wall! The 6yo boy, who is to be in LHFHG loves the history, and will do a R&S page or the handwriting page, but that's if it's on his time, and his terms and it usually only lasts 10 minutes then he's out. THe 8 yo girl is finally wanting to learn to read and has basically taught herself, and is my little mama, so she does alot of the housework (she likes it!) with math here and there once in a while, reading to the younger 2, and sitting a couple times a a week for Benjamin West and history.

Seriously -- this is insane! From organizing my day to How the Heck to Manage the STUFF of 3 Guides (LHTH is totally out!!) -- I am just frazzled. I am at the point of: feed them, read the Bible with them, change diapers, and see that a writing utensil gets in their hand, a book gets looked at and all remain unscathed at the end of the day. I know that we have systems lacking in the home, that there is little organization in place, and that topping that off with a newborn means that life is choatic, but really, it's out of control and I am so exhausted!

I, in my own flesh, just think about ditching all HOD and all reading the bible, reading CHOW together, copying the bible verse, working on multiplication tables and let it go with that for a while. But the money.....the prayer involved.....my flesh and how flip-flopping curriculum is SO like me....I just don't know what to do moment-to-moment anymore.

Help!

[glperky]

I am sorry, I don't have any answers. But I wish I could give you a hug and I will pray for you.

[gmhaynes]

So sorry you're struggling. I can't give you moment to moment, but I can tell you to give yourself some grace. A 3 month old means you JUST HAD A BABY! It's completely okay to go slow and do what you can do right now. The fact that you are getting anything done is great!
For practical, start with your morning...I find if my morning is in order, then the rest of my day runs much more smoothly. Focus on getting meals lined up for the day so you know what you are feeding all those hungry little people. Next make sure you get your chores done and make sure your kids are helping you. If you have food lined up and you at least know your bathroom has been cleaned in the last month, you can rest a little easier.
After that, start focusing on your school day. Not sure if that helps, but that's what I would do. And if in any given day, you don't get past feeding everyone and running a load of laundry, that's completely okay!

[Gwenny]

I can so relate to you. Juggling it all is overwhelming at times. (lots of times!) Here's a couple of thoughts I had:
1) don't even THINK about the LHTH, it will just make you feel more like you don't have it together and that you SHOULD be doing it. It's not true, you do not need to do it, not for a LONG time. It will be great and fun to do a long time from now, if you can. I didn't do any preschool stuff with my children (nothing formal anyway) and they did just fine. I'm doing it with my 9th one and probably will with my 10th, but it's mostly because it's a great way to spend quality time with him and he wants to do it. We didn't start until he was almost 5 though.

2) Utilize your 12 yo more and don't feel guilty about it. She will learn valuable skills by helping with the house, the youngers, the food and the baby. Even if her school has to slow down a little, this is only for a short period of time. The baby will get older and sleep more, you will be more rested and everyone will be just a little older.
Put the 12 yo and the 8 yo with the youngers for a play time, or reading time, or puzzle time, or coloring time and have them set the timer for 30 minutes. That's great that the 8 yo is already reading to them. That will buy you at least an hour right there or some peace.

3) if you don't have a quiet time in the afternoon already, make one. Everyone can go to their room (or wherever) by themselves for at least an hour, preferably 2. They can rest or listen or read or play quietly-depending on the age. Your 12 yo can have that time for school work-it will be quiet and you won't need her help as much.

4) Don't ditch everything. I can really relate to you in this. I'm not saying this is "correct" but this is what I would do: I would not worry about the LHFHG with your 6 yo right now. Stop that. He will be just fine waiting, and it sounds like he's not very mature anyway and could stand a little more time for maturing. I would have him have a "table time" to maybe do a handwriting page, a math page, or activity page. Set the timer for 15 minutes (or have your 8 or 12 yo do it) and he needs to do something you've (they've) given him for that time. You could probably do that a couple of times a day. That way he's learning to sit and he's not in charge. If you snatch some moments in the day, read him a book or two-along with the 3 yo and 8 yo if they are available.

5) Is your 8 yo doing Beyond? If so, try to do it 1/2 speed. Pick a time in the day, say 10:00, have one of the olders have their 30 minutes with the 3 yo and work with him for that 30 min (the hour if you can) It helps me if I have a certain time that I will do something like that. That doesn't mean it always gets done. If not, it's okay. Try the next morning at 10. Something that HOD is really teaching me is that slow and steady with even just a little bit really works and moves them along. I tend to not want to do anything unless I can do it all. If I only have 15 minutes, well, I might as well not do anything. NO! If you only have 15 minutes, use it. I'm learning slowly.

I hope some of these help. This little season will pass-but it really is a great time and your children can learn a lot during it-especially about serving others and why it's so important and satisfying.

Blessings.

[davisfam7]

I can remember those days, feeling like nothing effective was happening. Life counts as school. I look back on those times when my kids were all little and I was trying to get it all done and feeling like a failure. But the best part of it was that they were still learning. I think Gwenny has some great ideas. I would move those who need to school to half paced while you settle in to a routine and start to get a little organization going. I know after each baby it always threw our household into a chaotic state. My oldest was always a self starter and could stay on task, the other 4 are a whole other story. They did their work but if I was slightly distracted then they would take advantage of that and get off track. I used that time to just hit the basics and tried to add in other things as time allowed. I also would have to implement new chores and learn to be flexible. We did a lot of living and loving in those days, but I am amazed at how much my kiddos learned even when I thought they were not. I do not know what your state requirements are, but where we live you do not have to start counting hours or doing formal school until a child is 7. My youngest son did NOT start school until 7. He is still a very antsy hands-on guy, but starting a little later with him cut our frustration by a lot. All this to say, you are not alone. Many of us have been there and while everyone handles it differently based on their family make up, you all will do fine, just take a deep breath and remember. . .you just had a baby, things will take time to get back to "normal".

[witheagerhands]

My heart is overwhelmed at the support. After I pushed the "submit" button, I felt like a whiney baby and immediately thought about how I sounded like I was just looking for sympathy. I regetted sending it and in the busy-ness of it all, only now had the guts to come back here to see what responses came. I was so scared that what I would see would be what I feel like i deserve -- "You need to realize that 5 children is a choice you made and you need to get offline and start working" or "Streamline certain ones and accept life for what it is" or "baby is three months -- can you lay her in her crib and attend to the others?"
Why did I think that I would get that? What met me here were words from women who have walked this same path, who know intimately my struggles and don't consider me a loser-mom, but someone who really does want to be able to get it all done but feels frozen by everything that she feels that she needs to do.

It hurts a little to hear the suggestion to hold off on Henry's LHFHG, but you're right -- he can only handle seatwork in small segments. He LOVES modeling with pipe cleaners of all things and gets caught up in it for so long. I get so caught up on getting all the boxes done each day, but DEFINITELY getting through a unit by Friday. Starting the week in the middle of a unit drives me INSANE! but that is exactly how it happens every.single.week. It's time accept that life doesn't happen in units, and that it won't kill the cow (as my dad always says) to just continue! It also gets under my skin to be on one day's plan in some boxes, but on a different day in other boxes. Am I alone on that? Is that considered OCD?

I need to re-read the suggestions made! Ella is still considered an emerging reader, not able to do DITHOR at all, but she can read enough to get her through a simple picture book with the children younger than she.

Thank you all! the baby calls!

[raindrops]

You've got some super comments. I am amazed at you ladies with the big families..! A newborn sure can spice things up. Seems like they need something constantly and then every month you have to organize a new wardrobe- they grow so fast.

Well, what I was going to suggest was, do you use a crock pot? You could have 12dd be in charge of lunch and supper, cut some stuff up in the morning and then it cooks itself...

Another cool thing is the bible on cd. Play that and you've got bible time even if your hands are busy. Lots of free mp3's online.

Put on some of the HOD music for clean up the house time. All kids clean, you sit. LOL

Can you do a guide while laying on your bed? With the baby beside you? What does she like to do when awake?

Maybe someone could do weekly library trips for you and get some audio books?

Sorry if my ideas stink. Eee!

[davisfam7]

Sally,
I am just as OCD as you about starting a unit mid week and having boxes done on different days. This particular school year God has decided to deal with me and this issue Our school year has had a lot of LIFE happening and the need to be flexible has almost killed me. I like to date the top of the page all nice and neat like and then move on to the next day. This year has been a lot of doing so many boxes here and a few more there. So I now just write the date in each box then I can see at a glance what is left to do. I am learning to bend and it is not too terribly awful. God keeps reminding me that this is a season, not forever, but for now! I guess I am also trying to say that even after the baby years there are still curve balls that shake it up a little. God loves you and so do your kiddos! I mean really, God trusts you and your husband, otherwise you wouldn't have been blessed with the kids you have and the number. Your specific kiddos were given to you, not by chance but with purpose. You are doing a great job, always remember that!! Also I would advise you not to look at other families and compare your house to theirs. God wants your family to be who you are, just as he wants another family to be who they are. If we were all a like then the body of Christ would be very boring and probably not effective. God made us all different and he made our families different for His purpose. I've learned to look at others and say "That's great that that works for you, I am glad that you have peace with whatever." And then I let it go. I used to get a case of the comparison blues and I'd always find myself lacking. But then God showed me I have different strengths than a lot of the people I was comparing myself and my family to. My kids have different personalities and temperments than some of my friends children. I also realized that I really like my kids and their slap stick goofiness. I love my friends kids, but I think I would be bored with some of them So keep on loving and training your little flock and know that there are many of us who will lift you in prayer that understand and think you are a Super Woman!!

[Carrie]

Sally,

I agree with you that the ladies on the board are simply wonderful women at encouraging one another. What a blessing to each one of us on the board that is!

I only have a moment tonight, but I thought that this past thread might be of help to you as it is about homeschooling with a large family. Link: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9325

Blessings,
Carrie

[my3sons]

Sally - here is another hug headed your way! Give yourself some grace and time - you just had a baby hon'! The ladies here are so encouraging. I love coming to this board. You've received some seasoned advice here. So many times it is the keeping up of the cooking, the cleaning, and the chores that can be overwhelming along with trying to homeschool and having a new precious little one. So, the ideas pertaining to those things are so helpful to consider! You may want to have a set rotation of simple to prepare meals for breakfast and lunch. We do, and I would go nuts without them! My 13 yo ds can often start making them or help finish them, and that is so helpful too. These need not be over the top. We have baked potatoes and set out various toppings for one of the days (even my 9 yo can scrub big potatoes, poke them with a fork, and put them in the oven) . Frozen pizza with some veggies is another quickie favorite. Eggs in the microwave or reheated pancakes and precooked bacon are another fast meal the kiddos love. Anyway, this can make a big difference in the day!

Likewise, chores can be stressful. For me, waking up to a picked up house is important, so we don't go to bed without the "cleansweep." This is basically the dc and me sweeping through the entire house right before bedtime and picking up everything, running the dishwasher, putting away laundry, etc., so that we act as a team to have the house ready for homeschooling the next day. The dc then have a few basic chores they must do every morning that need to be done for the day to start (i.e. feed the pets, unload the dishwasher, take out the garbages, etc. - things that need to be done that morning before we start). If your dc don't have chores, try assigning each of them one thing to do every morning that would help you be able to start your day. For example, our 5 yo takes out the bathroom garbages, puts away the clean silverware from the dishwasher, and helps set the table. Our 9 yo unloads the dishwasher, makes my coffee , and swipes the bathroom counters and mirrors. My 13 yo feeds the dogs and cats, lets them out, scoops the steps if there is snow, gets the mail, etc. He likes outdoor chores, so that is what I gave him this year. We plan about 30 minutes for this before breakfast, and it works great because everyone has their same chores and can get very quick at doing them well consistently in a short amount of time.

I 100% depend on my 9 yo and 13 yo to help with our youngest. I think your 12 yo for sure can enjoy a playtime with your 3 month old. I'd say two 30 minute playtimes, one in the morning, and one in the afternoon would be very reasonable. She can stroll her through the house or outdoors for 10 minutes, read board books to her for 10 minutes, and have blanket time with toys with her for 10 minutes. It can be that simple every time, or you can rotate things if that is easier. I think your 8 yo could also do some things with her, but maybe just for 15-20 minute increments, morning and afternoon. Depending on your 8 yo, you can pick things that are safe in an area that is safe. Singing Bible songs with actions by 3 month old is precious, and often keeps baby's attention. Nursery rhymes are fun too, even those little board book ones are great.

Your 12 yo and 8 yo and 6 yo can also each have a playtime with the 3 yo, and your 12 yo can do 3 five minute boxes of plans from LHTH with the 3 yo for her playtime with her. She can just check off the boxes she gets done, and pick up where she left off, finishing the other ones the next day. And, if you get 5 minutes and have a hankering for a little time with your 3 yo, you can pick a box to do and check off too. This is a great way to keep 3 yo entertained, as well as help 12 yo learn important teaching skills, and help you feel 3 yo is spending time well too and having fun. My 13 yo did this off and on with LHTH with my little guy, and they both loved it! Your 6 and 8 yo can each take a play time with the 3 yo too, I'd say 20 minutes for the 6 yo and 30 minutes for the 8 yo. A list of 10 things to choose from they check off is an easy way to use the things you have on hand to give 3 yo a varied day. Have the 12 yo help the 6 and 8 yo make the list for the 3 yo, looking in cupboards and on toyshelves and under beds. I bet there are many things they could put on the list to do with the 3 yo. Then, make a photocopy of it and hang is somewhere for the 6 and 8 yo to initial as they do the activities. On Friday, my teenager went outside and rode three-wheeler with our 5 yo. Another day, my 9 yo played playdough for an hour with my 5 yo. Anyway, there are endless opportunities! Here is our current list for playtime with Emmett (not to overwhelm, but just to give some ideas)...

playdough, Candy cyclone
playdough, swirlin' shop
monster trucks and track
magnatiles
build big Knex using directions for project
marbleworks, build and play
shake and go track and cars
aircraft carrier and planes
shoot the can laser and nerf guns with play animal targets
no ends, build something
ball pit and balls
little knex, follow pattern to build something
read books to Emmett
have Emmett read books to you, be encouraging
ride 3 wheelers with Emmett
play kitchen with Emmett
play buddies and animal pet hospital, using doctor kids and play kennels
Bob the builder and little Legos
Little matchbox cars and track
City puzzle and little cars that go around
Make cookies with Emmett or bars, use his apron and chef's hat
Play dress up with basement clothes
Play imaginext planes under bed
Do an exercise video with Emmett
Put together any 100 piece or less puzzle
Have a buddy picnic on blanket with play food and plates and act out stories having them talk
Listen to picture book on tape with Emmett, arm around him helping to learn to follow along and turn the page
Play laser tanks
Play tonka trucks
Do morphibians r/c with softblocks track
Build geotrax and play trains
Build Rokenbok and play
Build with Lincoln logs
Build with dominoes
Play air hockey
Play pool
Play basketball
Do a lite brite pattern together
Play buddies and pirate ships and castles
Play big gray blocks, build fort with buddies
build iplay car track
do a coloring page with Emmett
play hide and seek
do a painting project with Emmett
build with wood slot building pieces Emmett got for Christmas
play with power trains

Board games:
Play candyland board game
Spill the beans
Checkers
Sneaky Squirrel
Ants in the pants
UNO (help him learn it)
Go fish
Busy town
Zoo game
Mouse trap
Go fish
Sorry
Pirateer
Clue jr.
Loot
Battleship
Hungry hippoes
Ladybug game
Connect four
Skip Bo
African adventure
Sum swamp
Feed the kitty
Rat-a-tat-cat
Qwirkle
Lost puppies
Jenga
UNO spin
Chutes and ladders
Twister
Wa hoo
Pairs
Sleeping queens

Our sons check these off during their playtimes with him. I can see what they did, and my 5 yo ADORES his time with them. My 5 yo and 9 yo choose a video to watch together too. This helps, but I know not all families are alright with that.

You could put in a 30 minute meeting time with PHFHG dd, just to check her work and do whatever teaching-wise needs to be done, preferably when 8 yo is with 3 month old, and 6 yo is with 3 yo. Or, during a nap for either 3 mo old or 3 yo. Then, you can plan a 45 minute time with 5 yo to do half-speed LHFHG, preferably during 12 yo playtime with 3 month old, and 8 yo playtime with 3 yo. Last, you can plan an hour time with 8 yo, preferably during other 12 yo playtime with 3 month old, and 6 yo playtime with 3 month old, or during a nap or feeding time. I think half-speed LHFHG and half-speed Beyond with one checkpoint with PHFHG child is doable, provided you get other dc in a routine of helping with the littles. We have found requiring each of our sons to take a scheduled playtime with our youngest to be beneficial in too many ways to count. First, to ME! But then also, to the dc's relationships with one another. They look forward to time together now.

I hope something here helps, but those are a few of the ideas I had! Keep praying, try to get some needed sleep, and this too shall pass my dear! But in the meantime, hopefully something here can help!!!

In Christ,
Julie

[gazelle]

Dearest Sally,
I have no words of wisdom and a smaller amount of children, but I can tell that you are an awesome Mom! Keep Loving, reading to, and feeding your children. You can make it through this season. I will be praying for you, asking Our Loving Father to give you peace, strength, comfort and sleep during this time.
With prayers,

[witheagerhands]

Thank you very much! I have bookmarked this page and will continue to revisit it for refreshment! God is good!