heartofdakota.com

Hello ladies. This is off topic however I love the christian attitude represented here so I was hoping for some Godly advice with my dilemma. My dd10 has had a bit of trouble with academics (HOD has helped her improve by leaps and bounds in the past two years!) and she has a cousin(public schooled) who likes to *quiz* her on random school material. This cousin is not quite two years older than dd. This makes my dd uncomfortable and there are often others around too. I don't want to be rude or hurt anyones feelings but my heart breaks to see my dd have her feelings hurt. This has been going on for a long time and we see these family members regularly. I would really appreciate an objective opinion on this situation. We have prayed for this cousin and I have tried to not overreact as I know that in life we just have to deal with some things like this but.... Thank you ladies in advance for your time.

I see nothing wrong in gently asking the cousin to "knock it off!" No one likes to be on the firing line, whether it's for homeschool or work. Would your sister/brother pepper your husband with suspicious questions about his work to catch him underperforming? No? Same for your poor dd. Quite honestly, it's non of the cousin's business either. I would simply pull the child aside, privately, and tell him/her? that you noticed he was making your dd uncomfortable every time he peppers her with questions about her schoolwork. You all have chosen a path different than what he is doing, one that suits YOUR family, and you would appreciate it if he would respect that decision and simply learn to play nice with your dd.

I'm sorry you and she are going thru this. You have every right to be upset, as I would be too. But I would not hesitate in saying something to the cousin.

GinainMD wrote:Hello ladies. This is off topic however I love the christian attitude represented here so I was hoping for some Godly advice with my dilemma. My dd10 has had a bit of trouble with academics (HOD has helped her improve by leaps and bounds in the past two years!) and she has a cousin(public schooled) who likes to *quiz* her on random school material. This cousin is not quite two years older than dd. This makes my dd uncomfortable and there are often others around too. I don't want to be rude or hurt anyones feelings but my heart breaks to see my dd have her feelings hurt. This has been going on for a long time and we see these family members regularly. I would really appreciate an objective opinion on this situation. We have prayed for this cousin and I have tried to not overreact as I know that in life we just have to deal with some things like this but.... Thank you ladies in advance for your time.

I agree with the pp on this. Just tell her to knock it off. You don't want to be "rude" or "hurt other's feelings" for this entire time, but in your effort to not offend, your dd is getting the brunt of this garbage "for a long time". It isn't my intent to be harsh, but I guess I don't understand this thought process. Say it right, you should only have to say it once. Just be firm.

Thank you ladies for speaking plain. I guess that I was concerned that as a mother I might be overreacting to the situation.

GinainMD wrote:Thank you ladies for speaking plain. I guess that I was concerned that as a mother I might be overreacting to the situation.

I don't think you're overreacting, because your dd is uncomfortable with her doing this. However, what do you suppose her intent is by doing this? Does this cousin love school and want to talk about it? Or is she is trying to make a point that is demeaning? I'd assume the latter as your dd is clearly uncomfortable and she's ignoring this. I only ask this because it would depend on HOW I said it. Not what I said. But then I am very .... um.... "plain". (That's a nicer term than I'd have used for myself).

I would go to cousin's mom/dad (the one to which you are "related") and let them know what is going on. The fact is that your dd, good in academics or not, is not always going to know the same material as her ps peers. We don't teach the same things at the same times.

Or....Maybe your dd should start quizzing her cousin regarding the current history she is studying...cause I guarantee history is not covered anything like that in ps! They are still doing Social Studies in ps at that time.

I was going to say turn the tables too! next time maybe step in ajd say even a littke playfully, "no, its dd's turn to ask the questions! Go ahead honey. Quiz her on your lessons from this week." History, science, Bible, poetry.....there's so many choices! Some kids need empathy....as in need to experience the situation so they can be empathetic towards those that have fallen prey to their own ego building tactics. This may make the cousin realize that they both know a lot....it's just different stuff. If she feels uncomfortable but still doesn't feel bad for your DD, I bet she still won't do it again for fear of being the one drilled again and wanting to save face for herself.
if she's a sweet girl that just plain loves school and playing teacher/tester, I'm sure a little talk that you're saving quiz.time for.school hours will be plenty.

I just want to echo everyone's statements. I don't think it is unloving at all to kindly talk to this girl about what she is doing. We are to "speak the truth in love" (even though it's hard sometimes--I hate confrontation of ANY sort). But, in the mean time, remember that you will be ultimately helping and loving your daughter.