heartofdakota.com

Hi Ladies,
I decided to post here because I am in need of some encouragment and advice. Here is what is going on:

We are a famiy of 6, and just beginning our homeschooling journey. I am excited to start in the Fall with my kindergartner. I have been looking at HOD for quite some time, and although I had a few reservations, I pretty much decided upon LHFHG.

Last night I was talking to dh about whether to combine or not to combine, and the conversation led to a discussion that really saddened me. He said at one point that he thought homeschooling is a "burden". I was shocked to hear him say that, as I feel quite the opposite. I feel SO blessed that I can do this, and although I knew he wasn't 100%, I thought he was at least sort of supportive. I'm not sure if this stems from the fact that he thinks I have a lot on my plate ( I do with 4 kids under 5) or that he doesn't think I can do it. He said it's a huge "burden" to be responsible for the education of a child. Let's just say the discussion went downhill from there.

Then...we started talking about HOD and he said that he's just not comfortable with a curriculum that is "super religious" He went on to explain that he thinks education and church should be separate. He is a pastor's son and as he states it religion was "crammed down his throat" for 18 years, and he never had a choice about it. He wants our kids to be able to choose how much and what religion, they have. I asked him if he believed in God and wanted our kids to, and of course he said "yes" but I honestly think the 18 years he spent with his (very loving) parents almost turned him against religion. He doesn't talk about it, he doesn't really do ANYthing with our children (doesn't pray, teach them, etc)...and it is starting to bother me. I feel so alone on this journey. Please know that I have a VERY loving husband, and he is an amazing father. This is such a good, honest, hardworking man. I don't mean to make him sound like the "bad guy"...we just have 2 different views on how to educate our children. And I'm just learning about it now.

Now onto ME, I am Catholic. I have some concerns about HOD as well. I am honestly a bit uncomfortable with the bible memorization only because I didn't grow up learning that, or learning about God through scripture. Seems kind of crazy when I think about it, but so true. I also come froma conservative Catholic family who doesn't talk about it. But I still loved HOD because I thought 1) I WANT my kids to learn about God and 2) so many other things about it seem to fit with our family, my teaching style, etc etc. I may not be super comfortable with it, but as I get older, the more I realize that He is the ONLY thing really worth anything in this world. I know you all know how I feel...separating things makes NO sense to me whatsoever.

So now I am at a crossroads. Do I continue with HOD, although I really don't have my husband's support? Do you venture out on a limb and hope that he will "come around"? Or do I look for a secular program where everything is kept separate, and we just talk about God on Sunday when we go to church. I feel most scared that we are not going to unified in this-something that seems so important to be on the same page on. Have any of you ever had any of these issues? I know this is kind of personal, but my heart is just hurting because obviously we are not on the same page, and although I feel led to HOD, I just don't know if I should do it given the circumstances.

Any thoughts are appreciated.
Amy

I think the only place you can go right now is to the LORD in prayer and ask Him to guide you and husband to come into agreement according to His will.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

((((hugs)))) Amy!!

My heart hurts and is burdened for you and what you are going through with this decision. I don't have a lot of advice, but I am praying for you, your husband, and your children that God would bring you all into agreement as one with HIS perfect will for your family.

I do think you need to follow your husband's headship, but (from personal experience) if he is not in line with God's will, and God really wants you to homeschool, you can pray that his heart will be changed, and God will make a way there. (My husband originally agreed to "kindergarten and maybe 1st grade", and now we are just finishing up her freshman year of high school at home!! He is a strong advocate for homeschooling, now that he has seen the fruit of our labors. I think your husband will, too, if you do decide to homeschool.)

Hope that encourages you some. I will be praying more, too. Please keep us updated when you can.

Agreeing that prayer is the first and foremost step to take right now. The love and respect you have for your husband came through in what you wrote and I understand how hard it can be when you are both not on the same page on crucial issues.
I will be praying that over the next few days God will show each of you very clearly His will for your family.
Love in Christ,
Andrea

One thing I did with my dh who didn't really know anything about homeschooling was to ask him if I could do a "trial year" with K. I mean, how much could I really mess them up for K right? He agreed (I had three and was expecting my 4th who was born in April of that first school year) so we went through with K. Well, obviously, she kept learning because it was K And seriously, it's hard to mess up K! But we did have some crazy times with me being pregnant and with the baby being born, etc. So I asked him if we could continue through 1st because after first is when testing is done anyway... here attendance isn't compulsory until the child is 7, and they start yearly testing after the child turns 7 for homeschoolers.

He agreed that she had learned through the year and that it was a crazy year, so he gave me another year "test run"... She blossomed that next year. On her testing she was ahead in everything except the speed she did math... dh and I agree that in math it's more important to know how to get the answer than to be able to do it quickly and miss some. So from there dh said that as long as the kids keep progressing from year to year, then it's obviously working and we can keep going.

Now it's 4 years later and everyone's doing great. Things are going so smoothly (within reason, I still have a bunch of little kids!!) and they are learning so much. I cannot imagine needing to put them in school right now.

The biggest helps for me were that 1)it was "just" K when I wanted to start and 2.) school isn't compulsory until age 7 and dd was just 5.

I really have no advice...I am dealing with similar issues. There's really not any teaching from my husband who was raised in a Christian home and church with great parents but he isn't teaching, praying, etc. with the kids...though says he wants them to know and love God and be Christians. He also "allows" me to homeschool, and he was homeschooled on and off, but doesn't really support me, help, or even purchase much for schooling. I find ways, God makes ways! I don't work but somehow, always have the books we need. He did help buy some this year AFTER we kinda had a "talk" about it. He often brings up public school and getting a "real" education and really brings it up on my days that he can tell have been harder. I don't like letting him know what goes on at home b/c it always leads to either me not being cut out for homeschooling, not being cut out to keep house AND homeschool, not doing enough school, kids must be behind, ooooorrrrr good days have at times been shadowed with, "Now just think if you hadn't had to have the kids with you!" or "If you didn't have them here, you could have gone with ___ or done ____." We just moved near all my family who public school or private school their kids and it's all coming back from him again. We have still been blessed by my following God's call to homeschool and HE always makes a way for it. I may not have support from DH, but I have his permission. That's a start. We've been in it from PK through starting 6th grade now, and have enrolled the oldest in school for very short segments in K and 4. Then the 2nd went for half of 1st. I reaaaaalllly was miserable and felt so .......well, I guess out of line with God's plan. I was busier than ever with homework and entertaining little ones with no big kids to help...45m twice a day just to drop off and pick up. It was crazy. Each time, it's my DH who says they don't need to go back and he wanted us to pull my oldest mid quarter. But, alas...he wants them back. So, you aren't alone. But I think when we are called to do something then it's a sin to not do it. And we are told to follow our husbands except into sin. So, it's a fine line that needs much prayer. If you are aligned with His plan, you are and will be blessed. Prayer is key, and often I find I've forsaken that part in getting his support. I've come to accept I'm in it alone. Never do that. Not a good spot to be in!

amysue277 wrote:
We are a famiy of 6, and just beginning our homeschooling journey. I am excited to start in the Fall with my kindergartner. I have been looking at HOD for quite some time, and although I had a few reservations, I pretty much decided upon LHFHG.

Last night I was talking to dh about whether to combine or not to combine, and the conversation led to a discussion that really saddened me. He said at one point that he thought homeschooling is a "burden". I was shocked to hear him say that, as I feel quite the opposite. I feel SO blessed that I can do this, and although I knew he wasn't 100%, I thought he was at least sort of supportive. I'm not sure if this stems from the fact that he thinks I have a lot on my plate ( I do with 4 kids under 5) or that he doesn't think I can do it. He said it's a huge "burden" to be responsible for the education of a child. Let's just say the discussion went downhill from there.

Then...we started talking about HOD and he said that he's just not comfortable with a curriculum that is "super religious" He went on to explain that he thinks education and church should be separate. He is a pastor's son and as he states it religion was "crammed down his throat" for 18 years, and he never had a choice about it. He wants our kids to be able to choose how much and what religion, they have. I asked him if he believed in God and wanted our kids to, and of course he said "yes" but I honestly think the 18 years he spent with his (very loving) parents almost turned him against religion. He doesn't talk about it, he doesn't really do ANYthing with our children (doesn't pray, teach them, etc)...and it is starting to bother me. I feel so alone on this journey. Please know that I have a VERY loving husband, and he is an amazing father. This is such a good, honest, hardworking man. I don't mean to make him sound like the "bad guy"...we just have 2 different views on how to educate our children. And I'm just learning about it now.

Hi Amy,
So many good thoughts in this thread. I'm so thankful that you are blessed with such a loving husband and father! I just want to offer you this. Follow your husband's lead and insight. Keep talking to him. Keep him in the loop. Make sure this journey is YOUR journey together. If he has hesitations, honor those. And pray for him. The Lord can do wonders with him in ways you'll never expect. I have no doubt you've made it this far because of God's hand. Whether it is implicit or explicit God will be present in whatever you do.

You are getting great advice. It doesn't sound like he has said that you couldn't homeschool. That alone is good news. My husband also allowed me to test out homeschooling for K. He said for many years that we would take it one year at a time. Then, just when I thought we were on the same page, he talked about sending them back in jr. high. Well, Saturday, we just graduated our oldest, and he would not allow me TO send them to public school now. It was all in the LORD's hands. He kept me going. As far as the curriculum goes, perhaps again, your husband would allow a trial run with HOD. I will tell you one thing that I did learn. Unless your husband is completely onboard, it is probably best to put your best foot forward about homeschooling. There will be days that are hard, but you can share those with the LORD. Your husband loves you and will want to fix your problems. He may see that "fixing" as public school. I know that that is very hard. Also, your husband may allow a trial run with HOD. If he insists on a secular curriculum, you could get the Bible that HOD recommends for before bedtime reading. I think people fail to realize that failing to teach them about Jesus does, in effect, fail to give them the choice to choose Jesus. We are never going to pick something that we didn't know was there to choose. I do hope you will be encouraged by all the personal stories the women on this board have shared about their homeschoooling journeys. As you can see, you are definately not alone. As far as Bible memory goes, that is one of the things I have been most pleased with in our homeschool journey. The verses I am able to mediate on and comfort others with are the verses I have memorized. God is truly good. He does not lie. He has you in his hands at this very moment. I will pray for you.

I also think that it is good if your husband is not forbidding you to homeschool. Keep praying for his support and keep moving forward if he is allowing you to homeschool, even though he is not getting involved. Like a pp said, maybe after he sees the results, he will feel differently.

About the Bible in HOD, I want to encourage you to NOT think of it as religion, but as a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus. HOD is not promoting a particular church affiliation. The focus is our relationship with Him. HOD is full of character training. How do we know what kind of character our lives should have? By reading and studying the Bible. How do we know what is right and what is wrong? By reading and studying the Bible. The Bible is not just for Sundays. It is a guidebook for our everyday lives. What do we have if we separate the Bible from education? We have humanism.....man's thinking without God. Even if you teach these things to your children, it comes down to them making a choice. You can't force them. But you are obeying God by giving them the opportunity to make the choice. Praying that God will give you His wisdom in your decisions.

Hi Ladies,
Thank you to everyone who has offered their encouragement, prayers and wisdom. My husband has agreed to homeschool for K, and "take one year at a time" in the future. Actually, that is fine with me as I am a one day at a time kind of girl! (although secretly I enjoy looking through the HOD catalog and planning my stragegy, lol). I knew going into this that the idea would be fairly out there, and would take some time to warm up to. The fact that I am a former teacher has helped my cause, and that my son is reading and doing fine academically-without any kind of formal schooling.

It's more the curriculum choice that I struggle with. I kind of found that I struck it gold with HOD-seemed like everything I have hoped for. Specifically-the layout is super easy to follow, the literature choices look out of this world good, the flexibility to choose my own reading and math, the ability to combine my kids, and the Christ centeredness of it all. Of course, this is the part giving us troubles.

I hate to let go of HOD...I really don't want to! I agree that I need to devote much more time in prayer than I have. I feel like God is practically screaming at me that homeschooling is right for our family. It could NOT be any clearer to me! My husband is gracious, flexible and overall such a compassionate man that there is no way he would tell me "no" if 1) it was working 2) everyone was happy and 3) I felt called to do it. He's just not like that. I am so blessed in that regard.

I am most concerned with the HOD decision. It's quite evident that SO many people completely love HOD and that Carrie and Julie are such kind, compassionate, knowledgeable people who have written such awesome guides. I myself, cannot think of a good reason NOT to use it. And believe me, I've tried to find a reason I guess the only reason would be that my husband doesn't feel comfortable being "that religious". Ahhh....I look forward to reading more and thank you in advance!

I'm just catching up to this thread, and happy to read that your husband has allowed for a trial year. I believe that your decision to respect your husband's wishes (while praying fervently that they will align with the Lord's will) will be met with blessing in the long run. About the curriculum, that takes much prayer, too. If you are pleased with everything about HOD except for some of the content, you could always swap in Catholic materials (or leave out something that made you or your husband uncomfortable). Here is a link to a discussion of HOD in a Catholic household viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9288 - if my link works, there is a link to another Catholicism thread in it.

Of course, the strongest recommendation is to pray about it more, and go where God leads you, no matter which curriculum choice that turns out to be. You can bet that he would bless a decision that honors Him and follows where He leads.