heartofdakota.com

I am having some anxiety concerning my older son and I wondered if you all might be able to help. He is almost 12 and technically in 6th grade, but he is very behind and I have no idea what to do!!

As a little bit of background, I have two boys that I took out of public school year before last. My younger ds has just turned 10 and is “4th” grade now, and my older son is 11. Ds11 had always struggled at public school with reading and “attention” issues. So when I brought him home, I had NO idea where to start with him. I decided to combine the two boys together in Bigger Hearts. I used the whole curriculum and chose to go with R&S 3. Again, having no idea where to place him in math I bought Singapore 2A and B and decided I’d just give him those workbooks and he’d breeze right through and find his place. In hindsight, I think this might have been a mistake.

I didn’t count on homeschooling being so hard for us last year! We spent the year getting used to this new way of life… and there were a LOT of growing pains. We moved along very, very slowly and as a result of this he is way behind. In fact, I’ll just go ahead and admit this out loud – he’s probably 2 years behind where he should be. I know I made some mistakes with placement and I realize that I probably underestimated what he was capable of. When we first started out a year and a half ago there were SO many gaps in what he had learned. He had slipped by all those years without retaining much at all in PS. This year things have fallen into place though. He has made SUCH an improvement in all areas.. his attitude, his character, his reading, his attention.. He has matured and things have finally started "clicking."

This year we are using Preparing Hearts and just having an AWESOME year. I love HOD so much and so do the boys. As of right now they are on Unit 14, without extensions. He does very well with everything, but the oral and written narrations give him a little trouble. He is at the beginning of Rod and Staff 4, and in Singapore he is on 4A. We are not fully using DITHOR, but starting to add it in more. I have the teacher’s manual and the 2/3 student book.

Would any of you be able to tell me what I can do to get him up to his “grade level”? In a couple of years he will need to be doing high school level work. Is this possible at all? Since HOD isn’t written for specific “grade levels” I am having a hard time figuring this out.

If I did math every day with him year round, this would have him finishing 6B by the time he is mid-way through 8th grade. Does that sound right? As far as everything else, do I just keep plugging along and not worry about it? What about grammar and writing? Where does he need to be at this age, and is there a way to jump forward? If he does CTC next year (7th), and then RtoR for (8th) grade, will he be on level for 9th grade and high school level classes? I guess what confuses me is that his younger brother will also be doing that with him, but will be 2 years younger.

I am worried for my sweet boy. He is basically doing 4th grade with his brother. He is having fun, yes, but will he catch up?

Thank you SO much for reading this long panic attack I am having I hope one or two of you can help!

Tracy

Hi, Tracy!

I don't know if I actually have advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that in some ways I'm in a similar situation. I can also let you know what we're planning to do. (Also: a disclaimer -- we did not start using HOD until about 1 1/2 years ago, and it has helped my son immensely! I don't want anyone to think he's behind because of HOD. His writing abilities have improved so much this year while doing Bigger! He had some vision issues that he needed vision therapy about 2 years ago. After the vision therapy, he is much improved, but still really struggles.)

My oldest son is 10 and I call him 4th grade. He is doing Bigger (with Extensions) now, and we'll probably start Preparing (probably without Extensions) in a few months. He is behind in math by probably 2 years, he is also just now coming to the end of R&S English 2. I know what you mean about anxiety!!! In many ways, his younger sister's abilities are the same as his.

While I wish that he were more grade level right now, I know that just jumping him ahead to something he's not ready for will not help him. So, I have to be content with teaching him where he is. BUT, I do have a plan for "catching him up": I plan to do Math (we're using MUS), Spelling, and R&S Grammar year round. Also, when we start Preparing, I will probably have him do it 5 days per week, and hope to finish it in less than one school year. I'm on track to complete 2 levels of Math this school year. If I complete 2 levels each year for 2 more years, then he will be on grade level.

When I look at a standardized test for 4th grade, it's easy to get discouraged because I'm sure he would do pretty poorly if I chose to test him this year. For that reason, I might wait another year, since it seems that each year he learns so very much.

I know it's very hard to have a student who is "behind", but we can't find our worth or value in whether our children are doing as well as we'd like. Our call is to be faithful to teach and train them for God's glory. It's also good to focus on the strengths of the struggling child. My son happens to be very good at verbal communication, and people often think he is above grade level from conversations. He also loves to build and fix anything he can get his hands on. He may just not be the kind of man who is sitting at a desk doing complex math every day. He might want to be a builder or an electrician, and that's perfectly fine with me!

There are things that I would have done differently in my son's education if I could go back and do it again, but we have to remember that God is sovereign in all of this. Here's a quote that has been such an encouragement to me. (I hope it's okay if I post it!) This quote is from the book "When Life and Beliefs Collide" by Carolyn Custis James. I have not read the book, but came across this encouraging quote in a newsletter. I pray that it encourages your heart today...

"God's plan for us is individual and personal. Those who believe that God has a plan for them sometimes encounter another problem - the conviction that they have lost God's best plan for them. They believe that they have missed or fallen off the plan, or that something has happened to destroy it.

"We know the feeling. Somewhere along the line we zigged when we should have zagged, and how we're hopelessly stuck with Plan B. It only takes a foolish youthful decision, a missed opportunity, the interference of someone else in our lives, or our sinfulness, and Plan A is gone forever. But if God is sovereign, then Plan B is a myth.

"No matter how dark things look to us, or how big the mess we're in, we're in Plan A. God's plan for us is intact, proceeding exactly as He intended, neither behind nor ahead, but right on schedule. Nothing - not our sins, failures, disappointments, bad decisions, nor the sins of others against us - can deter a sovereign God from accomplishing His purposes."


I hope that something here is helpful. And know you're not alone!!! Feel free to ask me anything you'd like!

Oh, if anyone reading my post has advice for me concerning my struggling son, or thinks that there could be a better path for him that what I'm planning, please don't hesitate to tell me. I appreciate any help and advice I can get!

I would not worry about "catching" up. I don't think that is necessary. Everyone moves at their own pace even in PS even though in PS they get labeled or left behind. That is why homeschooling is so great. They can move at their own pace. And if he is 2 years "behind" it is not your fault you just started. I don't tell my kids their grade levels (even though I have to do them for my umbrella school) That way they can't compare. Both my high schoolers have to ask me still and they are 16 and 17.
Just relax, have fun and enjoy the time with them.

I could have written your post as well. I did (am doing)alot of learning the ropes too. To make matters worse for me is my closest friends are school teachers! So when I hear them discuss school stuff I get a knot in my stomach and think maybe I've done a disservice to my kids by pulling them out of ps. I know I have not keep them up to those standards. Especially here in TN, where they have raised the standards basically one whole year. What was kids were doing in 5th grade, they are now doing it in 4th. This is our 2nd year to hs and first with HOD. But then I talk to hsing moms and read forums and that feeling goes away for while. I have to remind myself of the big picture. Ds10 would probably be just as behind in ps too. My initial reason for pulling them out was because ds10 was already behind in reading at the end of 2nd grade. Ds 11 was in 3rd. So my idea was to pull them out and hs for 2 years and get him caught up in a less stressful environment. Well the 2yrs is almost up and he is not caught up and ds11 is also behind. But now it has become more that just trying to catch him up. Now more than ever I want to take this small window of time I have and teach them about life, about the Word of God, and the presence of God in our lives. We are to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I believe having the boys at home makes this task easier. Good luck.

I also plan to do math and reading all year to at least get them closer to grade level. It will just take more committment from all of us this summer.

Cheryl

This year we are using Preparing Hearts and just having an AWESOME year. I love HOD so much and so do the boys.

There is nothing in the above quote you want to change (except the guide from year to year). So, you are well on your way. When everyone loves school plenty of learning is taking place. I believe you would have more to lost than gain if you sat up a "marathon" catch up program. Keep in mind Singapore math eventually is a whole grade ahead so you might not be as "behind' in math as you think. If you don't school year round, you could certainly do math and LA through the summers, as they don't have any connection to the core of the guides anyway. For this year I would work on adding DITHOR full-time into your schedule and then next year I would put him in CTC with the extensions and DITHOR and just keep plugging away. You can refer to the thread below to see how to beef up the various guides for high school level. Scroll down a ways and you will see lots of links. Edited to add you could also do math and LA on the 5th day of each week since you are in a 4/day guide. Edited again to add the link I forgot to put in.
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=6571

You have done really well to have the children enjoying learning ,especially with a child who has struggled at school.
You have established a routine .
You have made sure they have a firm grasp of math facts.Time spent cementing the basics in usually pays off.
Dont look at grades ,look at progress. .Dont measure them against anyone else.

I agree - such wise counsel here. We cannot fast forward learning. It is not productive, enjoyable, or successful. You've found a good placement for ds - why not enjoy it? We will help with high school. There are many high school paths with HOD, and moms are proving them to be successful as we speak. I think you need to throw that 'maybe he's behind' burden off your back and kick up your heels and celebrate - your ds LOVES school! He is CHEERFUL! He has his HEART in the right place! He has made great GAINS! Way to go MOM and DS! The best thing you can do now is focus on helping him with his oral narrations, written narrations, and work on consistently doing DITHOR. You can do R & S English, math, and dictation 5 days a week rather than 4 if you would like. This will slowly but surely move him forward while still keeping the love of learning flowing. I'd not have a do or die can't miss a day out of breath stress inducing approach to these areas either though. There are students doing CTC through Modern TImes for high school on this board already, using the extensions, and extending areas of LA and Math, and doing well. I'd opt for steadily moving ds forward, and focus on him doing the utmost of every guide each year, moving toward eventually doing the extensions when ready, and I think he'll do great. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

This isn't even my post and I have tears in my eyes reading all the wonderful, heartfelt encouragement being poured out on this board. What a blessing all you ladies are!

Tracy, I can relate to your post. We have also been feeling out this year, and are NOT where I'd want to be. However, we are progressing, and marching forward. What an encouraging post; I trust you feel it. Your kids are home with you and you get to do school with them. Just let yourself enjoy the process, even though it can be tough at times.

First off take a big deep breath. I know sometimes it very hard to be the one in charge of our children's education. We put so much pressure on ourselves and if your like me doubt will start creeping in. That's when I remember why I do this! I promise that your son is getting a far superior education at home with you than if he was still in school. I wouldn't worry too much about him being behind. My daughter is behind in reading and spelling. Each day we just keep plugging along at it. I have faith that it will work out in the end.

One thing I decided to do last year was to school yearround. June, July and August we school 3 days a week. We work from 9-12. At noon we put the books away no matter where we're at. This keeps my kids motivated. They know after that it's pool time. I found this past summer that my kid's were rarely bored and faught less. When full school started back in September they hadn't lost any of those skills that we faught so hard to learn. Also that meant we were a little bit ahead. If you did this every summer that its possible to gain a year of school without having to rush or push him. Anyway, just a suggestion. We tried it and we will never go back. There's just too many positives.

Mostly I say give yourself some breathing room and enjoy your son. I love that he likes school now. You won half the battle already! I'm afraid if you pushed him too fast he might loose that joy for school. So relax, keep plugging away on those skills, and enjoy this journey with your son.

I can't say much more than has already been said. But, I wanted to share that my daughter has some struggles in reading and math, and she would be considered 'behind grade level'. This is our second year in HOD, and she is progressing, although the math is very slowly. I talked to my evaluator today. I need to take my dd to her this year since she is 8 now, and we have to report to the school district. I mentioned dd's weakness in math. She said you need to teach the child, not the curriculum. Wherever your ds is in his learning, just keep building on that. She had told me years ago that the important thing is that a child is progressing. As long as your ds is moving forward, don't worry about 'grade level'. It sounds like he's learning a lot and enjoying it. Just keep on that path and he will do fine.

Thank you so much. I am definitely encouraged! I absolutely LOVE the quote that Heart_Mom shared!

Heart_Mom wrote:"God's plan for us is individual and personal. Those who believe that God has a plan for them sometimes encounter another problem - the conviction that they have lost God's best plan for them. They believe that they have missed or fallen off the plan, or that something has happened to destroy it.

"We know the feeling. Somewhere along the line we zigged when we should have zagged, and how we're hopelessly stuck with Plan B. It only takes a foolish youthful decision, a missed opportunity, the interference of someone else in our lives, or our sinfulness, and Plan A is gone forever. But if God is sovereign, then Plan B is a myth.

"No matter how dark things look to us, or how big the mess we're in, we're in Plan A. God's plan for us is intact, proceeding exactly as He intended, neither behind nor ahead, but right on schedule. Nothing - not our sins, failures, disappointments, bad decisions, nor the sins of others against us - can deter a sovereign God from accomplishing His purposes."

You know, it's funny, while I was writing my original post last night, I felt the Lord urging me to just trust Him through this. If he led us here (which, no doubt about it, he did!) then he will see to it that it works out for His glory. BUT... I have a very bad habit of worrying and trying to fix things on my own. You ladies have reminded me that I am so very, very blessed. I get to enjoy the great blessing of teaching my kids every day.

I will keep on with what we are doing now and starting asap I will add in DITHOR full time. I'll have him do math, R&S and dictation 5 days a week (and through the summer as well) to keep moving steadily forward. Next year he'll do CTC and I may add the extensions. I do agree that if I go too fast, school will not be fun for him anymore. I've just got to stop with this comparison game. I may have to put my hands over my ears the next time anyone talks about their kids school work. Just kidding... I'll just pray. and pray and pray... And in a couple of years when it's time to start thinking about High school, I'll get help from you all.

Tracy

Tracy,

The ladies on the board have already shared such amazing encouragement and wondeful testimonies that I will only add a couple of things from my public school teaching days that may help you a bit with perspective.

I think whenever you feel the comparison bug strike, it is good to remember the following things. In public school, or any school setting, most kiddos are receiving a one grade level (one size fits all education). This means that a child's individual skills are getting less and less focus with each year a child advances. In a one-size fits all education, all kiddos are exposed to the same material. However, exposure does not mean that the material is internalized. For a child to be exposed to a certain grade level material there does not need to actually be much internalizing. Not much skill is required for exposure. It is easy to slip by or to fall through the cracks in a one-size fits all education. So, while the public school child may be exposed to many things your child may not, how much is actually retained? Exposure does not equal retention.

The next thing to remember is that being an active participant in one's learning takes time to adjust to doing. This is what you were doing all year last year. You were allowing your children a very important adjustment period. You were also working to fill some gaps and figuring out just what your children knew and did not know. This does take time, but it is not lost time. It is time well-used. If your children are thriving this year, then your groundwork laid last year is paying off! Cramming in work or material is not time well-spent. Cramming results in seeing learning in a learn-and-flush it way. This is not true learning.

Another thing to note is that English/grammar is currently one of the subjects in the public school system that is falling out of favor. Typically high school students receive little to no formal grammar instruction during their high school years. Currently, assignments at the high school level are all about application of these concepts in written work. But, it is hard to apply what you do not know! This is why a strong foundation is English is so important. So, time is on your side with English. If you do not finish English 8 by the end of high school, you will be alright. English 6 would be more than what most typical high school students have had upon graduation.

Last, as far as math goes, if you have your oldest ready to begin Algebra I by the time he is beginning his freshman year you will be fine. This would mean setting a goal of completing Singapore 6A/6B by the end of his 8th grade year. This plan would allow you to do Algebra I as a freshman, Algebra II as a sophomore, Geometry as a junior, and Trig./Pre. Calc as a senior. This is a very good math plan that will set your child up well for college math. So, technically you are not behind in math.

As far as going through the summer goes, I do think I would ease off a bit in the summer to 3-4 days a week for math and English so it feels like summer.

As far as doing extensions in CTC goes, just wait until you get there to see if that is needed. Time will tell.

For now, rejoice in your children's progress. Take heart that you are doing something the public school cannot do in individualizing your child's education. What is more, your children are taking time to be in God's Word and growing God's way every day. That is truly all that matters for eternity!

Blessings,
Carrie

Excellent post, Carrie!

Thank you Carrie! That was awesome to read... I think I may print that one out and read it often.

And thank you ladies again for the encouragement. It feels good to be able to relax and take a deep breath!

Tracy