heartofdakota.com

I would just like to ask for prayer and godly advice/encouragement from you all tonight. I am just feeling disconnected from my husband, and it has really hit me tonight. He is a wonderful man and great provider for me and my 3 children. I do love him very much, I have just been feeling as if we are not connecting. He is so tired at night when he gets home. He is gone to his job from 6 a.m. til 6 p.m. Monday through Friday, and he is just worn out at night. He is a very involved father and loves the children, does devotion with them in their room before bedtime, etc. He is wonderful in many ways. But especially since he has started this new job down here in TX, I feel like I get left-overs and he barely has energy to interact with me at all. I really don't want to be selfish or bitter about this, as I have so much to be thankful for. But, I just desire for him to take the lead with me spiritually as well and always do a devotion with me, pray with me, talk with me about my day. We try to do this, but he just falls asleep often. Most times I just smile and shrug it off, knowing that he can't help it. But I just feel time-deprived with him, and it is making me not want to try that much (which I know isn't good.)

We are also leading a small group (home church) with a couple of other families in our home on family life and marriage, so I know the enemy wants to disrupt that as well, since the families we have are in desperate need of the Lord's help and direction as well. My husband loves God and desires to live for Him, but is often so distracted by work and so tired that he doesn't seek as he should.

Thank you to any of you who feel the leading to intercede for me. I have also joined a prayer/intercession group at my church and I know the enemy doesn't like that a bit either. He wants all the prayer warriors to be distracted and ineffective. So please cover THIS prayer warrior in prayer.

P.S. The true desire of my heart is that my husband could come out of the corporate world and work from home to be here with us. He is a mechanical engineer. Then, from there, we could one day be catapaulted into the mission field full-time working with orphans and street children. If anyone feels led to come in agreement with me on this, I would so appreciate that. Yet, not my will but my Father's be done...

Thank you and bless you!

Praying for you, Tina!

Praying for you. ((Hugs)) In my 16 years together with my husband, I can relate to you and how you are feeling. Too painfully. In these tough times, just remember to be faithful to do what you are called to do as a wife, not dependant on what he is or isn't doing. God is faithful. Always. The best thing you can do is keep praying for your husband and for your marriage. There will be times like this that the enemy tries to attack you and your marriage and make you feel discouraged and unloved, unappreciated. They are lies, so don't listen to them. My husband (and myself, too) have had times where we've "detached" from each other and it is very lonely, but don't give up. It is only for a time, and seems to cycle out. One thing that I've had to learn (the hard way) is that marriage and love isn't about what you're feeling or what you're getting from your spouse. It's about loving as an action on your part, not an expectation on what we think we should be getting. It's those expectations we put on other people to fulfill our desires that make us miserable. People (and especially husbands) will let you down and disappoint you, but God is faithful and He is the true source of our fulfillment. Keep on loving your husband, being the good wife and mother that you are, keep praying, and let God fill you with His peace.

I've found a lot of encouragement from these things: The Love Dare, The Husband Project, The Respect Dare, Daughters of Sarah, Family Life Weekend to Remember. They are all wonderful godly resources on marriage. If you are on facebook, really check out The Respect Dare. They have wonderful enouragement on their for wives. Also, if you ever get a chance to attend a Weekend to Remember, do it! It will change your life and your marriage forever! Trust me, we got to go to one last year for the first time, and it was a HUGE blessing and eye-opening experience. Loved it! Even my husband loved it, and that is saying a lot!!! Not his cup of tea at all, but he really enjoyed it and we both learned so much. Truthfully, it probably saved our marriage. We've had some really rough times.

I am praying for you and your marriage.

-Miranda

tnahid wrote: He is gone to his job from 6 a.m. til 6 p.m. Monday through Friday,

P.S. The true desire of my heart is that my husband could come out of the corporate world and work from home to be here with us. He is a mechanical engineer. Then, from there, we could one day be catapulted into the mission field full-time working with orphans and street children. If anyone feels led to come in agreement with me on this, I would so appreciate that. Yet, not my will but my Father's be done...

Thank you and bless you!

I will pray for you this morning. It sounds like overall you realize what a wonderful husband you have. Don't listen to the lies about him or your marriage. When the busy times come I always think men have an easier time still feeling connected to family & their wife than women who relationally need more interaction.

A couple thoughts on my high lights above.

My DH leaves at 6:20 a.m. Monday - Friday. He gets home between 5 - 6 on M & T, and around 4:15 on Wed - Fri.
I feel very connected, but here is one thing we are doing that I think is really helping:
The alarm goes off at 5, and we get up together. He takes his shower, I make his coffee, we have some talk time, and we have couple prayer time before he leaves for work. Some mornings we talk a lot and others we are tired and quieter, but I do think our decision to make this hour a day together has been essential for our marriage & relationship with God as a couple. At night, by the time the kids are in bed we are usually too tired to have quality relationship time, but somehow in the morning it works.. It feels like our special date every morning, and a date with God too. Just some thoughts.

I remember being in your shoes with a true desire for my DH to come home and work from home. I encourage a lot of prayer, fasting, and listening to God's will for this desire. If he says no, listen. His will may be your ministry of home schooling & raising an orphan with your DH providing for you to do it. If he says yes to both of you, listen. We actually brought my DH home for 3 years. The mistake we made was letting my heart's desire to have him home with our home schooling over-ride the fact God said no. Don't go down that path, it isn't worth it. It only leads to a lot of repentance & natural consequences of doing a business without God's help. As for the orphans.. I have hoped long-term that our family could go more of that route to. Just pray and fast and let the Lord lead you. Trust him that he knows the very best for your family. It may not be what you want.. but His ways are always best. In addition, it looks like you are already blessing an orphan in the most meaningful way possible, by giving her a wonderful home with parents who Love the Lord.

be content with such things as you have. Hebrews 13:5

In Christ,

Lovin Jesus,
Thanks for sharing what you do with your husband in the morning. My dh also is gone very early, about 6:20 M-F, and comes home about 5 PM. I am NOT a morning person, and am usually asleep (or mostly asleep) while he is getting ready. It would be worth the sacrifice for me to get up with him-in fact, I did today and it felt very nice I had the good intention before of doing this, but haven't done so. Thanks for reminding us that sometimes the little things really do mean a lot.
Tina, I'm inboxing you

I sounds like you have weekends! Don't forget about that as family time. There is nothing that compares to worshiping the Lord together as a family. My husband is in the military and as a result of training others, he is starting a season where he will work the next six weeks for seven days a week. When his work is that stressful we have to pay attention to making sure that lots of little things don't crowd out the truly important. That means that if he has to run errands on a Saturday, it is a date day with our daughter. (She is three and tells me about her "date" with daddy to change the oil in the car and go to the post office. He bought her apple juice at Starbucks!) On other days there is laundry or any number of other things, and sometimes I have to set it aside and say it will get done when it gets done, the more important thing is to attend to time with my husband. Homeschooling has been wonderful, even though we are still at preschool, because it means that we can drop everything and attend to family time when it is available, because frankly most of the time my husband is TIRED. It is hard not to let little bits of resentment creep up that work is demanding just too much, wouldn't anything else be better? But we are called to endure the race that is set before US, not anyone else, not the race for any other season, but the race that is set before us now. Sometimes that race means that consistent time with God as a couple is impossible. We have to take our time with God personally and then weekly (or sometimes monthly) we reconnect to share what God is speaking into our lives as individuals. It isn't the same as growing together, I suppose, but if we are each growing and encouraging one another to grow as God calls, it can help carry though a season where time is at a premium.

I have also learned that God honors our faithful commitments to obey his word. When we are wholly committed to our marriages (as it sounds like you are) and when we are willing to focus on what is excellent in our husbands (as you are) then there may be seasons of difficulty, but God can bring about great renewal, even quite suddenly. I would encourage you to look for something small that you could do that would connect you as a couple, spiritually or emotionally that could be a weekend thing, or a brief thing of a weekday, but something completely doable with everyone's energy level and start there. Sometimes a little realism works out so well it carries over into more energy in other places.

Lena

dd3 - LHTH
ds 1
ds - soon?

Tina - I am praying for you! I understand completely what you are saying. My dh is a such a hard worker and a good provider too, and he is also often exhausted. I am turning 40 in about a week, and I have to say I'M much more tired these days too. We've been married 16 years, and I think this is also a time that it is sometimes work to remember what we appreciate and love about one another. Getting out on dates, getting enough sleep, taking vitamins, etc. all do their little part to help. One thing I did that helped me focus on what I love about my dh the most was to make a list of 5 things I love most about him and read them right before he came home from work each night. I also have tried to hug him and ask how his day went. These few little things have helped some. I don't have any real answers, but one thing I know for sure, your request for prayer and your diligence in praying yourself is the very best thing to do.

Love in Christ,
Julie

Thank you all for your loving responses and prayers! I am never disappointed when I post a request like this on this board. The Lord uses each and every one of you on here. The Lord is at work in and for my husband and I. We have had a heart-to-heart and my husband and I are feeling much more connected now! The Lord answers prayer! He is so faithful.

Thank you again for lifting me up when I was down, for encouraging me, for taking me before my Father's throne. I love you all, my sweet sisters in Christ.