Never thought I'd be saying this... (a little long)

[Mom2Monkeys]

I'm going to be rather transparent here....and hopefully, I don't sound like a pessimistic nagger...I'm really not! LOL I might be a rambler though...

Believe it or not, my kids do LOTS of chores...dd7 does much of her own laundry, dd7 and ds5 have to clean their own rooms and tidy their bathroom. DD7 helps out with making lunch here and there and both are in charge of keeping ds2 occupied when I am trying to cook, etc. I have reasonable expectations for the cleanliness of the house, but my dh can't seem to function with it even a little out of order. He has high expectations of me, the kids, and the house. I've been having a hard time keeping up to par for him and that leaves me with negative feelings, both towards myself and him. I am left feeling unable to perform well enough and my attitude shows up in my actions as a wife and mom. DH actually helps with dishes after dinner often. And he helps with other things at times too...but, its seems to me like its b/c he wants it done and I haven't done it (yet)...I'm glad he's helping, but it makes me feel so useless when I feel like he's doing it b/c he thinks he has to. I've become a little depressed, our marriage is 'difficult' right now, and parenting like this (not to mention teaching as well!), well, its just plain hard to do. I need the time to refresh and renew my attitude...and even though homeschooling was not in the way of getting things done, dh feels it is and I feel I should do what he's wanting me to do. It's more or less the attitude I've developed over time of being discontent with things and not saying or doing anything about it. I'm not handling very well the lack of stability that comes with being married to a student.
I've not been very nice to him in return and I've been way too quick to anger recently...I've just been so...I don't even know what I've been. I've gotten to be a little like that with the kids too...I don't like myself much right now. And I don't get out by myself or for myself at all really. I don't have any friends around here. Encouragement, help, friends, and time to myself...and a little cuddle time with my man...I could be a new woman with that...oh...and a cleaning lady! LOL! Finances are tight, but I may have to scrape up the money for it somehow.
Homeschooling is one of the joys I could look forward to each day...if I could get some things back on track, I could be really good at it again and we could all be much happier.
Please keep praying for us...I'm still waiting to hear from another private school and I do believe the way it turned out with Montessori was really a blessing. I guess a semester in school in order for me to better myself as a mom, wife, and teacher is okay...I just wish it wasn't in the public schools! Oh, I also feel guilty b/c only dd7 is the one in school and now we're getting out and doing more fun things that we weren't doing before. Plus she's not able to get her physical and occupational therapy anymore.

[Jessi]

Tamara,

I am going to pray for this situation. I totally understand your last post. It really spoke to me as I have been going through similar things in the past several months as well. You need to make it a priority to spend some time with your hubby away from kids. Sounds like you both have become consumed in your own lives and failed expections that you've forgotten that you are a team...not just you, but your husband as well. It is hard for one who is gone a lot to see what happens in the home. Have you ever sat down and gently told him what your days are like? Sometimes...and I am cautioning myself in saying this...but men can be a little clueless. NOT all!!! My husband is one of high expectations too. It was hard in the early years of our marriage because I never felt like I measured up. I finally told him I was not his mother and that I couldn't function like that. I told him what my days were like and it was a real eye opener for him. He has said that he is the kind of male that needs me to tell him what to do or what's going on, because he doesn't see it. That has helped tremendously. I don't know if this helps you at all but communicate with your hubby. Above and beyond everything you are dealing with: homeschooling, public school, house cleaning, finances, hubby's classes, etc....keeping your relationship strong with your husband is the most important as it has the trickle down effect. Well the most important of course is your relationship with the Lord. That has a major trickle down into other things.

I would encourage you to do the Love Dare during this time of rejuvenation and reprioritizing. It is an excellent book and will teach you how to love your husband to the full extent that God desires of you.

Blessings and I hope this time will help you experience God's goodness and grace in ways you've never imagined.