Struggling with finding a balance

[mommybelle]

So I have two girls, ages 6 and 2. My oldest is currently in LHFHG, though we are only on Unit 9 (left side). I have been able to at least manage keeping up with the Three R's fairly regularly. We started LHFHG in May 2012! So, you think we'd be a little further along. I LOVE Heart of Dakota, and I share it with every new homeschooling mom I know, so I want so badly to make this work. And I do truly believe that homeschooling is something God has called me to do.

BUT, I get distracted very easily. And I wonder why my DD cannot stay focused long enough to get through 2 pages of The Reading Lesson in a sitting! And, I feel like I am trying to discipline myself to do things as a wife and homemaker that I should have done six years ago when my oldest daughter was born. Instead, I couldn't let go of that career that I clung so tightly to (though I think God really had other plans), so my nights and breaks were filled with working when I could have been meal planning, washing clothes, cleaning the house, etc. And then that second child came along and though I cut my hours drastically, I just wanted to do nothing but have time for myself in the evenings. I am giving you this background so you'll know my deepest struggles which I think coincides with this schooling balancing act. Hebrews 12:11 is a verse I am going to need to focus on for awhile.

After a full summer where I thought we would actually accomplish some school (and we barely accomplished any), I was determined we would hit the ground running with LHFHG. And look where we are now...only on Unit 9! I am really struggling with how to prioritize. On Mondays, my daughter has ballet in the afternoons, but the studio isn't nearby. So we have to leave by 3:15 at the latest, and we aren't home until 5:45. On Wednesdays, we all go to a Bible Study together. So we are busy from 9:30 until 12:15. And then every 6 weeks I help watch the kids of the moms who are so kind to teach all of the children during the initial Bible Study time. Wednesday evenings we have choir at the church. On Thursdays, I watch our neighbor's little girl from 12:15 - 3:30. So I often feel that our enjoyable school time is rushed on Thursdays. And then on Fridays, my oldest attends an art class for an hour, but we are gone from 10:15 - 12:00 because it isn't that close to our house. I also am part of our Children's Ministry team that meets once a month at the church. I haven't taken any lead rolls with this group though it has been voiced that they want everyone to commit to fulfilling a role. I just don't think I can take on another responsibility. I pulled myself from leading crafts for our VBS this year because I was afraid I would get crunched for time and do stuff during our school day instead of in the evenings. And have I mentioned that I am NOT a morning person and neither is my oldest child? So we aren't really ready to actually start school (after chores and getting ready) until closer to 9:30, typically 10:00 a.m.

So, I just need some thoughts and reassurance. My daughter loves everything she attends. She really loves the Bible Study the most, and we all do, so I am confident that one is going to stay. But, she also loves her art class. I am strongly considering dropping that one in the Fall though. I do feel that I should finish this semester with the art class though. I guess I just want some reassurance that an extracurricular art class isn't really necessary at this age. And, for that matter, is it necessary at all with HOD? Is there anything else I should be doing with her besides the activities in HOD?

And as for P.E., is ballet even necessary at this age? I know some people love ballet for their girls, but I know looking into the future that I just cannot commit to 5 days a week of ballet training, especially with the studio not being extremely close. It just isn't for me and my ideals for our family. But then I feel that I'm being selfish. Does she really need sports involvement at this age? She isn't exactly coming from very athletic parents.

I just need some thoughts, insight and reassurance. I guess more than anything I want to enjoy these younger years with my girls which I don't feel like I am really doing at this point, especially since we're not really getting to the left side of LHFHG. Instead, we are struggling through the battles of reading and handwriting.

[mommyofmany]

Whoa!! If we had your schedule I can honestly say we'd have a hard time getting any school done too! I have more little ones, but what slows me down more than anything is having to leave the house. If I were you, I'd aim to do school 4 days a week (M,T,TH,F) and drop art, ballet, and watching your neighbors child. Really focus on getting a good school routine and home schedule working first.....and then add things back in if you feel like you have time or the desire to do so. I don't think children need a bunch of extracurricular activities at any age, but especially when they are so little. We only had two weekly commitments which weren't even being met on a regular basis (Cub Scouts & Awana) and just dropped those for now. It's just too much to be running all over creation with a van load of littles for me! I hope that you can come to a peaceful decision about letting things go and re-prioritizing your day. It's always so hard feeling conflicted about things like this. If you want permission to let all that stuff go, want no more- I'm saying it's okay to drop all the extras and focus on spending time together reading all your great books!

[psreit]

I only homeschool one and my other dc are grown, but it is very easy to get so busy that it affects our homeschooling. Like the pp said, you will need to prioritize if you want to homeschool. Unless someone is VERY structured (I'm not), I think most hs moms would say that cleaning doesn't always get done. While you are using the younger guides, it should not take a lot of time each day. But, make that time a priority and let the other things go until school is done. It does sound like you may need to change some things so you aren't running so often. I guess it is a matter of self-discipline. Maybe you could make yourself a schedule to follow. Put school at a certain time and detemine you won't do anything but school during that time. The most important thing to do is pray and ask the Lord to show you where you need to make changes. Cherish the time you have with the girls. They grow up so fast.

[mom23]

I just wanted to echo that if you are feeling that you need to let go of the art and ballet, do it. It does not mean you are being selfish! It isn't selfish to do what is best for your family. Extra things aren't necessary with HOD. There are lots of art concepts built in there-plenty to give the average person an exposure and appreciation for art and allow them to explore their own abilities. (Now, if your child looks to depend on art for a living, you may want to consider adding art classes back in there when she's older...) As far as ballet and a PE requirement goes...PE does not need to put such a strenuous demand on your life. When kids are young, I just let them play outside for PE. Let them ride a bike. Teach them to throw a ball and catch it. Jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups, lifting light weights are things we do when the weather prohibits outside activity.

If you're able to successfully cut back on outside commitments you're teaching your children some pretty valuable lessons, as well. That school is a priority, and therefore something they should do to the best of their ability; that family and home life are very important and not to let outside pressures cut into that; that you love them enough to do what's best for them, even if it's hard (for all of you) at first. Not to let the urgent things crowd out the things that are important. Also, think of how much better she could be prepared to run her own house if you can master and model these things for her? (Well, that last one is the thing I keep trying to repeat to myself as I muddle through my own messy house and stacks of laundry-dirty and clean...) . I'm sure it would be a great thing, though, theoretically! LOL.

Anyway, it's a brave thing you're doing. It's not easy for a homeschooling Mom to admit that she struggles with doing school regularly-although if we're honest, all of us do at some times! It's not easy to have the courage to say no and realize that regardless of what society tells us, the best thing for our family is to stay home and be a family. We're constantly faced with these pressures to properly socialize our kids, or to get them the very best of opportunities that other kids don't have, to try to make them the best at everything, and for heaven sakes, to get them out of the house once in a while! What do you do all day, anyway? Stay strong and follow what God is leading you to do for your family, though. Don't cave in to the expectations from other people.

[TrueGRIT]

Most things are your choice as a family,
BUT
I can tell you leaving the house so often, and not having school a priority doesn't help.

For us, we run all errands on Monday, then on Tuesday-Friday have 3 1/2 hrs devoted totally to school, with no outside influences.
That includes phone, and other electronics. During good weather if we have done sufficient school in the early part of the week we will take off early on Fridays,
and go to the zoo, park etc. Sometimes with other homeschoolers, other times alone. In bad weather we do the fun stuff - arts, crafts, games . . .

This is for ALL of us to learn to prioritize, and learn following a routine. About every 6 months we tweak it a bit, but overall it has been this way for over 2 years.
When I was only teaching our oldest we did do a art class, and went weekly to library storytime. We also met with friend's more often, but with more children in school needing my attention, it doesn't work for us.

For you, I would probably finish the art class you are committed to, and drop the ballet, especially since it is not nearby. You are wise not to commit yourself to anymore.
You and your husband will need to look at everything else, and decide what to keep, and what to drop. One of my rules, is 'how many of us does it involve?'

Another thing, don't stress about the housework! Write a routine down you think you can follow, and try to accomplish it, tweaking as needed until you get something you really can! If you haven't had a lot of practice (with the discipline side), it will take time to learn to do it all - so don't try all at once. Just follow what you can, doing the most important, fulfilling things first. This is one area I struggled in - my mom taught me WHAT I needed to do , but not WHEN I needed to do them to get everything done. So, I know how you feel.
Hope you find a good balance soon. I know with careful time and consideration it will all work out!

[daybreaking]

I want to encourage you!!! Your children are still very young. Though you wish you could go back and do things differently, you still have plenty of time to make things the way you want them to be. I struggled immensely, myself, when my dc were little and I'm just now feeling like I'm getting my act together with keeping up with housework, having my dc do regular chores, meal planning, etc. You'll get there!!!

When I only had one child and he was still a preschooler, I did several activities with him (Mom's Bible study, gym time, library story hour, etc.) All of those things were good and he enjoyed them, but I finally came to realize that I wouldn't be able to homeschool effectively if I continued with the activities. I dropped them, thinking ds would really miss them, but it turns out he seemed to do so much better without all of the running around here and there. We developed a nice routine and he thrived on having the structure, rather than so many disruptions to our schedule. It was a "light bulb" moment for me, realizing I wasn't short changing my ds by not having him involved. What he really needed was a calm, peaceful Mommy and home. I now have two children I'm homeschooling (see signature) and we have a schedule we follow that has made a huge difference in what we accomplish and how productive our days are. I've learned to be very careful not to let anything interfere with our homeschooling hours. I schedule any appointments outside of that time, preferably over vacation time, and when we're homeschooling, I put our phone and answering machine on mute. I know, even now, if I have an unavoidable interruption to our schedule and I need to leave the house, it completely throws us for the day. By the time we get back, we're all tired and it's extremely difficult to regain our momentum. Sometimes even the next day is affected, since it becomes like a Monday, starting our work routine over again. If we had regular interruptions like you mentioned with ballet, art, etc., I don't think we would be successful homeschoolers. My recommendation would be to finish out the art and then drop art, ballet, watching your neighbor's child, and all commitments to the children's ministry at your church ... and don't feel guilty! You are doing what is best for your children. They are only young once and what they need more than anything is you and your time. Let other mothers or even grandmothers take over the children's ministries and VBS. Then use the extra time you have to get into a regular homeschooling routine and to manage your home. Personally, I would also drop the Bible study since HOD has Bible study interwoven throughout the guides, but that's just me. I felt a little badly dropping our Bible study group, but I wouldn't trade the Bible discussions I've had 1:1 with each of my dc, while doing HOD, for anything. It has been precious for us to discuss and learn together and for my husband and me to be the ones who guiding our children spiritually. With time, I found we didn't even miss the Bible study anymore. However, if you feel the Bible study is something very important to your family, then perhaps you could homeschool 4 days a week and have the 5th day be your Bible study/errands day.

I hope this helps! I think it's wonderful that you are thinking this through while your children are still young, rather than twenty years down the road, in regret for lost time. God sees your heart and will guide you

[mommybelle]

Thank you all for your very encouraging advice!!! I just love this forum and all of the wonderful ladies on it!

Oddly enough, when I had just one child, I couldn't stand being home all the time. I wanted to get out and do something! Now I just want to stay home and enjoy my children. I signed her up for all of these activities thinking they wouldn't require so much of our time. I didn't consider the many, many potty breaks I have to assist a two year old with throughout the day! And the constant interruptions from the same two year old who has decided to discontinue her nap. Not to mention the hours spent on the road just driving to and from.

I used some time this weekend to come up with a routine with her each day of the week to get us through mid-April (when her art class comes to an end). And today I took the advice to put everything else aside until school is finished for the day...no preparing dinner, folding clothes, decluttering, etc. until we are finished with her lessons for the day. We didn't finish with everything until shortly before ballet (taking into account chores, breaks to just let the energy out and meals), but we finished! And my heart was so full today!

This evening, when I asked her what her favorite part of today was, she responded with "playing in the sticks after ballet." Every week, my girls stop outside under a tree where the branches touch the ground to play in their "tent." They gather sticks to make a "campfire" and dig holes in the ground. I think God was trying to tell me something this evening when I asked her. Some days we don't make it outside for very long because of all the extras and my daughter's tendency to drag out the more fun activities with school. But, I know that is what they need...to just dig in the dirt! We will definitely be adjusting our extracurricular activities in the fall! And between now and then, I am going to try my best to put the housework aside during school hours.

Thank you all again for your thoughtful advice and encouragement!