OT- Bedtime Routine HELP

[mrsrandolph]

Firt of all, I am SO SORRY for the length of this!!

I think I need help with our bedtime routine...

Our 4 children are in 2 rooms that are adjoining. You have to go through boys room to get to girls room. So boys (5 & 9) are in 1st room, and girls (10 & 7) are in 2nd room. It might as well be one big room because they leave the door in between open.

So, at 8:00, we get on jammies and come up to mom and dad's room for Reading time. We read from a classic. Then we go over the reformed baptist catechism questions. (it's not just for catholics afterall!) We sing a hymn, and we pray. This ends at about 8:30.

Then they go to their rooms. They are allowed to have "electronic devices" (ipads, iphones, etc.) until 9:00.

At 9:00 electronic devices are taken up and Mommy sings them each the "I love you so much" song in their bed and kiss them.

Now, ideally they would read quietly and go to sleep. Not so. They are allowed to read a play with stuffed animals in their bed or write in a notebook until they are sleepy.

But, I swear! They stay up later than I do.

I started a system of giving them each 15 color coded tickets (one color per child) at the beginning of the week. If they leave their room, get too loud, or cause a disruption, they have to give me a ticket. At the end of the week, we count up how many tickets are left. They are working toward a common goal of 100. Once they mark off 100 on the 100 chart, they earn a special treat.

But, they are wild!!

So, I went Hitler on them. I told them that at 9:00 they could ONLY read...and they had to be IN THEIR OWN BED...and there was to be ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING. Then at 9:30, lights go out...heads go on pillows SLEEPY OR NOT!

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE FALL OUT!!

It was like they were going through ACTUAL TORTURE to have to lay in their beds when they "weren't sleepy yet".

And yes...I do let them get up when they want in the morning, but that is like 7:30. And I don't drag my lazy night owl hiney out of bed until 8:30!!

So...What would you do??

What DO you do?

What are your kids ages? Sleeping arrangements? Rules? Fallout?

HELP!!

[Mom2Monkeys]

Im am in hysterics. The situation isnt funny but your words have me rollin'!! "went hitler on them" and "night owl hiney" were particilarly amusing.

I have an 11yo girl and boys ages 3,6,9 that habe been in one room. Routine is....uh....insanity until eveeyone is finally out. I have only sympathies and failed attempts to share. I guess stick to your funs is the best bet.

[glperky]

I have 4 boys, ages 20, 15, 7, and 5. It has always been the rule in our house that "you go to bed to go to sleep," DH's rule. Our 7 and 5 yo share a room and they aren't suppose to talk when they go to bed, out of respect for the one who wants to go to sleep.

If I was in your shoes, if mine had a fit over the rules, they would have to stay in bed in the morning until I told them they could get up. You can lie down and go to sleep,at night or you can "sleep" in the morning. I know, I am a mean mom.

Love the ticket idea! I may have to use that. Did you make them or buy them?

[MomtoJGJE]

I have five girls, 9, 8, 6, 3, and 3months. The three month old is in our room still.

The other four are all in one room. They have two sets of bunk beds. When we say it's bedtime they all go to the bathroom, do whatever they need to do (teeth, hair, whatever....) and must be in bed by the time I get upstairs. DH does whatever goodnight stuff they have going on at the time.... sometimes it's special handshakes, really I have no idea.

Then he turns off the light, I start to tell them about what's happening the next morning, they start to talk to me. I tell them firmly that it's time for sleep... "mouth shut, eyes closed, go to sleep" Then I begin again to tell them what's going on the next morning and any special instructions. Like tonight I told them "chores, school, no complaining, fighting, whining, or arguing"... on Saturday night for instance I'll tell them "when you wake up, go downstairs, get dressed, brush hair, and get shoes and whatever else you want to take with you and put it by the schoolroom door."

Then I read. Last year I read the Bible through to them. I'm taking a break on that and I"ve been reading either a random book off of our reading list or Story Time books from Preparing.

By this time Evie (3) is asleep, and I go around and tell all the others goodnight and remind them "no talking or playing. Lay down and go to sleep. Stay in your bed... do not get out of bed."

All of this takes less than 30 minutes from the time I go upstairs until I come downstairs. If it's a particularly rough night (or if we anticipate a rough night) I give them some melatonin. Generally they are all asleep within 15 minutes of me leaving the room. They are not allowed to play with anything once the light goes off. They are not allowed a massive amount of moving and making sounds either. I'll stop reading, and they dont' like that.

Consequences of not just laying there going to sleep range from me coming up and fussing at them to having to stay in bed later the next morning to losing tv the next day.

[mrsrandolph]

These are great ideas.

Regarding my "humor"...that's me! If my kids had to describe me in one word, it would be "silly".

The tickets are die cuts. Because my hubby is a teacher (autism specialist), I have access to the Teacher Resource Center in our county. It is AWESOME!! Literally every die cut known to man. So, I did these tickets in laminated construction paper. I would be happy to make them for you guys. Just tell me how many and what colors. Any color of the rainbow....they have it. Any shade of orange...teal...fuschia...and ever regular colors too. I can mail them to you in a manilla envelope if you can chip in for stamps. I also wrote the kids names on their tickets with a sharpie. They keep their tickets in a ziploc bag.

I can't take credit for the idea, though. If you haven't read "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel...you gotta!!

[netpea]

well, our routine is that at 8 pm I nurse the 3 year old to sleep. The 10 and 12 yo's are supposed to be upstairs reading until lights off at 8:30 or 9, depending on whether or not we had evening activities. All electronics are kept in the kitchen at night or they will sneak them into bed. My big kids have to get up at 6:30 because the 12yo has to catch the bus at 7am. I make the 10yo get up with him so we can get our school work started soon after he leaves. I try to get all the history reading in before 3yo wakes up at 7:30.

If they stay up in their beds after lights out, that's their problem. 6:30am comes early. They are supposed to go straight to sleep but lets face it they read and pretend they don't. My 10yo never wants to go to sleep and hates to get up in the morning. but I make her!

I am rigid at bedtime...

[mommybelle]

So I'm probably not much help as I only have 2 girls in separate bedrooms, but I have always struggled with getting my oldest to go to sleep at night. She is a night owl like me. So, I also implemented the ticket system a few years ago. She gets one ticket to come out in the middle of the night OR to call me in there to get her something (whether that is to go to the bathroom or just give Mommy and Daddy another hug). If she comes out, she loses her ticket. If she calls me in there, she loses her ticket. If she has to go potty while we are sleeping, she is excused from losing her ticket as long as she doesn't bother us, and we aren't awake. If she loses her ticket, she cannot play outside the next day, no questions asked. So perhaps you could try an immediate punishment for the very next morning. If they are disruptive or you hear them talking, they lose their ticket. Maybe you could even put a baby monitor in the room to let them know you are listening. I would say lights go out at a certain time no matter what. If they are night owls, give them the later time, but if they have a bad attitude during school the next day, I would make bedtime a bit earlier.

And since we started this ticket system, she has ALWAYS come out to use her ticket (okay, with an exception for those nights she is very, very sleepy which is very rarely). She typically uses her ticket within 10 minutes of us leaving the room.

HTH! And if we have any more children that would inevitably be sharing bedrooms at that point, I am sure I will be back with questions on this very same topic! Good luck!

[daybreaking]

This is just my humble opinion, but if it were me, I wouldn't allow any electronics at bedtime. (Well, to be honest, my children don't have any electronics at all, except our family computer. I don't think they even know what an iphone or ipad is, but I digress! ) I've read that electronics at bedtime actually wire children up, making it harder to go to sleep.

Our routine is to head up with the children while they get ready for bed. Our 6yo dd heads up at 7:00. Once she is ready for bed, my dh reads to her for about 1/2 hour and then does a devotional with her. Then, I get her set in her bed and often sing to her. Around 8:00, it's lights out for her. Our 10yo ds heads up at 7:30. He'll often take a shower and then my dh does a Bible study with him and then reads to him for about 1/2 hour. Around 8:45, it's lights out for him. Once lights are out, we don't allow our children to do anything but lie quietly in bed. I know my children would get quite wound up if I let them stay up after that, playing with stuffed animals or writing in a notebook. Just having the light on, itself, would keep them up. I find, once the lights are off and they are lying in bed, it rarely takes more than 5-15 minutes for them to fall asleep. We get them up at 7:00, so my dd gets about 11 hours of sleep a night and my ds a bit more than 10 hours.

We've only been blessed with two children, so my dd and ds don't share a room, but if they did, I would allow them to chat after lights are out, as I think that's a great way to build wonderful sibling relationships; however, it would have to be with the lights out and with both of them laying down in bed. We do this when we visit their grandparents and it's a precious time for them.

[raceNzanesmom]

I think you have a great routine up to the point they get into bed. For us, into bed means lights off, go to sleep or at least stay quiet and in bed. No reading, no talking, and certainly no electronics (other than a quiet Seeds worship CD in the background). If you want to give them a chance to quietly read, then I'd set a time for lights out (no later than 9 for us and no extra time if we're out late on a church night).

And, they're kids, they're going to be upset by the change. Stick to it and they'll learn you mean it. Kids need their sleep and it's good to teach that now.

[jer2911mom]

I agree with what the others have said. I would stop the use of electronics before bed and make prayer the last thing before getting in bed and turning out the lights. We actually pray with the girls once they are in their beds. I think it settles them. Then we turn on a CD and turn out the lights and they are usually asleep pretty quickly. It sounds like the routine in your bedroom is a calming and settling one, but the use of electronics and allowing the playing with stuffed animals and notebook writing with lights on is going the opposite direction. My dd8 has requested time to read in bed before prayer time, so we have told her she can get in bed at 8 and read until 8:30 and then we will do bible story, prayer, and lights out.

HTH,
Kathy

[Tracee]

Oh gosh, you made me laugh. I'm not a night owl, and I'm so tired at night. Usually, my kids are in bed at 8:30. The lights are out, but they are usually in their talking until I come in and say a prayer with them. Once I say the prayer, that's it, no more talking or getting up out of bed for a drink of water or whatever other crazy excuse they come up with to get out of going to sleep. They aren't always perfect, but they usually go right to sleep. I think having the lights out and not allowing them to talk makes them fall asleep easier. If I were to let them talk, read, play in their bed, they would stay up all night. Oh I forgot, my kids are boys(8 and 6) and girl (6). The boys share a room.

Tracy

[Gwenny]

The electronics are most likely the problem. The light from them turns their brain on and it's making it difficult to go to sleep. You can read up on it and then talk to them about what you've leaned and that a change needs to be made. They can have the 30 minutes earlier in the day but not before bed.
That's a great routine up to that point. I have mine in bed earlier, but I like the early to bed early to rise thing. . My older children and my husband and I like to have some evening time together without the youngers.

[MomtoJGJE]

We also do not allow them to chat. I would LOVE to allow them to chat and even get in each others beds.... but instead of doing that and falling asleep, they do that and fight and get loud and wake all the others. That would be easier if it were just two in a room, but then again the whole bedtime thing would be harder.

ALL of mine go to bed at the same time.

[Gwenny]

I usually let my 10 yo (in a room with the 16 yo) read until 8:30 at the latest. I make it earlier if she acts tired in the day. The boys are in a room, they are 5 and 8. Their light is out between 7:30 and 8, depending on if we are late getting to bed. Sometimes I let them listen to a story, but not lately since it makes them up longer. I have to drag them out of bed at 7:15ish to be ready for breakfast at 7:30. They are sleepyheads.
My 16 and 18 yo are the only ones up. (My other 4 olders are all out of the house now-very sad). My 21 yo just went to Seattle to study Russian and is living with my sister. That just happened a couple of weeks ago. . It happens fast ladies!!

[abrightmom]

Our kids go to bed at the same time and they are usually allowed to read with their lamps on. They aren't allowed to chat extensively or get out of bed unless they need to use the bathroom. We don't have any issues except with the 3yo who seems to need to go potty every two minutes or "ask me sumping".

Do you think the bedtime routine is taking too long with the screen time, singing, and reading/journaling? Any chance that the screens are revving up their brains? TV before bed can really affect my sleep and research supports that it is unhealthy to watch TV or use screens before sleep. What if you moved that half hour of screen time to earlier in the day and save journaling, reading, audiobook time, or soft music for the half hour before bed? You could tie the 30m of iPod/iPad time directly to their bedtime behavior. They retain the privilege to have screen time tomorrow as long as they obey the rules tonight. Then, stand your ground and give out consequences if they are earned.

Shannon, have you given your children too much "say" in their bedtime routine? It can creep up on me sometimes and I realize I am letting my kids be in charge with actions, attitudes, and words. Taking back the reins, as you did, is wise despite their accusations of being tortured. From reading your post, I got the impression that a bit more firmness on a consistent basis with consequences/discipline for the disobedient kids could help settle things down.

Just brainstorming here. Your post had me in stitches.