History Extension summaries from 10 year old...Feedback!

[tnahid]

This is what my 10 year old DS wrote today for his history extension writing in his notebook. I told him that he needed to write at least 5 sentences for each extension book, so this is what he wrote. Could you give me feedback if I need to work with him on more descriptive words or is this about right for his age? He is on 4th grade level on most everything, but is 10. After he writes it, there are numerous misspellings and punctuation issues, but I have him go back and "edit" which I feel is helpful. When he edits himself, it is better than me marking something up with red pen! He gets VERY discouraged if I ever did that. I also have him write it in cursive, which he is VERY good at, BTW. I am happy about that!

Please give me feedback on what you think or any helpful insights. Thank you!

Here's what he wrote:

A Child's Story of America

Today I learned about the settlers. In the winter, a lot of settlers died from starvation. Governor Bradford loved the Lord and the settlers would go to church on Sunday. The Indians did not like the settlers. The settlers tried to make peace.


Pocahantas and the Stranger

Today I learned about Pocohantas. The Indians tried to kill John Smith. Pocahantas stopped the Indians. John Smith taught Pocahantas how to read. Pocahantas showed John Smith how she made maps. It was time for him to leave.

[tnahid]

Oh, his mistakes before he edited it were:

lord (not capitalized)
sunday (not capitalized)
Childs (no apostrophe)

Srangers (left out t)
seelers (misspelled settlers somehow, can't remember exactly)

I think some of it might be because of the cursive writing, such as "srangers" but what do you think? Is this common for his age or is it more of a personality issue or learning issue? (When I had him go back and proofread and read each sentence, he caught the capitalizations right away and most of the others too, except for apostrophe.)

Thanks!

[mamas4bugs]

Looks about right to me. My son will be 10 in November and is in 4th grade. That looks like about what he'd do, especially the Pocahontas one. Mine is great with capitalization and punctuation, but his spelling, um, needs improvement.

I will add, though, that my son is a touch behind in the language arts department, so it's a bit hard for me to judge. The kid is ahead in math and behind in reading. Good thing we homeschool!

[my3sons]

...Please give me feedback on what you think or any helpful insights. Thank you!

Here's what he wrote:

A Child's Story of America

Today I learned about the settlers. In the winter, a lot of settlers died from starvation. Governor Bradford loved the Lord and the settlers would go to church on Sunday. The Indians did not like the settlers. The settlers tried to make peace.


Pocahantas and the Stranger

Today I learned about Pocohantas. The Indians tried to kill John Smith. Pocahantas stopped the Indians. John Smith taught Pocahantas how to read. Pocahantas showed John Smith how she made maps. It was time for him to leave.

I think he is off to a good start here! If I were commenting on his narration, I'd probably say for compliments (which are nice to lead with and have more of than criticisms) that he did a good job of...
-putting his narration in a good order because the sequence of events makes sense
-choosing the important things that happened
-remembering his punctuation
-sticking to the topic

I'd encourage him next time to...
-have a variety of short and long sentences by making one sentence longer with more description, like he pictures it in his mind
-checking for capital letters

I hope this helps, but yes - I do think he is off to a good start! Over time, he'll add more details, personality, and length to his narrations, But, this is a good start!!!

In Christ,
Julie

[tnahid]

Thank you Julie, for your comments and recommendations. That is REALLY helpful! As always!