Kind of off-topic- Having more kids or not & homeschooling

[meandmycuties]

I know this is off-topic but although DH & I have been trying to conceive, and it kind of scares me because I am homeschooling my 9 y/o twins and will start with my soon-to-be 5 y/o son too. Frankly, my twins take up so much of my time, just throwing in my 4 y/o scares me in itself ! A little background..I was married before for 11 yrs, and my husband tragically passed away when my youngest was 9 days old. I remarried in summer '08, and current DH & I have not had any babies together. He loves my kids like his own, and is ok with just them, but he said having a baby would be wonderful too. After trying for over a yr, we discovered we have IF issues and have been doing low-invasive treatment. It hasn't worked and I think I'm ready to give up, mostly because my DH works SO much(his job is way demanding) and I'm not sure I want to handle so much on my own(not to mention just going to the dr so much is pretty stressful and $$). How do you homeschool 3 kids on different levels and take care of a baby(or babies?? What if I had twins again??Eek!). I love babies but man, that sounds hard. I know so many of you do it. HOW do you do it? I'm not even a schedule person . Anyway, thanks for letting me vent!!

[Mumkins]

I"m sorry your first husband passed away.

I often think about homeschooling and having more. I'm due in a week with my 5th. I keep thinking if we're having another, I should have it next fall so they'd be close enough to combine. I did find it difficult to try to add in my 5yo this year, but I'm definitely going to have to try harder for her 1st grade year this fall.

One thing I've thought of is that I'd never regret having a child, but I could regret not having one.

I can't tell you what's right for you. But maybe you guys could come to an agreement such as "We'll try X amount of more treatments and then stop" or maybe even just agree to be open should God bless you but quit treatments.

Praying for wisdom as you decide.

[parjackson7]

If God wants you to have another child, you will have another child! Nothing can stop His perfect plan and timing for your life when you are seeking His will.

As far as infertility issues go, I've been there and done that. I was told I could never conceive and in vitro would be a 10% chance of success. I went to a healing service at my church and exactly one week later our first bio child was conceived without any medical intervention. When he was 11 months old, our second bio child was conceived.

I have been hoping that God would add another blessing to our family,too, but have been concerned how our family dynamics would change, especially in regards to homeschooling. I need to remind myself that God is in control and just be open to the blessings that may come while being very thankful for the blessings He has already given to us. Our blessings overflowed when we went from having one child to having 4 in only 4 months! It was crazy, but we never felt more loved or cherished by God. The Lord supplies the grace and mercy along with His blessings.

I will keep you and your dh in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you!

[BrooklynsMom03]

Hi Amy...I am so sorry for your loss with your first husband and with a baby only 9 day old...and it sounds like you have been blessed with a wonderful husband who has taken your children as his own...and that is a huge blessing too! For both them and him and you!!

I also understand wanting to have a child together...and the stress of not getting pregnant....I of course am not sure what is right for your family...but I wanted to add in as difficult as this seems right now with young children....most likely when/if you get pg and have the baby your older children will be....older! And they can be more helpers for you! I know my 8 yr old little girl...can do all sorts of things now where she is more independent and that cuts down on the time I need to be directly involved...I have no younger children than her...but if I did she would be an amazing helper...

This was our first full year homeschooling and with just one....I found it difficult at times so I can only imagine the pressure of dealing with more than one guide and child!

You and your husband will make the right decision for your family ....and if/when you are blessed with another child God will provide all you need to take care of that child!! He equips us for what He sends us!!! Beth in Idaho

[MelInKansas]

I struggle with this too, and have had to repent of my lack of faith in God to provide and be my strength. Other moms I know and respect a great deal have assured me that God always provides what we need, in caring for our children as He does everywhere else. Homeschooling with little ones around is challenging, I can attest to that. Homeschooling in general requires dedication and hard work.

Now we are hoping for another baby, after I wrestled and wrestled with my faith and NOT wanting God to give us another baby after my 3rd. God is making me wait. Or at least, I'm not pregnant so far. But I trust in His perfect timing.

I would think infertility treatments would make everything worse. I agree with someone else who suggested you either just give that a few more months, or quit the treatments and leave it in God's hands. He may (probably will) surprise you when you least expect it.

As much as we in our culture think WE can control pregnancy (either getting pregnant or not getting pregnant), in fact God is still firmly in control of it. When He blesses us with a child, we are truly blessed. When He doesn't bless with children, He still blesses in amazing ways. He is so good, and His way is perfect.

[8arrows]

When my husband and I were reading through the Bible, it appeared to us that it is clearly God that opens and closes the womb. We inferred that children were not our decision, but the Lord's. It has been an exciting (and yes, sometimes scary) adventure. We currently have 8 living children and miscarried one. We await more. Yes, schooling, feeding, loving, etc. takes a lot of time, but there are a lot of rewards. I gained courage from seeing Godly men and women (not in my area) with more children than I had who were successfully schooling and training theirs. Prayer, love, and a good schedule go a long way. I know not everyone will agree with us; I am only sharing our experience and the truth that not only can schooling a household be done well, but it can be an enjoyable adventure as well. Enjoy the adventure. I am sorry for your loss.

[LAB]

I hope you are blessed again and everything will be just the way it should be! You won't be able to image your life without the baby! I have two little ones right now and while it can be a challenge to juggle their needs while schooling the olders, our lives are so blessed! Seeing your older kids mature and take turns caring for the little one is a mothers dream! My 10 month old has such a special bond with my 9 yr old. Sometimes she does get distracted from her work wanting to play with him when he's just happily crawling around. Mostly that bond is wonderful and he gets lots of attention from everyone and is so loved! WhenI'm reading on the couch I have a toddler in my lap and the baby on the floor crawling around, coming over for hugs and then going back to his toys. The dynamic is so different then having just the little ones

[meandmycuties]

Thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it. I come from big families. My mom had 5, and my two Aunts on her side have 9 and 10 children, plus many grandchildren already! I'm not saying I want 10 kids but I guess I kind of thought we'd have at least 4. This fert treatment this month didn't work so I had a talk with DH about just stopping. He's supportive with whatever I want, but I could tell he was a little bummed. We talked about it again today and he said he thinks it's the right thing to do, and we should just enjoy our family and if God chooses to bless us then he will(or perhaps we'll adopt). I'm peaceful about i now:).
On a brighter note, I got my Bigger stuff in so I am really excited about that, and my youngest's LHFHG is on it's way too. This school year is going to be awesome. We are blessed.

[mopdop]

I am going to plug for adoption. The process is long, challenging, expensive etc, but there are so many kids who need families.

I was pregnant twice, both were hard, the second one all bed rest. Shudder. Due to severity of bad pregnancies, hubby went to see 'the Dr' when 2nd son was 3 months old, to make sure I didn't get pregnant again. Then, sadly, our second son passed away 3 months later. Sigh.

We knew we wanted more kids and weighed all our options - hubby getting a 'reversal,' vs. adoption vs. using my sister to carry our child etc. Ultimately decided to adopt. It was definitely a long, expensive process, but we were able to bring Iann home from Korea in 10 shorts months, start to finish! Almost unheard of these days.

He is now 3, and turns out he has a genetic syndrome which will challenge him for life. He is starting school district preschool this fall, 4 days a wk, so to keep receiving the therapy he needs, which we can't afford. So 6 yr old staying home this yr while 3 yr old goes to school.

AND, I keep telling hubby that my family isn't finished yet. I want to adopt again, and am just waiting for God to convince hubby of that too. He's open to it but we don't have any spare money, and he won't go into debt (again) for another adoption. So, for now, I wait upon the Lord, look forward to a great year with 6 yr old and HOD, and celebrate every step forward Iann makes.