O/T Seeking Advice

[mom23]

There is a part time job position opening up in our little town. My husband thinks I should consider it; I do not want a job! I have plenty to do-I have 4 kids: one infant and 3 homeschooling. Anyway, I have promised him, as well as the lady leaving the job soon that I will pray about it.

I was wondering if any of you have tried to balance homeschooling with an outside job? This would be 3 afternoons a week, but may require some periodic days of training seminars scattered throughout the year. It's within walking distance of my house, I could take the kids with me, DH thinks I could do some schooling there, although I do not see the feasibility of this.

The whole thing stresses me out more than I can say. When I tell DH my concerns, he immediately says, "That's okay, I'm not going to make you do it." Yet, I know that he is my leader, and I feel like if he wants me to do it then I should. Any thoughts? What is a submissive wife to do? Pray with me!

[cirons]

Hello there,

Honestly? Say 'thanks, but no thanks!' You have a very young family and that is a full-time job. It is just an unpaid one! Your husband has given you the option of not doing it, I would gratefully accept. Your husband's job is to love you with the greatest love there is (as Christ loved the church). I believe this would lead to a decision that is the best for you and your feelings, your calling as a mum in this season of your life, and the best thing for your family which is to NOT have a stressed mummy. (In my blunt but humble opinion.)

Blessings,
Corrie

[8arrows]

I would use complete honesty. I would say, "I have no desire to do this. I think I have enough on my plate, and this could prove very draining to me. I fear I will be spent and not have the emotional or physical energy to be as effective of a wife and a mother. However, my first desire is to submit to you. If you think this is best, I will do it."

[raceNzanesmom]

I agree with Corrie, but would try to phrase it like 8arrows.

Praying for His will whatever the outcome!

[Heart_Mom]

I also agree with 8arrows. That combination of honesty with a submissive, respectful attitude seems to be a very God-honoring way to approach this. And I do understand what you mean about not feeling able to do it. I can't imagine taking on a part time job now!

[mater est laetus]

I also agree with 8arrows. That combination of honesty with a submissive, respectful attitude seems to be a very God-honoring way to approach this. And I do understand what you mean about not feeling able to do it. I can't imagine taking on a part time job now!

Same here on every point.

[flydena]

I hate that you are in this tough situation! I agree with all that has been said, as well.

I do work part-time, and it is VERY difficult. Every year, I wonder how I will be able to do it AND Homeschool well AND be a good Mommy and a good Wife. I feel like I don't do it well at all! But, because my husband truly doesn't feel like we can make it financially without me working, I do. I drive a public school bus, which is difficult because it is a split shift. Mornings aren't so bad, but the afternoons about kill me! I feel my children have suffered in their schoolwork, have gotten behind in certain subjects, etc. I fit in what I feel is most important....Bible, History, Character Training and such, and then when I leave, they are left to try to tackle the 3 R's without me. It has been a struggle! I've switched curriculums numerous times since having to work the last 3 years, trying to find CM friendly, yet rich curriculum but still struggled to fit it all in. LA, MATH and Reading have been the most difficult as they NEED a teacher for those. I finally found a math program that works, mostly without me (unless they are struggling with a particular concept). LA and Reading has remained a struggle. What happens is that I will get them started, but have to leave mid lesson and they lose interest or are unmotivated to finish because 1) they don't understand it or 2) they don't have the accountability of me being there to make sure they are working on it. Then, when I get home, we are all DONE. No one wants to do school that late in the day, and besides, my husband prefers that the kids be done with school before he gets home.

I have 3 children. One is 13 and going into 8th grade, one is 10 and going into 5th and one is a preschooler. I was and still am very concerned about the upcoming school year, as I'm adding my 3rd child into the homeschooling mix. Previously, I pieced together my own curriculum, and wrote my own lesson plans in order for it to be as CM as possible. This just added to the stress! Then, the Lord led me to HOD. I will be TRYING to do 3 guides this fall and working P/T. I'm not sure how it's going to work, but atleast I will not have to write my own lesson plans! I think the hardest part has been not being able to have the flexibility that most homeschoolers have. We don't get to sleep in, we don't get to do many field trips (because we live in the country 45 minutes from the city where the "action" is, and trying to fit things in between route makes it unenjoyable/stressful) and the interuption of our day with the afternoon route just really bothers me and the kids.

In the mean time, my husband is trying to find another job. The reason I had to go to work after 10 years of not working, was because my husband took a full - time youth ministry position. Our income was reduced by more than half, and it has been a struggle. We do ok, but I do work. Now that we have been here for 4 1/2 years, my hubby is feeling that it is time to focus on our own family (we have been in youth ministry since we got married 17 1/2 years ago - just in a part -time position until the last 4 1/2). We honestly just need a break from ministering to others for awhile. He has been looking for another job for a year, and has had some interviews, even second interviews (more than once) but has not gotten another job yet. Until he does, I will continue to work. I am glad that I found HOD, because I'm hoping it will free up some time and still allow us to get more school in. Especially in the areas of the 3 R's.

I say all this to let you know that IT IS POSSIBLE! It is hard, but it can be done. My kids took an achievement test this year just to ease my mind. They did much better than I thought! My son scored lower than I'd like on his reading, but I knew he would. My daughter scored lower in Reading and Math than I'd have liked, but I knew she would with her math, especially. They did, however, do much better than I thought they would in English and my son scored off the charts in math, so I have to say, it can be done!

It takes alot of prayer to get me through, especially on some days. But, I wouldn't give up homeschooling for anything. I am praying that HOD really lessons my stress! (And, that we all LOVE it!) I've already started my preschooler on LHTH and she does love it!

I will be praying that you don't have to work, but that if you do, the Lord will get you through!

In Christ,
Dena

[tnahid]

I truly believe that if your husband tells you that you don't have to do it, that you should honor what he says and take him at his word. It is his calling as your husband "to live with his wife with understanding." I would just express to him that you truly feel that homeschooling takes so much of your energy that you just don't feel that you could balance being a good wife and mother if you had an outside job. Now, if he expressly tells you that he really feels like God is telling him that you should do this job, then that is a different story.

I might also ask him to pray deeply about it, and if he feels like he hears an answer from the Lord on the matter, that you will be willing to do that. This is what I would do. I totally understand that working outside the home and homeschooling for me would be EXTREMELY difficult. Maybe not for everyone, but for me it would. I hope this helps. Just remember, it is not only our responsibility as women to submit to our husbands, they are to love us as Christ loves us, and that is looking out for what is best for us. We are to follow the Holy Spirit in all things and to hear His voice for ourselves as well. If you feel the Spirit impressing you with a warning to not take this position, I would share that with your husband. I would say that you don't feel that God wants you to do this. Be respectful and try to understand and listen to his opinion, but ultimately make sure that God's will is being done in it all.

Bless you and I hope this helps!

[my3sons]

Excellent counsel here! Maybe it would help to ask why he wants you to do this? The obvious answer is to earn an income. But, I have found with my dh that sometimes the obvious answer is the reason, and sometimes it is not. If it is to earn an income, there are other ways to accomplish that that are less intrusive. For example, you could watch another family's dc and have a play date at your house with some dc you choose very carefully one afternoon a week and earn money that way. You could find ways spend less too if saving money is the objective. If his reason is he wants you to get out more because you seem like you need to do that, maybe he can watch the dc one night and you can do something on your own, or the two of you could go on a date. If his reason is he wants you to help out this person who needs an employee and he thinks you'd be perfect for that job, you can make the point that you would rather help out your family instead, but that you will pray for someone to fill that position that is just right for it. If his reason is he thinks you would feel so fulfilled to have a job like this, maybe let him know you are very fulfilled by homeschooling, and you consider that a full-time job already. Or, perhaps working part-time really would alleviate some very real concerns - it has in our home - but then I am largely able to work from home. The other ladies have given you excellent specific words that are wonderful to say to your dh as well. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[mom23]

Thanks so much for all your advice and encouragement, ladies! These are the things I was feeling about it as well, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to undermine his authority if I said no. Dena, wow! Hats off to you, and to others who have to do this! I'll pray with you that your husband can find a different job that will free you up.