Such a hard decision I need to make. Will you help?

[Heather]

Hi HOD friends,

I have such a hard decision to make regarding my youngest son and I sure could use some godly advice. My youngest son, Joshua, turns 6 this summer. His birthday is July 20th which is 10 days short of the cut-off date for our local schools. My decision is not what program to place him in. I am already set on using Little Hearts for His Glory for him this upcoming school year. (We did MFW Kindergarten this previous year) My dilemma is whether to place him as a kindergartner or 1st grader for the upcoming year. Basically, whether to give him an extra year or not. If I was putting him in school I definitely would have given him that extra year and started K as a 6 year old.

If I have him as a 1st grader next year he will always be the youngest and smallest in his class. This doesn't seem like a big deal since we are homeschooling but there are other factors for me to consider. One of the biggest is his Sunday School class at church (which I taught this past year). He loves his little friends who all were in Kindergarten this year. He pretty much thought he was in Kindergarten this year and I am worried about how he will react if we "hold him back" for Sunday School and he totally has to switch to a new group of kids (although we love those kids, too). I figure if I continue to teach the upcoming Kindergarten class that would help him with the change of friends. Also, he already completed year one of Sparks in our Awana club so it would mean him repeating that year all over again.

I have prayed about this decision SO much! When I look at Joshua as an individual I feel like I would be giving him a better set up for success by letting him start Kindergarten as a 6 year old. Also, it would mean having an extra year at home before college. I know that's a long way off, but it's something I have been thinking about. As our youngest son, we've also sort of babied him and he's not as mature as our other boys were at almost 6.

There are two things that are keeping me from having peace about giving him another year for kindergarten:
1. Holding him behind as his church friends move on to first grade.
2. My middle son's birthday is July 14th and we did send him to Kindergarten as a brand new five year old. We were not homeschooling yet, and though I wanted to hold him back we ended up sending him. He has done great academically, but I feel he still struggles at times emotionally. There's part of me that is conveying to Joshua we don't think as highly of him for giving him an extra year. I never want Joshua to think we ever thought less of him because we did Kindergarten a year later than Sam. Oh this is soooo hard.

Okay, I layed out my heart to you all. I would really covet your prayers and your advice. Thank you for giving my your opinions.

Love, Heather

[KristinBeth]

Praying for you! I don't quite understand what difference it makes what level work he is doing in his schoolwork. How does that relate at all to Sunday school? I guess I just don't see how you hold back a child for Sunday school. If he's happy with his friends, why not let him move on with them? My brain is just not computing how it matters.
I know that it is weighing heavily on you and I pray you'll be guided into the right decision for your son.

[countrymom]

I have always just "assigned" a grade for our oldest child based on his age for activities such as you mention. Our church promotes by grade also, so I just have him follow the age most children are when they are promoted. We have never really tried to assign a grade to our children because we school year around and place them where they are academically. Our son is actually technically placed in two different "grades" on the right side of his guide this year. We have never really discussed what grade he is in much, and that did come back to bite us once in a funny way when we were doing singing bands at the nursing homes this winter. Once the teacher asked all the children to say their name and grade. My little 5 1/2 yr old had a look of total confusion (so I knew it wouldn't be good), hesitated, then proudly announced he was in 4th grade Dh and I did decide we would "advise" him that 5 1/2 yr olds are in kindergarten and mommy will tell you when you are in 1st grade. We haven't really talked about grade levels much with him so he really isn't very aware of it. I am thinking it would be fine for you to place your child where you feel it is best in the guides and let him follow his friends at church and so on. If you did each HOD guide in just one school year he would be finishing while 17. However, you very well may end up going 1/2 speed for awhile somewhere or needing to slow down, and so on, so I think it is good to just place our children where they need to be academically and take the future as it comes, making appropriate decisions as we go. I have thought about the end because my son is on the young end of the guides too, but I have decided I will just see what happens. There are options to "stall" full-time college, so I haven't put too much thought into it since what he does now is so important for what he does later. I'll be praying for you in your decision and that you can have peace.

[MomtoJGJE]

You do not have to hold him back in other areas just because you are choosing to teach different levels at home. My preschooler is doing K level work, but she won't be in the K classes at church for 1.5 more years. She's in 3yo Sunday School and 3yo Cubbies, and preschool whatever else. My K'er is doing 1st grade work, but she's still in the first year Sparks class and would be in the K level whatever else. My 2nd grader is halfway through 3rd grade work and is grouped with the 2nd graders with everything else. You do not have to change him based on the work he's doing. They just typically want the same age kids together in a group setting like church.

[Mom2Monkeys]

What grade I legally assign to my kids on our homeschool papers has nothing to do with what grade we call them socially. For church, we call them whatever grade they are by age. For academics, we just work at their level not based on grade. For testing required by the state, they are whatever grade we put on our homeschool work. So basically, it doesn't matter what you assign him to legally, he can be a 1st grader at church. I lean toward giving him the extra year though. My oldest is a rising 5th grader with a June 15 birthday. I wish I would have 'held her back' a year on the paperwork. I don't want her graduating at 17.

[Larissa]

Two of my children are in different grades at home than they are in church. I wouldn't worry one bit about what "grade" he's doing at home. Put him where ever you want him at church and keep him in the appropriate skill level at home.

I do have a different perspective about finishing school, however. I am all about my children finishing high school by 16 or 17. This does not mean that I am rushing them through by any means. I want them to have a thorough and appropriately placed education. I will always keep them appropriately placed. The reason that I am supportive of them being done early is because I would love for them to have a couple of years at home to explore the direction that they want to go before heading to college. I would love for my boys to spend some time at a trade school learning vital life skills that could potentially provide them good paying jobs while they go to college.

I know several people who have graduated their children and then give their children a couple of years to really hone in on a direction ... a life path. I think there is much value in giving a young adult time to figure that out before going straight into college with no direction at all. Some young people really need that time, some are born with direction.

But back to your struggle ... I say just keep your child in the level appropriate to his skills and keep him where ever you want him to be at church. I am getting ready to start K with my 3rd son, and he's not as mature as my other two were when I started them, and will be starting K a year younger at home than he'd be able to if he were going to a school. However, he is so ready to start academically. I am thankful that since I am homeschooling, I can keep him at his skill level without worrying as much about where he is emotionally. I plan to always keep him at his skill level - which means at some point - we may have to slow down to half pace ... and then again ... we may not. I am just going to take him at his pace and not be concerned with his grade level/age. At church, however, I will keep him with his age group.

[erikdeb]

We had to make a similar decision with our oldest, except he wasn't already in any continuous grade-based activities (like Awana --- and our Sunday school is a bit wider age-range so it didn't mean a whole different group of kids while everyone else moved on together). I would have held him back for K (August 4 birthday - our district cut-off is Sept. 1), but we started work at home because we needed something to do. I intended to wait and call him K the year he was 6 but...well...it just sort of happened - he ended up doing K activities that year, 1st grade the next year (which were LABELED 1st grade - that's where we ran into real trouble), and 2nd grade naturally came the following year. After that year (when I had originally intended to call him 1st grade), dh and I had a talk, and decided he would be in 2nd grade again this year, because socially/emotionally/maturity-wise, he really wasn't ready. And the BURDEN that I felt lift when I saw him as finishing 1st grade instead of 2nd - the lessened pressure I'd been feeling for him behavior-wise, socially, etc - was tremendous. I'm SO glad we decided to put him in the grade I'd originally intended. I felt like I'd pushed him so hard all year seeing him as 2nd grade instead of 1st grade.

I can see how that would be hard if he already did K-level church activities, and that didn't factor into our things.

I don't think he'll see that you think less of him than his brother. He probably won't even understand for many years that you gave him an extra year compared to his brother, and probably by then you can explain to him what you were thinking if you decide to call him K again this year.

I know this has nothing to do with the level work you are doing at home, but what you "call" him. We've been very glad that our kids know what grade they are in....even when we have an 8yo who is now doing "2nd grade" for the second time. He knows it's happening, he knows it's not because we think he's dumb (he's doing 3rd-4th grade work for the most part, so that wasn't it at all). IF in the future we change our mind again, we can have him skip a "grade". But we figured it is MUCH easier to hold him back now than to decide to hold him back later because he's a very immature 6th-grader (or whatever).

I would guess that your ds won't really mind changing classes as much as you think he would....but every kid is different.

I'm glad we made the decision when we did (actually, I wish we'd made it earlier). I see how this is very difficult for you. There's my personal experience.

[Fisherman's Wife]

We have a 4's and 5's SS class and a K SS class at our church. When it is time for promotion into K when our children are on the bubble, we look at the kids promoting and the kids staying, and then look to see which group our kids are most connected to. For my 7 yo, she is absolutley the youngest in her class- all the kids are already 8 and she won't be 8 until September. However, it is a dear group of little girls and she considers them her friends, so that is what we did. She is actually doing the same or higher level scholl work than all of them so it doesn't matter at all. I was more concerned about who her agemates would be, and who she was in AWANA with more than anything. HTH>

[tnahid]

I would say your gut instinct to have him start K when he is 6 is a good idea. I actually did this with my son, and even though academically he could have gone and been fine, he would have been one of the youngest and shortest in his class. As far as church class goes, just let him stay with his friends no matter what! I personally try to stay away from the "grade" thing, because to me it isn't really all that useful. One of my sons, when asked what grade he was in, just said, "Sort of like 2nd I think!" It was hilarious! To see their faces. Ha!