"I know".....

[annaz]

I need help stifling my child (nicely) when she always says, "I know". The problem is, she doesn't read the directions right, or she "forgets", or "I read it wrong", or whatever; it's excuse number 100. So next time, I try to pre-read directions and go over anything she may have a problem with.

So here we are again, she brings me a book without doing the copywork and go over the directions and I tell her she's not done yet. Then I get the "I know" when I'm explaining things. The problem is, she doesn't, because the next question is, "I forgot, what do I do?", or It's wrong, or skipped, or whatever, but she is so ___!! bent on saying, "but....yadda, yadda". I don't want her to think she's not heard, but frankly, if I hear another excuse, I'm going to scream, because she doesn't know.

She IS the queen of excuses in many things.

So how do I stifle, "but" or "I know, but" nicely without wanting to wring her cute little neck?

[cirons]

I teach my kids that interrupting me when I am speaking is rude....full-stop. Even if they DO 'know' or there is a 'but', they need to wait until I have finished speaking, then they are welcome to reply. No questions asked. It is a manner of manners. Failure to use manners has consequences, and that can be whatever works for your kids. I also admit to my kids that sometimes I do get it wrong, and I may make a mistake, but it is not ok to point that out rudely or in the middle of me talking. They can bring it up politely when I am finished saying what I need to, and I will apologise, and we move on. If I see them going to speak, they know me raising my index finger (like ah, ah, ah) to my mouth means no, not yet, wait until I am finished etc etc. This has worked for us so far.
My ds sometimes tunes out during instructions, so I have made a practice of keeping eye contact, and at the end of my piece, I ask him 'do you understand?' and if I feel he was not listening, I ask 'tell me what you have to do' to ensure he has 'heard' me and understood!

All the best!

Corrie

[blessedmomof4]

Ah yes, my youngest has the "I know" syndrome...I haven't figured out how to deal with it, really, but as the previous poster said, I do remind her (repeatedly!) that it is rude to cut me off while I am speaking.

[Gwenny]

I had one of those, "I know", children. They are being "wise in their own eyes" and it's pride and can be a bad habit. I talked to her about the verse quite often and I also said, "no, you don't know, it's not true that you know so you need to stop saying that", or something along those lines.
Excuses are an ugly habit, for adults as well. I think it's a big one to stifle now while they are young. I know adults who have an excuse for everything, very annoying. (okay okay I have an excuse every once in awhile, but it's not my fault because....)
Do not allow any excuses, she is probably doing it in other areas as well, besides school. If you start paying attention you'll probably see that. I would come up with some way to show her nicely for awhile when she is making an excuse (some little sign or something) so she can start recognizing it and give her something else to say instead. Several years ago my sister and I decided to pay attention to ourselves and notice any time we started making an excuse about something, even if we had a legitimate one, and stop ourselves from giving it. If we were late somewhere, it's easy to blame it on the traffic, others in the family, slept late, whatever, true or not, but just not say anything or say, "I'm sorry I'm late" and leave off the excuse! It was an eye-opener. Maybe you can all work on it as a family or something like that.
About the schoolwork though, I would definitely cut her off and let her know what an acceptable reply would be. Have her practice.

Oh, I forgot to mention. The daughter who did that, does not anymore! It really worked, I was consistent in not letting her do it and I think her spirit really responded to the Scripture and why it's wrong.

Nancy
(I think I'll start listening to myself again and see how I'm doing! )

[water2wine]

Several years ago my sister and I decided to pay attention to ourselves and notice any time we started making an excuse about something, even if we had a legitimate one, and stop ourselves from giving it. If we were late somewhere, it's easy to blame it on the traffic, others in the family, slept late, whatever, true or not, but just not say anything or say, "I'm sorry I'm late" and leave off the excuse! It was an eye-opener.

I love that!

I have one who does not like to follow directions. She does not like to read directions. She would rather guess. So my solution is that she has to read all directions to me before she does the work. She has learning issues. She has attitude along with her issues. Or I should say she had attitude. We cured that. She is stubborn and but I am more stubborn. A huge help has been making systems where if she does not do it the right way she suffers the natural consequences and it makes her day harder and longer than the nice easy way of just reading the directions and showing me that she does know just how to do it. So now she reads the dir4ections to me and explains what they mean before she does her work. The added benefit is if she does it wrong then I really know she does not get it and it is not a lazy issue or something of that nature.

[mrsrandolph]

I had to clue my oldest into the fact that she, indeed, did not know everything.

This may seem cruel, but I found it to be an effective lesson.

Next time she says, "I Know..." Just say, "OK." Then let her set off on her assignment. Then bleed that paper to death upon it's return. If copywork was supposed to be done, actually do it in OFFENSIVE RED. Mark everything not done in that OFFENSIVE RED. I would even talk to her about how if she were in public school, this work would receive a failing grade.

Then talk to her candidly about why her paper has so many errors on it. Then explain that "I Know..." is disrespectful and haughty and that it will no longer be tolerated. Even if she thinks she knows, she is to listen in quiet, humble submission to you because God has placed you in authority over her...and for good reason

[tnahid]

Great advice here ladies. I have a boy who likes to read the directions so fast that even I CANNOT UNDERSTAND them! I have to say, "Slow down. Read it again, slowly." Usually, when I make him do that, he says, "OHHHHH, okay." Something about reading it slowly out loud to me clicks in his brain.

I am in agreement with Shannon that if she says "I know" say, "Great, go do it," and when she does it wrong, mark it all up and make her re-do it, explaining to her that if she continues to say, "I know" and make mistakes, it is just going to prolong her schoolwork day. She might even have to miss some kind of extra-curricular activity of free play time or something in order to fix her work. That would probably be very beneficial for her.

I also have an "I know" boy who is so sweet it is hard to get upset at him when he says it to me. He is SO darn loving and mannerly when he says it, with a big smile. And funny enough, this boy usually DOES know! LOL. But, I still have to tell him to listen anyway. He just says, "Yes mam," and usually obeys after that.

It is amazing how different my boys are. Truly night and day. One as stubborn and strong willed as everything, and the other so laid back and good-natured that you can believe he is for real! LOL. But they are both gifts from my Father to me in very different ways. So much fun being a mom (most of the time )

[annaz]

Thanks ladies. I've pretty much done all this, but she loves control and the "last word", just HAS to say it (makes me tear my hair out). She'll even try to say the last word 10 minutes or even 1/2 hour later! No kidding!

But I didn't get any responses as far as me not letting her continue with her "but", so I'm not an ogre. I don't want her to feel like she's not heard; that mom never listens, but sometimes I feel guilty because maybe I didn't go further and explain yet one more thing...ugh.

So, thanks...I'm on the right track.

[KimS]

Also if she really doesn't know she is lying. You would need to address that undesirable character quality.

[Gwenny]

I wouldn't let her continue with her "but". I wouldn't let her get away with having to have the last word either, even later in the day. I would definitely address that. That is a very ugly, prideful habit and you are her mother to help her to conquer that. It won't get better on it's own, she will continue that and it will be worse as she gets older, you won't like it any more then! Think of her poor husband..... There are quite a few things that are not good about what she is doing. It's making you crazy and you want to wring her cute little neck because it is a big, important issue. Don't just feel like it's an irritant to you and you need to get over it.

Nancy

[annaz]

I wouldn't let her continue with her "but". I wouldn't let her get away with having to have the last word either, even later in the day. I would definitely address that. That is a very ugly, prideful habit and you are her mother to help her to conquer that. It won't get better on it's own, she will continue that and it will be worse as she gets older, you won't like it any more then! Think of her poor husband..... There are quite a few things that are not good about what she is doing. It's making you crazy and you want to wring her cute little neck because it is a big, important issue. Don't just feel like it's an irritant to you and you need to get over it.

Nancy

I'm sorry but this is funny! And so VERY true!
I need to quit second-guessing myself.
Thanks Nancy...

[tnahid]

My son does the "but" thing too and sometimes I put up a finger in front of my lips and say, "NO BUTS!"

If he continues, he goes to the yellow box. Let me explain.

I have four boxes drawn on my marker board, GREEN, YELLOW, RED and BLUE

Everyone starts out on green, then, like if he said, "But" after my warning, he would go to Yellow. If he continued to argue, he goes to Red, and so forth. When it gets to red, he gets a "talk" with the principal (Daddy) when Daddy gets home. This "talk" isn't fun, as it consists of using the rod of correction (whatever that correction may be that you want to choose). And the blue gets even more of the correction added. So, this system has been a good deterrent for us since we set it up in place a few weeks ago. It is very helpful. You might try something like that for her "but" issue. When she has that last word, you say, "Since you needed to have the last word, you need to go fill your box in on yellow, or red or whatever." Then, she gets a talk with Dad where he administers the discipline for her. Or, if Dad is not available, then you must do it yourself. I do not personally feel that she is beyond a spanking. My son is 10, and he still gets one when necessary, which is less and less often thankfully!

Also, learning your daugthers love language may really help you to see ways that you can show her love in a way she can receive it more, and maybe that will help with her sassiness or know it all'ness. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am currently reading it, and it is helping me.

Blessings.

[KTLM6]

I have a daughter that used to do that. She's in college now, but we she was very similar. The best long-term results came from lots of prayer, lots of consistency in our rules, lots of discussion over why that attitude is wrong in God's eyes, and allowing consequences... both natural and previously decided ones... to take place. Natural consequences are easy. She does it wrong, she redoes the work correctly no matter how long it takes. Previously decided consequences were ones that Dad and I agreed on together. We would tell our dd what our consequence was for the rude behavior in advance. She knew. Whether it was losing privileges or belongings or having extra chores, we learned that consistency was very important. If we allowed the bad attitude once after telling her the consequence it was like starting all over... only worse. Sometimes we found we were making a similar mistake in our own actions and our daughter had followed our bad example. Keep loving and praying and being consistent. It might take some time, but it'll get better. Her strong will focused for God could one day do amazing things for Him!