Tears over questions in Exploring the History of Medicine

[LynnH]

A little background. My ds is a pretty compliant guy. Usually pretty eager to do school and loves HOD. He has had some difficulty comprehending some of the CTC books, but I have taken Carrie's advice and not made a big deal out of it, just had him do the assignments. He is now reading Exploring the History of Medicine. Instead of having to answer questions only on Day 3 he now is supposed to answer the questions at the end of the chapter every day. The first few days he did this he didn't say too much, but as we checked the answers together he was missing over half of the questions. He really seems to struggle understanding the details of the stories. After that he started with tears every day when it came time to do the questions. This is so unlike him. He says "I'm not supposed to answer questions every day". I explained that he is getting older and so therefore the work is more challenging. I think much of it is coming from his struggles to figure out the answers. For a few days I worked with him on looking back through the text to find the answers. Today he started out fine, but on the 3rd question he couldn't find the answer in the text and he started crying again. It really is a cry of frustration. After he threw a fit and stormed off to his room (which we discussed was not ok), he then calmed down and I basically read him the paragraph that contained the answer. I don't know what to do. Do I just keep making him look up the answers in the text even though he gets so upset and frustrated. It also adds at least 30 minutes to our day when he has to look for the answers. Do I show him the exact paragraph the answer is in? Or do I back down and only make him do the questions 1x a week. I know that because of his Cerebral Palsy I have probably pampered him some, but this honestly seems to be something he just really struggles to do.

[water2wine]

I think if you know you have him over his capabilities I would slow it down. Maybe let him answer the questions orally together. I have one with CP as well. I am as tough as can be if she is playing games but if she is really hitting a wall then I am not going to try to push her through because she is not capable. Usually then we will have a heart to heart about what exactly is too hard for her. Like in the case you have I might ask her is it the pressure of having to write what she read? Would she do better to orally tell me what the answer was or is it the question that really is too hard? I think it is hard to know what to do when you do not know the why of the frustration. If I found out what was going on with her then I would go form there to explaining to her what skills she might be missing and how we could work on getting them. Sometimes she does not agree with me on the how of getting the skills. but eventually she comes around.

Sometimes I think their frustration is part of the same element of what ours is with them in the moment, that fear of oh my gosh they can't do it and will they be able to progress. We know deep down inside what our fears and frustrations are and they know too but can't get it out as easy as we can. Truly every frustration wall I hit with my dd is about that. She hits a wall and begins to see the I can't do this of it all and it comes out in frustration displayed in behavior or extreme stubbornness and avoidance. There is the first dealing with the behavior that is part of the immaturity that goes along with it and then the maturity they have to face which is the reality that things are just harder for them. They are missing those pathways that "should" be there and they now have to find another way to get the information. I tell my daughter we just need to find another road to the same path is all. And then we sometimes need to slow down and get the skills.

I am rambling. But I think you are at a point where you need to find another path for your son. Just another way to get the information. A slowing down maybe and let's do this orally. I will show you how you find the answer even until he learns how to do it himself. Not so much that you are doing it for him but that you do it with him and show him the steps that most people do not even realize they take to find the information because those are the steps he needs to consciously think to be able to do the work. Sometimes even a first we do this then we do that formula can help a lot for them.

I hope something there makes sense. I am not sure I am expressing it well. To me it looks like you have found a pathway that is a road block for your son and you might need to help him navigate around it maybe slow down while you do that to relieve some of the pressure. My dd gets stuck in frustration and stubbornness. There is really only one person in the world more stubborn than her and that is me. Sometimes I have to trick her stubborn into feeling like she is fighting me to get her to fight her real demon. Eventually she comes around and actually thanks me for it. She makes a big jump in learning and feels some pride in it and then she is fine until she hits the next big bump. Sometimes it is that fatal flaw redirected that gets them through the hump. Sometimes it is slowing down and giving them tons of grace and understanding. Knowing the how to do it is what God shows us individually. I pray a lot for Him to show me how He wants me to teach her and to show me what I am missing along with the how to teach her. God is really faithful in answering those prayers.

I know it has to be hard for them to know they can't always think like other people do. CP is just different. If your son is like my dd she has a normal IQ and in lots of ways she is smart. I think that makes it harder on them because they know when they are not getting it really often before we do.

Hang in there. Saying some prayers for you and your son.

[Tree House Academy]

I would cut down the number of questions he has to do or go over them orally. He shouldn't be reduced to tears over this...HOD is never meant to be that way.

My son is 11 as well and doing CTC and is reading Exploring the History of Medicine. He does the questions with no problems at all and has gotten all but 1 correct on one sheet. I say this because this is how it is supposed to be and if your ds is struggling so very much in this area, then something needs to give a little. You are not "babying" him, IMO, you are meeting his personal needs on his own level. That is what homeschooling is all about, in my book!

Rebecca

[gotpeace91]

I agree with Rebecca. If this seems to be the only area in CTC where he is struggling I would just back this part down a little bit. If it were me I would tell him that he can choose two of the questions to answer each day. It sounds like he is genuinely trying his best. That is different than one who is not willing to try. I'm glad that you asked for help. Your friends are here for you.

[LynnH]

Wow I have to tell you what a blessing your answers are. This morning when I first woke up I was taking my concerns about my ds to the Father and then I sign on and see your answers and I feel like already He is answering.
Water2Wine I think you have pegged it exactly. I think he is picking up on my fears of "what if he doesn't progress past this point" and I think he has his own fears in this regard and just can't express them. He gets frustrated when he doesn't understand things better than he does and I think that is where his stubbornness/attitude came from yesterday. My dh and I have spent much time lately talking over our fears about this and praying about it. I needed your post as a reminder that we have hit road blocks before and God has been faithful to help my ds overcome them and I know He will do it again. You are right in that we just need to find a different path. I talked a little bit to my ds about it this morning and he seemed to be very receptive to the idea that we just need to figure out a different way of doing things. You are also right in that CP is just different. He doesn't fit into the "auditory learner" or "visual learner" category. In some things he does very well with reading it himself and in others things he needs the auditory input. I think that is where I get frustrated in that I want him to fit into a "box" and he just doesn't and I just need to accept that and move on with where he is at.

I am going to slow down things for him like all of you suggested. I told him he will have to answer 3 of the questions today. My dd who is almost 16 and watched everything play out yesterday thinks I also should have him just read one page at a time and then look at the questions and see if he can answer any of them from what he has read. Since the questions go in order of the text I think this might work well. She is gifted and she said that she even has to do that with certain things like Chemistry that might have lots of unfamiliar terms in them.

He has done fine with all the other science books this year and those even required him to write out full answers where this is true/false or multiple choice. I think it is just that the subject matter is new to him and he gets overwhelmed when he sees 15 questions.

Thanks again ladies for all the understanding and encouragement.

[MomtoJGJE]

Maybe if you have the questions written down so he can read over them and watch for them in the text as you read? Maybe let him raise his hand as you read an answer to a question and he can answer it immediately.... then after a week or so of this you could continue it but add in going over the questions again at the end. Then he could stop telling you the answers during the reading and save it all for last, but still looking at the questions.

[LynnH]

He just finished Science and no tears and he felt successful! I told him he only had to answer 3 questions. He looked at 1 or 2 questions ahead of time and then he read only a page or 1 1/2 pages at a time and then looked at the questions and immediately would say-"oh I read that answer" and would double check what he thought with the text. He then would repeat this process. He actually chose to answer 4 questions. We talked about that it might take a little longer, but that was ok. We have always been pretty honest with him about his Cerebral Palsy and that it will require adaptations, but that he is fully capable of doing things, he just may have to approach it differently than most kids do. Thanks again for the advice and encouragement.

[water2wine]

That is wonderful! I love your idea about having him break it down to a few questions and look for the answers as he reads. That is a wonderful idea! God is so faithful to provide answers when we pray for them. Truly I need to just get on my knees before I ever get on my feet each day.

[pjdobro]

That is so wonderful! I love how you broke it down into manageable bits for him so he can do it and feel successful! What wonderful counsel you have gotten from the ladies here and your daughter. I'm praising the Lord for showing you the way!

[gotpeace91]

So glad to hear that it went better today! Sounds like you've got the solution figured out.