Making school more enjoyable...

[Sue G in PA]

I am not sure how to title this thread but I guess this just about sums it up. How can I make school more enjoyable? Most of you know about our struggles from my previous posts (ds9 in mental facility b/c of rage issues, other children angry/resentful, rebellious, etc.). Ds9 is doing much, much better since starting medication. My oldest 2 boys (ds12 and ds11) are still plugging away with Preparing but they really dislike it. Ds12 displays significant attitude problems and a heart of rebellion (although he argues otherwise ). He desperately wants to go to ps next year for 8th and continue through 12th. I am considering it, but have told him his attitude MUST improve before I grant him this request. I will NOT reward his rebellion. Does that make sense? Anyway, I digress! Ds11 has similar attitude issues, but will get his work done for the most part...and independently so. But, he also, does not enjoy it. Not.at.all. Nothing engages them. Not science, not history, not art projects, not extra research into exciting topics, not reading, not read-alouds, NOTHING. How can I make learning more "fun"? How can I rekindle the spark? They think school is a necessary evil to be "trudged through" so they can do other things (tv, games, sports, friends, etc.). I'm at a loss. It's draining me. I am beginning to hate homeschooling these kids.

[Mom2Monkeys]

I have no advice. Sorry. I can't imagine being in your position, though I'm there on a MUCH milder scale. DD9 has anger issues, attitude issues, and some asperger's tendencies/sensory issues, my three big kids are at each other at all times, and I'm mostly just a constant nagging, angry mom...Public school has NOT made it better, but worse. What did help was a few days we were stuck inside due to snow and cold temps, no public school, no "afterschool" lessons, no chores, and I didn't let them turn on the tv/games/etc...all I let them do was get games out and play and I stood back and watched for three days, rarely stepping in unless it went too far. To my amazement, they started reconnecting and getting along...sometimes Sometimes, our kids just need some down time, and I realize your situation has escalated well beyond mine, but on some scale, some sort of way for them to vent, kick back, and truly have all the pressures and weight off their shoulders has got to be helpful at least a little. My kids did NOT feel like I was rewarding them with game time/no school/no chores whatsoever. They thought it was so mean of me...but they ended up happy about it.

And I said I had no advice...lol. that's not much but I hope there's something that may spark some ideas for you at least.

ETA: When I say I let them get games out, I mean cards, board games, puzzles, etc.

[cirons]

Hi there....may grace and peace flood you right now!!! Wow! You are going through a lot. Sweety, the only thing I thought of as I read your post was that this has nothing to do with school. There is nothing you can do to make school more fun because this is not about school, or fun. You need to get attitudes sorted before expecting academic results. You need to get some family unity and respect for your authority happening before you can ask for something to be done with a positive response, no matter what it is. Some good suggestions were made above....getting rid of things that distract from family time for a while might help, eg. no tv, electronic devices or computer time. Cook together, go out and play sports together, play board games together and learn how to work as a team so you can respect each other. Don't let your boys have time with friends until they have learned to treat their own family with respect. I would not even try to do school until you have worked out some of these major issues. This is just my opinion....God bless you and strength to you in all you do!
Blessings,
Corrie

[Mom2Monkeys]

Reading the next reply made me remember that I also told them they were not allowed to go out to play with any friends until they could get along with each other...they could not treat others better than their own siblings, so they went at least a week or two with no friends whatsoever! That happened about the same time as the snow days.

Good advice from Corrie

[tnahid]

My first thought is where is their father in all of this? If he is in their lives, then he needs to realize the incredible strain this is causing for you, and he needs to begin to take responsibility for these sons' behavior. I know that it was extremely difficult when my husband was in seen as the final authority in our homeschooling. I felt like it was ALL on me, and I did indeed give it up for two years. But my husband has the understanding now that he is the Principal of this school, and that all discipline issues come to him...and my children DO NOT LIKE that. I sense that they are not respecting your authority in the home, and this seems to be the main problem in my opinion. I understand how hard it is, I truly do. Have you talked with your husband about this? What does he say in all of this?

Your twelve year old is (in my opinion) ALMOST too old for a spanking. I said ALMOST. Yes, I do believe that is an effective discipline method when done with the right attitude and godly motivation of love and correction.

As far as spicing up the school time, I agree with the last poster, that I don't really think that will make much difference. I don't believe we should be looking for ways to entertain our children, per se. I do believe in going on field trips, having fun, etc. Maybe plan a day to just get out and enjoy each other doing something you all like to do?

Bless you and I hope this helps you. I truly feel for you, as I know the feeling of hating to homeschool when the home is filled with that kind of strife. It is not enjoyable at ALL. Just pray for the Spirit's wisdom and guidance. In James, our Father promises to give it to us, liberally. Lord, I need it!!

[mrsrandolph]

I don't have much to say right now. I want to pray about it. Can you tell me how long you have been homeschooling? I am sorry. I am not familiar with your story.

One thing I will say, that I feel comfortable saying now is that Public School is NOT NOT NOT what your son needs no matter WHAT he thinks. He does NOT know what is best for him, and that is why God gave him parents as his authority.

His display of a sinful attitude is an issue of the heat. You are DEAD ON about that Sending him into an environment that does nothing to address the heart, but in fact does the opposite, is only going to fuel a more rebellious heart.

He NEEDS TO BE WITH YOU...whether he likes it or not and whether you like it or not.

YOU are the only one who can train his heart as he rises, as he lies down, and as he walks by the way.

Really and truly, it doesn't matter a whole hill of beans whether they "enjoy school" or not right now. The reason they are not enjoying school is because of their own sinful rebellion, and they need to have that pointed out to them time and and time again. They don't have to enjoy it. BUT they must do their work with a respectful attitude, and they must do it to the best of their ability knowing that this is what Glorifies God.

If they choose not to do their work in this manner, I have a GREAT article for you from vision forum about giving boys this age some well fitting and difficult manual labor to attend to until Dad gets home and can deal with them as they deserve.

I strongly recommend that you read Ted Tripp's book "Age Of Opportunity". It is life changing. I also recommend you read Douglas Wilson's "Future Men". One more I strongly recommend is Lou Priolo's "The Heart Of Anger".

My best to you, and I hope to write more later...after prayer.

Be wise!

[tnahid]

Ms. Randolph,
I would like to see that article as well. And thank you for the book advice too. I am going to look into those myself. Blessings!

[4Hispraise]

Oh Father God, I thank You for this precious family. I pray for Sue as she seeks to raise her children for Your glory. I ask that You be her Provider: provide her with Your wisdom and grace, Your strength and power, an extra portion of Your presence and Your joy in her home. I know You have a perfect plan for this family, and I just come before You today to ask that You might make Your will known to Sue...show her what is best for each of her dear children. Give her and her husband the discernment, the courage and the conviction to put the plan You reveal to them in place. I do pray for each dear child, Lord, thanking You that their needs and their special abilities and talents are not hidden from You, nor are they a surprise to You. You created them, You know them, You have a plan for each of them. I pray that they will grow in obedience and love, in joy and in lovingkindness towards You and one another. I pray for repentant spirits in each of these children for their attitudes and rebellion. May this family cling to one another, and may they cling to You as their hope and their future. May You bless and preserve them Lord, and restore that which has been broken. In Jesus' Precious Name I ask these things. Amen.

Sue, I am praying for you. My prayer is that He will show you what is best for YOUR FAMILY...every family is different, and each child responds differently, so I do not have any advice...just my prayers.

[lharris]

Hi Sue,
I don't know where to start. I clicked on your posts to get as much background as you've shared, and it has been very heavy on my heart all afternoon. When I got home from work, I asked my oldest son (now 28 yrs) who is a philosophy major, in his mother's footsteps, and a strong Christian about how we would react to sons who were having these kinds of anger issues. The other mom posted that this is more about rebellion than school and I completely agree. My son's thoughts are interesting and I would like to share with you in the hope it may give you something to consider. Certainly your loved ones and counselors are the best to advise you because they know your situation, but our young men are under such ferocious attack from Satan --we must pray for all our young boys. Ryan suggest that you help your sons distinguish between anger (which is not un-holy) and which is wired into men by God, verses hatred. Anger is something that our modern society has told young men that they just need to get rid of, when it's not possible. Anger which is not taught to channel to an outlet (that God will direct -- in a sense of the battle he has for us) will fester and become hate. Hate is anger that is no longer directed at an object but becomes angry at everything and everyone. It is this last dangerous phase when it becomes hate, it is anger at God! It is how you direct your anger and how you handle it that allows a boy to successfully mature into a Godly man. The father will need to help guide the sons to channel the natural anger that they feel. It cannot be eliminated, just controlled and brought back under control and is no longer a part of the rebellion and disrespect to the Godly authority in their lives which are the parents and God himself. By learning how to re-direct the anger, it will it become a healthy part of their manhood again within the path and plan that God has for them. That's what you want. My daughter and I are praying for you. She and her brother are close and she helps me in my prayer warrior. Having honest discussions with your children can help. It's ok for them to see our weakness. Also, try not to vocalize any frustration with your children in front of them, don't let them hear your doubts, pray specifically that God helps you fall back in love with your children, and pray specifically that God helps you fall back in love with your husband. I know this sounds like I'm assuming that you don't love them -- never! but I know how depression, anxiety and frustration can show in your voice, body language and touchableness (cuddling factor). They may not have voiced it, but I'm sure the children may also feel that they have failed and are un-deserving of love. You may have to pray that you can reassure the children that your love is unconditional and endless just like God's.
All my love,
May the Lord's face shine upon you and give you peace,
In Christ,
Laura and dd (24 yrs), ds (28 yrs), and ds (8 yrs)

[Sue G in PA]

Anger at everything and everyone. That about sums it up for ds12. He has his positive moment but they are few and far btwn. It isn't about school. I know that. It is about rebellion and anger and hard-heartedness and so many other things I can't even put my finger on. I am floundering. No disciplinary tactic has ever really "worked" and so as you can imagine we have not been very consistent. I think we are the embodiment of the scripture verse that admonishes father to not exasperate their children. Thank you again, everyone, for your advice and prayer and encouragement. I am so blessed. I don't want to take up a ton of bandwidth for my issues so I shall PM some of you if you don't mind. Thanks again.

[John'smom]

First off, praying for you and your family. (((HUGS)))

I have a CD on anger and at the end the preacher gives some ideas for success over anger and so I thought I'd share them here:

Keys to Success Over Anger
1. Recognize the problem and its seriousness
2. Desire victory enough to cry out to God.
3. Repent of the sin. Say to God, "I want to turn from this sin."
4. Confess the sins of forefathers and ask God in the name and through the power of Jesus to break any curse that is coming down the generations.
5. Ask God to take back the ground that Satan has taken because of anger.
6. See the connection between anger and lust. When lust prevails so does anger. They're twin sisters.
7. Watch for people and things that are going to come your way to make you angry. Don't sin and get angry. Answer softly.
8. Purpose to Enter the presence of friends and family member with praise. Praise is a motivator, magnet, and defense.
9. Ask God daily to fill you with the fruit of the Spirit and to produce that fruit in your life. Pray the Scripture.
10. Make yourself fully accountable. Ask your mate if there was even a "spirit" of anger in you that day.

Don't just repent of the outward manifestation of anger, but any spirit of anger.

I don't know if this will help at all. Really, your ds is older to where it has to be a change he wants to make, and for that you have to have his heart.

[tnahid]

Thank you, Laura, for that great insight into anger and men. I can appreciate that. It is a good reminder. Blessings.

[mrsrandolph]

That book I mentioned, "Future Men" by Douglas Wilson, addresses a lot of the issues brought up by the women here. I would make reading that one a priority. It is a short read too : )

[birchbark]

Another book I would highly recommend is "Hold On To Your Kids." I learned about it on another homeschool forum.