This week is just not going well...

[striving2Bprov31]

Oh, dear....

Firstly, my 2yo. is still up a lot at night with another ear infection, so I just don't feel fresh in the morning. Nothing seems to go well when I don't get enough sleep.

Secondly, the biggest struggle in our schooling has been dd11. She is doing CtC and really enjoying it but she just drags her feet throughout the day like crazy, often with the flavor of a bad "attitude" mixed in. -Lots of complaining! She is a smart independent girl, and too old for me to have to check on her in between (and during) her assignments to make sure she is on track...and then (almost always lately), cattle prod her along. I have had to "hover" over her all day as much as my ds9 and ds4!! I really need her to snap into gear so that our day can run as efficiently as possible! She is very mature for her age, not distractable at all, so I feel like this is really a discipline/character issue to work on. That is how my husband and I have looked at it.

But...I am just so discouraged, mainly at myself to be honest. I have allowed this issue to cause me to deal with my dd with a countenance of irratation/anger. I don't want to relate to her in this way on an ongoing basis throughout the week! I want patience, love and warmth to be on the forefront of my relationship with her, even when she is not acting very "lovable".

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I would also love some practical discipline advice on how we can handle/change this behavior on the day to day basis.

Thank you! Goodness, I am tired.

[Heart_Mom]

I don't have advice, but I did want to let you know that I'm praying for you!

[water2wine]

I have one that struggles with getting stuff done. I made a check list of all that has to be done. It has certain checks she needs to do with me like showing her work, going over directions etc. She is not allowed to do anything but school until it is done except for a lunch break. If she skips stuff or does not do it all I listed the privileges that will be lost. It also lists school hours so she knows I don't do school at night even if she drags her feet. A few days of pain and a little enforcing and problem solved for us. I think letting the consequences be there and then they choose either to have privileges or lose them really is very effective. They have to be reasonable but tough enough to deter them. Then you have to keep up with making sure they follow it. My daughter has to hit a consequence or two every now and then to get back on track sometimes. Maybe something like this could work for you.

ETA- Just want to add this is for a child who is very capable of doing the work and truly knows what is expected just has major issues with procrastination or taking the easy way out. I love Carrie's Idea below about walking them through it for two weeks. It's so important to know that they are matched right. For my child she truly is at her capability. It just takes her longer to do things and so she gets into putting things off until the day is over so I found putting some checks and balances in helped her.

[mindywp]

Liz,

I wish I had advice for you, I am going through the same thing with my 13 yr old dd. I know how exhausting it can be & the irritation you feel. I'm glad you posted this because I have been contemplating doing the same. I have read the responses already posted & look forward to reading other suggestions you may receive. I will keep you in my prayers.

In Christ,
Mindy

[Carrie]

Liz,

I know more ladies will chime in, but I'll chime in a bit before I'm signing off today. First, I'm thinking that you have just started in CTC, and it's helpful to know that it can take time to train a child in the needed skills for that guide. So, if you are still in the opening weeks of starting the guide, be encouraged that it's early and your child is still adjusting to a new guide.

Next, I'm not quite remembering if you finished Preparing Hearts with your older child or not, but if you didn't get a chance to do or finish that guide with her, it is possible that it will take longer to help your child know what is expected in each box of the plans. It may be wise to back her guide down to half-speed and really sit with her and train her on the skills for each box and how it should be done for at least 2 weeks. I know that you won't feel like doing this with all of the busy little ones around you, but if your older child feels this is all new, then having you partner with her for a few weeks will help you know that she truly "knows" how to do what you are asking of her.

I'll give you this example to show what I mean. My oldest son is a great worker, very independent, actually prefers to do things on his own his way. As this son was doing his Bible study Student Book this year, his answers were fine, just not as in-depth as I was hoping they would be. My hubby decided on his own that he would take this subject over with my son for two weeks and talk through the assignment with my son in the evenings. After two weeks, we would then allow our son to return to doing the study more on his own, since he would then have a better idea of the thought process we were looking for and what we'd like to see within his answers.

My son was not thrilled with this idea, but came to actually enjoy his time spent with his dad. My son has returned to doing the study on his own now, and I cannot tell you the difference in his answers and his attitude. Now that both of us are on the same page as to what is expected, and we have modeled how to do it, our son is flourishing in this area. Training your child for two weeks will ensure that she knows your expectations and that you know she has been taught how to do it. Training her at half-speed will keep this transition from lengthening her day or yours. It will also help you see whether she is correctly placed, or whether CTC is too difficult for her. Sometimes we can't be sure what the problem truly is until we sit beside them and observe, guide, and help.

One other thing would be to make sure she gets to move around between subjects to different areas of the house, and also that she is away from distractions. My oldest son had to work in my bedroom for many years to do his work, even though he is a very mature get-it-done type guy. There were just too many distractions for him in his room. He needed complete quiet to work, and my room was the only place in the house where we didn't let the other kiddos go!

Anyway, once you ponder those changes, you may find less dawdling, or if you don't, you will truly feel that you can give consequences without wondering if the place, the workload, or the level of the guide is the problem rather than the attitude.

Blessings,
Carrie

[striving2Bprov31]

Thank you all for your kind replies!!!

Water2wine and Carrie--I am going to follow both of your suggestions! Carrie, Ithink maybe I do need to back her down to half speed and give her some hand-holding for a few weeks. I'm going to do that. Water2wine, great discipline idea. I think I am going to implement this idea when the time is right!

Thank you!

Today.....I have to be honest..I woke up this morning with the same yucky frustration hanging on from yesterday. So I am currently sending up a prayer to the Lord that He would straighten out my attitude towards my kiddos and help me to recieve the new mercies He has for us today. Ugh, I don't want to be frustrated and blah. Help me, Lord!

Thank you, Ladies.

[water2wine]

Liz I know that feeling. I have seasons where I need to fight that too. I have one that requires so much of me because she does have learning disabilities. But then she will let that hold her back and sometimes avoid doing things that are at her level. I realized for me 90% of my frustration is fear of where will she land and is she going to have a "normal" life. So sometimes knowing where your frustration really deep down comes from can help as well. When I find myself getting into a rut with my own attitude I go back to letting her have the consequences of her actions. And biblically where I got that from is you reap what you sew. I made sure I am sewing good things for her as a mom and then make it her job to sew good things for herself. That has helped me tremendously with my dd not to get frustrated when she does not want for herself in her immaturity as much as I want for her. And this is not about academic level I am thinking about it is more about work ethic in the end to reach the most she can be whatever that is God has decided for her. Anyway do not know if that will help but just putting it out there because I found it was key for me.

I think you have a great solution going with what Carrie suggests to know really that she has all the tools she needs and then if you see there is an attitude issue you can be really confident that your child knows what to do and that is not the issue. That really keeps in mind the number one goal in hsing is really training their heart, helping them get the information and then helping their heart understand the information.

[my3sons]

Well, everyone came up with some terrific things to try with your dd that I think will really help! So, all dd's concerns aside, I'll mention that this time of year is just harder for ME. For no reason other than we are in the middle of winter, I rarely see the sun, and I do not get out as much. When I read my post here, I know that if I tell myself, "It's cold. It's winter. I'm tired. I never get out. I ..." well you get the picture, I just feel worse. My devotion today really spoke to me. This verse was quoted from within the chapter I read: "At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws". I first thought that sounded crazy to be honest. The devotion was about if you are up at midnight and full of fear or of exhaustion - pray, pray, pray about the blessings God has given you, and then peaceful sleep will come. As moms, we are often up at midnight - with worries, with children's sickness, with fear, with babies - the things that keep a mama up at midnight are plentiful. Many times for us moms, morning seems to come too early. It struck me when I read this idea of giving THANKS within these midnight moments - and also within dark moments of the day when frustration and exhaustion sets in - I realized I would really be able to have a better attitude toward things! I think this is not easy to do - especially in the moment of darkness - and yet focusing on the blessings God has given us can truly impact our day and our attitude for good! The more blessings I think of that God has given me, the more the worldly discomforts and frustrations begin to seem small to me. I am pledging to do this - maybe this would be something that could help you too? I'm also going to make sure to get to bed earlier, keep up my vitamins and exercise, take time for a hot bath and a good book, and try to get out with my dh on a date a few times each month. I am recognizing this need in myself right now and trying to plan for it - maybe you feel like I do, and if so, maybe something here will help! If not, all of the things you are going to do with your dd are wonderful suggestions that will surely help too!

In Christ,
Julie