Hi all,
My 11 yo ds is a marvelous child with high, high expectations. He is thorough, conscientious and a blessing. Because of this - it takes him a long time to do certain assignments. I'm just trying to decide how to handle this. We use a timer, but when it goes off and he's not done, he's in tears because his work is not "just right." He is doing the Extension REadings for PHFHG and today he was supposed to draw a picture for his narration, but it took a LONG time and he was never pleased with it and I just couldn't get him off this path. I finally asked him to orally narrate to me, which he did, but he felt like a failure because he felt he should have drawn a picture and he just couldn't illustrate what he felt he wanted to, etc. His dictations and the Independent History assignments are the same. I'm really proud of him, because he finally is able to comprehend and handle all the work, but it would be much easier on him and all of us if he could just work a little quicker. Any thoughts?!
Another thing that really bothers him is when the assignments are to read select pages that are not in numerical order? He finds himself confused by this and it becomes a stumbling block for him. Thoughts?!
working with a perfectionist
working with a perfectionist
With Joy!
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
-
4Hispraise
- Posts: 308
- Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:30 pm
Re: working with a perfectionist
Hi Florence! I just prayed for wisdom and insight for you in this situation. Hopefully, one of the other ladies will have some insight for you.
Shelly- bride of 22 yrs. to My Hero
Mom to 2 treasures on earth, and 2 treasures in Heaven
DS - 16
DS - 7 Bigger Hearts For His Glory
Mom to 2 treasures on earth, and 2 treasures in Heaven
DS - 16
DS - 7 Bigger Hearts For His Glory
Re: working with a perfectionist
I had a long talk with my then 7 year old about the perfectionism she was displaying. One way I approached it was that Jesus is the only perfect man ever on earth. Now its good that we want to be like Jesus but we need to have realistic expectations of our abilities. Also who are we depending on to help us? If were too perfect we never need any help and were putting our trust in man. Some times God makes it so we can't get it right so we look to him for help. So instead of crying and being angry we can't get it right we should pray, and be content with our selves just the way we are. I pull this out every time she starts up with "obsessing to get it perfect"
It has helped us
Some thoughts on Art/illustration... also if he is enjoying the illustration say ok your not finished use it to narrate right now then you can "finish it off later on your own time" Or insist on a specific type of format. say here are 3 boxes draw what you remeber as a stick figure cartoon. Make the expectation of the work low.. also allow him to trace illustrations if it helps him be satisfied with is work. It is typical for kids this age to become obsessed with making the drawing just right. Something that helped me be satisfied with my art as a child was Picasso. Show him some Picasso's. Start with his late work first then show his very early work (the not modern stuff) talk about how he as a child did "perfect work" but when he got older he was dissatisfied and then look at how his work changed. Then explain the messy drawings are the famous ones and the "perfect art" are not.. maybe that will help him..
It has helped us
Some thoughts on Art/illustration... also if he is enjoying the illustration say ok your not finished use it to narrate right now then you can "finish it off later on your own time" Or insist on a specific type of format. say here are 3 boxes draw what you remeber as a stick figure cartoon. Make the expectation of the work low.. also allow him to trace illustrations if it helps him be satisfied with is work. It is typical for kids this age to become obsessed with making the drawing just right. Something that helped me be satisfied with my art as a child was Picasso. Show him some Picasso's. Start with his late work first then show his very early work (the not modern stuff) talk about how he as a child did "perfect work" but when he got older he was dissatisfied and then look at how his work changed. Then explain the messy drawings are the famous ones and the "perfect art" are not.. maybe that will help him..
♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫
Dyslexics of the world Untie!
Adoptive Mom to 2 girls
http://gardenforsara.blogspot.com/
♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫
Dyslexics of the world Untie!
Adoptive Mom to 2 girls
http://gardenforsara.blogspot.com/
♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫
Re: working with a perfectionist
Florence,
Some good thoughts have already been shared in this thread! As I ponder what you've shared, I'm first wanting to clarify whether you have your son doing both the Independent History assignments and the Extension readings and follow-ups? If so, he's actually supposed to be doing one or the other. So, I'd begin by changing that first. If I've somehow misunderstood that then just ignore that suggestion.
Next, I'm thinking that I would make the core assignments for the guide the ones that are allowed the most time and effort. So, I'd shorten the Extension readings' assignments as much as needed to allow for more time to complete the core assignments beautifully. I'm thinking that in another post I read earlier today that the Extension readings may become book basket reading since you are doing multiple guides. If so that would take care of this problem.
For my perfectionist son, I moved his history projects and science box to after lunch last thing in his day. This is because these two areas can take him awhile to get "just right" to his satisfaction. Scheduling these areas to be completed after lunch also allows him to take longer on them if desired without me having to rush him because I feel like we are getting behind. That way he can take as long as he wants without affecting everyone else's day. My son enjoys this and often the little ones join in with what he's working on during this time. This has worked successfully for me through Preparing Hearts and CTC, so it may be a help to you as well.
Hopefully something in here will help!
Blessings,
Carrie
Some good thoughts have already been shared in this thread! As I ponder what you've shared, I'm first wanting to clarify whether you have your son doing both the Independent History assignments and the Extension readings and follow-ups? If so, he's actually supposed to be doing one or the other. So, I'd begin by changing that first. If I've somehow misunderstood that then just ignore that suggestion.
Next, I'm thinking that I would make the core assignments for the guide the ones that are allowed the most time and effort. So, I'd shorten the Extension readings' assignments as much as needed to allow for more time to complete the core assignments beautifully. I'm thinking that in another post I read earlier today that the Extension readings may become book basket reading since you are doing multiple guides. If so that would take care of this problem.
For my perfectionist son, I moved his history projects and science box to after lunch last thing in his day. This is because these two areas can take him awhile to get "just right" to his satisfaction. Scheduling these areas to be completed after lunch also allows him to take longer on them if desired without me having to rush him because I feel like we are getting behind. That way he can take as long as he wants without affecting everyone else's day. My son enjoys this and often the little ones join in with what he's working on during this time.
This has worked successfully for me through Preparing Hearts and CTC, so it may be a help to you as well.Hopefully something in here will help!
Blessings,
Carrie
Re: working with a perfectionist
This is a fabulous idea!!Carrie wrote: For my perfectionist son, I moved his history projects and science box to after lunch last thing in his day. This is because these two areas can take him awhile to get "just right" to his satisfaction. Scheduling these areas to be completed after lunch also allows him to take longer on them if desired without me having to rush him because I feel like we are getting behind. That way he can take as long as he wants without affecting everyone else's day. My son enjoys this and often the little ones join in with what he's working on during this time.
I had been having him do them first while I worked with a sibling, but this might help. WE took today "off" so we could go on a family outing to the mountains. Everyone was loaded in the car ready to go except this particular son and when we went to find him he was working on his sketches for Independent History and Extension that had caused tears earlier in the week! The good news is he was pleased with the results. With Joy!
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
Re: working with a perfectionist
Is this true for CTC, as well? I somehow got the idea that in CTC if our children were old enough we should do Independent History and Extension? Does anyone know for sure?Carrie wrote:Some good thoughts have already been shared in this thread! As I ponder what you've shared, I'm first wanting to clarify whether you have your son doing both the Independent History assignments and the Extension readings and follow-ups? If so, he's actually supposed to be doing one or the other. So, I'd begin by changing that first. If I've somehow misunderstood that then just ignore that suggestion.
With Joy!
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
Florence
My blog: http://florencebrooks.com/
Began HOD 1/2009
Currently using: Bigger, RTR, Rev to Rev and MTMM
Re: working with a perfectionist
Florence,
You are right that in CTC the child does both the Extension readings and the Independent History Box (if the child is in the Extension Pack age range). In Preparing Hearts though, you do either the Independent History Box or the Extension.
I apologize for the confusion!
Blessings,
Carrie
You are right that in CTC the child does both the Extension readings and the Independent History Box (if the child is in the Extension Pack age range). In Preparing Hearts though, you do either the Independent History Box or the Extension.
I apologize for the confusion!
Blessings,
Carrie