nurturing confidence

[deltagal]

As confident as I am about my children' s abilities and the material we use and their progress I am also aware that they all seem to lack confidence as learners. I'm wondering how I can nurture "confidence" in them? We've been spending some time these last few days reflecting as a family on "confidence in Christ" and who we are as a result of Christ. We've been sharing about other Christians and their gifts and their ability to use those gifts. And we've been discussing where we have confidence and where we lack confidence. My children all seem to have tremendous confidence in themselves as athletes, but not as students. What can I do or how can I help "boost" their confidence as learners?

[smithdonnajo]

I don't know the answer, but wanted to give you a bump. Interesting question.

[psreit]

I say this only because I need to work on it myself. My dd thrives on praise and the positive. It is so easy to point out the negative. The last two times dd went for O.T., she made a comment to her therapist that her school teacher tells her that her writing is sloppy. She has been doing good work for the therapist and she knows the therapist will praise the work she has done. I hope she does that well for me when we begin hs again I'm sure there are many more ways to answer your question. I'm just giving one suggestion. Maybe you are already good at this. Be positive about the work your dc are doing, even when you wish they were doing better. I wish I'd have been more positive with my older dc. They are great kids and love the Lord, but I know focusing more on the negative affected them in some ways Adopted children need extra nurturing, so it's really brought change in how I respond to younger dd. My oldest dd reminds me to focus on the positive things with younger dd when I'm picking out the negative and failing to praise the positive It's a generational thing in dh's and my family. With the Lord's help, I hope we are making strides to change that Sorry for rambling. HTH

[my3sons]

This is a tough one. In sports, medals are won, people cheer, time and money are spent on it, there are newspaper articles glowing with praise, and pictures taken to remember the moments. It's tough to compete with that. I try to find things to point out that the kids are good at that are not athletically related through conversations and the giving of responsibility - i.e. "Wyatt, you're so good at organizing things. You know that is a talent God did not give everyone. I sure could use your help organizing that closet if you want to dig in on your own, I trust you to do it right. I know you're good at it."

Or, "Riley can you fix this toy. I can't figure out why it's not working, and you're just naturally talented at fixing things. Not everybody is gifted with that you know! Just mess around with it and see if you can get it to work. I know you're the guy for this job."

I've been trying to nurture this with character traits too, which HOD makes easier as I can think of character traits to watch for since we're always discussing them, i.e. "Wyatt, you are really good with the little boys when they come play. You don't get upset when they don't hit the ball well, and you really help them out. You make them feel so special and loved. Do you see how they all want to be on your team always? That's a real compliment and shows you are a good leader. I think you are going to make a great Dad someday."

Anyway, these are just a few ways to try to nurture confidence that I'm trying to do in our home. Maybe something here could help you too.

In Christ,
Julie

[water2wine]

This is a tough one. We sometimes get so caught up in getting there that we forget the journey along the way, or at least I do. I try not to give confidence in mediocrity as ps seem to do now days but on the other hand I really make a huge deal when they do something well. Like for instance if they are learning to read aloud better I will tell them with a lot of enthusiasm how well they are doing and then point out to them the different ways they have grown. If they have a good insight I will tell them that was really very good insight and then I will elaborate on why and ask them more questions about how they came to think that way. If they draw something nice I will ask them how did they think to draw it that way and point out all the nice things about it.

On the flip side I think it all has to be real. So much now days there is a false praise for nothing and while that pumps them up they know it is not real deep inside and I think it leads to ultimately a lack of confidence. So I am careful to correct and praise real things as well. And I am saying this as things that I am working on myself with my children. I think it is wonderful that you are loving your children in Christ the way you are and looking at things like this with His heart.