Oh, this is such a great topic! Many thanks to all who have shared.
This is a very personal decision, and there really isn't one right answer because each family's goals differ so much. We have chosen not to combine, and we've been very happy with that decision for our family. My 3 sons are all each 3 years apart, and that makes for a pretty wide spread between them. My oldest (9 yo) is a very independent learner who is mature for his age. My middle (6 yo) is a very busy boy who likes school very much but who still likes to (and needs to) play a LOT. My 6 yo is an excellent reader and also writes well, so that is not the reason I am not combining.
A few of the less important reasons I am not combining... My oldest ds does not handle waiting for middle ds well, and my middle ds is far too quick to let older ds do all of the "work" - say all of the answers, etc. Both middle ds and older ds are excellent readers, but middle ds corrects older ds when he mispronounces things (slight speech problem lingers sometimes), and this is tough. Older ds likes to point out when younger ds makes a mistake and middle ds cries easily and gets frustrated quickly. Middle ds is great at coloring/art projects; older ds is not.
All of this could be worked out to combine, I am sure, but the main reason I do not want to combine is I am leery of dragging younger ds along, always expecting him to do things that are not at his level and making him feel like he is not very good at school, probably at the expense of his 3 R's over time. I have someone close to me who has done this with her dc, and always teaching to the oldest made the youngest feel like she was not good at school, like she was not as bright as her siblings because everything was harder for her. Because there are many years between our dc, I like keeping them separate. I like cuddling up and reading appropriately aged books for my younger ds that fit his age and attention span, and I like putting my arm around my older ds, and digging in to read harder more mature books that he and I can enjoy together without younger ds's attention wandering or without him making noises, etc.
I especially love our individual Bible times. I can really tailor our talks to each of our dc's individual needs and maturity. My older ds and I have grown incredibly close and share our faith with one another easily because of the long, mature talks we've had together during HOD's Bible times. I share things with him I would not share yet with my 6 yo. I also love the childlike faith I see blossoming in my younger ds, and how he is willing to share what makes him sad and his faults with me more easily than if big brother were listening in. For example, one day he started crying saying he didn't like the way older brother told him to shut the door. This was confusing to me, until I had him say it for me like older brother says it - then it made total sense. We had a great talk about that, and how he could share how he felt with older brother. He also shared he had been tempted to eat big marshmallows from the bag
(what can I say, he is definitely MY son
). He would not have shared such a simple thing with older brother listening, but he did with just me, and I figured out why the big marshmallows were disappearing.
He shared how he's afraid of the Heffalumps in Winnie the Pooh shows, and how he wants to take things apart and put them back together for a living when he gets older.
In comparison to these talks, my older ds and I have talked about how it is tempting to be friends with people just to fit in. How I have done that in the past, and then done some things I am not proud of now. We've talked about why my dh's family doesn't attend church very much, why they don't pray before meals, and how too much alcohol makes a person do things he wouldn't normally do. We've talked about saving his first kiss for someone special and how boys' and girls' bodies are different. We've talked about the power of prayer and prayed for each other's needs, and we've talked about we're not sure Great Grandpa is in heaven. I would have NEVER had these talks with my middle ds present, and they are talks I need to have with my oldest ds. I'm time conscious teaching HOD with everything except Bible - Bible time can go longer and deeper than planned, and I'm always alright with that.
I also like teaching each CM skills at the proper introductory level to my younger ds as they are included in each HOD guide. I like how he's been able to grow into these skills and that the lessons are tailored to fit him. I like that the CM skills in the older guides fit my older ds to a "t". I know I could alter these as needed, but I probably wouldn't.
I love that we are done with school in 4 to 4 1/2 hours (though my middle ds is done much earlier), all of our dc's needs have been met, and I'm not having to tweak anything to make it happen. I also love that our sons look forward to playing with each other after school is done because they have not already been together all morning. They love to share what they did during school with each other at lunch time, and then they love to go play together the rest of the day. They are each other's best friends.
I just want to open the guides and teach. I love teaching, not planning, so not combining is perfect for me. I also am somewhat of a perfectionist - so making sure each of my dc is individually placed is important to me. If I combined, I know the end result for us would probably be it was either too hard for my younger or too easy for my older - which would bother me (the perfectionist thing again
). If I did combine, I would never blame the program for this by saying it was too easy or too hard, or my dc struggled too much or found it way too easy - that would be the risk of combining ages that are too wide to combine, not placing dc correctly, or choosing to use HOD beyond the suggested age ranges HOD gives for combining for each guide. I
would combine if my dc were close in age and in academics; if I was going to be teaching 2 guides back to back all of the time, I would probably combine for the left side of the page and separate for the right. I also think that once dc have their 3 R's down solidly, a whole new world of possibly combining opens up easily - so combining later (like around the Bigger Hearts range) makes more sense to me.
I do think that combining can work, and work well. I think that the way HOD writes guides makes the most sense if you do want to combine. Writing the bulk of the guide for the younger ages in a very meaty way, and writing independent extensions for the olders makes total sense to me. I think once dc are at the Bigger Hearts stage, where the target age ranges are 7-9 and extensions 10-11 - that makes for a great way to combine! My dc are not there yet. I know there are moms who are great at tweaking, even younger guides like Beyond, etc. and making that work well for combining - I would not be diligent about that. I think each family has to look at their overall goals and needs. This can be so different for each family! If your dream is to combine and you are making it work well, then by all means, continue! That is the beauty of HOD - it can be made to fit what YOU need. I hope I explained why we are choosing not to combine in a way that shows why it works for our family - not in a way that makes combining seem wrong for everyone. Combining is sometimes the very best choice for a family, and not combining is sometimes the very best choice for a family. I pray each family carefully weighs what is best for them and finds the best answer possible.
In Christ,
Julie
)...as I am thinking I will probably combine my three oldest dds... if I choose NOT to, how could I get the younger one caught up in a guide like Bigger? Do you slow the oldest down at that point, or have to skip a guide with younger (which would be sad for her to miss out)??
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