Masterly Inactivity ~

[Lavishlyloved]

Hi!
I'm a new Hodie ~ plan to begin Bigger with dd9 in the Fall. I'm mom to 6 dc ~ 4 ds & 2 dd. We've been homeschooling since 1987. My 4 sons have graduated & I'm down to dd15 at high school level [& join with all of you in wishing that HOD went through HS] & dd9. 3 of the 4 boys are married with children, so I am grandma to 5 dgc with 1 more on the way Life is full to say the least!

I am incredibly excited to begin Bigger with my daughter. I have been the route over my 22 yrs of hsing -Sonlight, World of Adventures, Self-style, MFW, Living Books Curriculum, etc. etc. for most of our journey we’ve been a living books, CM leaning family & by God’s grace my kids are all academically sound & still love to learn... I'm beginning to wise up some after all these years of "practice" One of the most important lessons I've learned is that you can work so hard at the goal that you can easily miss it.... I am an overdoer/ overplanner and my downfall over the years has been in spending so many hours planning & pulling together resources & tweaking & writing lesson plans, that I have missed out on a ton of relationship building time . Over the years He’s allowed me to experience the pain of wrong priorities and has been wooing me back to His way, each year of late I’ve laid down more & more of the fussing/overdoing. I’ve been doing things more CM & seeing the tremendous learning & relational growth. We aren’t all of the way home yet, but we’re definitely on the right path. I’m so very, very excited to do HOD as I am ready to lay down the overdoing and rest and focus on relationships.

Heart of Dakota is what I’ve been looking for all these years, & having to tweak myself silly to get, at too high of a price relationally. I have spent the last few weeks devouring the archived messages on the message board & it has ministered hope & peace to my heart. I am thrilled to see such a heart of grace on this board...the posts have been encouraging, uplifting, informative and perspective-checking. I have grown to know the board ladies as I’ve followed your posts. I can’t say thank you enough to those who so thoroughly and with wisdom answer questions... I have found myself reading the posts and nodding my head & shouting from my heart “Yes! Yes! Please listen to them!” as they encourage the moms to focus on Christ, keep things simple & natural & let HOD do the work while you enjoy your husband & children. The more we try to control & manipulate,the more we overdo, worry & fret, the more skewed & out of balance the whole thing gets -it isn’t up to us. There is no ABC formula that will insure the perfect education or kids who love Christ. We have to trust in Him & not ourselves. Pray, trust,rest. Smile & have fun with those kids & your hubby. That will yield far more fruit than a “perfect” curriculum with a stressed out/ burned out/ distracted/ unavailable mom/wife. CM style schooling is awesome for relationships. Light the fire, instead of stuffing the bucket.

I plan to let Carrie’s hard work be the blessing it is intended to be. We are doing Bigger with extensions as written with only a math change [Math Mammoth]. I am determined to follow my own advice and pray, rest, trust & enjoy... no more mommy/wife who’s too busy working on striving after the “perfect” lesson plans & resources to embrace the fleeting moments with these littles who are all too soon BIG & gone. No more sad eyed hubby as he waits for wifey to stop researching & typing so she can come & spend time with him...

I apologize if I’m coming across too strong, this is a topic I am passionate about as I’ve eaten the bitter fruit of doing things my way & I’ve tasted the sweetness of laying it down & doing things His way. My way = fretting, anxiety, sleepless nights, tears & a sad faced mommy/wife . His way is peace & growth & joy & hope & good fruit. If I could spare even one mom & her family the pain I’ve experienced from wrong priorities/over doing it would bring me great joy.

I apologize for the long post. I'm excited to join you on the HOD journey. Carrie, thank you so much for this awesome gift you've given to homeschooling families. I imagine that this side of heaven you'll never fully know how profoundly you've impacted the families who use HOD... just glimpses...someday you will know just how precious of a gift you've given. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made to be such a blessing to so many.

[momontheprairie]

I have read this and use the SCM organizer daily. I just started HOD Bigger because I was feeling overwhelmed doing two SL cores while tweaking it for CM. I wanted to slow down and still do lessons without being totally overwhelmed. HOD is absolutely perfect! I love that the guide has all the subjects. I may not need my organizer if we continue with HOD.

The freebies at SCM are the best and really help moms get a firmer picture of CM. HOD does a great job of implementing it. Had I known it sooner I would have tried it years ago!!

[dale1088]

Hi Liz! Welcome to HoD! I have been doing Bigger with my 8yo dd and we have loved it. I am lucky that God led me to HoD and I have not questioned or tweaked a thing. I didn't even look at other curriculum for next year!!!

Thank you for the gentle reminder to enjoy our kids while they are here with us. I am going to get offline now and go read my son a couple of books.

[Kathy_in_OH]

Hi Liz,

Welcome to the board! I had to do a double take and check the user name because it felt so much like reading one of my own posts! . However, I only have 4dc, one of whom is married w/2 wonderful grandbabies. I have a 21yo ds in college and an 18yo dd in college. Both will be getting their bachelor's degrees in June. My baby is a 15yo ds in 10th grade. Now God has decided to let us have the privilege of raising my 6yo niece. We have had her for a year and are starting on this journey again. We have homeschooled since 1993. My oldest was not homeschooled because I didn't even know about homeschooling until 1993.

We will be starting Beyond in the fall with my niece(can't wait!) It seems strange not to be spending loads of time researching curriculum and just having peace and fun spending time with my family! I have previously posted similar life lessons that I have learned. I, too, have used just about every curriculum out there, tweaked it to death, and started on something else. When tweaking, it was always to get it to be more CM in approach and basically like HOD. I was thrilled to find HOD "by accident" when on another homeschooling board! I can just sit back and enjoy all Carrie's hard work!
I, too, researched the website and message board to death which confirmed the fact that I had something to be excited about! I noticed the graciousness of all the ladies on this board. I thought to myself "This is amazing", no pushing viewpoints, no competition, only sincere desire to encourage one another. Unfortunately, this is not found everywhere.

As Christians, we know we are supposed to "live by faith", but somehow our homeschooling tends to become something we put in a box and keep to ourselves, as if we could do a better job without God's help We get burned out because we try to maintain control. I finally got the revelation that if God called me to homeschool, He certainly didn't call me to a life of stress and drudgery. I needed to change. "His yoke is easy, and his burden is light". It only becomes hard and a burden when we try to do it all ourselves and think we have to be perfect. God is faithful and His strength makes up for our weaknesses.

Overall, my homeschooling journey has been a joy that I wouldn't trade for anything and thankfully when I have been frustrated or fearful I've been able to keep most of it to myself and not impose it on my dc. They are all confident, love God and love learning. It is a joy to see the fruit of my labors and to see them taking on new educational territory on their own.

Sorry, I tend to get lengthy as well. Again, Welcome!! Nice to see someone in basically the same season of life as I am.

Blessings,
Kathy

PS: I am also perimenopausal and tend to forget things!

[angela&4boys]

Oh my goodness! How beautifully articulated!

We've been at it for 11 plus years and I confess that I have done very much the same as you. I have tweaked and planned, changed and rearranged etc... only to look back and realize how precious time really is. It's so easy to rationalize all the time planning, but isn't it the seemingly innocent things that can so deceive us and rob us of precious time with our Father and our family?

I'm so excited that my eyes have been open and after earnest prayer been lead to HOD. I'm a CMer at heart as well and want to have Christ-centered and joy-filled learning. It matters! I don't really care what the scores say at the end of the day. It's their precious souls and the character within. I want my dear boys to emulate the love of Jesus.

This board is full of His grace and love and I feel so blessed to be a part of it.

Thank you for opening your heart to us Liz!

[my3sons]

Liz - You have truly blessed my heart tonight. I just reread your post another time, and I have tears streaming down my face. I just connected with so much that you said. I have taught for 14 years now, and I spent the first half of those years planning-planning-planning and tweaking-tweaking-tweaking; those were years before homeschooling my own dc, but nonetheless, years where I was consumed with teaching/researching/planning, paying very little attention to my husband, my own health, my family, my faith, or anything else for that matter. I remember writing 3 levels of lesson plans for all subject areas, trying to meet everyone's needs in my classroom, and at the same time doing my masters. I actually stayed at the school until at least midnight - sometimes later - writing plans. I was so burned out on teaching and planning by the time I quit to homeschool my own dc. Praise the Lord He laid it on Carrie's heart to write.

These last 7 years of homeschooling my own dc have been vastly different than the first set of 7 years - thankfully! I am now more relaxed, willing to just open the HOD manuals and let my day beautifully unfold before me. I am taking time to pray and do devotions each day. Time to really talk with my dc over heart issues, often times as they come up during our Bible studies in HOD. I am dating my dh again now, and I answer the phone when my parents call every time. This is how I want my life to be. Homeschooling is a part of it, but God is the center of it - and when He's not (because I am in no way perfect), I have to put Him back there again, in His rightful place.

Pray, trust, rest, smile - I love that and will remember it, especially when I'm tempted to go overboard with things. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here - this is a post full of pearls of wisdom. I pray with all my heart that you are richly blessed in this season of life, and that you fully enjoy BHFHG with your dd! You deserve it.

Love in Christ,
Julie

[erdrmom]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for your posts! These are speaking to my heart tonight! I find myself feeling guilty about NOT researching more, planning more, etc. HOD is perfect for my kids and for my family...and it's easy! From talking to other HS moms, I feel like I need to be doing more. You have reassured me that overthinking is not necessary. I want my husband and my children to be my priority after my relationship with the Lord. Thank you for the reminder that the time I have these precious children in my charge is short and I should enjoy every moment with them.

I have downloaded the Masterly Inactivity book and read it, which is how this post caught my attention. I like the concept, but I find myself having difficulty in implementing it! I also have Laying Down the Rails, but I haven't started reading that yet.

[Carrie]

Liz,

What an amazing post. It spoke directly to my heart as I too am an overplanner to the hilt! In my 11 years of public teaching I was at school long after I should have been home and when I wasn't at school, I was thinking about and planning for teaching. I spent my entire bedrests of my first two pregnancies typing plans for my upcoming school year in the classroom. I was not peaceful or leaning on the Lord fully but instead was trying to do everything in my own time and with my focus. In looking back, I realize that I all but lost those 11 years with my hubby and my first two kiddos (who were 3 and 1 at the time) by just working, working, working.

My hubby asked me for years about me possibly coming home full-time, yet I still worked part-time (which worked out to full-time) and our lives were on fast forward. When the Lord finally convicted me to homeschool it was an actual life-changing moment for me and for my hubby, although we didn't know it at the time.

I am a different teacher today in my 20th year as a teacher than I was all those years ago when I was just starting out. I am less harried, even though I am still writing curriculum for a season each year. I take time for devotions in the morning and prayer, even though it meant I needed to move our school day to beginning at 9:10, instead of 8:15. I enjoy my kiddos and spend time with my husband. Our writing season, like now, is always a bit more hectic but never comes close to what my life was like before. And my focus is on what the Lord wants me to accomplish each day, knowing I must let the rest go.

I lean on the Lord a lot these days, and I am finding a wonderful peace in passing my burdens to Him. The only times I'm frazzled are when I try to do it all on my own.

I am grateful for this board and for the wonderful ladies that the Lord has brought here. We often pray for the tone of this board to be different from most other boards, as we look upon it as a ministry that we desire to reflect Christ's example. It is our deepest desire to work with others to uplift, encourage, guide, and share along the way.

Thanks so much for sharing your heart in this thread. I know it touched mine.

Blessings,
Carrie

[happy@home]

THANK YOU, LIZ!!

This is only my first year to homeschool, but I have been researching and planning for about five years. I have really been feeling the Lord pulling on my heart for several months now that I am not going about this the way He intended for me to. Just to see it in black and white has been exactly what I needed. I have learned SO MUCH from all of the threads on this board, but I will have to say thay your post has really spoke to the very depths of my heart.

I am going to print this out and read it every morning as I truly feel God has used you to speak to me!
I have three children dd14, ds6, and dd5. I only homeschool the youngest two and this is just our "Kindergarten" and "Preschool" year. I am going to make some significant changes in the way I am approaching things. I spend a LOT of time reading how to be a better wife, mother, and teacher. Although these things are good, I am guilty of spending more time learning about it and less time putting it into practice.

THANK YOU, Liz for allowing the Lord to use you to speak to me.

"the older women likewise...that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..." Titus 2:3-4

[moedertje]

Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. It has blessed me! Being that I am just starting out and the Lord led me to HOD I called myself blessed!

[Lavishlyloved]

Thank you ladies for the warm welcome to the HOD board

Your replies have ministered to my heart... bits & pieces of what you've written keep coming to mind throughout my day. I keep thinking how awesome it is that our pain in choosing unwisely isn't a total waste ~ that other moms gain the benefit of our " learned-the-hard-way-wisdom" as we are faithful to open our mouths and humbly share. I rejoice when I read posts from young hsing moms who get it early on-who understand at the onset what it took years of pain for me to learn. I use to cry & feel deep remorse & sorrow when I would read their posts online ~ I’d feel angry with myself for being so thickheaded & blind to the detriment of my walk with Christ, my family, my health... for all of the lost opportunities to love & develop relationships. Hindsight can be a painful thing. God is so very good, faithful & gracious. He rends in order to heal. He redeems & restores. He restores the years that “the locusts ate”.

Kathy ~ I’m a fellow Ohioan! How fun! I’m in farm country in NE OH. My children are 29 yo ds, married with 2 kids, Sgt. in the National Guard, leaving in the Fall for his 1st tour of duty in the Middle East; 27 yo ds, married with 2 kids & 1 more on the way, Sgt. in the Army [Chaplain’s assistant], deploying for his 4th tour of duty in the Middle East this Fall; 21 yo ds, married with 1 baby, employed full time, working on his engineering degree & just joined the National Guard, off to boot camp this Fall; 17 [soon to be 18] yo ds, just graduated & preparing to enter college in the Fall to gain a degree in Computer IT Security Systems; 15 yo dd, & 9 yo dd.

How exciting that you get the opportunity to homeschool your niece! I know you’ll have lots of fun doing HOD with her. Amen to “As Christians, we know we are supposed to "live by faith", but somehow our homeschooling tends to become something we put in a box and keep to ourselves, as if we could do a better job without God's help.We get burned out because we try to maintain control. I finally got the revelation that if God called me to homeschool, He certainly didn't call me to a life of stress and drudgery. I needed to change. "His yoke is easy, and his burden is light". It only becomes hard and a burden when we try to do it all ourselves and think we have to be perfect. God is faithful and His strength makes up for our weaknesses.”

I used to think, in the midst of the chaos caused by my disobedience & lack of trust, that something must be wrong because "His yoke is easy, and his burden is light" & that He came to give us life & that more abundantly -so where was the easy & the abundant??? that was my first clue that something was VERY wrong. Funny how we can come up with a plan & then arrogantly go to our Father & ask for it to be blessed, when we’ve gotten it all backwards! We should have sat at His feet & asked for His plan & then been obedient to do as He’s shown us.

Angela wrote, “It's so easy to rationalize all the time planning, but isn't it the seemingly innocent things that can so deceive us and rob us of precious time with our Father and our family?.... I don't really care what the scores say at the end of the day. It's their precious souls and the character within. I want my dear boys to emulate the love of Jesus.”

Absolutely ~ sometimes it is caring “too much” ~ fretting & taking the weight on our shoulders. So many things can go over the edge from being faithful to being consumed... like our homes or activities .... good things overdone... At the end of the day [or our children’s childhood] will they hold precious our spic-n-span house, our gourmet meals, etc. or will they remember the mommy who laughed & played & read to them, prayed with them, looked at them, snuggled & talked?

Paul wrote that he had no greater joy than to know his children walked in the truth ~ what are material or academic success if our children are estranged from God... I have had a child walk away from God & us for a time -the heartbreak is agonizing. Thank God he has returned to both God & us & is walking more deeply with Christ than ever.

Julie ~ you hit the nail on the head when you used the word “consumed”.
You said, “I am taking time to pray and do devotions each day. Time to really talk with my dc over heart issues, often times as they come up during our Bible studies in HOD. I am dating my dh again now, and I answer the phone when my parents call every time. This is how I want my life to be. Homeschooling is a part of it, but God is the center of it”

I had to laugh the laugh of “oh boy, do I identify with that!” I love it, only someone who has been so consumed could understand the answering the phone when your parents call part! It seems so opposite of all that we set out to do... the getting so out of balance with homeschooling that it becomes the central focus instead of relationships...did we envision a frazzled mommy sitting at her keyboard typing endlessly; checking all the latest in homeschool offerings, comparing minutely the finer points... while our relationships became emaciated? That wasn’t exactly the vision I had!

Carrie wrote, “and when I wasn't at school, I was thinking about and planning for teaching.”
Julie’s word again: “consumed” ~ planning is addicting! I am, like you, training myself to be “in the moment”, not constantly obsessing over my plans or my concerns/ goals for the kids. That means when I’m taking a walk, I’m noticing the sky, the flowers, the trees or if I’m talking with someone, I’m looking at them & really listening. Multi-tasking is awesome & I couldn’t do life without it, but there is a point where it becomes a consuming & we no longer fully experience the moments of our lives because we are too busy thinking/ doing multiple things. Mary stopped & sat at the feet of Jesus -she was fully in that moment. There is a time to multi-task & a time to stop & be still or to just embrace the moment -like when your child comes running in the door with a bouquet for you or wants you to come and see some really neat thing he just found.


Happy@Home wrote: “I am going to make some significant changes in the way I am approaching things. I spend a LOT of time reading how to be a better wife, mother, and teacher. Although these things are good, I am guilty of spending more time learning about it and less time putting it into practice.”

I’ve made that same mistake ~ I think most of us moms have ~ we care deeply & want to do what is right. In the past I read those kinds of books until my head would spin & I would feel like I had overeaten. I think they are good & have their place, but going directly to God & His Word is best. His way is not a method, it is a relationship. He created each of us unique & set us in unique families. What if we invested all those hours that we pour into reading about being a great mom/wife into being with our husband & children? I recently read of a study that was done that showed that children who come from families who eat dinner together more than 4 times a week do better academically,socially, relationally. They deal with stress better & are more resistant to peer pressure. They also develop strong language & critical thinking skills -they are better communicators & too boot, are better nourished. That is the power of being there- of relationship.

From most of the replies & from conversations with other homeschool moms, I have gathered that this overdoing is quite common & is something we will have to be vigilant to guard against. I think that it is helpful to write out a statement of what we desire to focus on & what our goals are for our children in homeschooling ~ then on the weak days when we are tempted to doubt/fear/compare we can pull it out & refresh our hearts & memories as to why we are doing what we are doing.

Perhaps “Masterly Inactivity” wasn’t so far off as a post topic... maybe we can master doing what we should & refraining from overactivity on the things of lesser importance.
That is the beauty of HOD ~ that it helps us meet our true goals, while freeing us to concentrate on first things.

PHEW! I’m sure I’ve worn out my welcome with this longwinded post! I’m going quiet for awhile as my husband & I are heading out of state [alone & together! ] to debut his new invention at a national show in Nevada. I’ve been SO antsy to get going on Bigger but have determined that this summer needs to be a focused time of relationship building & habit training ~ what a way to kick it off! Hubby won’t be looking sad eyed & wanting some attention ~ nine lovely days alone with his wifey ~ lot’s of focused attention time!

Blessings ~ Liz

[cyndi60]

Where do I begin? I'm 51 and homeschooling since 1985 when our oldest was 5. We have 6 children and I have been planning my head out NOT texts because I heard a long time ago you want the heart and not parrots but I didn't know how. I never do go with texts. I lost most of my children to the world. I didn't want to give them "knowledge" but only the knowledge of His love for salvation and growth. My heart sinks when I think of it all. My dh was raised with legalism and just came to know the Lord (His love) about 3 yrs. ago. He didn't know and He has shown me and has helped me remember that I was ignorant at one time coming to know Christ at 19 from an unbelieving home and never turning back. Only 1 or 2 know the Lord Jesus in their hearts. Have a desire for Him.
I even bought Student of The Word but still it seemed "knowledge" driven. I have been toying now with (link removed by board moderator per board rules) lately. My last 2 children are 12 and 14. SCM still there seems to be for many a different outlook or message from what He has given me. I think I have found after all of these years what I'm looking for. Planning etc. has sucked the life right out of my children and husband. It is horrible. I have many regrets but when I order HOD we will be going like crazy! I do want them to see what the Lord was doing through the World at the same time in history so thinking of getting SCM guide for this. I stilll have alot to put together and I don't know how. I'm not an organizer but there are certain things that I would like them to see how He was making everything happen at the same time to lead up to now and where we are.
Ladies thank you for your love for Him and I think I have found kindred spirits here. I have spent to much time in other places.