OT: When to have "the talk"?

dale1088 · Post by **dale1088** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 1:42 pm

My dd is 8, going to be 9 in July. She's very naive about her body and the changes it will soon be going through. She's big for her age, and I will soon need to have a discussion about these changes, but my hubby and I are not ready to have "the talk". A friend of mine suggested the God's Design for Sex series, but when I looked at a synopsis on line, it looked like TMI at this age. Then I found How You Are Changing book that looks like it just discusses how bodies change in the pre-teen to teen years. Has anyone seen these? I really think I want to wait a while before having the real talk about sex, but she probably needs to know about changes to her body. My daughter is EXTREMELY modest and shy about her body, so this will be difficult for her to discuss with me so I think some help in the form of a book would be good. I also heard the suggestion that since she will try to hide under a rock if I talk about this stuff, that maybe giving her a book to read on her own and then discuss might work. But I don't want to be too passive so as to give her the idea that I am the one who doesn't want to talk about it. KWIM?

How have you handled this...if you have yet?!

netpea · Post by **netpea** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:42 pm

dale1088 wrote: A friend of mine suggested the God's Design for Sex series, but when I looked at a synopsis on line, it looked like TMI at this age.

I like the God's Design for Sex series. We starting reading the "Story of Me" book to the kids when they were 6 and 4. At ages 8 and 6, we skimmed through "Before I was Born", leaving out parts I wasn't ready to talk about yet. I think no matter which books you go with, you will want to pre-read them and skim over parts you aren't ready to discuss with them yet. I wouldn't reccomend giving them a book to read on their own.

I also do not let them read the God's Design for Sex books on their own, I tell them they are special mommy/child books.

not sure that helps you any, just my 2 cents.

edited to add that the "Before I was Born" book starts discussing the changes to your body. We read most of those parts to the kids but I left out some of it for now. The "Story of Me" book, talks about babies coming from inside the mommy, but not body changes or how babies are created.

eazbnsmom · Post by **eazbnsmom** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:51 pm

I got the "Care & Keeping of You" American Girl Library book for my daughter. She is not very shy about her body, but I have always been shy about talking about this subject. C&KOY doesn't go into the boy/girl thing, it just focuses on how your body changes and how to have good hygiene. It is secular so you may want to read it over first etc., but I have found it to be very helpful.

HTH

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 5:10 pm

Another book to consider would be "The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made" by Larry Christensen.

dale1088 · Post by **dale1088** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:24 pm

eazbnsmom wrote:I got the "Care & Keeping of You" American Girl Library book for my daughter. She is not very shy about her body, but I have always been shy about talking about this subject. C&KOY doesn't go into the boy/girl thing, it just focuses on how your body changes and how to have good hygiene. It is secular so you may want to read it over first etc., but I have found it to be very helpful.

HTH

Thanks for the suggestion Kay! I just looked at it on Amazon and it looks pretty good. She does also need some help in understanding the importance of keeping her skin clean, etc. I think this might be perfect! I really was just looking for something for these topics, and not about sex yet because so far she doesn't seem curious about it. Then I can save the God's Design books for when we are ready to discuss the sex part when she's a little older.

Thanks everyone for the helpful comments. This is a little nerve wracking for me because my dd is SO shy I am feeling pressure to say things just the right way. A book in hand will be just the thing to help with sensitive topics.

Post by **Carrie** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:40 pm

The Queen's have a very short booklet for both boys and girls that is really good at introducing what puberty is and the changes the body is going through. You may wish to take a look at them here: From Boy to Man http://www.queenhomeschool.com/alphapag ... frame.html
From Girl to Woman: http://www.queenhomeschool.com/alphapag ... frame.html

We've gone through it with our oldest son and my older sister has used both the girl and boy ones with her kiddos too. She says they are the best for a gentle introduction to this sensitive topic, without getting into all of the details.

Blessings,
Carrie

Jessi · Post by **Jessi** » Sun Mar 15, 2009 2:25 pm

You might want to consider this from generations of virtue's website.

I just saw the creator of the organization speak at Hearts at Home this weekend and I was specifically impressed with this set. There are 3 books and she recommends that you give the first book to the girl to read before her body changes and before her period starts. This book does not deal with boys or their bodies, only girls. Then there is a book that you give her once her period starts to share where she is in the journey to womanhood. The other book is for parents- particularly moms to help them understand their daughters better through this phase of life and to help equip parents to talk to their daughters.

http://www.generationsofvirtue.org/adva ... 1dd94ac8d0

inHistiming · Post by **inHistiming** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:12 am

We have tried to have 'the talk' with our 11 yo son and he does not want to have anything to do with it!

I think he's embarrassed because he read something on his own in a body book from the library? We have a book that we will be reading with him to help with discussion.

My daughter (9 now), on the other hand, has been very curious for a couple of years now. We have not had a real talk with her yet, but we've tried to answer her questions honestly without giving to much information that she's not ready for yet. She does know about her period and that it is what allows a woman to be able to get pregnant. We've tried to tell her that it takes a male part and a female part, much like flowers or animals, to create a baby but she did not make the connection (I'm thinking that's a good thing!

) Her questions have been pretty specific...like "how do you not have a baby if you don't want to?" I did not answer this question...what would I say?...thankfully we were on our way in to VBS at the time and I didn't have time to explain...but I can tell we'll be having a 'talk' with her much sooner than with her brother.

Just wanted to offer encouragement and let you know that you're not the only one dealing with this subject right now!

Mumkins · Post by **Mumkins** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:39 pm

We had the whole talk with my DD when she turned 7. Mainly cause she seen our snakes mating and had too many questions. Plus I have some family who have no discretion and keep saying the 3 letter s word around her. Plus, we wanted to be there when she heard about it the first time. I remeber knowing what it was when I was in grade 2. I didn't want a kid in Sunday school or something telling her. So we told her plainly. I asked her what she already knew first. I told her about periods and why they happen, the changes she'll experience in the up coming years. Exactly how babies are made. The importance of waiting til marriage and the consequences that can happen if you don't...with out getting into the nitty gritty. I wish I could have waited til she was older. But with all the images out there and the way other kids talk. We felt she needed to know already.

netpea · Post by **netpea** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:24 pm

Mumkins wrote:I didn't want a kid in Sunday school or something telling her.

This is true but I would warn everyone that whatever you tell your older kiddos will work it's way down to the younger ones. I was 4yo playing happily in my sandbox when my 8yo sister came running and told me what she had just learned from her friends at school. I've never forgotten that day.

dale1088 · Post by **dale1088** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:28 pm

netpea wrote:
Mumkins wrote:I didn't want a kid in Sunday school or something telling her.
This is true but I would warn everyone that whatever you tell your older kiddos will work it's way down to the younger ones. I was 4yo playing happily in my sandbox when my 8yo sister came running and told me what she had just learned from her friends at school. I've never forgotten that day.

That's such a shame! I think we have to just prayerfully consider our own children. My dd just isn't ready for the man/woman part, but does need to know what will be happening to her body. I have really liked some of the suggestions posted here and will plan to do some more research.

Thanks again!

heartofdakota.com

OT: When to have "the talk"?

OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?

Re: OT: When to have "the talk"?