Finding her "voice" with narrations... feedback?

[MomtoJGJE]

My oldest always struggled with narrations. But now she really seems to be finding her "voice" and they are coming together nicely. She uses a few too many exclamation marks, but she's a 12 year old girl Now I'm looking for feedback on how to proceed from here. Is this a good narration or is it just that I'm so excited that she's actually not just copying and summarizing that I'm missing the point Seriously, any suggestions or advice?

Here is her latest as written.... (she will correct spelling and grammar Monday because we didn't have time to on Friday)

Ivan the third, also known as Ivan the Great, was from Russia. When Ivan was a kid, Russia wasn't its own country quite yet. It was ruled by the tatar mongols who were descendents of Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan was rumored that he ate his captives. Gross right? But, back to Ivan. When Ivan was older, the Russians were ruled by the Tatar Mongols. And they had a prince his name was can you guess? IVAN! He married a girl named Sophia, and she was the niece of the former Byzantine emporer. He was killed, so she got the last bit of the power over the Eastern Orthodox Church, so the marriage was very important because Ivan wanted a lot of power. Ivan was now the "protector" of the Church! No one knows whether he followed Christ or not. But he did take it very seriously! Ivan wanted Russia to be a free country, and with the help of Constantinople falling and their marriage it happened! The Russians thought of themselves as the third Rome, because the ancient Roman Empire was the first, and the Byzantine Empire was the second! And that's why he is also known as Ivan the Great!

[Gwenny]

I think it's fantastic! She is definitely making it her own. She shows that she's grasping the info and will retain it because it's in her own words and own way to express herself.
She definitely made it interesting to read and will help the reader/listener to remember also. Great job!

[Nealewill]

I love it. My oldest has her own flair. Hers do sound a lot more like summaries but it is truly her style. She tells me back the most important interesting information she liked. To me, it is more than just a summary, it is more of her way of expressing to me her personal enjoyment (if that makes sense). I have never really "guided" her to have a style. This is just the one that she has developed.

For example, she is doing CTC this year and this was a recent narration (unit 25):
Aemilius Paulus is a Roman officer. He was fair and didn't make himself rich by cheating the Roman King, like most officers do. After Aemilius won the war he dressed in the robe of Jupiter and had a gold crown with lapis leaves. He was so proud that he was riding in a gold chariot and being pulled by white horses. He rode with a slave that kept reminding him not to be proud.

I don't know if she is "doing it right" either but I feel good about it.

[LynnH]

I think that is fantastic! She is finding her voice and putting her own sense of humor in there. My ds does that now also and I love it. One thing stuck out to me when you said she would correct her grammar and spelling Monday. I would only pick one of those, whichever one comes first on the written narration checklist. I can't remember now which one it is. Once she is doing whatever one that is pretty consistently then move to the next thing. I do think that is important because otherwise she is going to hear all the things she did "wrong" and lose sight of what a good job she is doing.

[Gwenny]

Good advice LynnH! I am bad about slamming them with all of the wrongs. I forgot about the list-I need to review that one.

[MomtoJGJE]

Nealewill - I think that's a great narration! That's like what my Grace does. Jayden was seriously having to copy the Key Idea still in CTC to be able to have it make any sense at all with what was read. By that time I was making her add one thing to the Key Idea that was her own.

She knows most of the things she did incorrect. She tends to write quickly so as to not forget what she's going to say. Most of the time what happens is I get her to read over it and correct things. Then it'll just be one or two things she doesn't know or that make it sound better. For instance she got in a rut where she was starting each narration with a question. So the only thing I made her "fix" at that point was making the first sentence into a statement some of the time. The spelling and most grammar is just where she needs to proofread herself.

My guess is I'll have to correct "emporer" and maybe one more thing.

[Nealewill]

Jayden was seriously having to copy the Key Idea still in CTC to be able to have it make any sense at all with what was read.

This will be my son next year with Preparing I fear LOL. He struggles SO much to tell me what was read at times. Anything with lots of names or more difficult vocabulary is a struggle. Language in general is his biggest struggle. But he is getting better everyday. I think next year I may be having him take some time focus on the key idea to make sure he understood what he read.

[MomtoJGJE]

I will warn you that a lot of times the Key Idea isn't necessarily about the section they are to write the narration on. I decided that actually being able to write about something she read was more important than sticking to the part outlined for narration.

In Preparing all Jayden was doing basically was writing the answers to the questions they give you and adding a few connecting words to make it make sense. She has come a long way!!

[Nealewill]

Ah...yes, I forgot about the questions Yes, my oldest in Preparing basically answered the questions sequentially to help write her narrations. When we got to CTC, she did the same. I remember the week she only had 2 questions and this was the point that they were supposed to write 5-8 sentences based on those 2 questions. She only wrote 2 sentences because she didn't understand what she was supposed to do. I have never seen a child be more upset or throw a fit but I actually made her redo it. Some may say that is mean but it was the right thing to do. She learned how to then give me more info about what was read that day. I sat with her and showed her a plan of attack. Ever since then, she has done well.

With my son, what I envision happening every week next year is I will read the history material. I will then re-read the pages again that are listed (he probably won't be able to read those alone quickly). Then we will go through the questions and make some notes. And then he will write his narration at the same time that I am sitting next to him. My oldest was making hers 5 sentences somewhat more quickly than I expected when in Preparing. I anticipate my son will just try and stick with 3. I am good with that though. Writing is more difficult for him. He lacks spelling but it is coming along very nicely. So I am fine with him doing shorter written narrations. I think in CTC he will hopefully be able to still use the same method. But we will see. I many need to help him a bit more with a bit more handholding. I also plan to have him do his Quiet Bible time before he does History reading. This way he has plenty of material to think about for when he does the narration. But I am not afraid to let him read and re-read the key idea if he needs it. Language for him has been very difficult. He has come a LONG way but he still has a ways to go. He is smart as a whip! But he has auditory processing disorder. So he sometimes literally lacks the words to express something on his mind.