Kim,
The ladies are doing a wonderful job of uplifting and encouraging you in this tough season of your life. I, too, want to come alongside you and encourage you! I have a few practical suggestions that may be of help to you, or may bring to mind some other things that might help too.
First of all, I would make sure that you are getting enough rest. I found that with my hormonal imbalances and the constant vertigo, rest was essential. Allow yourself to sleep in a bit later if needed. Set your school start time later to allow for this if at all possible. If you still have older kiddos at home, have them be responsible for getting the littles going and getting breakfast going to give you time to ease into your day. Starting your day stressed is a hard way to begin. Perhaps, just accepting that you need to ease in to your start of the day will help. On the flip side though, be sure to have a general time you try to get going for the day, so you have a goal in mind.
Next, be sure to take time for your quiet time. With your busy schedule it may be a brief quiet time. Just try to be in the Word and in prayer daily. The Lord will minister to your Spirit during that time and all throughout the day. If needed, do this while you are eating your breakfast. This will help you have a time each day that is available for your quiet time. I must admit, my quiet time isn't always so quiet, as I do have interruptions. However, it is still a huge blessing for me to have that time with the Lord as it helps my frame of mind for the day.
Also, spend some time thinking of something in your day that you can look forward to doing. If we don't do this, then our days can quickly become drudgery as we perform the same tasks over and over without a break. I have found that I like older BBC series, and I order the DVDs and typically watch one episode of whatever my current series late each evening. We don't have cable or even network tv at our house, so DVDs are the only thing we watch. Having the DVDs means I don't waste time with commercials, and I can watch at a time that is convenient for me. I truly do look forward to that moment all day. It gives me time to decompress and to think about something different from my normal life. This may not be a fit for you, but it is important to find something that you can look forward to that is your own each day.
I also try to go for a walk, either by myself, with my sister, with my husband, or with one of my boys. I don't get to it everyday, and we don't walk far due to my imbalance/vertigo, but it is good for me.
My husband and I do try to go on a date each week too (when I feel well enough to go). So those are other possibilities.
I would also encourage you to continue on with your health practitioner. If you haven't had a metabolic panel of bloodwork done it might be worthwhile to check if you have the right levels of iron, potassium, B12, etc. It also might help to check your thyroid level, and consider checking for West Nile and Lyme's Disease. My doctor checked all of these things for me with a blood test, and I actually discovered I was taking too many vitamins! I had too much B6 and too much Iodine (which actually made my thyroid worse). I pulled back to just D3 and fish oil and feel much better in many ways. My thyroid was also out of whack too, due mainly to the iodine, so these things may be worth checking for you too.
These all contribute to fatigue, mood swings, and imbalance.
As far as school goes, I agree that it can be hard work. It can be tough to gear up for the littles the way we did the big kiddos, but it also will relieve much of the guilt it sounds like you are carrying if you go forward with the little ones' school. I carry guilt around for many things with my little ones too, but the fact is that we are in the stage of life we are in and we must turn our anxiety over to the Lord and allow Him to equip us to do His work. We need to lean on Him so much more during this stage of life, then we did in the previous stages. Without Him, we cannot go on!
If you do still have your older daughter at home, I would strongly consider having her do the left side of LHFHG and the LHFHG Storytime box with your 7 year daily. It would take her about 35 min. to do. If your older daughter is not available during the day, you could consider having her do it in the evening instead if that worked better. Think of it as quality time between your daughter and her little brother. That would leave you only the remaining three boxes on the right side of the LHFHG guide to contend with doing each day. It would also allow you to regularly get in phonics, which I can tell is really bothering you based on what you've shared so far.
I understand completely, as I am bothered by my last little guy's phonics journey too. I just didn't move forward with it like I should have, and now we are paying the price. He is progressing, but I have had to make it a priority.
As far as Bigger goes, I would downshift to half speed, splitting one day over two. However, I would make a point of doing math daily, as I can hear that this is another stressor. Finding your stressors and addressing them will help you so much! I know it helps me.
Doing these two things with LHFHG and Bigger will cut your schooling time back, keep you at a less frantic pace, and allow you to enjoy your time with your kiddos more. I would make an overall schedule that includes a later start time and includes quite a few breaks at times that would allow you to slow down throughout the day as needed. Enlist the help of your kiddos, and when you aren't feeling well tell them, so they are especially ready to help. A family has to pull together when the mama doesn't feel well, because she simply is unable to keep it all going on her own.
Ask me how I know these things are true!
Another thought I had was that perhaps, your husband might be willing to have a 30 min. time at night to help the child in Bigger complete any remaining school work from the day? A spillover time like that gives you some needed grace during the day. Maybe it could be right after the evening meal, as you're clearing table and doing dishes? Perhaps it could even be math that your hubby does so that it gets done regularly?
Anyway, these are just some thoughts I had to help you through this season of your life. Children learn valuable lessons from having to jump in and help. They become less self-centered and more servant-hearted. The Lord can use this situation for all of your benefit, but just keeping going the way things have always been is not going to be the answer. Change is needed. You can still progress each day, but you may have to settle for a slower pace overall. Steady progress forward will help you feel less guilty, and letting others help you is going to be imperative. So, think on these things and hopefully you will find some things that will work for you.
We're all here for you!
Blessings,
Carrie
